I was pissed off. This was the moment when my phone had to run out of charge. I'm damn lucky. Veronica stuttering the word Robin over and over again is not an usual thing. He might have hurt himself again, or maybe something even worse. God knows what has happened to him. There was no way I could help him, I don't even know where he is. Just as I was sinking into my thoughts, my mom called me out and said it was time to head to the hospital. So I went outside to get inside the car. But the thoughts of Robin being severely injured kept running through my mind. Just when I thought it was time for me to stop hurting myself, I'm leading myself to hurt more. Maybe there is nothing I can do, just sit here with my inability. I can help no one, no one at all. I feel so useless. We reached the hospital with me being still absorbed with my thoughts. But I cannot stay this distracted, as of now my father was more important than anything else. I took the porridge to his room along with my mom. He was awake this time, that relieved me somehow. Though he wouldn't like to be pitied, there was nothing that could hold back my tears. I knew I was over-sensitive over things. I could cry over literally anything and everything. I could see it in his look he felt sorry, but he should not feel sorry or blame himself. He then patted my head and asked if I was fine. Though I muttered out that I'm fine, is that really the case? My oversensitivity had led me to suffer so much. My habit of overthinking about trivial things have made me seem absurd to some people. But I really can't help it, there is no way I can get rid of this. Sometimes my thoughts haunt me like wild nightmares, they isolate me as I cannot socialize and they suffocate my whole existence. I know I can help myself if I let my walls down a little bit, but that is the last thing I'll let go. And thus I'm the cause of my suffering, not anyone but me.
As my thoughts again let them get the best of me, I sat beside my father and saw him having the porridge. I was too absorbed to take care of him. After the visiting hours were over, me and my mom went back home. On the ride back home, the thought of Robin being hurt started to bother me again. Well he had just not even recovered from his previous injury to have another one. I cannot help but worry for him but then again I'm leading myself to hurt again? I need to get rid of his thoughts and existence. I cannot let him dominate me even without him knowing it. I need to get over my obsession of him. And thus I'll not call Veronica to know what happened to him no matter what. But I hope that he is fine and doing well. I returned home and completed whatever task I had from school. I looked out of the window from my room to look at the sky. It was a full moon night. I've always loved the moon. So I took my phone and ran upstairs to the terrace. I looked up at the sky all wide and serene at its glory. The moon was glowing as bright as when my heart felt when I looked at Robin smiling. Alas! The smile doesn't belong to me neither does the person. My brain started reasoning again that how I declared I'll not think of him but then I ended up thinking of him when I looked at the moon which I cherish. Nevertheless, I enjoyed basking under moon and the light breeze that made me feel as I was healing or rejuvenating from a long period of pain and suffering. Just as I was sinking into the pleasure of the night, my phone started ringing. I checked to see that Veronica was calling. I really didn't want to talk her about Robin but then I need to tell her about that I'll take a leave from school for a few days. Why am I always stuck like this? Anyways, I picked up the phone to hear a worried Veronica,
"Alleisa, are you even okay? Why was your phone switched off? Do you know how many times I called you? Where on earth were you?"
Her concern literally made me giggle. The facade she shows off to the world isn't really her, deep inside she is like everyone else.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to this all. Actually my phone ran out of battery when I was headed to the hospital. So I left it at home"
"Oh! That's the case, sometimes you make me worried sick girl"
"I know right"
"Anyways, How's uncle?"
"He's doing much better now, he's recovering progressively"
"So will you attend school tomorrow?" ,she asked hopefully.
"About that thing, I was going to inform you that I'll take a leave for a few days but my phone went off that time"
"I get it. Oh there's another thing, I know you'll worry the way I spoke that time but Robin is fine. I just saw him roaming around in our neighborhood with a girl I know, so I kind of overreacted. You don't need to worry"
"You don't need to reassure me. I told you earlier I don't care about him, so don't talk about him to me in the future. Anyways, Good night"
As I said those words I hung up on her. I did not want to hear anything about him, because his name alone makes me fall in my knees and cry. I've made up my mind, there is no Robin in my life. The moonlight was embracing my pain today, as if it knew that under the strong facade, I'm breaking inside. I sat on ground and looked up at the sky. Under this same sky that we all share, in this whole earth that we all reside in, and the infinite universe that we are connected to, maybe after all Robin and me aren't meant to be together. This is what I need to accept. He is just meant to destroy me and ruin me internally just by his existence. To love him I need to lose me and to love me I need to lose him. And after all I've been through, I prefer the latter. I started crying helplessly, I couldn't make myself think that I'll never see Robin as my love. But I wasn't alone, maybe somewhere someone is crying under the same moonlight, with moonlight embracing us. Though I say Robin is the elixir of my life, maybe I would have to live without a soul in my body. Magic ain't real but love is.
____
Over the next few days, I only went to the hospital, spent quality-time with my father as he recovered and on the final day brought him home. Though his health was delicate, the doctor suggested that he would recover much faster at home. These all days I kept myself oblivious of any thoughts of Robin and I've been doing better. Everyday Veronica would update me about everything happening in school and how Van had been worried about my absence. She sent me notes daily. This all somehow made me feel so much more loved. Maybe the key to happiness is to find peace within your current circumstances. I've got such lovely friends and family to be happy off. I was just being self-centered I guess. Anyways I was happy to see my father in his usual self, all cheered up. On the final day of my leave Veronica called me as usual, so I picked up:
"Hey, what's up?" , I said.
"I have a great news for you."
"What is it?"
"You, Van and me have been put on the same group for our science project of the year. You know the one we have against the whole school"
"That's quite....like I cannot put into words the feeling, it's kinda weird I guess. Having Van with us in the same group is kinda weird."
"What's weird with Van?"
"I don't know really"
"Anyways, rest in the weekend because you gotta kick off at school this week"
"Yeah, goodnight then"
Well then I guess this year I have to do a project with Van. I just hope that we get along well. Just as I clashed in my bed, my phone started ringing again, I thought Veronica might have forgot to tell me something. But to my surprise it was Van calling me, I quickly sat up and picked up the phone. When there was no greeting from the other side, I spoke up:
"Yes Van, is there anything I can help you with?"
But no one spoke up.
Who actually called me then?
Is anything up with him?