Lila felt so happy, so very happy.
But, isn't this wrong? She has Kiryu.
She recalled Kiryus words.
'It's up to you Lila.'
She felt Haruka's hands lace against hers, oh...."Dates like this, I can do. Just ask..." Haruka murmured softly.
"Yes, okay..."
"And... what you said about getting to know me..."
"Does that mean you will let me ask more questions?" Lila exclaimed happily.
He paused seeing her sudden excitement, and Lila stopped. She doesn't want to seem overly enthusiastic. But, she wants to learn more about him.
After a few minutes, Haruka spoke up, "I don't mind, but let me ask about you."
About her, but that would mean revealing her identity.
"You, have something you've been hiding from me. After the auditions, will you tell me?"
Oh, so it's time for the game to end — no more pretending. But then again. Lila spoke with Takeshi regarding this recently, 'There's no use pretending anymore, even more so since I came here. At least in front of him, anyway. Even with me around, people won't suspect who you really are.'
Lila pulled away but laced their hands together, "What?"
"Haruka already knows. But you kept it a secret, thank you."
She really is grateful. She wouldn't have been able to get close to Haruka otherwise.
".. For my benefit too."
Lila laughed softly, "I see."
"What is this?" he asked, pointing to their hands she laced together.
"I'm holding your hand," she said.
Haruka questioned her, "..Why?"
"I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. And, I realize how unfair and misleading I probably was to people I care about." Lila muttered how selfish she was, but she could tell that Haruka didn't notice. She supposed it was for the best; she doesn't want to start a debate with him. Despite her being in-direct, she knew he understood.
"I don't think you were. If anything, you probably ought to work on your definition of misleading."
Her gaze softened, "That's true."
He really is a kind person while his method was somewhat forceful.
"H—hey,"
"Your hand... It's very comfortable..".
She doesn't dislike it whenever he touched her. It's not unpleasant being held by him. She wonders why that is. Why is he different? And yet, whenever they have slept with each other. She always felt something heavy weighing down in her heart. Discomfort and unease. She felt uncomfortable whenever he kisses her. It's wrong; it's all wrong. It shouldn't be like this.
"..Can I kiss you?" Haruka asked.
Her thoughts break off at his sudden request.
Thump.
"Let me kiss you," he repeated.
Lila shook her head as she hid her face with her hands. She can't. Lila understands her behaviour is strange. She's afraid of him, whenever he tried to touch her. So why does her heart beat like this? This act is a sin. She can't let this go on any further. Her thoughts broke off when Haruka removed her hands.
"I really do.. love you."
!!
"Hey, tell me..how do I get you to love me? I already can't imagine a life without you."
Don't.
Don't talk to her with such a gentle tone, such a kind expression. Haruka is the one that raped her. It's true she doesn't hate him, but things are no longer the same. Whenever he so much touches her a little, she trembled.
"Haruka, first tell me this. What's our relationship?" she asked.
Haruka seemed dumbfounded by her question but replied. "Huh? Well friends, I guess?"
"Friends don't kiss... each other and um have sex."
Haruka paused, and she watched his reaction. Is he serious? Is he actually thinking about it? Gah, this guy is impossible!
"You know I had something to say in response to that, but you'll probably get mad at me.."
Probably is an understatement. Lila sighed deeply.
"Haruka, this is difficult for me. I've had other people confess to me before. But none of those guys slept with another woman while at the same time claiming to love me.."
"The sleeping with others thing bothers you?" he asked.
Lila nodded.
"Then, I'll do less of it."
Less of it, means he will continue? Argh geez, he's helpless. Haruka's hand brushed against her cheeks, and she felt her heartbeat sped up. "So. I wonder what else to do. I want you to hurry up and be mine.."
Lila buried her face in his arms, "What…"
"Really, I don't understand. I'm very happy being with you like this Haruka. But I want us to take things more slowly."
"You mean no sex?"
"Yes."
Sensing his silence, she looked up and saw him frown. Geez, "I don't want sex. You can continue what you were doing before. But even this has limits." Lila needed to lay down some ground rules here. Lila isn't sure whether he would listen though and knowing his temper, he may get angry at her. But this is something she has to do.
"What sort of limits?" Haruka asked.
Oh, her gaze softened. So he can listen.
...…..
Haruka didn't like most of the rules, but he reluctantly agreed. Knowing him though, he will find a way to break them casually. But finally having this talk is an excellent first step. "Well, you should get ready soon. The last contestant is almost finished."
"Yes…"
Haruka tugged on her hands, "Can we hold hands like this until we get there?"
"Okay."
After walking for a while, Haruka spoke up, "You're fine holding hands?"
"I don't mind it…"
After all, anybody can hold hands with each other; they don't have to be a couple. But Lila supposed if people their age are seen holding hands, people will misunderstand. Should she tell him no?
"These rules and restrictions aside. I don't want you to leave me or run away."
"Haruka?" she sensed that there was something wrong since his hold on her hands tightened. Haruka suddenly stopped and buried his face in her chest, "Ha—Haruka?" she said, startled at his sudden action.
"Don't ever leave my side. Stay by my side."
He's trembling.
…. As of late, those words of his keep repeating in her head. So hearing him say it again, "Haruka, I'll never leave you."
"Do you promise? How do I know that for sure?"
"I won't leave you Haruka.."
.
.
She didn't even have the chance to be embarrassed about getting caught like that with Haruka. When she heard from Mikami-kun who was here, she left Haruka. However, not before he gently kissed her lips and murmured to meet him after the tournament is over.
Lila immediately rushed off to find her, and it didn't take her long before she did so. Lila immediately pulled the girl into a hug, and Ritsuko smiled, "It's good to see you again, Lila-sama."
"Ritsuko.," Lila said. It really is her.
"I know you have questions why I'm here when Takahashi-sama is here too. But, things are getting dire." Ritsuko informed her.
Lila pulled back slightly and frowned.
"This probably isn't the best thing for you to hear at a time like this. But I believe it is only right you know." Ritsuko paused.
"Ritsuko?" Lila said, noting that there was something wrong. She felt her palms go sweaty as she examined her friend's behavior. What happened.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what words can save you."