Splash!
Cold! Its really cold!
Blinking out the droplets falling on my face, I finally got to take a look behind past my hazy sight, only to see the man who made everything wrong.
"Its because of you!" I shouted, ignoring the wetness on my whole body, I sprang up while taking hold of his shoulders.
My legs immediately gave up on me, but I fought it and add pressure on my hold towards him.
"I would have been fine if it wasn't for you! How-How could you?! How.....Ughh.....How could you make my life so miserable! How could you!" I shouted while I snaked my hand into his neck and squeeze it with all of my remaining strength.
He stood still, as if he was waiting for it to happen.
I broke more when I see his eyes reflecting mine. I look miserable, pitiful and crazed. Hair turned into knots, swollen red eyes that is filled with dark circles and a body who has been left to die.
"Gather yourself up, everything's been cleared up"
With his words, I laughed.
I laughed so hard that tears, whom I thought would be gone now after my endless crying, have fell into my eyes again. I laughed till my throat was sore, till I couldn't remember why I am laughing and crying at the same time.
I feel like I heard the cruelest joke on earth.
"Cleared up? Gather what? Myself?! How could I do that when I'm this so miserable?! And its all because of you! It was you who made me like this!" I pointed to myself while I slid down off of him and sat onto the floor.
"I don't know why you're being like this, but please, I beg you, you need to live or you'll regret it" His tone held pain, but why? Why would he be in pain while I am in pain.
"Shut up! I don't know what to think anymore!" I shouted while holding my head.
It was so easy to blame someone.
It was so easy to give up on something that you even started yet.
Everything was just so messed up I couldn't feel anything other than pain.
My mother, when she was still alive, she would tell me stories about her and father. I could clearly tell that they are happy together despite my young age back then.
"Love is a powerful thing Eiri, so if you found the man you love, do not ever let go of him"
I took heed from my mother's words, I believed in her.
I love him, but does he even love me? Does he even see me as his wife? As a woman?
I want to experience being in love, but it seems like all I could feel was pain.
Why do I have to suffer?
"Why do I have to suffer like this?"
"You don't have to, you can come to me, and I promise, I would make everything right"
"You can't, because I can no longer go back to what I am in the past. Can't you see? I'm just a woman who is too jealous, too insecure, a woman who have too much luggage herself and many scars adorning her heart and body. No one can ever heal me, even you Li jun"