Previously, I was introduced to Cha Daewoo.
I remembered who this Cha Daewoo guy was.
This guy is a real piece of a deal.
He was the top student of the class next to mine, back in the freshmen days. And, currently the valedictorian candidate of the honours class in the seniors.
'And would have been my valedictorian-rival-to-be if I didn't "purposely" flunk a year.'
I walked behind him, following him to where ever he was leading me to. He just told me to follow him and I obliged without arguing.
Our footsteps echoed in the empty corridor. At the end, we turned to a flight of stairs. We climbed up to the twelfth grader's floor. We're probably headed to his classroom.
And we were, but I didn't enter the room. Even if I was invited, I wouldn't.
I just utterly feel...bitter.
Cha Daewoo noticed me not coming inside. He turned and asked me, "Why aren't you coming inside?"
I buffered just looking back at him standing there waiting. I didn't really have a good reason why I should say no. Or should I 'just' say that, "I feel utterly bitter 'bout it."
Easier said than done but good thing my voice didn't betray me. My words came out naturally cool. Just shrugging it off.
He watched me. Then the next moment he shrugged looking around the room then back at me, "Look" he started walking towards me and stopping just a foot away from me.
"I know that you don't want to do this whole tutor thing but I have too."
I hear constraining annoyance in his voice but he tried to speak calmly and nicely as he stared down at me.
'He really is in such a bad mood.'
"Well, I'm sorry sunbae, I-"
"Your sorry won't cut me off of this mess I'm already into. So can we just get over and done with it? Just study hard, pass every test from now on, viola! The soonest the better. Then both of us can be unbound from" he pointed back and forth starting with me then, him "this!"
Whoa? Did he just snap at me? Oh, yes he did and he didn't even let me finish. And what's with the emphasis-thingy?
"You know what Cha Daewoo" His expression turned grim, frowning in confusion. "At least don't cut me off when I speak just because you're a sunbae now. I know you're desperate not to get involved with someone like" I placed my right hand over my chest "me!"
"I don't even want to get involved with you or with anyone from this school this third year-round. You're not the only one who is desperate here." I dropped back my hand to my side. And we had a little stare-down competition.
"I know that."
I crossed my arm over as I leaned back.
"And this doesn't have to do anything with me being a sunbae. That damn old hag of a principal pulled a damn leverage on me into doing this."
"How is that my fault?"
"I didn't say I blame you for that. That's why I'm telling you to do your part on this whole charade thing."
'This this feels...nostalgic.'
It's been a while feeling that rush of anger from a head-to-head argument aside from my brother.
I noticed Cha Daewoo eased up a little, his shoulders loosening up. His contorted expression earlier slowly turned to sympathy, silently frowning at me.
'No! Don't give me that look!'
He must have heard my mind, he then turned his head to look away.
I bit down on my lip as I lowered my head hoping my bangs would help me hide my feelings of contempt. It was hard trying to stop the growing kind of anger deep inside my chest, the feeling I suppressed long ago.
I clenched both hands on my skirt "I'm sorry Cha the Daewoo-sunbae."
"I'm sorry, too." His soft apology pricked another thorn through me. The pity in his voice was triggering my old self to life.
I didn't want to look back at him once and just kept my gaze on the tiled floor. I even made sure to keep my face from him. I didn't want him to see the face I was making.
I saw his shadow move as footsteps filled the room. The sound stopped shortly then again he walked back one foot apart from me. I felt self-conscious for him to stand that close to me.
And a paper came into my line of sight.
He held it out for me to get. But I feel so tensed to reach out. "I studied our class schedules and sorted out some time for your tutor sessions. Here's the schedule for the session that seems to fit." I stiffly received the piece of paper and skimmed it mindlessly.
"If you have any suggestions or a set of changes, we can arrange that too." He sounded so business-like who's presenting a proposal. I feel indifferently uncomfortable with the sudden awkward change of mood like nothing happened earlier.
I cleared my mind shaking off the remnants of that lingering contempt back to were it came from. I raised my head and meet his eyes.
"There's one thing though."
He momentarily looked down the paper I was holding then back to my eyes. He deliberately frowned, nodding, "Sure. What is it?"
"Just not here in school."