When she woke up, the man on the other side of the bed was gone. In the bathing room, she sat in a tub of water staring into thin air. The hot water didn't bring comfort to her. Coldness spread within her heart. The reality of what she had done slowly seeped in. Just a moment ago, the intimacy she shared with him...
Li Wei's hands clenched into fists and she slammed them down against the water. What had gotten into her? It was not something she would normally do. When she thought of him, all she could feel was hatred. The fact that she was the initiator brought a sour taste to her mouth. She willingly allowed his hands to wander and caressed every inch of her.
It was a matter hard to swallow. Her hands began moving then. She scrubbed her skin until she was red, almost bleeding. None of his touch could stay on her body.
Everything would soon be forgotten, she said to herself. He would forget her in Hai'an and she would live her life as before.
. . .
In the next month, rumors flew all over the city. There was not a single person who wasn't aware of her pursuit after Hua Xifeng. They saw first hand of her viciousness, in all of its ugliness and horror.
An abandoned and unwanted woman. She never loved Hua Xifeng but her vicious ways were to seek attention. It wasn't the prince she wanted, but the crown she was after.
Good always prevail over evil. Naturally, the protagonist won over the villainess. The villainess of Na'an had fallen.
People spoke of her life as if they knew every little detail. They could talk until their tongues fell off and she wouldn't care. If she were affected by those nonsense, she wouldn't have gotten this far. Strangers were of no importance. She knew she was no saint either. What hurt her the most were those she saw every day.
It was wrong of her to still hold onto him, but her mind was consumed with Hua Xifeng. Even if she closed her eyes, she could remember his every features. No matter what, she couldn't wish them happiness. Whenever she ran into Hua Xifeng, her gaze lingered on him for just a bit longer. Whenever she saw Li Zhilan, her heart turned a bit bitter.
Whenever she saw them together, holding hands, smiling, and sharing words of love, her hands clenched into tight fists. She could only watch in anger as she stood alone hidden in the distance. When she said this, she kneeled onto the ground and vowed to wait for the day she could be with him. "Xifeng, you really won't be mine in this life anymore... If by chance in another life we meet again, please give us a try then. Let me be the first one to meet you."
On a particularly starry night, she stood watching the moon. It had been almost two months since Khan Bojing was here... She was no fool. Her period didn't come the month after they were together. Throwing up, feeling tired, sleeping more... These were pregnancy symptoms.
The moment she found out; she broke down. She thought she was already at her lowest, but she kept falling. How much further would she have to go before she hit the ground and go into oblivion?
In her hands, Li Wei held a small package. If the child were gone, at least one of her concerns would disappear. She was cruel, but could she be this far gone? Hesitation found its way into her eyes. It was for the better, she repeated to herself. To do it early was better than later.
To take an innocent life... Could she really do it? Her hands trembled and the package fell out of her grasp. She leaned down to pick it up, but someone else was faster. Her mouth opened, prepared to scream, but no sound came out.
Khan Bojing held the small package in his hand. He stood a couple feet behind her. "Xiao Wei, this is yours."
On his return, he wore simple black robes. His dark eyes shone with excitement while he carried himself in a composed manner. He still looked the same, but she wasn't. The longer she waited, the more her body would change. Why was she the only one suffering? Li Wei angrily slapped his hand and the package fell back down. "Why are you here?"
Her cold attitude didn't seem to affect him. "Xiao Wei, I want to have a few words with you. I arrived yesterday but you didn't come out all day." He paused to give her a sheepish look. "So, I had no choice but to break in."
Stay normal, act as usual, she reminded herself. Khan Bojing should never find out what was happening to her. He was much bigger than her, but she pushed him aggressively towards the door. "Hurry and leave before my aunt see you."
His long arms disobediently wrapped around her waist. He forced her back against his chest and rested his chin on the hollow of her neck. "Don't make me leave yet. Didn't you miss me?"
Her eyes stopped blinking. She was just stuck on her current problem, but a new dilemma just slapped her in the face. He was not like his usual self. She no longer knew how to talk to the current strange version of him. It seemed unfitting to curse at him when his every word was dripping with honey.
What had gotten into him while he was gone? Khan Bojing was never this way, especially with her. Had he gone crazy? He must've made a mistake. "Yebai, what are you doing? Let go of me."
Khan Bojing turned her to face him. His fingers drew circles on her hands and his lips whispered tender words into her ears. "Xiao Wei, I missed you."
When she didn't respond back, he broke into an amused laugh. He knew exactly what was going on in her head. "This isn't usually how I am, right? Xiao Wei, I'm sorry. I can't help it."
Li Wei glared at him, her eyes full of suspicion. "I don't know what game you're playing, but you need to leave."
Her words broke his smile a little and he lowered his eyes. "Xiao Wei, I...I returned because..."
Li Wei didn't pay attention to what he was trying to say. Her small hands pulled him towards the door. "You have to go."
"Xiao Wei." Khan Bojing strongly spoke her name, his voice demanding her attention. When she finally looked at him, his voice softened, "I came back to keep my promise."
"What promise?" Don't say it, don't say it, she said inside her mind. Don't you dare say it.
"Xiao Wei, I'm back now. Everything will be okay. I already know what happened."
Before she knew it, her hands quickly closed the door in fear of someone else overhearing their conversation. After ensuring no one was nearby, she faintly asked, "What do you know?"
He noticed the fear in her eyes and pulled her into a tight hug despite her protests. "Xiao Wei, don't be afraid. I know you're carrying my child."
His arms strongly wrapped around her against her will, but she had no more energy to fight off his strength. She only wanted one answer, "H-How did you find out?"
He smiled knowingly as his hand brushed her hair. "My Xiao Wei stopped being a little troublemaker so I knew something was up. Afterall, I did something to her before I left--"
"Don't continue further." She had been trying to forget what happened. To her, that night was a mistake she wished to erase from her memories.
"En, alright." Khan Bojing pulled back and brushed her hair behind her ear. His eyes lingered on her before he placed a jade pendant onto her palm. "Xiao Wei, this is a token of my promise to you."
"I won't marry you." Li Wei rejected him before he could ask her. She threw the jade that was precious to him against the stone floor as hard as she could. The force she used broke off a small piece of the jade.
He quietly picked up his jade and sighed, "No arguing, no complaints, remember?"
"Go back and pretend you never came." Her fingers trembled on the lock, trying to open the door now. If he refused to leave, let her be the one to leave.
"Li Wei..." Khan Bojing was pushed away when he tried to stop her. With another sigh, he forced her around and trapped her against the door with his arms. "Li Wei."
She tried to block her ears. Don't want to listen, don't want to hear, don't speak anymore.
He grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head with one hand. His other hand tilted her face towards him. Determination filled his eyes as he tried to explain. "Xiao Wei, how can you say that? Let me take care of you and our child."
"So that's it? You're suddenly nice to me because of the baby?" She spat onto him. "If I didn't get pregnant, you wouldn't have returned."
"Xiao Wei, that's not true." His voice begged her to listen to him. "Even if you're not with my child, I will still come back for you.
Was it necessary for him to be so responsible? She was frustrated at his stubborn upright behavior. One thing was all she needed from him, to disappear from her life forever. He was so good at everything, one simple request should be easy. "Just be like all the other men."
His eyebrows scrunched together in objection. Without her having to say it, he knew what she implied with her statement. "You know that's not like me."
"What are you like? I wouldn't know. I don't know you well enough to judge." It was a lie, she knew his personality well, with was why she aimed for him where it hurt most. "I refuse to marry you under all circumstances."
"Is it because I'm a stable boy?" Sadness became apparent in his eyes.
"Who cares who you are?" She stared at him, her emotions were spiraling out of her control. He had done other things in the past more worthy of her anger, but she was angrier than ever. Was he always this dense? No, he was sharp, he should have already figured it out from the beginning. "Isn't it clear? I don't love you!"
"Then why did you lied to me? Why did you say you'll marry me if we have a child?" He let go of her, wanting to be away. His footsteps traced backwards. He felt betrayed, he felt used, and worst of all, he blamed himself. "I... I should've known better."
"I only wanted a moment of pleasure. You assumed everything else yourself." It was his loss to be gullible. That night, she intentionally lied to him. Who told him to believe in her lies?
Li Wei watched him as he battled against himself. He was falling into a pit of flames, one he missed during his moment of carelessness. While he was in midair struggling, she added fuel to the fire beneath. "I hate you, Yebai. Don't forget how much I hate you."
"You hate me so much you can't bear with the fact that it's my child. You wouldn't like this if it were Hua Xifeng..." His voice shook slightly.
If she was pregnant with Hua Xifeng? That would be a dream come true, a dream she wished upon every shooting star. "What if I say yes? I wish it were Hua Xifeng. I wish it were him and not you. In fact, I wish for it to be anyone else but you."
Khan Bojing was hurt, but he still held himself from raising his voice. "What does he have that I don't have? Whatever you desire, I can give it to you. I can be good to you; I can treat you better than he ever can."
"Do you think I care what you can do? All I need is for him to be by my side. If I have him, nothing else matters. " Li Wei's gaze fell back on the package she held earlier. If she knew Khan Bojing would come, she wouldn't have hesitated.
Khan Bojing's expression darkened as his eyes glanced to the floor. The contents inside the package was not a mystery to him. He had chosen not to comment on it earlier, still holding onto the hopes that he had overestimated her. Now, no lie could hide what she wanted to do. His lips pressed tightly together, his eyes closed as he tried to unsee the proof in front of him.
When he finally spoke, his voice matched what was broken within. "How cruel are you, Li Wei? If I was late just a moment, you would've become the murderer of our child. Open your eyes and see this is our child. Our very flesh and blood, Xiao Wei..."
Too much, everything was too much. She didn't have an answer for him. She didn't know how to answer to him. In her perspective, she was just trying to save herself out of this hole of darkness. She was willing to do whatever it took to rise back up. "Whatever I do with my body is none of your concern."
His eyes were filled with disbelief at what he was hearing. "Even when it's my child you planned to kill?"
"Yebai, relax, will you?" She could tell he was on the verge of going off. A push would be all it took. "From tomorrow on, consider yourself a stranger. You're no longer the father."
His usual steady calmed voice was taken over by the strong and willful voice of a mad man. He refused to do as she said. "Look at me, Li Wei. No matter what you do, you can't deny what's inside of you. Whether it was for a moment of comfort or a moment of pleasure, you made the decision to give yourself to me. If you had said no, I would've never touch you even if you were a goddess so beautiful all men on earth would willingly die for."
"Use me all you want until I can no longer feel, but don't you dare touch my child. Destroying our child is equal to you already burying me alive six feet under." Khan Bojing glanced down onto her stomach and then locked eyes with her. He really went crazy then.
His hands gripped her arms, his eyes burnt her soul, and his voice demanded her obedience. "And by then, I can't guarantee what I will do. I don't give a damn about who he is. Even if your beloved becomes the next emperor, I will take him down. I will kill him first as you watch, and then I'll come for you next!"
His every word flew at her like arrows aiming for her life. A man like Khan Bojing, a person of sunshine and warmth, just said he wouldn't hesitate to kill. For him to go against all the values he held because of her... Li Wei didn't know how to respond, she couldn't refute him. She had no doubt he would do as he vowed. Her legs became weak and her vision blurred. Then, everything turned black and her body let go of whatever strength was left.