This time I screwed up, I recognized. Hearing the door slamming. And this time she was furious.
I also could not quite understand the reason for my hesitation. Why I was so worried about the consummation of marriage. I was not accustomed to insecurity.
Lisa was so pretty and she was just a teenager. She could choose who she wanted and not even married me by her own choice. She was forced to fucking contract.
Even if we had talked about making our marriage real. About making it work. And it's working, very right. We stayed together, went out together on vacation, and spent a lot of time together.
I got up and went to the bedroom. She slammed the door but did not lock it. She was angry but would not walk away, which was great for me. The bags were lying on the floor and the bathroom door was open.
The shower was on and I watched her shower. The hot water was steamy, and I could barely see it right, but its shape was still clear and it stirred me.
"Do you want company?" I asked, testing the waters.
"Not yours," she answered irritably and petulantly.
Even after all, I laughed. She did not like that.
"You should leave," she told me angrily. "Before someone attacks you and ends up raping you.
My God, is that what she thought?
_ Honey, this is not like that.
"What is it?" She asked without turning to look at me.
"I'm not sure, either, but that's not it.
The door opened and a cloud of steam came out. She was naked and the water ran down her body. I watched a drop of water trickling down her neck, slowly going to her breasts and tummy, lowering down.
She did not cover herself at once and she stood there looking at me. I swallowed hard and took the towel from my side and handed it to her.
_ Coward.
And how right she was. After that, still sulking, she did her homework and lay down without looking at me. We were silent for a few minutes and having Lisa angry at me left me with a bad feeling in the stomach.
We both move together. I wrapped my arms around her and she hugged me back.
_ Idiot.
_ I know. Excuse me.
And at that moment we had a truce in our discussion. We slept together, hugged and as always, I slept very well with her by my side.
The next morning I woke up early and went out to run. When I got back Lisa was already out.
"Alone?" I asked Juliet.
"No, she told me." Kelly and Tessa passed by.
I caught her looking at me from the side.
_ What's it?
_ Nothing_ she told me_ Only ... What did you do? She seemed very annoyed with you.
"I did not do anything," and that was exactly why she was so angry.
_ If you say.
My day passed full, meetings, lunches and contracts to sign. The day dragged on as I knew Lisa was still pissed at me and still did not know how to fix it. With the face of a few friends and with a cold aura around me, people already knew that they should stay away from me.
"Just go ahead and get it over with," Jake told me shrugging as if it was nothing. "It's just sex.
After work I went to the club to talk to him about it and he laughed at me. My day gets better and better. Jake laughing at my love life and mocking my doubts.
"She's still a minor," I reminded him of this small, very large detail.
"She's your wife," he shrugged nonchalantly. "And he's 17 years old," he told me as if I did not know that. "You can see her as a child, but she's not one. And you should see this soon enough. Girls tend to mature faster than men.
He was packing drinks on the shelves behind the bar while his other staff cleaned and tidied the tables. As always the nightclub was in full swing, preparing to open.
"I can not do that," I told him, a little embarrassed.
_ But you want_ he said the obvious.
Of course, I still did not know for sure, because there was always a sense of guilt for wanting someone 10 years younger than me. But I feel like an old man running after a little girl.
He chuckled amused by my complicated life. The asshole.
"The only thing that keeps you from having sex with your wife is the age factor." He walked around the counter and handed me a beer, sitting on the bench next to me. "But you know what? Girls lose their virginity at every age. 17 years is nothing. And you're not even going to take advantage of her, you're married.
I know that very well, but I still felt bad about it. At that moment my head was struggling with my desire. And as much as I wanted to follow my head, I admit that my desire was winning.
After the beer I said goodbye to Jake and headed straight home. Lisa was not home and Juliet was packing some things in the kitchen.
"Lisa?" I asked her, looking around. "Where is she?"
"She called me earlier and said she'd stay at Tessa's house today." She looked at me with an eyebrow raised, questioning me. "What happened?" She ran away from you?
"Of course not," I replied, but I understood very well what she was doing. She was shoved and went to her friends' house.
After all, she was really running away from me. I went to the bedroom and took my shower, got ready and decided to leave the house again. I decided to bring her home.
Finding Gomes' house was easy, since we had already gone to their house for a social dinner. Not to mention that Lisa always spent time with Tessa at her house. The house was large with a garden full of roses at the entrance. I rang the bell and waited.
A few minutes later the door opened and Tessa looked at me suspiciously and did not seem too surprised to see me around here, she knew what I was coming for was probably waiting for me.
"She's in the room," she let me in without asking me anything.
I walked into the house past Tessa. Lisa was sitting on the couch playing video game with Kelly and cursing a character on TV.
"It's time to go home," I told her in a firm voice.
His eyes met mine and stubbornness shone in them. I realized she was going to be difficult, this time she was really angry.
_ I will not go back_ she told me to pay attention in the game and ignoring me _ I will sleep here tonight.
I admit that maybe if Lisa spent the night here it would be nice for both of us. You know, having some time alone. But I did not want her away from me. I did not want that kind of obstacle between us. And I had gotten used to sleeping and wake up next to her. When we did not sleep together it seemed like something was wrong.
"We need to talk," I told her. "About everything.
Kelly and Tessa left the room quickly leaving us alone. I thanked them silently for that. These two were very insightful.
And I did not want to have that kind of talk in front of them. That would be incredibly embarrassing. Of course I knew Lisa would probably tell them later. There's no secret among these girls.
_ About what? _ Lisa asked me pretending disinterest when in fact she was nervous. And if I'm not mistaken a little guilty.
I suspect the fact that she ran off to Tessa's house had something to do with it.
"About us," I reminded her gently.
She was silent, waiting.
"You can tell," she told me, still stubborn.
_ Not here_ I told her approaching_ Let's go home_ She did not seem to want to go, but in the end got up and called the girls back.
I think they were trying to hear from somewhere in the kitchen because they were not long in coming.
"What is it?" Kelly asked interestedly.
"I'm coming back," she told them as she picked up her things.
"You can stay here, you know." Tessa began carefully, testing the waters.
"I know," Lisa said, looking at me. "But I'm coming back. Talk to you later.
"Bye, girls." I said goodbye to them, opening the door for Lisa so she could get by first.
_ Good luck, they told us, watching us leave.
Inside the car on the way home, nobody said anything. The silence was louder than if we were talking. Lisa stood with her feet on the dashboard and watched the city pass through the car window.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked cautiously in the garage, turning off the car.
"I'm not angry," she said to me, sighing. "I just do not understand your way of thinking.
_ I am 28 years old, Elizabeth_ I left my insecurity in my voice_ You are still a very young girl ...
"I want you," she told me with impressive confidence. "I do not care for your age or mine. I want you because it's you. And I love you.
I give up, I noticed looking into his clear and bright eyes. I'm completely in love with her and I do not want to fight against what I feel anymore.
As soon as I realized that a huge weight came out of my chest and the sense of relief was incredibly liberating. I will not fight it anymore. I do not want to fight anymore.