I was sitting alone in Priscilla's room, tapping my feet with the rhythm of the song. I didn't want to enjoy the song, but she was performing the song written by me. It was oddly stimulating. Herman was supposed to show up ten minutes ago with a warm cup of tea for this freezing Chinese winter.
It had been ten days since Priscilla and me met on the beach. The hairline fracture from the iron strike required six weeks of rest. But I could not let Priscilla slip out of Asia before fulfilling her wish. I had to apologize to her four more times. Which meant I had to travel across country and jump the border to fulfill her desires. And since I wasn't allowed to travel immediately, Kyo smuggled me out of the hospital after eight days. That also meant I couldn't talk to her in India. I sat in a white room while Priscilla performed in New Delhi and Chandigarh and went to China for her first show. All what was left were exactly four shows in Asia. I could not afford travelling across the globe, chasing one person for my mental equilibrium. But when the said person is within the reach, I guess it's worth the hustle.
So I packed my bags and left for Hangzhou. Thanks to Cline, I could plan my trip to China and meet up with Priscilla before she could slip past me. Kyo didn't accompany, and neither did Trigman and Mapalla. By the time Priscilla checked in her hotel, I was already there to start my streak.
That was 11 days ago. I was stumbling across the hall, looking for P.A. in a Hangzhou hotel. I met up with her and I apologized. She accepted the apology but let me know that it was not free. I had to do something to prove that it was a heartfelt apology. So I decided to write her next album under Priscilla's suggested name 'Glemt.'
From there, I traveled to Shanghai for one show, and Hong Kong for remaining two. Today was December 22. The last day of tour's Asian leg. I had to hand the lyrics today. But my whole body was sore due to dry air around me. I could bear it somehow, but my leg was going numb by the second. I had asked for a cup of tea to Harman ten minutes, but she hadn't been back ever since. I guess nobody likes me in Priscilla's camp.
As I was freezing in the room, I heard cheers go off outside. P.A. was done with her performance. That lit another ray of hope in me. Maybe she could get me a cup of tea.
The cheers continued for a long time before the emcee announced the next performer. I heard the footsteps rapidly changing outside the room. It was much more coordinated than before. It did happen every time a new performer took the stage.
I could hear some footsteps stopped just opposite to the room's door. I knew it was security as well as Cline accompanying Priscilla. I was waiting for them to enter, but they were chatting outside for quite a while before I saw the door's handle move.
Priscilla pushed the door inside and entered the room. I had looked at her a million times, and at every instance, her presence impressed me thoroughly. I was wearing a smile on my face when she entered the room. she, on the other hand, was sporting a frown when she laid her eyes on me.
She kept on staring at me before averting her gaze and looked at herself in the mirror. Herman entered behind her and put a hot beverage in my hands. I thanked her and took a sip. I could feel the warm liquid slipping through my throat and chest and resting in my belly. i made a mental note to buy some tea on the way back.
As I was enjoying my tea, Priscilla pulled the chair lying in a corner and sat in front of me.
I gulped down the tea in eight gulps so that we could talk.
"Was it good?" She asked.
"Yeah, it actually was." I said as I held the empty ceramic mug.
"Nice. Its good to see that you are enjoying you penance."
"Priscilla, its not penance. What I am doing is setting myself on a righteous path."
"And if it was not for your own lust for life, you wouldn't be doing that either."
I didn't reply to that. My reply had a potential to throw all my hard work in trash.
"Anyway, do you have my songs?" Priscilla asked.
"Ah, yes." I fished in my jacket pocket and handed her a wad of papers. Priscilla grabbed them and skimmed through them one by one. I waited for her feedback, but she held the papers for along time with blank look on her face.
She turned to me and said," Well, get to the apologizing."
I took a pause before I spoke again.
"Priscilla Applewood. I'm sorry for what I had done, and for the loneliness you suffered in my absence. I am sorry I threw away everything for something as meagre as money. I'm sorry because I thought of you as just another medium of money making. I'm sorry I didn't take a second look at you before abandoning you."
Priscilla looked at me, then looked at the wad of papers I handed to her. She shuffled in her pocket and took out a lighter. She took the cup I was holding and stuffed the papers in it.
"Still not telling me the truth, huh? Tell me, what is so special about Nepal?" She said.
"Why is that important?" I replied.
Priscilla flicked the lighter and neared the flame to the cup full of papers.
"I'm neither a fool, nor a child. I know you put everything you had in writing these songs. I can even say that this is a part of your potential, condensed. Do you really want me to burn a part of you to a crisp because you don't feel like talking?"
I was getting restless. "Priscilla, I did put every bit of myself in those songs. They will make for a very strong album. Please move the flame away."
"I want to meet them. All of them-"
I looked up in her eyes. Hard as stone. Plain as paper. Emotionless.
Priscilla continues to speak," I want to meet every other person you will be meeting in your quest of forgiveness. I know they are not nested in just Nepal. So find them, and gather them. I want to hear everyone's part. And the part where you screwed them over for another pile of cash."
The flame met the paper, and everything turned into ash.
"How-"
Priscilla cut me off," How do I know? Let's say you don't want to know."
We stared in each other's eyes for at least ten seconds.
What kind of emotions did I have on my face?
Did the situation get more complicated or it simplified itself?
Priscilla was smiling smugly while she had her eyes fixated on me. Her face retracted and she stood up. She fished her pockets and took out a roll of money. She threw it in my lap and said," Call me when everyone is there, and I'll be there to fulfill your wish."
Saying that, she exited the room.
Everything was very silent.
Everyone felt stationary.
I felt the veins in my brain almost popped.
It had been two days since my last encounter with P.A., and I was back in India. Kyo was sitting near me, peeling oranges. When I had plugged my ears with earphones. I was looking at the roof, and was noticing the most mundane stains it had.
I turned my head and glanced over to the flight tickets on the dresser.
KATHMANDU INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. DECEMBER 28TH.
Kyo put her hand under my chin and turned my head to face her and stuffed my face with a slice of orange.
I finished eating it and asked her," Babe, do you really want to come with me?"
"I'll have too. You accepted my past, Madonna. I have to dive into yours and accept you." Kyo replied with a serene look on her face.
Her subtle smile lit up my world.
"However- " she said while stuffing my face with another orange slice, "-I am rather jealous that you once had sexual relations with a celebrity."
I laughed it off, and Kyo continued," I mean, it doesn't matter as long as you don't cheat on me. We're family after all."
I looked at her concerning face. There was a hint of sadness, melancholia. And disgust?
I reached out to her hand and held it tightly.
"I will never think of that."
We traded warm smiles with each other.
The chilly winter outside felt a little absent for a second.
A chapter in my life had reached its finish line, and we had to march on forward. For however long it took, I had to find a closure.
This is not the end of the world.
This is not a situation where one solution solves the biggest problems.
We are human beings. We are born as a shade of grey.
The black and white doesn't exist among us.
And to see a hint of white, I will shed all black out of me.