1:30 am, beach harbour.
A barbeque party past midnight on the beach? Well, why not? It appeared as though everyone else was awake too. Lila watched the scene with gentle eyes, it's been a while since she last attended a gathering like this. Since she came here, she has been too preoccupied with a lot, no mainly with Haruka.
It's nice, being with everyone like this. Her heart feels at ease. Lila wanted to help with the barbeque, but senpai, Takeshi and Ritsuko told her to stay put. Sure she hasn't been in the best of condition lately, but still. It's their fault she's in this complicated situation with Karashima Haruka kissing her so passionately again.
"Heh."
Seeing his sly smirk, Lila hit him but it was difficult. So unfair he's being unfair...
How many times has he done this with her since then? She's already long lost count.
Lila drew back slightly, "Wait.."
"What?"
"S—seriously, um time out...." she stammered. Her face flushed. This is terrible.
Lila knew even with the darkness of the night, her red stained cheeks were clear as day. Haruka's kisses, ever since that time have slowly gotten more passionate. She already couldn't handle the kisses he gave her that day and now he's making it worse. This is terrible for her.
Haruka lightly kissed her lips and pulled back.
"Can I smoke?"
"Ah, yes.."
Haruka nodded and pulled out his lighter and cigarettes.
His calm demeanour after that bothered her. It's so easy for him, to kiss her at any random place or time.
Lila watched him curiously, she really can't keep her eyes off him. How come she's feeling this way towards him? She sang that don't for Kiryu with deep feelings and emotions, for sure she's still in love with Kiryu and yet.. the image of them hand in hand fades. Its replaced with Haruka's lonely expression. 'Stay by my side.' She really doesn't understand. She could clear her thoughts regarding her singing. But, this matter still seems to be unsettled.
Her thoughts broke off when Haruka removed his jacket. That action, however, made her nervous as she recalled what they were just doing moments ago.
"U—um?"
"Stay still."
Lila does so, and she found that Haruka had wrapped his jacket around her. Oh.
"As much as I'd love to see you in such a state, it would easily become a bad situation for you."
He's really an idiot, does this guy only think about doing it? And yet, she could tell. Haruka really loves her. For the first time, despite being uneasy about it. He asked about Kiryu and he listened to the end too. To her selfish words. Haruka is a kind person and she can see now why Kiryu told her to lead him to a path of light. This mission regarding Haruka, perhaps if it wasn't for Kiryu telling her to guide him, she wouldn't have accepted it.
Her thoughts broke off when Haruka brushed his forehead against hers, "You really appear unwell..."
"I was thinking Haruka, do you..want to stay in my apartment instead? It's in a better location and there' are a lot of music shops around."
While they assigned her that room in the dorm, she also has her separate accommodation here. One that isn't Kiryu's place either. "Are you kidding me? If we're left alone in such a place, what do you think will happen to you?"
It takes Lila a few minutes to process what he meant.
"D-don't you already..."
"Well, it's different from my apartment."
Lila doesn't ask for details and looked down. Her hearts beating a lot, she can't have a proper conversation with him. At this stage, she would be a fool to deny what's really there, and yet the feelings for Kiryu haven't gone away. Does she like them both? Perhaps. But it's not like that either. She has to choose which feelings are stronger, for both their sakes her own. The person she loves the most.
"About what you said earlier.."
"Ah yes?"
"I can wait you know? I can wait as long as you want. I don't mind. I'm not the type to fall in love with others easily, anyway." Haruka said.
He's so kind, it's not fair.
Lila shook her head, "No, you deserve a proper answer Haruka."
"After this trip.."
"Ah-huh, I'll go see him."
A relationship is two people. Her thoughts broke off when Haruka pulled her into his arms, "Haruka...um.."
"Want to hold you for a while. Is it okay?"
Her gaze softened, "Yes."
.
.
"S—sorry, you had to see something like that.." she stammered. Although she left alongside Kotori, Lila could still feel Haruka's gaze on her from the balcony. Why is he still watching her? Doesn't he know how embarrassing it is?
Kotori shook her head, and commented, "I think it's lovely, you have so many people who care and love you."
"Kotori-chan?"
"Your sister is a kind person."
"Sis--"
"Ah, don't worry! I already spoke to her... Actually, I noticed a long time ago...when you first came to the school. You... were practising out in the field a lot right? I often go there because of the church on the school grounds."
Those times? Ah. That's when she couldn't hold it back anymore and just sang her old songs. She thought because the place was quiet and deserted, nobody would go there. What a careless mistake.
"Even before then though, I thought you were her. Terashima Lila."
Lila looked at her friend puzzled and Kotori laughed softly.
"I'm your fan."
Ah?
"Ari-chan, no Lila-chan. I'd always wanted to be friends with you. I debuted as an idol one year after you, but I wasn't able to produce any good results. My lack of confidence prevented me from developing my skills. My company almost gave up on me. But for the past few months that changed."
"Is that because?."
Kotori nodded and smiled brightly, "Yes, because of your stage. I was there in the audience that day. And in my whole life, I've never seen such a beautiful stage before."
Lila clenched her fist, "But right now I.." Her sentence falls short when Kotori flicked her forehead.
"Something has changed. But that change isn't a bad thing. When you first came here and performed, I was certain it was you. Your stages still have the same vibe as before even if the message you want to convey has changed. The idol Terashima Lila is someone I admire very much, but it was Kiku Ari who leads me to decide to join the audition. And it's Kiku Ari, who I became good friends with. Both those sides are you."
... This entire time she has been worrying about it.
She's changed.
She can't sing as she did before.
Her feelings. Since she isn't singing for Kiryu, singing for the one she loves, her singing has become shallow. But it wasn't like that at all. She was mistaken, even now...
Lila dropped the sparkler and hugged the girl. Kotori chuckled and patted her back, "It's okay, you don't have to carry on the burdens all by yourself. Whether it's the past or present you, I like both sides. You have friends here who think the same too. We can't match what you had with your old friends but we want you to feel comfortable in this place too. That's why, from now on Lila-chan. Rely on me, no, the others too okay?"
"Yes, I will."