Some people seek the help of their Gods and Goddesses by praying to them, hoping that their prayers will be answered. Praying is for the weak, for the broken, and for the beaten; however, I find myself on my knees on this cold rainy night praying to anyone that will listen, anyone that will help me in my time of need. I have been sitting in the middle of the forest behind my house for a couple of hours just praying, but I have heard nothing in return, I feel no different than I did when I crawled my way out here. Escaping the fear, the pain, and the man that claims me as his own.
"Please, I beg you, if anyone is listening, please hear my cry. Help me."
I hoped that things would never come to this and yet it has. It has washed over me like a dark lingering cloud that refuses to move on, the endless rain and thunder and lightning in my life refuses to move on. I honestly don't know why I continue to pray to someone who doesn't exist, someone who doesn't care about the people who pray to them. They linger for the power of prayers and worship but stand by and watch as the weak become weaker and the strong and powerful prey on the weak becoming stronger as they feed.
"PLEASE!" I scream to the sky "Just take me." Finally I get off my knees and make the long stride home, if that is what you call it.
Coming up to the back door, I hesitate, I can't help it I don't know who he will be. The fear begins to wash over me and my body begins to shake. I think to run away from here but where would I go? How would I survive? I push the door open to find Connor sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee mixed with whiskey no doubt and reading a book.
"Where have you been?" He asks sternly. I can tell he is becoming angry just by the way he is staring at me.
"Went for a walk in the forest to clear my head." I say as sweetly as humanly possible.
He stands fast, making his chair fall back onto the floor. I flinch imaging what he is about to do to me, I know he has been contemplating on how he would like to punish me. I make a rash a decision and try to make a run back out the back door, but he was too fast for me to even make it to the door, "Going somewhere?" He asks coldly, with a wicked smile on his face.
"Please, I beg you don't do this." I beg.
He snatches me by my hair and throws me across the kitchen as if I weighed nothing to him, smashing into the knickknack shelf, I could feel the cold glass sliding and slicing all over my body. He comes at me again before I can muster up any strength to move. He lifts me up by my hair forcing me stand on my feet and then makes a strike at my face but he doesn't let go of me to let me fall, instead he lifts me into his arms and makes him way to bedroom. Throwing me onto the bed, he grabbed the collar of my dress popping all of the buttons off the front exposing my beaten and bruised body. I can hear him mumbling venomous words but I have learned to block them out. I no longer fight him because if I do he hurts me more and takes longer to be finished with me. After he is done he tosses me off the bed calling me a whore and demands I shower because he can't stand the way I look.
I stand in front of the mirror observing the damage done, my left side had a broken porcelain plate lodge into it, and my face is beginning to convert to the shade of dark purple thanks to his strike to my face. Small cuts fall up and down my arms, my long blond hair is a messy ponytail, I look at myself in disgust, how could I have let this happen?
I wish things were like they were before. "Please, if someone can hear me, please help me." I pray quietly.
Things weren't always like this, I met Connor when I was visiting my parents for the summer a couple years ago. He was the kindest and gentlest man I had ever met, I can't tell you when he started to become like this, maybe it was when I had my first miscarriage a year after we were together or maybe it was when I caught him being unfaithful right after that and threatened to leave him. Maybe that flipped his switch, I honestly couldn't tell you.
Connor wakes me when he begins to get ready for work to make him breakfast before he leaves. I slowly get up because the pain of last night still lingers upon my body and I have yet to take the glass out of my side because I know I will need some of Connors pliers to do it. This has been going on for at least two years, so that has given me time to freshen up open my medical skills; moreover, I try to keep that hidden from Connor because if he knew he would do his worst to me knowing that I could just fix myself after. Connor make his way toward me, he places his hand on my face, I couldn't help but flinch way. He give a deep sigh and leans down kisses me on my cheek.
"I love you sweetie." I can't muster up the words that are no longer true, so I just nod my head and watch as he heads out the door. Before he makes it to the door he turns around "Oh and sweetie make sure to look extra good tonight for dinner, after all it is a special night." He says with a venomous grin on his face. I immediately run up to the bedroom and find my medical kit that it hide in a hidden compartment in the closet. The pain is becoming unbearable however I do keep pain medicine that the doctors had given me when I sprained my ankle when Connor has pushed me down the stairs last year. Finding the pliers that I needed from the garage, I place everything out in the guest bathroom, sanitizing the pliers and poring peroxide on my open wound, biting hard on the wash cloth that I use normally when I have to fix myself up. The piece is lodged just below my rib cage so pulling it out I have to be careful not to cause any more damage to my body. Bracing myself, I grab a hold of the plate with the pliers and begin to pry it out, it's unfortunate that I have no idea how big this shard of glass is, so I have to take it slow, which to my disadvantage causes me more pain that just ripping it out. Finally pulling it completely out I quickly rap it and take some of the pain medicine to help. I continue down the stairs to do some cleaning and preparing to make dinner, looking at the clock I hadn't realized how fast time has went because it was already 3 in the afternoon.
The sound of the door is what snaps me out of my deep trance, I don't have to guess who it is, I already know. His footsteps are loud and predictable but when he came through the kitchen door I did not expect him to be holding a half dozen roses, these roses were white plashed with red, as if someone had just committed murder and they happened to get the excess blood on them, knowing Connor I can only imagine that that is what might have happened.
"Hello Camilla. Why is dinner not ready?" He asked strictly
"I am sorry, you are home a little early. I will make sure it is done as soon as possible."
"This is unacceptable; however, like I said this morning tonight is a special night." He place the flowers in a vase and placed them onto the middle of the dinner table. I finish making dinner as fast as I possibly can, hopefully his patients has not run out, seeing that he is in a good mood. I place everything out onto the table and begin to make his plate. I always have to make his first before I can make mine and I am not allowed to eat unless I am given permission to do so.
"Connor can you please clarify why it is a special night? I love the roses darling, thank you." I say
"Oh sweetie, those roses are not for you, they are for our daughter." He states. I freeze and drop my silver wear onto my plate.
"Our daughter?" I ask
"Yes, today is her birthday or do you not remember?"
I cannot believe that he has stooped to an all new low, but he knows that the memory of my miscarriage still tears me apart and he always looks for new ways to do that. I can't help but begin to weep for my dead child, for I have tried to block out the traitorous memory I can still feel the pain that I felt when I lost her, the lifeless body that came from my womb, I had to bury her in a shoe box in the woods after I cleaned up all the blood from the bathroom floor. I place my hand on my stomach and stare at Connor with the most vicious look. I have had enough. I feel a fire begin to light within me, all I could feel was power and anger. I stand and slam my hands on the table with a war cry, unable to realize what I had done until it was done. Conner flew back from his chair laying on the floor along with all of the plates, pans and the food that had been resting upon them. In shock still unsure of what had just happened I move quickly to head toward the front door. Connor quickly recuperates and grabs my leg pulling me down to the ground making me cringe in pain from my previous injuries. I kick him off, still trying to make it to the door. Connor snags the knife off the floor and makes a vicious stride towards me, I know that this is my end I won't be able to fend him off I am not stronger than him. My only chance was to make it to the door and run, I struggle to stand but push myself to do it. I gun for the door, Connor cuts me off slamming his hand against the door, capturing me as the knife still tight in his grip.
"You think you can just leave? You think you can just leave me? No! You want to leave? Well here, I know we are not married but til death do us part baby." All I can do is scream closing my eyes throwing my hands trying to defend myself in some way just waiting for the knife to fulfill its purpose, instead I felt a warmth in my hands causing the same force to erupt from them, Connor is thrown onto the floor I hear him cry out in pain, opening my eyes staring down at Connor as he struggles to breathe as the knife that was once in his hand lies in the base of his neck.
Why couldn't things have been like they were in the beginning?
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Hello My Beautiful Souls!
First I just want to thank you guys for reading! Before I move on, I want to hear from you guys, do you want me to continue?
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