As Van tried his best to drive to the hospital fast, my heart was beating at a tremendous rate. I couldn't bear to imagine my father lying in a hospital bed with all those beeping machines surrounding him. Those needle that the doctors injected him that he hates the most. Since my childhood he always asked me for one of his wish to be fulfilled, that is he should be never operated on and kept on a hospital even if it has to do with his death. Though he was being quite unreasonable, I can understand him, hospitals scare me too. As if all of a sudden you are pitied so much, and you're helpless beyond your capacity. You can hear everyone, but you are not able to speak up, those words that remain stuck in your throat. When you see your loved ones crying in front of you, you can do nothing but just helplessly watch them and eternally hurt yourself. As if a word would have sufficed that situation but that barely comes out of one's mouth. And I'm a such a useless daughter, I couldn't even keep a wish of my father. Throughout the car ride Van didn't speak to me, but checked out if I was right. He knows that I wasn't in the need of any condolences now, what I was in need for was just my father's wellness. As we reached the hospital, I ran off to the reception to ask for my father's information. As soon as I went to the reception, I saw my uncle with my whole family, seated and exasperated out of worrying and crying. They all were in the need of hope and reliability, which for now nobody could provide them. My father always taught me that gender indifference is nonsense as long as human beings are able to hold up themselves and people around them during difficult times, they're strong no matter what their gender is. He always told me not to be carried away by the bluff of emotions and that is what I need to do today, hold strong and stay beside my family. I waved at Van before I joined my family to know about my father.Now was not the right time for him to be introduced to my family, I guess he understood this and went away. I really need to thank him well. My uncle stood up seeing me and I asked him what happened to Dad,
" Your father was intoxicated and hit himself on the glass vase and got his head severely injured. His OCD has severely revamped as the doctor said, and he might have to go through some critical medical procedures."
I went still. I knew my father was suffering from OCD a few years back and at that instant he acted so different that I started hating him. But he wasn't the one to be blamed. He went all crazy and would stay drunk and hurt himself over and over. The doctors as well had given up hope at that time. But we did not, more like we couldn't. How was it possible to see your own father lead himself to death? We tried our best by providing him mental healthcare and when things got extreme the doctors advised him to be sent to asylum. That was one of the hardest day for me. I still remember how I saw my father call me up early morning for telling me goodbye before going away for one year in the asylum where he will not even be able to contact us. You know since childhood people have illusioned asylum as such places where people equivalent to animals go. Mental health is like a stereotype to our society, if you have it you are not a normal person anymore. There is so much more to mental health than people think it is. We need to prioritize it more before the whole world sinks in it. They say it right when they say you don't feel it until it hits you. And in my case it hit me hard straight up in my face. I know the feeling right, how seeing your loved ones not in their right mind doing insane stuff, how pulling them away to places they say as people's zoo feels like. I literally cried my nights through waiting for my father to come back, and see him in the best of his stage. And when he did come back, he was perfectly fine. For the first time in forever, I felt the relief sink in through my body, I thought now that he is healthy things could work out better, but Alas! I was wrong. Today he lies in the bed of critical care unit and I here stand useless.
"How is he now?", I asked my uncle.
"As of now he's fine, but he needs to be under medical supervision for a few days"
"Can I go to meet him?", I asked my uncle. My heart was literally painful to hold on to at this moment.
"You can go, but make sure that you don't talk to him. You cannot excite him or his condition will worsen", said my uncle.
I nodded my head and quickly went to the chamber.
As I entered the chamber, I saw him lying in the bed, his body lifeless and only the machines around him beeping to confirm that he is alive. My eyes teared up. This is the scenario that I fear the most, the beeping of the machines that make me anxious, the hospital environment, odour everything makes me feel sick to my guts. As I saw him lying on the bed, I could feel nothing but hopeless. I could not bear my inability to do anything. Though he is sleeping, I wish he could hear my thoughts. Hear my thoughts and understand that I was suffering internally and that seeing him who hates hospitals lying in a hospital bed makes me useless. Sorry Dad, sorry for being the hopeless daughter who is too absorbed in herself, too busy in seeking love, a love which doesn't make sense and too busy in her stupidity. I'm sorry for not being the one taking care of you. I'm sorry for not being your eligible daughter. The thought of my inability, irresponsibility and weakness made me cry. But henceforth no matter what, I will not let myself be carried by the whirlpool of my emotions. I'll hold myself strong and maybe might as well try to forget Robin. The thought of it makes my heart stop beating but there is no way. Resistance is what I need to build up. Suddenly a nurse entered and told me that the visiting hours were over. So I wiped my eyes and looked at Dad and went away.
As I walked into the hallway, I saw Veronica sitting in the visitors area. I walked to her, even before I could ask her anything, she panicked, "How's uncle? Sorry that I was not able to make it within the visiting hours. Van told me that he dropped you off here."
"It's okay,calm down, he's okay now", I reassured her.
She was just as close as my family. Even in my hard times she showed up. Her worrying somehow made me feel better, as if I had someone to rely on.
"Thank You, Veronica, you coming here means so much" , I said as I almost teared up.
Veronica hugged me, and I felt that I missed her a lot today, "Here we again, my silly girl is crying again. Stop now or I'll walk away"
I giggled and wiped my tears as a thought suddenly hit my mind, "Why were absent in school?"
"Oh, about that I went for a family event. Sorry that I forgot to tell you about that, you know it came up so fast I barely got to prepare."
I just nodded.
"You know I've made up my mind. I will get over this Robin thing", I blurted out to her.
Her eyes widened at me like I had offended her.
"Really, the head over heels Alleisa Franklin is saying this, you must be kidding me right?"
"No, I'm not"
"Well, I've no say when you've made up your mind. But do think about it. I know how much you can cling to your decision. I'll be happy with whatever you're happy with. Anyways let's get going", she said and walked towards the exit door.
It was time for me too to go home and freshen up. I'll return back again in the evening. And so I headed for home.
After a nice cold shower, when I was just about to go for meal, my phone buzzed. I checked it to see texts from Van. I do remember giving him my number, but is there any reason for him to text me? But I do need to thank him for giving me a ride. He texted me saying:
"Hey Alleisa, sorry to bother you but how's is your Dad?"
"I mean he's fine,right? Are you fine?"
"I guess I'm being annoying so sorry"
His texts made me smile. He's such a clumsy and worried boy. So I texted him back:
"Yeah he's fine and I'm fine too"
"By the way, thanks a lot for today. You literally saved my life today"
"I really want to thank you genuinely. How about giving treating you with a meal sometime later? I guess it would be fun with Veronica"
He replied:
"It's my pleasure. I'm happy to hear that everything is fine."
"Nevermind, but yeah a treat would be fun. Let's do it after your Dad is discharged."
I beamed and texted him back:
"Okay, sounds good"
"Talk to you later, take care"
I kept my phone away as I went downstairs for lunch. Today I feel especially thankful to Van. It's not just because of him giving me a ride, but the aftercare too. He's such a nice guy. Wait, hold up, I'm again getting carried away by emotions or hormones or whatever. But Van really proved to be an angel in disguise, I guess.
Later in the noon, after finishing my schoolwork, I dressed up again to go to the hospital. This time my grandmother handed me some porridge to take to my father. Just as I was headed to the door, my phone ringed up. I checked my phone to see Veronica calling so I picked up the phone,
"Yes, Veronica, is anything up with you?"
"Alleisa you'll be in disbelief of what I just saw"
"What did you see?"
"Robin...Robin.."
"Robin what?", I panicked as I anticipated the worst.
"Robin..." was the last word I heard before my phone went off.
God, what might have happened to him?
Maybe I shouldn't know, or maybe I should.