I almost slipped on the wet floor of the bathroom, but Paul's firm arm kept me firmly in place.
"Are you okay?" He asked worried, still holding me against his wet chest.
I shuddered, my skin really sensitive to where he was touching. His bare chest on my back, his arm on my hips holding me tight and his hip and my butt.
_ I am well_ as my voice seemed hoarse I had to clear my throat and try again_ I'm fine, my legs just ...
I did not want to admit that I had no strength in my legs and that they were still a little shaky because of what we did minutes ago, because that would kill me with shame. But he seemed to understand well.
He grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me and then grabbed me on the lap and led me into the bedroom, laying me down on the bed.
"I'm fine," I protested, enjoying the feeling of being held in my lap as if I were not weighing anything. Although I know that I have certainly gained a few extra pounds on this trip.
"Have not you ever masturbated before?" Paul seemed genuinely interested in the answer as he watched me closely sitting next to me.
Did he want me to answer that?
"Why?" I asked, embarrassed, dodging the answer.
"It seemed the first time I felt something like that." He gave me a half smile. A confident smile.
And it was, I thought with a hot little chill in my belly, reminding myself how he'd touched me moments ago. But for some reason I did not want to tell him, that I'd never really felt any desire to do something like that until I met him. So I lied, looking away.
_ Of course I already answered with confidence and tried to straighten my glasses, forgetting for a moment that I was wearing contact lenses. Paul smiled without seeming to believe me.
_ Serious? _ Insisted provoking me.
"Seriously," I replied, and then I looked at him sitting next to me still wet and only with a towel on my hips. "Are not you trying to fish for compliments?"
"What if I am?" He teased me, his lips brushing against my own, teasing me. Did you like it?
"Yes," I replied, approaching him, trying to kiss him straight, but he pulled away.
_ Not yet_ he smiled all powerful_ Answer right.
Since I wanted to kiss him soon, I replied in a hurry.
"I liked it." He approached, but it was still far away. "It was delicious, a lot," I said, and as a reward he kissed me hard with desire and I felt warm again. "I want to do it again," he said without shame.
"Not now." He pulled away from me, his eyes dark with desire.
"Why not?" I asked disappointedly.
"Are not we going out for lunch now?" He asked me, trying to change the subject. He stood up, creating space between us, which I perceived to be on purpose. So I could not touch it. It made me angry.
"You want to play me again right?" I asked, getting up. My anger made my unsteady legs really strong.
Of course I knew he did not mean to! After all I was just a brat he had to marry. But we're still married, right? Should not this marriage go forward?
"I know this marriage was not what you wanted," I told him.
Of course it was not what he wanted. It was all a business agreement between our country. And it was not even I who should be here with him. It was my sister, Emily, who should be here having this kind of conversation with him.
But what is it? My sister ran away from the wedding and so I had to marry him. It was not quite what I had in mind for my life, getting married so early. But what? We're married and I want him to touch me. I want this marriage to work for both of us.
_ It was not what I wanted too_ I told him hugging me holding the towel around my body_ But we're here right? We're both married.
_ Yes_ he said serio_ I really did not want to get married. I was really angry at my father for having signed such a ridiculous agreement.
We were in the middle of the bedroom both with towels and for the first time actually talking. But her words hurt me, I tensed.
"I know it was all too fast," I acknowledged, after all that day I had gone to my sister's wedding and left the church married to her fiancé.
"I did not want to marry Emily," he interrupted me. "But I was ready for that. To marry her, an old woman who already knows how well this world works. Not a 16 year old.
We were silent one staring at the other without giving back. Again this story as a child. Again he ...
"Is your problem my age?" I asked, shrugging indifferently at this fact. "I'm a big boy, and I know what I want. But what do you want, Paul? Do you really want to continue this marriage?
"Yes, of course I intend to continue this marriage. But I'm older than you. "He ran his hand through his wet hair and his muscles tensed, looking frustrated." Our relationship began in a wrong way. And wish you were never really a problem.
Silence enveloped us again. One looking at the other, this time really looking. Married to him for a contract or not, Paul was already someone I did not want to live without in my life. I wanted him around, close to me.
I wanted him around, wanted to hug him, kiss him and wanted to touch him. And I wanted him to want the same as me. I wanted him to like me. Because I already liked him, I realized, scared.
_ I want you_ he told me approaching_I want to be with you. But for now this will not happen.
"So what does that mean?" I asked, trying to follow his line of reasoning. Are we going to stay together or not?
"I'm telling you," he kissed me, hugging me, his breath tickling in my ear. "I can not wait for you to turn eighteen."
I was relieved and something changed between us. He was no longer treating me like a teenager who needed care. I was now someone he cared about but did not need special treatment. He was no longer worried about touching me, he just touched me.
After lunch we went to a little shop of trinkets made by the locals in Honolulu. We strolled and stayed together all afternoon.
Plus the trade we found with Jake and the girls having ice cream at an ice cream shop on the corner of a side street.
_ And there? Jake shook a pot of chocolate ice cream for us_ Served?
We all sat together and had ice cream while we talked and had fun together. And because we all met together, we decided to walk some more and then choose a restaurant so we could have dinner together.
When we got back to the hotel it was already night and the early conversation was almost forgotten.
But I was nervous after we went to bed, which was unfortunate because Jake took Paul to the hotel bar to drink together. Kelly and Tessa had long since gone to sleep tired and I was alone in the room, moving my cell phone until I was too tired to give up waiting for Paul to come back.
I woke up in the morning and Paul was lying next to me asleep. I tried to wake him but he moaned softly and turned to the other side grumbling.
"How much did you drink?" I asked in surprise.
Paul had never drunk to the point of hangover the other day. I got up and got ready to leave this time I decided to keep my glasses instead of my contact lenses.
I frowned at Paul's hangover lying flat on the bed and left the room. I found Kelly leaving Jake's room.
"What is it?" I asked.
"He's out," she told me and opened the door so I could see what was inside.
Jake lay flat on the bed, all dressed and crumpled. He is also hungover and off.
"What do you think happened yesterday?" Kelly asked me, watching Paul lying on my bed when I showed her that Jake was not the only one.
I closed the door of our room and went out with her.
_ I have no idea_ but I thought about what happened yesterday before we left for lunch.
This had nothing to do with it right? I thought worried.
"They're grown men." Tessa did not seem to be concerned about their night of drinking. "They know what they do, right?
Since Kelly also did not seem particularly concerned, we went out for breakfast in the restaurant near the hotel pools.
"You look different," Kelly commented looking closer.
_ How different? _ I asked hiding a smile.
"I do not know." She took a glass of juice. "It just seems different.
"Did something happen yesterday?" Tessa asked.
_ Paul and I decided to take another step in our relationship.
"Did you seduce him?" Kelly asked, amused.
_ Yes, I agreed with a half-smile victorious_ Actually I did.
They both looked at me with surprises. I do not think they expected that much.
"Did you do it?" Tessa was a little red when she asked.
No, I was ashamed too, but as they were my best friends I told them everything.
"Did you dare enter the bare bathroom and show yourself to him?" Kelly asked me in surprise. "Girl, I'm seeing you with new eyes.
"Me too." Tessa looked impressed. "To someone who spent most of the time reading rather than being interested in boys.
"I'm interested in my husband," I told them.
_ That makes sense.
"After all, it's your husband."
"It's good that you understand me.
We laughed at the joke. We spent the day at the pool and no sign of Paul and Jake. They spent the day in the bedroom sleeping. They just woke up to have a strong soup and went back to sleep.