We were still on the massage table when I concluded my story. The only difference was that the masseuses were not present. It was just me and Amaan laying on adjacent tables. Nobody was saying anything.
I guess, this is what is called a 'serene moment'.
For as little time I had known Amaan, I figured she would break the ice through a joke or even an unrelated joke. But she also fell silent for a long time. At last I couldn't bear the heavy atmosphere, so I looked up to her and she had her arm over her eyes.
Was she crying? And if she was, for whom?
"Amaan…"
"Girl, what have you got yourself into?" She interjected me with the comment.
"I-I'm sorry?"
"Tell me, Kiyomi, have you been sticking around Mad without a complaint because you achieved your solace through her? that she was your head start to a new reality? Or like men, you also find vulnerable women attractive because they give you a chance to boost ego?"
"I... don't understand. Why would you think that?"
"THERE IT IS! I am insulting your wife. Your partner. And you are concerned how you look to other people."
I closed my eyes and thought about what Amaan was trying to say.
Was I really in love with Madonna, or did I use her to escape my reality?
Could saving another human being ever be selfless, or we as creatures always need something in return?
If that was the case, was I unhappy with what Mad had provided me with?
I mean, she had taken care of me. She loved me. She was trying to give birth to our baby for our sake…
WAIT! Does that mean Mad had been using ME for escaping her reality too!
"Are you trying to say that we are morally flawed?" I asked Amaan.
She removed her arm from her eyes and looked at me with disappointment in her eyes. "NO! why would I enforce what already is known? Don't people always say 'To err is human'? it means that we are fundamentally flawed. What I asked you was if you realized you were also as selfish as everyone others?"
That last part hit me like a two-ton stone slabs in the face.
"What do you mean? Selfish? What had I done?"
"Nod when you agree with my statements, okay. Did you think life did you wrong, and you didn't deserve it? When Trigman offered you both to move to India, did you do it because it would suit Madonna, or it would also work out for you? Did you accompany Madonna on this quest or whatever to seek forgiveness, or analyze her past with yours?"
That last part hit me again.
Was all of this to me just a competition. Just a chance to peek into Mad's past and compare it to mine? Was I only in this for sympathy, or was I in for rage?"
I couldn't nod. I just had my whole body freeze on the table.
Amaan stood up from her table and walked over to me. She bent over and gave me a hug. Her head was next to mine. Her warm breath caressing my shoulder. Her thick nipples touched my bare skin, and my legs twitched.
"Listen to me, Kiyomi, you had darkness in your life. For too long, you breathed in soot when you thought it was air. Now, you are being led back into the darkness, and you don't like it. You don't like it a single bit. I know it would have been hard for you to love a girl who you knew nothing about. Just because someone is nice to you, doesn't mean she had always cared about you. There were people in her life, and you felt sad when you thought you'd lose her to one of them. Its haunting, isn't it? The thought of your life shattering like a glass on a single moment's notice."
I kept my eyes closed. I guess this was my way of agreeing to what Amaan was saying. Or rather, my way to deny it.
The scars on my psyche had been deep enough already. I didn't want to dig deeper. Not right now.
Her aged body was weighing on mine, and it was getting harder by the moment to peel myself off from her. I hadn't felt the need of sex anymore than now.
I contained myself and asked her," Do you have something to eat?"
She rose away from me, smiling while she did so, and said," Yes, whatever you'd like." she stepped off me and wrapped her body in a white robe. When I stepped down the table, she handed me a robe to slip into.
After our steak dinner, it was me and Amaan alone on the bed. we were sitting on opposite sides with our drinks when she said," Hey, thanks for sharing your life story with me. I don't get enough chances to talk, let alone doing heart to heart with somebody.
"It was nothing. It had been so long that I had revisited those memories. Every time I talk about them, I lose some portion of it. In one way, I guess it really was for the better." I replied while smiling. That made Amaan sigh in relief.
She turned around and took the bottle of whiskey out of the ice bucket to top up my glass and hers.
All the liquor was making me doozy, and my eyes were feeling heavy. After a long massage and a heavy dinner, the drops of Lagavulin were wrapping me into silk. My body was relaxed, I was stretching myself and yawning due to the fatigue I suffered following a heavenly massage session.
"Hey, if you don't mind, may I tell you a part of my life too?" Amaan asked me.
"Sure, go ahead." I made clear to myself that the liquor was not taking a toll on me and I was conscious enough to listen to her story.
"First let me confess, I actually knew your father Donald."
That statement got rid of all the dizziness as I was laser focused on her.
"Before Dr. Anicrow left for Japan, he came to Dubai. Since the seven emirates are ruled by absolute monarchy, the social structure is not very liberal. Most of the population follow the Muslim traditions and guidelines to live their lives. But there is a strict check kept on anyone who steps over the line. Going against the grain, I studied and worked hard to be eligible for a teaching position. Then, I got married. My husband was a good person. But he was not a good businessman. Due to poor management skills, he was in his third reign as a businessman. At the time I got married, he was a property advisor. But business is business. Sometimes you make money, and others you don't.
When the times got rough, I kept my family out of dept. I was an assistant professor in my third year of marriage when I was given an opportunity to become the professor in Mathematics. Around the same time, my husband's business flopped due to his partner scamming him. This left with me as the bread winner of the house. This wasn't acceptable to my husband's ego, and the physical abuse started…"
I was listening to Amaan opening up about her feelings with an awe and couldn't help but think what did happen between Madonna and her.
"…My husband couldn't stomach the fact that I was the sole source of income. So, he'd slap me across my face. He'd take off his belt and whip me across my body. He'd tie up my hands for hours and wouldn't let me eat or drink anything. It was in that period of my life when Donald came into my life like an angel. Among the eight families he saved, one was mine. He got me and my husband out here and got us divorced."
I felt like all the dizziness came back into my body when I heard Amaan's happy end came through my father. I smiled smugly and rose my glass to her victory.
'To love, to love."
I didn't remember anything after.