My mother finally looked away from me and scrutinized my little wife more carefully. When she looked at her, instead of joy, all I could see was despair. Why? No, really. WHY? What is wrong with my family? Where is my touching reunion after a month apart? I know this is what I expected, but still.
After she sized up my little wife, my mother broke down into tears and turned back towards me.
"Son, how much did you spend this time?"
Why does everyone keep acting like I'm a repeat offender?!
My mother picked up her phone and initiated a call. After a few short rings, as soon as the other party picked up, she said with urgency, "honey, it's an emergency, please come back as soon as possible! Working still? Who cares about that, get your ass back home now! You'll understand the moment you get back."
She hung up after she screamed at my father over the phone. She looked back at me with pity in her eyes as a deeply remorseful expression painted her face.
What is this stinging sensation in my heart that's making me want to cry? Am I really actually some kind of deviant that doesn't remember things he has done in the past?
We remained in this awkward standoff for about an hour until father finally burst through the door like some sort of man on a mission. His expression was cold and resolute when he kicked the door open like he were the protagonist in some cheesy low budget movie.
He first sent one cold look towards me and then examined my wife before his gaze returned to me. It seems he realized what the so-called emergency was. Father, please tell your stupid, foolish, idiot son what this great emergency is. My comprehension of worldly affairs seems to be severely lacking. I would sincerely like to know as well just what kind of evil deeds I did in my past life to be treated this way by my own kin!
"Tch, stupid son. I nearly got into an accident rushing back here because of you. Some crazy psycho was driving a Bugatti at over two hundred kilometers per hour and ran a red light at an intersection. Luckily he was skilled and swerved right around me. I'll have you know, I nearly died."
What? For real?
"Whatever, let's get the show rolling, let the fourth annual 'son needs help with his problems family intervention' begin."
What?! The fourth? Why don't I remember the last three? It's fine if I cry now, right? Did I seriously lose my memories when I died? Why is it that I can remember my family before I died then? Is it partial memory loss?
"Son, why? Why do you keep doing this to your parents? How many times are you going to hire them to act like your girlfriend or wife? Miss, how much did he pay you for your services? Are you really fine with acting in such a role?"
"?" My wife as if she'd realized something cupped one hand in the other like she fully comprehended the situation. My little wife, just what did you understand that your husband did not? Please fill me in on this twisted joke please.
"Yes he did pay quite a bit after all. I was very tempted by his offer to play such a role."
What?! Did I? Did I really? Why did your eyes light up so brightly when you said that? You're just messing with me, right? I'm not really paying you anything am I?
"He even worked very hard for this ring and offered me all of his boundless fortune. I just couldn't say no to his offer when he was so loaded."
What boundless fortune? I'm pretty poor you know. As for the ring, I just got it as a freebie from your father, you and I both know that. Now that I think about it, was there really anything for her to like about me? Sure I was an irresistible suave master in the art of love who could have any goddess swoon at my feet, but I definitely wasn't rolling in money. I don't have any thick stacks to let you bathe in.
I was so confused and depressed that I never even realized when I took out a cigarette from the box on the living room table and lit it. I couldn't take it anymore so I just wordlessly walked out of the room unbearably dejected.
I still heard them in the background as my family discussed everything.
"Daughter, why does our son do this to us? Why can't he be more responsible like you? We can't afford to pay for him everytime he gets lonely."
I'm not lonely damnit!
"But father, little brother did say something rather interesting when he came back. He mentioned something about a prince. Could it be one of those rich norwegian princes of the rumors? Little brother's alleged wife even affirmed that the prince was named Ten Jo and that he was here as well."
"She actually affirmed earlier that she really married little brother."
"No way. That's what everyone before also said when we asked them. She's definitely putting on an act. Our idiot son must have paid quite a hefty price. After all, you heard her just now when she affirmed how he offered her his 'boundless fortune,' right? Besides that, this no good son dared to come back without even inviting us to the wedding? Could such an unfilial brat really exist?"
"But father she might just be playing along with us thinking we're just teasing little brother. As for the part about him being an unfilial brat who didn't invite us to the wedding…peh!"
What is with this? Is it really some kind of great sin that I got married without telling you guys about it? There wasn't even a wedding! Does my family have to bully me so much for not informing them beforehand? Is seeing really believing? You can't just accept my word that I'm married now?
My little wife as well, are you really just teasing me right now? Is this really reality? Now that I think about it, what happened during the time between when I saw you for the first time and when I met father in law?
Did I really die back then? Unknown to me, was it possible I had a second hidden personality that took over my body? Was that what resulted in the gap in my memories? Could it really be that I don't have memories of the time when he was in control? He doesn't really exist, right? There's no way… right?!
Was my family really just playing a cruel joke or did I really just not remember what happened in the past? I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown right now. A mid life crisis? Now that I think about it, maybe there are some other gaps in my memory. Like just recently, that time with my wife when we supposedly had our first time.
Oh my god! My second personality must be some sort of sexual deviant after all!
Do I really have dissociative identity disorder?
Fudge you! Do you really think I would believe that?!
After I moped about outside alone for a while, my wife came up from behind and wrapped her arms around my waist. She rested her head on her favorite place, my shoulder, while rubbing her cheek against mine.
Meanwhile, in the background, my family continued their serious discussion on how to solve my problems and completely forgot about the dejected son who'd stepped outside.
It seems when my little wife saw my lonely figure from behind it evoked some kind of guilty feeling within her heart that made her realize she took her teasing too far this time.
"Relax husband your family was naturally just pulling your leg. I'm sure they're actually secretly delighted that you're now married and have such a beautiful wife."
"Even you, my wife, said you were merely paid and acting out a role."
"Husband, were your words when you said you would stay with me till the end of time false? Will you really so easily doubt your wife's feelings towards you like this? I wouldn't marry someone I was completely unattracted to. If I really had to say it, you're probably the only person that I could ever marry and find happiness with."
"Husband I like to tease you. I may take it a bit far at times, but husband, you can rest assured I don't dislike you."
"I love you from the bottom of my heart. I'm glad that I met you. I'm happy that you died that day."
Her first set of words really touched me, but that last part was totally unnecessary. Was that really something to be happy about? You basically murdered me with a single glance… or sneeze. Such a lame death is actually pretty embarrassing to tell our children in the future you know. I'd rather get hit by lightning or something cool that I could brag if I died and later revived.
In spite of those conflicting thoughts, her quiet heartfelt whisper invaded the depths of my soul. Did you really think that was what I was going to say? Heh heh. My wife, you can't see the cunning grin on my face at this moment, but everything went according to plan.
'System mission complete: Get your wife to tell you she loves you. System reward: 10000 LP'
Are you curious about the meaning of this? I bet you are, aren't you?
Well this requires a short flash back to the time right when I entered this realm.
In my mind when I first entered the pocket realm and stupidly stared at my house when I said, "what in the…?" I heard the following message, 'System mission: Get your wife to say she loves you. System reward: 10000 LP'.
Yes, that is right. Muahahaha! I was both stunned by the unexpected sight of my home, but also by the sudden message as well. I really hit the jackpot this time. That's 10000 LP after all! Ten thousand I tell you! I'm bloody rich! Mwahahaha!
My reluctance to introduce her to my family was thrown straight out the window when this reward suddenly fell from the sky. The greed got the best of me and I contrived this meticulous plan in my head. I knew my family would react the way they did, as much as I wished it were untrue.
At the end of the day, I was none other than the true mastermind that orchestrated everything. They never realized a single thing was off and danced in the palm of my hand. Everything went perfectly, exactly as planned. I simply acted the part of a mopey husband who'd been bullied by his family to deceive my wife and pull at her heartstrings. There was no way she would ever say those three words normally without attacking her when she had a guilty conscience. I was certain of that much as my little wife was a natural tease. Although I took some mental damage as a price for this reward, it was still worth it when the reward was so lucrative.
"Huhuhu." Oops I slipped up. While I rejoiced internally over the killing I made in LP, I couldn't restrain the laughter in my heart from leaking out. Oh well, it was already too late my wife, far too late to take your words back.
When my wife heard the laughter that slipped out, it seems she realized something was a bit off when I remained completely silent afterwards. She immediately teleported in front of me and saw the cunning smile I couldn't hide and it was only then she realized her blunder.
When she realized that instead of teasing and consoling me, she was conned herself she kicked me in the shin.
"Hmmp! Stinking faking husband. You were supposed to get me to say that after our date!" She fumed from ear to ear when she said that through gnashed teeth.
"Stupid, smelly, no good husband. To make it up to your wife for scamming her, it's about time you take me on our promised date."
"What about my family?"
"Not in the mood for it anymore."
She kept grumbling, "stupid scamming husband" repeatedly under her breath as she dragged me by my hand away from my home.
Goodbye family, we will meet again after my date with my fuming wife. As long as I don't get myself killed by her at least.
At long last I finally got one up on her, I felt so proud of my progress. You really let your guard down this time my little wife, just because you're two billion years older than me didn't mean I was unable to outwit you.