It was a Saturday evening.
I got down from the train at Saptarshi Railway station. The whole station was buzzing with crowds. The time was then 7:20 PM.....
"Huh!!!.... Man, it was such a long day." I said to myself.
Then I started to walk toward the far end of the railway platform. That side was always less crowded, as the main road was connected to this end of the platform.
"I think I can get a nice bench to sit. I am really tired."I thought.
I started looking around while walking slowly.
When I reach there, I found a whole bench nearly empty, only two old people and a girl, nearly the same age of mine were sitting there. She looked like an average girl to me & was wearing a simple top and skirt. She was looking at the ground & looked kind of impatient.
"She might be waiting for someone" I assumed.
The other two old people were immersed in their own world, talking about their youth, just like always.
By the way, my age was 21 years back then.
When I was about to cross the girl, she looked at me with expectation, but noticing that I was not the one she was hoping for, she hurriedly turned her face from me started to gaze on her lap.
I crossed the girl and the other two old people and sat on the other end of the bench. I put my bag onto my lap, & placed my head onto the flat top of the bench. Then I noticed that the tube light was blinking in a specific manner.
"It's blinking like it has a life," I thought to myself." Just like a firefly."
"What is more artificial, me or that tube light?" a stupid thought came to my mind.
"Up Durgapur local is coming at platform no 3. Please keep a safe distance. "the station master announced on the speaker. His silly voice always made me laugh.
"Why don't they use a computerized system instead of him announcing? Maybe because it's not a big railway station."
Then I closed my eyes. The hubbub of the crowd started coming to my ear more vividly.
"All these people are so lively. I wonder if all of them are really happy or just pretending."
"I don't know."I thought.
"I don't even know myself properly."
"I have read somewhere that what drives people is their 'DESIRE' & when their desire gets fulfilled they become happy and satisfied."
"Then what is my actual desire?"
"All the time in my life the only thing I ever wanted was to become good in academics, get a good job and lead a happy life. But even after achieving most of it why do I feel like something big is missing in my life."
"Why don't I feel any emotional attachment to anything?"
"Huh!!!" I sighed.
I kept my eyes shut and tried to cool down my mind and thoughts.
After staying like that for some time, I opened my eyes and looked around. Everything was just the same, the only thing that was changed was that the time.
It was then 8:30 PM.
The station had already become less crowded. The number of people getting up and down on the train was already reaching its minimum.
Then those two old people stood up and leave the bench while talking to each other.
But that girl was still there looking at the ground.
"I think that the person she might be waiting for hasn't still come. She kinda looks like she is in some kind of problem."I thought to myself. "Should I ask her?"
"No..What am I thinking? I should not interfere in other's matters just like that."
"I should start working on my project."
Then I Take my laptop out of my bag and started working on my college project. I always stayed here till 11:30 as the rented apartment where I lived was so cramped that I always felt like suffocating in there. I liked doing my studies sitting on that bench, it was much better. And that apartment was just 5 minute's walk from the station. After the last up train at 9:30, the whole station becomes a silent dessert with no distractions around except for some announcements for through trains and their loud noises. The whole area was still underdeveloped and hardly any local stay awake after 10 'O clock.
I was hoping to do the same that I do every day, but I had a feeling that it's not going to be the same as always.....
"Down Howrah local is coming at platform no 1. Please keep a safe distance."
"This train is the last down passenger train...The last up one will come in a half hour."I thought to myself."Then it will become silent just like always."
I started working on my project again.
Then half an hour passed. The last train already had left the station and there is no sign of people except for the girl who was still sitting in the same pose like before.
"Why that girl is still sitting here?" I mumbled to myself."She really might be in some kind of trouble."
"I think I really should ask her if she had any problems"
After hesitating for a bit when I thought of asking her, I heard another announcement.
"A through train is passing on platform no 3. Please stay away from the line."
Then the girl stood up.
"I think she is leaving now. Thank god...I was becoming so tense. Why the heck I am so shy!!"
But didn't know why but my heart like skipped a beat, when she slowly started to move toward the railway tracks.
"Why is she going that way?
Then she stopped and looked at the sky. The sky was completely dark. There was no sign of moon or stars. It was completely hidden behind the clouds.
Then two drops of tears fall on the ground. They were glistening like diamonds in the artificial light.
Everything was already started to be clear to me. And because of that unexpected turn of events, a sudden feeling of fear and terror started arousing in my mind.
"What the hell is she thinking!!!" I said to myself, forcing my eyes to open bigger than normal. My hands and legs were already started to shake in fear.
Fear of seeing someone's death before my own two eyes.
Then the train entered the station with a whistle. It's speed hadn't decreased a bit after entering the station.
Then the girl started running.
"HEY STOP!!!!" I shouted as loud as I could and before I knew it, I was running towards her with all my strength.
When I was running nothing came to my mind except for a wish...
"Please God...let me reach before it's too late."
When she was about to jump from the platform onto the railway tracks, I somehow grabbed an iron pillar beside her to control my momentum, hold her hand with the other hand and pulled her onto the platform. But I could not properly control my speed and hit the iron pillar with my head.
Then I fall on the ground. The only thing I was thinking back then was---
"Thank God, I made it in time!!!" And then I lost my consciousness while taking a heavy breath.
When I regain consciousness, It was midnight.
A chilly air was blowing at that time. And I could hear the nice rhythmic tune of crickets.
My head was feeling like hell, so I moved my hand towards my forehead.
I noticed my forehead was bounded by a wet handkerchief and there was a little blood too.
Noticing blood I hurriedly tried to sit and check, but I felt a sharp pain in my head.
"Ah!!" I shrieked in a low voice.
Then I heard a girl's voice.
Does it hurt too much? The girl asked in a gentle voice.
"No, I can handle this. I just didn't expect this."
Then she held my shoulder and helped me to sit comfortably by keeping my back onto the nearby wall.
Did you sprain your ankle?" I asked noticing how hard it's for her to move her leg.
"Yeah. It got sprained when you pulled me" the girl said.
"Ah!! I am sorry..." I apologized.
But the girl didn't answer.
After placing me she moved away from me a bit far somehow & sat onto the ground.
Then she spoke" Sorry, I could not unlock your phone, neither I have one so I could not contact an ambulance for you. Your Laptop is not booting up either."
Then I looked at my laptop. It might have hit the ground hard when I started running.
"It will need some repairing "a thought came to my mind.
"I tried but I could not move much with my ankle, So I shouted but the stationmaster didn't answer either..."
"Oh, don't worry. I think I can bear it. This is far better than losing your life."
She remained silent. She was sitting keeping her head in-between her knees. Her long black hair was totally messy.
Then she lifted her head again and talk to me in a low voice:
"You should not have done that; you might be dead along with me"
"Yeah, I know. But I am really glad I made it in time." I said while smiling a little at her.
"You are a strange person," she said in response.
"Yeah, I am. I am stranger too & strangers should always be strange, that's why they are called a stranger, don't you think?" I said to lighten the mood a little.
"I see..." that girl spoke.
Then I noticed a small smile on her face.
Then she became silent again.
"Don't you want to ask me something?" That girl suddenly asked me.
"Yeah, I want to but I don't know I should or not," I answered honestly.
"You really are a weird one!!" She said. "Why should I tell about me to a stranger?"
"Yeah. There is that too. "Then I jokingly said, "Stranger's strange questions should always be answered strangely."
I again tried to lighten her up a little; she was like someone who just had seen a ghost—totally pale."
"Hehe...." That girl gave a soft laugh. Her face lightened up a bit.
Then she stared at the sky. There was still no sign of the moon or the stars.
"Have you ever fallen in love with someone?"
"WHAT!!!" I exclaimed in shock. I was totally dumbfounded hearing her sudden question about my personal life.
"um...no. I have never been in love with anyone." I said with a little bit hesitation.
"I see..." She said. "That's too bad. Then you cannot understand my situation at all. It will just look like those mediocre soap opera--- 'Love',' betrayal' & then 'suicide'."
"Is it really worth losing your life because of someone, who betrayed you?" I asked.
"No, maybe not."
"Then ...Why?"
"I...don't know. Maybe, because human emotions don't follow rationality."
She paused for a moment. She was still staring at the pitch dark sky.
"When you really fall in love with someone, the whole world will feel like a place where rationality does not exist."
"What do you mean by that?" I curiously asked her.
"Do you want to know how it feels to fall in love with someone?" she asked me while smiling at me.
"It's kind of personal, but I would like to know," I said while rubbing my head with a finger in hesitation.
I just wanted to keep the conversation going as she was looking less gloomy than before. Or, maybe I also wanted to know the answer to the question—
"How does love feel??"
Smiling sheepishly for a bit, she stood up, then she closed her eyes and placed her hands jointly on top of her chest. Then she started talking—
"When you fall in love with someone, the whole world will feel different; the moon will seem bigger, the stars will seem shinier than normal. You will always feel some kind of happiness in your heart without any reason."
Then she paused for a brief moment and said:" Every moment will feel blessed— like a gentle wind is always blowing around you and you are gliding on that wind, just like a butterfly in a beautiful garden."
While listening to her, I didn't know what, but I felt that something was changing inside me.
Then she looked at me and started smiling as I was listening with full of curiosity and concentration, just like a kid.
"You should really find a girlfriend for yourself. You are a little sentimental, aren't you?" she chuckled softly.
Hearing a girl say that, I felt a little embarrassment.
"I don't know about that," I said shyly while looking the other side." Your explanation just felt good, that's all."
"Hehe..." she chuckled again.
Then I asked her a question that I should not have asked her.
"Then why did your boyfriend betrayed you?"
"Not everyone feels that way, stupid. There are mainly two types of people—people, who express their emotions genuinely and those who wear a mask on their face to hide their true intentions. When these two types of people come together, someone has to get hurt."
She again became a little gloomy.
"Damn it!! I should not have asked that to her." I thought to myself.
"Just like me" she spoke quietly, looking down.
"Today, I was waiting for him to say the last farewell, but he didn't come. I already knew that he won't, but my heart was still hoping for the impossible."
Drops of tears started falling from her eyes, they were glistening like diamonds.
My assumptions were right. She was waiting for someone.
Then I tried to change the topic a little.
"What do you think, am I wearing a mask or not?" I asked.
"Maybe, maybe not." Didn't know why but she smiled a little at me. "Nobody can tell that except for you. What can I do is just try."
Then another announcement came from the speaker.
"A through train will be passing on platform no 3. Please keep a safe distance."
"Well, it's time to say goodbye. It was unexpected but it felt nice talking to you," she said while smiling.
"Where are you going? You can't walk properly!!" I asked.
"The train is coming, now I am going to do what I came here for."
A fear again started rising in my chest. My heartbeat already started to reach its limit.
"HEY!!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT AGAIN!!!!" I shouted unconsciously. I somehow stood up by holding the wall and said: "This is not the end of the world!!!"
"Maybe not, but when the world I created inside me broke, so did my existence. . . Please don't try to stop me."
She kept telling me those words with a beautiful smile on her face. I kept on staring at her with an unknown feeling inside my heart. It felt like a mix of fear, sadness loneliness or maybe it was something completely different.
"Bye then, see you someday, somewhere, maybe."
Then she faced the opposite side. When she was about to walk, I asked her in a serious tone—
"Before you go, Can I request you something"?
"What is it?" she asked curiously.
"I want to experience...love. Can you... help me?" I asked.
She might have shocked hearing my stupid request.
"What do...you mean...by that?" she answered without facing me.
"I always wondered how it feels to be in love or be loved by someone. But I never felt anything towards anyone. The only thing I ever felt was an infinite emptiness."
She was silently listening to me.
"I never had the love of parents or anyone I can remember. I always kept on going from one orphanage to another like a lonely refugee, never knew someone that I could call a friend or a relative. But I always thought that when I will grow up I will get everything I didn't have. So I kept on working tirelessly, just like a robot. But, didn't know when I started to lose my emotional attachments towards other"
"Now I go to a college and do a small business to support myself. I already got those small things that I desired, but that emptiness, the endless void I always felt never leaves me."
She didn't respond anything. I could not see her face either so I could not see her expression.
"But when I was seeing your expressions and smile while listening to your explanation, for the first time ever, I felt something that I never had felt."
Then I touched my heart with my right hand.
"It felt like a flow of gentle happiness that kept on filling inside me. I felt something unexplainable"
"I want to experience that again, can you...help me?"
That last line came to my mouth unconsciously. I was like at a loss and didn't know what to say.
Then she turned around toward me with a sweet smile in her face. Then she said—
"Don't you think that's a lot to ask from a stranger?"
"Yeah, maybe," I replied while facing the ground.
"You are a nice guy; you should find a nice girlfriend for yourself." She said in a cheery voice. Then her tone became a little gloomy.
"But, I can't help you, I am sorry."
Then she again turned towards the other side and started walking.
"Please don't go" I mumbled. I didn't know why, but tears were falling from my eyes.
"Now that emptiness feels so painful, I cannot bear it anymore."
When I tried to walk so that I could go after her, I felt a sharp pain in my head. But I didn't care about that; I had become like a maniac and started on walking and saying what was in my mind.
my mind didn't want to lose her.
"I always thought that I will just keep on struggling but it was getting out of hand and I thought of doing the same thing like you."
"I also thought of committing suicide. That's the main reason I always stay here till late at night."
Hearing that, she stopped for a moment then she increased her walking speed.
My head was feeling like hell with pain. I could not see any more with my cloudy vision. But I kept on walking.
"But, I want to live...I want to live like other people.....I want to feel happiness inside my heart...I want to experience all those beautiful emotions you told me."
Then I felt another sharp pain & I fall on the platform.
"I don't... want to... die!! So if... you are going... to die, then.... please help... me to... live."
Tears were flowing endlessly on my cheek. My consciousness was fading slowly, just like a dream fades after waking up. I could not talk anymore.
"She did not stop. So, in the end, I could not save her nor can I save myself. Just like always, I have to lose everything"
Then I heard the train passing.
I slowly lost my complete consciousness.
When I wake up, It was near the end of the night.
My thoughts were not clear but I didn't want to open my eyes.
Then I started to remember everything.
"Should I even wake up?" I asked to myself."If I do, I am gonna see the dead body of the first person I felt—"
"Felt what?"
"What did I felt towards her?"
"Was that...LOVE?"
I instantly opened my eyes. But I could not see anyone.
I found myself leaning onto the side wall, just like before.
"Wait how I came here!!!"
A sudden hope filled my chest. I hurriedly started searching the whole platform with my eyes.
Then I found out the reason why my left shoulder was feeling heavy.
I would never forget that moment, & the emotions I felt at that time.
I wanted to start jumping in happiness but, I could not. Because she was sleeping, keeping her head onto my shoulder.
My heart was beating so fast in happiness that I thought it might wake her up.
And that feeling was already filling the void inside me.
I kept on staring her sleeping face, and mumbled to myself—
"She looks so pretty."
Then I thought to myself--
"At first, when I looked at her, she just looked like another ordinary girl to me, but now she looks so gorgeous...My heart starts beating rapidly when I see her... Is this what feels like to be in love?"
I again closed my eyes and started to feel all those different emotions inside me.
Then a sudden voice came to my ears.
"Don't...leave...me..., Okay?"
I was a little shocked at first suddenly hearing her voice, but then I gently answered her—
"I won't. Let's create a world, together."
There was no response. But I was sure she was crying as my shoulder started to get wet from her silent cry.
"And, thank you for saving my life."
There was a little pause. Then she answered—
"Thank...you, too."
There were still no sign of the moon, but two stars were shining brightly in the sky.