Where is Stormie?" Emily asks Derek. "Changing. She said this felt like something she should change for," he said, laughing. "Aw, you hear that brother? We are something worth changing for," she says with a smile. Jake rolls his eyes. "Y'all have a nice house," Jake says. Derek looks around. "Yeah." I sort through my clothes. My goodness, when did I get so many black clothes?! I think to myself. I look like a Gothic queen.
I sigh and decide to put on my black and red dress. It wasn't too fancy but a bit nicer than I normally dressed. Now I feel silly. I check myself in the mirror. I make my way downstairs. "Aw, this is cute. Is that Stormie as a baby?" Emily asks. I blush, entering the living room. "Yes, that is her," Derek says. "Wow, your hair was so light," Emily says. I nod. Jake is sitting on the couch. He seems lost in thought. I had put his jacket back on.
I am not sure why. I do like having it. It makes me feel special for some reason. I talk with Emily and Derek for a bit. I feel someone's eyes on me. I look over. He is staring at me. He gets up, coming over towards us. My heart is racing. "So... Em, you said you were sneaking some drinks?" he says. She smiles. "Right... Let's see, I brought wine coolers, since you've never really drank before, and vodka for those who have," she says. Jake looks at me again. I feel like such a baby.
I have never skipped school, never kissed a boy... or drank... Why would someone like him, especially with his past, want someone like me?! I think to myself. Maybe Kayla is right. Ugh, did I really just think that? We make our way to the kitchen. I sit at the bar, watching Derek mix drinks. "You can tell this isn't your first rodeo," I say. He laughs. "Definitely not, little sister," he says. Jake hands me a wine cooler. "I worked really hard on this so I hope you like it," he says.
A smile is on his face. I love his smile. I want him to always smile. "How kind of you," I say. "I will cherish it". We laugh. We decide to take the drinks to Derek's room just in case my dad comes home. We sit on the floor. Thank goodness I put shorts on just in case. "Your room is so neat," Emily says. "Yeah... I am the not the tidy one," I say. Derek laughs. "You take after Mom with that," he says. Jake is looking down at his cup. He looks at me. I can't quite read his expression.
"Y'all are OK with crashing here right... seeing as we are drinking," Derek asks them. They nod. We sit in silence for a moment. "Shit" I say. They all stare at me. "We... are supposed to read a poem to class... or write one to read... about something," I say. Jake smiles. "I think someone is feeling a little buzzed," he says. Emily smiles and nods. "Yay, we got my new best friend tipsy!" she exclaims. They laugh. I do feel a little light headed. Did I eat today? When was the last time I actually ate? "Oh, I want to show you our dad's car collection," Derek says to Emily. She blushes a little.
"Will you guys be OK alone for a bit?" she asks. Jake nods. "Are we ever actually alone?" I say. They give me a weird look and laugh. "How many have you had?" Derek asks. I hold up 3 fingers, trying to make one a half. He shakes his head. "You could just say three and a half" he says, laughing. They head down the hall. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Emily calls up to us. I look at Jake. He looks a little uncomfortable.
"I have no idea what that is," I say. He smiles, laughing a little. "I see you're still wearing my jacket," he says, his eyes doing something I don't understand. I swallow, my breathing becoming a little faster. I can hear my heart. "Y... yeah, I guess I was still cold," I say, rubbing my arm. "Keep it, it looks good on you," he says. My heart starts doing flips. Calm down, I think to myself. "Thanks," I say.
"Oh... but you left something in the pocket," I say. He stares at me, his expression changing. I pull out the note, handing it to him. It was engraved in my mind anyways. He stares at it, then looks at me. "Did you read it?" he asks. I am an awful liar, and I fear that being drunk, I'd be worse. So I say it as convincing as I can. "No... Of course not," I say. His eyes are doing something. He puts it in his back pocket.
"So, are you going to write about your mom for the poem?" he asks. The room is spinning a bit now. I try and focus. "I... I don't know" I say, feeling a little sick. "I'll be back" he says. I nod, wondering where he is going. He comes back a few minutes later. "Here," he says handing me some bread. I stare at it. My stomach is growling.
That is embarrassing. "It'll help you feel better," he says, sitting beside me now. I look at him. I eat the bread, slowly feeling better. "Thank you," I say. He smiles at me. "What kind of music do you listen to?" Jake asks, trying to make small talk. I smile. "I like mostly rock I guess, if I had to pick a genre," I say. He nods. His eyes are so intense. "You?" I ask. "Same." I smile.
We have something in common. I don't know why that makes me so happy but it does. "I probably will write about my mom... or about my dad possibly dating," I say. "I know him dating probably seems so small. I just honestly wonder if he's just moving on... or he..." I stop talking,feeling sad again. I am so tired of feeling this way. "I understand... It isn't something small, Stormie, you have a right to feel upset," he says. All a sudden, we hear something break downstairs. I look at Jake. "I'll be back," I say.
"Derek, you don't understand," I hear my dad say. I stand behind the wall listening. "Please calm down, you'll upset your sister," he says. "Who do you think told me dad... how could you do this?! You barely spend time with your daughter who just lost her mom, but have time to date?!" he yells at him. They have never fought before. Maybe a few choice words but that was it.
"She knows. Look, I am sorry OK... but I love her... your... your mom knew," he says. With those words, my heart shattered. Derek stares at him, wide-eyed. I walk into the living room. "You... you were having an affair?" I say, voice so soft. I am sure I wasn't heard. "Oh honey... Your mom and I... We hadn't been together in a very long time... We were just trying to wait til y'all were out of the house," he says.
I feel like my whole life was a lie.
Their relationship seemed like a fairy tale to me. I dreamed of the day I'd find my prince and have a happily ever after. All I have seen from love so far is lies and betrayal. If that is it, I don't want it. "How long?" I ask. He looks at me. "How fucking long?" I yell. His eyes widen. "10 years," he says, shoulders dropping. He looks much older to me right now. Broken in a way or maybe tired. I am not sure, but he looks different.
I turn and head towards my room, tears threatening to escape. Outside my door stands Jake. I stop and look at him. I barley know him but to be in his arms is all I want. "Maybe I should drive your friends home," my dad says. "No... I think we need them right now," Derek says, looking at Emily. My dad looks at Derek. "I think I'll stay out tonight... give y'all some space" he says. He turns and leaves. Jake looks at me. His eyes say so much. I move towards him. He wraps his arms around me. "I'm so sorry Storm, it'll be OK."
"I know right now it feels like everything is falling apart, but it isn't, I promise," he says. I nod, tears falling down my face. I look up at him. His eyes are so intense. We just stare at each other. He moves a piece of hair behind my ear, before turning and going back to Derek's room. I stand there a bit confused. It looked like he wanted to kiss me. I touch my lip, so wishing he had.
What if he can never love me because he loved her or still does? I think. I think I could love him. I definitely am falling for him. I am terrified. I feel he could shatter my world if he wanted to.
"Are you OK?" Derek asks. I turn and look at him. "Are you going to leave now?" I ask. He stares at me for a moment. "What... No. Stormie, I told you I'd take a year off college. That wasn't for Dad, it was for you. This doesn't change that. If anything, it makes me want to stay more," he says. I nod, wanting to smile.
I am happy he is staying. I need him but I can't force a smile out right now. We all go back to Derek's room. Emily falls asleep around 1 am. Derek is shortly after. Jake is on his phone. I have started working on my paper. "I don't have a sad story to write. You all know mine. What more can I say? I am the girl who's mom died. That is what you say when I walk by you in the halls. That is what you say when I missed school, when I turned in homework late."
"When I wasn't paying attention in class. So what could I say to describe the pain? She won't get to see me get married. She won't get to see my dreams come true. All the work she did in raising me. What can I say when my heart breaks and she isn't there to tell me what to do? What can I say when I have my kids and she is nowhere in sight to help me teach them wrong from right? How would you feel if you where me? So what can I say?" I look at my poem.
I guess... I am done. I look at Jake. He yawns. "I think I am going to go to sleep," he says. I nod. "What about your homework?" I ask. He smiles. "I'll figure it out," he says. "Good night," he says, before laying down on his sleeping back. "Good night," I say, laying down myself. I lay there a while before finally falling asleep.