Looking at her sorrowful expression, I'm overcome with massive guilt. It's easy to say that past is in the past, but when it actually comes down to it; it's not. I... just can't let go.
No, I need to snap out of this trance. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the negative thoughts and face Claire again. I'm about to bring the conversation to an end when I notice something.
Ashton: Oh.
She didn't put her seatbelt on yet. She's just like Leah, she always forgets to do it when she's tired and then I end up doing it for her. How careless. I mentally sigh and instinctively lean in and reach my hand towards the seatbelt.
Claire:..!!! Wh-What are you doing?!
Ashton:.... Huh?
Claire flitches all of a sudden and shuts her eyes tightly when she sees me, complaining, our faces inches apart from each other. Um, putting on a seatbelt for you ..? I don't really see anything too strange about it.
I freeze for a second before my hand passes her face and grabs the seatbelt, strapping it into place.
*Click*
That wasn't anything wrong, now, was it?
Claire:...? You..
She slowly opens one of her eyes and takes a peek at me, confused.
Ashton: Hm?
I ask her as I'm getting the car started. I glance at her and she swiftly turns her head away.
Claire: Nothing, we... we should get going.
Her voice sounds flustered. What is it? It is then that I notice that her ears are tinted pink. Ah, I see...
Ashton: Don't worry.
Claire: What?
She looks back at me when I say this. I start driving the car out of the parking lot and reply without looking at her.
Ashton: I would never do anything indecent... especially to you.
Claire:.....
I wouldn't, even if I wanted to or how much I... want to. I'm not a vulgar man, am I? I may have a lot of regrets when it comes to her, but to want to fulfill those former desires I had, it would just make me an animal. I don't want ruin it all, I have to respect Claire and Kate.
She doesn't say anything in response and there's absolute silence. She props her head on her hand and idly stares out of the window while I quietly drive.
It's been barely a minute in this situation, but it feels like an eternity. Hahh, I can't take this tense atmosphere, it's suffocating me. Oh, that reminds me.
Ashton: How's your mother doing now?
I've meaning to ask her this ever since I found out about it, but never had the chance to bring it up. She doesn't say anything at first, then heaves a defeated sigh and opens her mouth, still staring outside.
Claire: My mother has always had a weak heart and would often get problems because of it. I had initially found a heart donor for her 7 years ago when her situation had reached its worst.... I don't understand why and how it all happened, but a month before the surgery, she slipped into coma and her condition was no longer stable for the transplant.
Ashton:.....
Claire: And so, I lost the donor. Heh, I... I did so much to fork out all that money and I still couldn't do anything for her.
By "did so much" she's referring to her old "job", isn't she?
Ashton: What about now? How is she?
Claire: She woke up from the coma almost a year ago and got discharged... but it's still a hassle to find a suitable heart for her now. The.. The doctor says that... *sniff* she has a year left at the most wi-without surgery.
Her voice shakes, choking with tears. Claire... I cast her a sideways glance and she turns her head to the extreme right to hide her face from me. However, I catch a glimpse of her reflection on the window.
Tears threaten to fall from her eyes and she bites her bottom lip, gripping her skirt tightly. I feel a sharp pain in my chest, it's so painful that I almost wince. I guess I hit it where it hurts. I shouldn't have asked that.
Wait, if my guess about Claire and Troy's real relationship is true then, could it be that she's still with him because of her mother and that nothing has changed between them? Then, Claire must have lied to me about how she feels about him!
A tiny fragment of hope sparks within me but gets extinguished immediately. What am I hoping for? I shouldn't even think of something like that. I know my situation and hers too, and yet...
Hahh, why are humans such selfish creatures? We are never content with what we possess and always long for more, we don't even cherish what we own. Such greedy beings we are...
*Screech*
I stop at the red light and whip out the small packet of tissue papers that I always keep in my car and hand it to her.
Ashton: Here.
Claire:.... Thanks.
She looks at it blankly for a moment before accepting it. Our fingers brush together when she takes it from my hand and my pulse quickens instantly. Gee, what am I? A kid? I mentally sigh.
Ashton: Sorry.
Claire:... You don't have to apologise, it's.. not your fault.
She replies to my apology while carefully wiping her tears, trying to avoid smudging her makeup; none of us make eye contact while talking. Although she says this, I know the true meaning behind her words.
Somebody pushed her to the curbed when she was at her lowest under my name; how could it not be my fault? It must've been someone I trust a lot otherwise Claire wouldn't have believed them.
The traffic light turns green again and I turn my attention back on driving. We both fall silent again, but this time nobody breaks the silence the whole way...