Back in the mountain region, Pupilliam was staring at the man walking beside her, shocked. King Allen recovered faster than any other person she had seen before. When Pupilliam questioned if he was truly okay, he even demonstrated using some high level magic.
'My Queen, if you married this monster-' Pupilliam shakes her head. She can't judge him for being quick to recover.
The Queen told her something before that King Allen seldom fell sick in the past, and even if he did he would be back on his feet in no time.
'It's because he understands better than anybody the weight of responsibility that weighs on his shoulders.'
The responsibility and burden as a ruler huh? Even if she is the Queen's close aside and friend. Sometimes she thinks she doesn't understand her enough. This is one of the reasons why she was so bitter towards Rhys and Kazuya.
They suddenly came into Lyn's life, and had a better understanding of her. It seemed those two met Lyn before but they were apart for so many years, and there time with her had been short. Yet they had a better understanding of her and Pupilliam hated it.
'Why? Even though I have been by Lyn's side longer.'
That was also another issue, her name. In public and private she has always addressed Lyn by her title. But in her mind, she often uses the girl's actual name. Pupilliam felt pathetic, how many years has she stayed by Lyn's side?
'If I called her by her name, surely people wouldn't judge her?' At the end of the war with Queen Lethia, she was going to do it, use Lyn's name. However then the elders issued that warning to the villagers, and worst of all they made each of the Knights watch as though to remind them of their place. Of course she was no exception to this.
Even though her family status has risen, it doesn't change the fact that they could return to being commoners if somebody powerful so much raises their hand. The thought frightened her, her family has worked hard to gain recognition, and for that to be taken from them just because she made the mistake of being informal to Lyn?
'I can't risk it. If it was just me alone taking the blame, then I would not have to worry so much. But, it isn't just me.'
Numerous times over the past few years she has almost slipped up and used the girl's name. It was during the times where she would cry, and the time where Lyn first found out what happened with the villagers.
"May I ask you something?" Allen suddenly breaks the silence between them.
"What is it?"
It's rare for this person to make conversation with her.
"Lyn and you are behaving distant from each other. Is it just my imagination?" Allen asked.
At those words Pupilliam freezes and she couldn't hide her gloomy expression. So, in other people's eyes that's what it looks like? It's not like she dislikes the Queen. She may have uncovered some secrets, no lies the Queen said to her over the years that ended up hurting her. But, she doesn't dislike her.
'I just feel hurt that she lied.' However, since Lyn felt the need to lie- then part of the blame is on her too.
'Was I not somebody she could trust?'
"I am no expert on this. However, I do know how important you are to her. So you may speak to me."
Why does his tone sound so haughty? He is making it sound like it is a privilege for her to speak to him. Pupilliam sighs, she was never good with dealing with this person. She slowly begins to explain her dilemma.
"Do you think, this is strange?" Pupilliam was unsure how to phrase her question.
"I see, so your debating about whether you should treat her as a friend or as a ruler you respect."
"I have tried doing both, but it just ends up with me being too formal with her. In the years where sir Rhys was not by her side, the Queen was very lonely and she needed a friend more than a Knight. As her aide, that should have been my role. But instead she felt the need to turn to somebody else, and lied about many things."
"Regarding that somebody else. I heard he is in the border helping the head Knight right now. It seems you were the one who sent him away."
Pupilliam sighs. "It's not like I sent him away because of jealousy. I just didn't think he was good enough for the Queen."
"Do you have the right to judge who is good enough for her?"
At those words she sighed again and her gaze darkens. "So I was jealous." Pupilliam muttered. "I was the one who criticised Rhys about being possessive and toxic. But, in the end I behave like this."
"Had you been born a man, you may have been a good rival. Your love for her is that strong."
"I just want to protect her, and be by her side." Pupilliam mumbled. "It doesn't matter in what shape or form, but I want to become her sword and shield."
"I am sure you have never said that out loud to her because you know what her response will be."
Pupilliam nods. "The Queen would insist that she doesn't want me to sacrifice my life for her. She would tell me to live my life. But, I have always wanted to tell her. That my life is for her."
"Your loyalty towards her as a subordinate is truly admirable. But, a part of you has also desired more and to become somebody of equal standing?"
"I have always thought that if my position was higher, I could stand by her side as a friend and not just as a subordinate." Pupilliam trailed off. "The other Knights are able to speak with her casually in private and some do so even in public. However, I cannot do so."
She feels frustrated whenever she thought about it. Even Teo who is all about formalities, calls himself Lyn's friend and uses her name. But, what about her? The person who has remained by Lyn's side the longest? She can't even do something as simple as use her name.
*Unedited*