"You're here." Russ took Jos in, analyzing his own reactions as he neared her.
Jos gasped as she jerked back in surprise, nearly falling before bumping into his large, hard frame.
His hands instinctively clasped her shoulders to steady her. He closed his eyes and lowered his face closer to her, breathing in her sweet scent.
She swallowed hard as her gaze shot over her shoulder to the hand clasping her there. "I…" She cleared her throat as she stepped away and turned her focus on straightening her clothes. "I… um… Sorry."
A corner of Russ's lips turned up in a smile. "There's nothing to be sorry for." He stepped between her and the door, blocking the escape route her eyes seemed to be currently mapping. "I was afraid you wouldn't come. I'm glad to see you." He took a step closer to her, his scenes taking in every detail he could, from the slight tremble of her hands to her rapid heartbeat. He couldn't help the smile that curved his lips as he continued watching her.
Jos could feel his gaze burn into her. She glanced up at him but instantly regretted it. She quickly moved her gaze away, focusing on the shelf of books, instead. She ran her fingers over the worn covers as she spoke. "I… wasn't sure how you'd feel about me being here… How Jaden would feel about it… After… After…" She risked a glance up at him from vailed lashes.
His warm gaze locked on her as he spoke. "After our last conversation? Understandable."
She could feel her face heat and quickly turned her attention back to the books before responding. "And?"
His attention followed hers to the worn books. He lifted his hand and traced the elegant print of the title on the spine idly as he spoke. The smile faded from his lips. "I spoke to Drake earlier. He told me about the conversation the two of you had… how his attraction to you has lessened since he fell in love with April... since April marked him."
Jos swallowed as his hand trailed dangerously close to hers. "And… and you? Has y…your feelings changed?"
Russ turned his attention back to her, studying her as he thought over everything he was currently feeling at that very moment... testing himself with her. She stared back at him like a deer trapped in the headlights of the vehicle that would surely kill it. He moved his hand over hers and clasped it. "It has in many ways… yet has not in just as many other ways." He studied her stunned gaze as he continued. "I've thought about this for some time... have wondered what it would feel like." He took a step closer to her. "Wondered if I'd still feel the same. If I would have the same response to your very presence."
Jos swallowed hard and tried to pull away from him, but he refused to release his hold on her.
His eyes searched hers, looking for all the answers he longed for. "After tomorrow Jaden and I will be wed. I will be a devoted, loyal husband and father to our children… but you should know what she and I have has done very little to change my feelings toward you. The pull is different, but the feelings are still the same." He tightened his hold on her hand as she tried to pull away again. "No, listen to me just this once. It is very important that I say this."
Jos shook her head. "No! I don't what to hear it..."
Russ gave an exasperated sigh. "Too bad. I have to say this, and you have to hear it. Truly hear me." He bent toward her, holding her gaze steadily. "I still care for you deeply… I figure I always will… and that has nothing to do with the curse."
Jos gasped in stunned disbelief. "How would you…"
"How would I know?" He took a step closer to her. "Because I feel in perfect control right now. I don't feel the beast at all. The carnal attraction is gone… all that is left is the same love I've had for you since I was little." When she tried to interrupt him, he shook his head to stop her. "I'm not saying I want to throw all Jaden and I have worked for away, but I do want you to know how I feel." He reached out and took her other hand, bringing them both against his chest. "A part of me will always love you even with the curse's effects broken."
Jos tried to pull away, but when she couldn't, she turned her head away instead. "I don't want to hear this. I'm here as a friend… as family…"
"Jos…"
She shook her head. "No… Arei and I... we... we're..."
"You forget I've spent the past several months with that big, sulking giant… I know what happened, and I want you to know you no longer have to run from those who love you... from me. I'm not under your spell. What you see reflected here now is genuine."
"You don't mean it, not really..."
He stepped closer bringing his eyes level with hers. "I do."
The sting of tears began to burn her eyes as she squeezed them tightly shut. "How can you say these things to me the day before your wedding?"
"How could I not?" He released one of her hands and used the other to guide her to the window seat of the library. He took a seat before tugging her down beside him. "Do you remember reading to me here? The memories are vague, but I do…"
Jos nodded as a few tears escaped her eyes. "Why…" The word came out strangled.
"Jos, I'm not asking you to run away with me or be with me in any regard. If you want to cut all ties with me after today, I'll understand and not fight you... too hard." he sent her a playful wink, but when she only seemed to grow more frustrated, he blew out a sigh. "I'm simply getting my feelings off my chest so that I can move on without regrets. Move on with the acknowledgment of my real feelings, and your reaction to them. You're important to me. I don't want to lose you in my life… but in order to keep you close, it's important to get this off my chest… don't you think?"
Jos hung her head as she shook it. "I don't see how this can help anything."
He hooked a finger under her chin. "I'm telling you this, so you know your curse has no sway over me anymore, which means my feelings for Jaden are also real… but have not completely replaced you… You'll always be my closest friend, my family, my savior, my first love..."
Jos shook her head harder. "This is fucked up… you have to realize that."
He chuckled. "Maybe… but what part of our relationship hasn't been?" He released her hand and leaned back against the window. "I'll not try to force anything on you physically or emotionally… I just want you to know…" He blew out a heavy sigh as he watched her closely. "I know it's always been a question… a worry for you… You've never been able to accept anyone's feelings for you without first wondering how much of their words… their actions were a direct result of your curse… I wanted you to know my feelings were real. Every kiss, every tender moment, every word I said. The irrational behaviors and possessiveness… that was how the curse corrupted those feelings… but the feelings themselves were authentic."
With a pained grown, Jos moved to stand; but his hand caught her wrist, stopping her.
When she sat back down and relaxed a bit, he released his hold on her. He blew out a frustrated breath. "I guess what I'm trying to say…" He rubbed the back of his neck as he struggled for the right words. "I guess, don't sell yourself short anymore… don't doubt how much you mean to those around you just because of the curse. Yeah, it's a powerful thing… but the emotions it feeds on and manipulates are real… the curse can't affect a person who doesn't already feel some kind of attraction toward you to begin with." He leaned forward and cupped her cheek. "Even if the curse affects someone, that shouldn't be a reason to avoid and run away from them. That just means they like you..." He blew out an ironic laugh. "I never thought I'd be sitting here trying to convince you to give a man that wasn't me another chance…" He shrugged with another chuckle. "But here we are…"
Jos could only stare at him in gape-mouthed, complete, and utter confusion.
He chuckled as he pressed her mouth closed with a finger before clasping her hand once again. "Jos, look at me. I know how you are, how you get. Don't be afraid to love… to be loved… You deserve happiness… Don't let it slip by again just because you're scared."
"I..." Jos choked on her own emotions.
He watched as tears began to run down both sides of her cheeks. It was cute to him how, even at her age, she was holding her breath to fight against the sobs. He couldn't resist the urge to comfort her as he always had. He pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. "I want to see you happy." He held her out at arm's length and searched her eyes. "Understand what I'm trying to say?"
Jos nodded wordlessly as she continued fighting against the sobs.
He smiled down at her. "Good. I want us to grow old together and be able to look back on this day and all the others in amused fondness." He pulled her into an even tighter hug and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, Jos." He whispered against her hair.
A gasp and the sound of something clattering to the floor pulled his focus away from their conversation. He looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of Jaden's back as she ran from the library. He released Jos with a heavy sigh. "Ah man… She 100% misunderstood that didn't she?"
Jos nodded as she wiped at her eyes and tried to right her clothes. She tried her best to force a laugh between the sobs, but it sounded weak and strained still.
He ran his hands over his slacks. "Damn…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Jos. "Here take this… I couldn't figure out what these bitches were for… guess now I know…" His eyes moved to the door. "I guess I need to go deal with that now… huh?"
Jos nodded again as she dabbed at her tear-streaked face. Her wide eyes took in the unique embroidery of the handkerchief. She recognized it... but now was not the time... besides, surely he knew it had belonged to his father.
He frowned as he watched her stare down into the tear-streaked handkerchief. She seemed so lost in thought he hated to leave her alone like this. He clasped a hand over her shoulder. "Will you be alright?"
Jos nodded. "Yeah, go after your bride-to-be." She forced a reassuring smile as his hand slid slowly away from her shoulder.
He pushed himself up from the window seat not taking his eyes off her. He hesitated again before turning back to her. "Alright..." He glanced nervously toward the door and then back to her. "You'll still be here, right? You'll stay?"
Jos nodded. "Of course."
"Alright… I'll talk to you a little later, then?"
She giggled lightly. "Yes, now go!"
He hesitated a few more seconds before finally forcing his feet to follow after Jaden. He turned back at the door. "Wish me luck."
"Good luck." She muttered with a forced smile. Once he was gone from the room, she dropped her head into her hands and sobbed loudly.
"I take it, it didn't go well?" Arei asked as he stepped out from one of the rows of shelves.
"I shouldn't have come…" She whispered between sobs, not at all surprised that he was there. He'd probably been in the room the whole time. Instead of invoking anger, however, the thought gave her comfort somehow.
Arei sat down beside her. "Surely you don't mean that. I heard what he said… It has to make you feel a bit better, doesn't it?"
"I don't know… I don't know how I feel about any of this. It's too much, right now." She muttered as she buried her face in her hands.
Arei gently moved her hands away from her face and held them in his. "Answer me this and I'll leave it be until you're ready to talk more about it… If you knew what you know now… between what you learned from talking with Drake and what Russ just admitted to you… would you have done anything differently? Would you have worked harder to stay with Russ?"
Jos didn't need to think about it long. She shook her head. "No… I knew from the very beginning anything we had together would never last. He would slowly age, while I stayed the same… He… he would always be Cam's son to me… I would have never been able to move past the guilt that caused me."
Arei nodded. "Good to know… I'll not say anything else about it then." He scooted closer and pulled her against him. He stroked her back soothingly. "Shelly's been waiting to see you…" He nodded toward the shelves he'd just stepped out from. "Would you'd like to see her right now?"
Jos's gaze moved to the shelves and, sure enough, a familiar blonde head was peeking just past the frame. Jos's sour mood shifted instantly as a warm smile spread across her lips. "Shell!" She shot up from the seat as Shelly made her way as fast as a woman in her 32nd week of pregnancy with twins could move.
They hugged awkwardly around Shelly's large, swollen belly before Shelly finally gave up and busted out into laughter. "I feel like a pimp about to pop!"
"You look radiant! How are you feeling?" Jos asked as she scanned Shelly for any signs of illness, but only saw bright rosy cheeks and slightly swollen feet.
"Wonderful!" Her eyes moved from Jos to the door then back. "But… looks like I'm alone in that..."
Jos frowned. "Well, you know if I'm around then trouble is also sure to make an appearance."