BANG BANG BANG!
Fang awoke to a massive ruckus. Leaping out of bed, he quickly put on a robe. Whatever this was, it could not be good. Frowning, he exited the house.
Flame erupted in the sky as orange-brown explosions filled the night sky. Fang frowned again.
He snapped his fingers and rose into the air. Suzume, weary and miserable at being awoken, flew beside him.
"What idiot is making a racket at this hour in the very morning?" it screeched.
Toru, Hebi, and Gendu all exited their abodes in a tired and weary state. Shaking themselves awake, they looked around for the source of the din.
"Hey! What is this?" Toru called.
"Come out and face us if you have the spine!" Hebi snarled.
Gendu stayed silent, but his furiously burning eyes did the talking for him.
"Come out now or else we'll roast you alive!" Suzume screeched.
Fang simply smiled thinly. Whoever this was... would definitely get a beating. They dared to disturb his sleep and now... now was the time for their demise.
Flying, crawling, and romping around, the animals and Fang began to search for the source of the din.
BANG BANG BANG!
CRASH BANG CRASH!
BANG CRASH BANG!
BOOM CRASH BANG!
Growing irritated and incensed at this taunting, the animals and Fang smoldered with anger. Increasing their speed, they ran about trying to locate the source of the noise.
Fang zoomed through the mountain, his eyes smoldering and his fist clenched, trying to locate the disconcerting and ever annoying source of the chaos.
Flying into an open clearing, he roared in anger. If they dared to disturb his sleep, he would utterly destroy them and the next seven generations of their family!
His eyes red, he began to search in earnest.
Flying around at a somewhat hindered pace (due to his sleepiness) he scoured the forest looking for this vermin that dared to cross him.
BANG BANG BANG!
There was a noise coming from beside him. Fang halted abruptly. Turning to the side, he walked through the bushes to catch the perpetrator.
"WHO DARES---" Fang began but was shocked silent.
A small chicken was strutting around the clearing, cawing at the top of it's voice. It was a horrid shade of orange and brown, as if it were a rusting statue that no one cared to clean. Every time it moved, there was a grating sound as if one's nails were grating against metal. The screeching din was produced by the chicken rattling it's feathers and yelling out at the top of it's voice.
"GUYS LOOK AT ME!"
"I'M THE VERMILLION PHOENIX!"
At this point, the chicken thrust it's rear end into the air and began to shake it.
"GUYS LOOK AT ME! I'M THE AZURE DRAGON!"
With this, it began to act imperial and mighty.
The four animals slowly appeared behind Fang, their killing intent surging with every word. Their eyes smoldered like coals on a furnace and revenge took hold of their hearts.
Who was this pathetic chicken who cared mock them this way? Who dared to mock LEGENDARY existences? Who dared to mock true gods? Who dared to pretend as if it were as great as those it had emulated unflatteringly?
Toru began to step forward, but was stopped by Fang.
Shaking his head, Fang frowned. The chicken turned around at found the five looking at him.
Cackling with mad laughter, it clucked and hooted. It screeched and shouted with hilarious antics.
"LOOK WHO IT IS GUYS!" it shouted.
"IT'S THE TURTLE DUDE! IT'S THE LORD ANCESTOR OF MY SPECIES! THE ANCESTOR OF THE DAO WE PRACTICE! HAHAHA PATHETIC!" it screeched.
The animal's eyes flashed and they growled menacingly. Fang sighed.
"We, out of magnanimity, will give you ONE chance to explain yourself!" he thundered.
The chicken turned its head. Throwing its head backward, it began to cackle and laugh uproariously.
"HAHAHA! YOU CAN'T SCARE ME! I'M THE COPPER PHOENIX! AND WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? SOME LOWLY FARMER? HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME, YOU PEASANT TRASH? YOUR PLANTS AREN'T EVEN EQUAL TO THE VALUE OF ONE OF MY FEATHERS!" it screeched.
The animals frowned and then snickered.
"I heard... the copper phoenix was conceived when an actual, lowly half-blood phoenix was drunk and bedded an ordinary chicken," Suzume snickered.
"Really? I thought that it was born from the pot that they threw castrated organs into!" Toru laughed.
"I had no idea! I always believed that it was conceived before marriage as an illegitimate child..." Hebi began.
"Really?" Suzume asked.
"Of course! It's the illegitimate child of a stone and a chicken!" Hebi cried, snickering.
"Oh? That's hilarious!" Suzume replied, snickering.
"But of course it's true. With the looks that chicken seemed to have, no wonder it went for something that couldn't resist its advances - an inanimate stone! It literally couldn't move!" Hebi replied, laughing uproariously.
The animals laughed as loud as they could, with Fang chuckling behind them. Really these animals were simply too savage, although he felt it was well deserved.
The chicken, hearing their taunts, turned beet-red.
"Why Suzume, it's almost as red as you are," Toru began.
Suzume laughed.
"Of course it's not mine! Who would want such a mentally - deficient child?" Suzume replied, shooting a provocative and crafty glance at the chicken.
The chicken had enough. Screeching it rushed towards the animals, eager for a fight.
Flame, metal, ice, and wood flew out, skewering the chicken in all directions. It was in immense pain and groaning terribly.
"Hmmm.... look's like we've got some nice dinner. Some nice kebab...," Toru spoke, snickering.
The chicken cried in agony and humiliation. How dare they hurt someone as powerful and great as him! He would show them! They were just lowly beasts after all! They could not compare to this phoenix deity!