I was almost at the end of my pathetic life. I couldn't move any part of my body. Even my eyes refused to follow my request.
I wanted to take one last look to the door. Maybe he would come and see me in my final moment. The only person I ever loved. He's my world. He's my everything.
But then again, I knew deep down that it's impossible. He's gone. He disappeared. I was not even sure if he's still alive.
Being consumed with anxiety and frustration every single day as I laid my sickly body ipn the bed of this white box room, I finally resigned to my fate.
I would now let go this thin string of hope to live. Without anyone to care for me, erasing my existence in this world would definitely not affect anyone's life.
Yes, no one would even probably remember that I even existed.
Several memories flashed back as I was nearing my end. Mostly weren't really good.
I was an example of the best villain one could imagine.
I destroyed people's lives. I schemed endlessly. I twisted truths and lied continuously. All for one single man who didn't want me.
I wanted him selfishly. I wrongly sacrificed a lot.
It's too late. I never realized that he was slowly drifting away. I failed to recognized that I was incrementally ruining him.
I smiled bitterly. In the end, I lost.
With one single tear, I finally let my consciousness drifted and consumed by darkness. I resigned.
I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted by a cream colored ceiling. Surprisingly, I was still alive. I thought I already died.
'It's not white? Did they move me to a different place?' I didn't smell the usual sanitized odor as well. And most importantly I could move my head. I slowly moved my hands, too. They're usually immobile for such a long time.
'I can move it!' I was surprised. It seemed my entire body wasn't as well aching like usual.
I looked around. This room looked familiar. The bed being in the center, those table and chairs near the window, the glass door leading to the veranda, the peach colored curtain slowly moving, the..
'Isn't this my room?' My room when I was still living with my family. I never entered this room since the accident that took their lives. Even until we sold the entire house, I didn't want to see this place.
I slowly changed my position and before I could sit properly, the door opened.
"Xin Xin!"
I turned my head and was surprised. 'mom!' She's still alive. It meant I went back in time.
Her relieved expression and gentle voice made me tear up. 'I miss this'.
Within a split of second she's beside me hugging and touching me to check if I was really okay. She's been sprouting words that I failed to recognize since I was more focused in absorbing the happiness in my heart for this second chance.
I held my mother's hands and placed them on my cheeks to feel her warmth then I hugged her tightly.
"Mom, I miss you."
"You've been sleeping for a week, so of course you'll miss me. Next time, don't join those extreme activities again."
I recalled there was a time I joined bungee jumping and ended up getting injured. I got sick from shock and recuperated for more than a week. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I felt ashamed for being a weakling since I was the one who initiated it. I ended up staying at home. The bruises had minor infection plus the cold water where I 'dived' made me catch a flu.
'So I went back in this time.' I silently told myself.
It's still few more months before my collage graduation. After my gradation ceremony the entire family went to a 3 days vacation in our villa outside the city. We encountered a terrible accident that took my family's life except for me and my second older brother.
That trip was insisted by me. I wanted all of them to go so my Dad and oldest brother cancelled their appointments. My dad has been training my oldest brother to manage our company. My second brother rescheduled his marriage date and my third brother didn't go to his intern interview.
All of it for their little princess' sake.
All of it so we could celebrate together.
All was because of me. It was my fault that their life ended just like that.
This time, I would definitely ask for a simple dinner.
My mom called my Dad to tell him that I already woke up. She also sent messages to both my second and third brother.
Looking at my mom's action as she recalled how worried they were when I suddenly collapsed last week after telling them I don't want to go to hospital, I broke out a faint smile.
My mom was really animated when she's talking.
I wondered, if I still have my family with me would I rely heavily on him? Would he become my everything? Perhaps not. Or I hoped not. I wanted him to live a life without me. I didn't want him to be ruined again.
I would meet him on the day of my graduation. He would be with my second brother as they would drop by from their office to my university.
I still have few more months to prevent the tragedy. What I needed was to focus on living my life and enjoy every single bit of it.
As much as possible, I should avoid being consumed by negative energy.
'This is my second chance, I must treasure it.' I promised myself.