As we both make our towards the table, I'm overcome by a familiar feeling. Not again... I quickly turn my head around and scan the room.... Nobody suspicious. Am I just being paranoid?
I sigh. Claire is about to take the seat facing the room when I casually block her way with my arm and pull the other chair for her instead. I gently smile, signalling her to take a seat there.
She looks at me for a second in confusion, but then sits down gingerly.
Claire: Thanks.
Ashton: Please, this is what I should do.
I take a seat across hers so that I can keep an eye at the entrance. This way, she wouldn't be showing her face to whoever is stalking me. I don't want her to get into any more trouble because of me.
I had planned to ask and tell her so many things, but no words would come out of my mouth for some reason and as a result, we're overcome with an awkward silence.
Ugh, I don't like this atmosphere. I should do something.... But what? As I'm wracking my brain to think of something to say, Claire starts a conversation.
Claire: So... this place is nice, huh?
Thank God!
Ashton: Uh, yes. Have you been here before?
Claire: Well, not here but the one down the street. I was meeting a retired basketball player for an interview... But that was a few years ago.
Ashton: I see. Was it a short biography or something?
Claire:... No. They want me to scratch out all the gossip I could get from the interview and twist it into a scandal.
She's referring to her higher-ups at Fuchsia Publishings. However, as far as I know, she's always hated this kind of work.
Ashton: He could sue your magazine for defamation for that.
Claire: I know, but it's not like I have a choice. Besides, the job pays a lot.
With her qualifications, she should have been more than eligible to work for the Capital Times (the city's biggest news publisher). That's where she has always wanted to work.
She wanted to follow her father's footsteps and bring truth out to people, so why would she work for such an untruthful magazine?
Ashton: I bet Capital Times would pay even more. And that newspaper doesn't even make it's journalists do shady work like this. Isn't that what you've always wanted?
Claire: I...
She goes speechless and casts her eyes down when I ask her this. What's wrong?
Claire: Beggars aren't choosers, Ashton. And... They've already told me that they won't hire someone like me.
What..?
Ashton: Someone like you? What do you mean?
Claire: They found out about my previous... "job" before the second round of the interview so, they refused to hire someone with a reputation like that.
Ashton:....
Claire, you... I can only imagine how she must have felt.
She spent almost her whole life preparing for something and her hopes we're brutally crushed in the end.
I keep telling myself that if I figure out who caused her this misery, I could find a way to fix things. However, that's a very unrealistic thought.
Deep down I know it too well. It's just a petty excuse to free myself of guilt or to spend time with her.
The wounds I've given her are too deep to be healed. There's not much I can do to ease her pain either.
That even makes me wonder if it was inconsiderate of me to appear in her life again... after everything I've done to her.
Hah... There it is, if I truly love her, I should stay away from her lest I cause her more grievance than I already have.
I've accepted my feelings now, but I can never reveal them to you. I don't want to risk losing this tiny bit of friendship we have left.
I love you, that's why I want you to be happy. I hate seeing you so hurt each time we talk about the past... because of my mistakes.
That's why... I'll bid you a farewell after the school reunion. I'll never approach you again. You'll be happy, right?
Would I be too selfish to ask you not to forget me? Or will it give you heartache just like the sole thought of letting you go gives me?
I've been too self-centered to only think of my feelings all these years, thinking that it was you who was heartless. So heartless that stepping on feelings meant nothing to you.
Now, I know that it wasn't you but me who was too clueless and couldn't protect you from being hurt. So, this is my decision.
I'll let you go... Even if it causes my chest to ache unbearably each time I think of you in the embrace of another man.
I'll endure all the sufferings to atone for my mistakes. Then, will you forgive me...?