Krish
It's been two weeks since my interview at St. Joseph's; since I met her.
On the day of my interview, after I returned home I felt like the worst person in the world, the worst boyfriend in the world. The whole night I spent tossing and turning as sleep refused engulf me in its arms. She had not affected my thoughts process but also ruined my sleep. Feeling restless, I had to finally called Kavi and talk to her. I almost told her about Shiv... nope I couldn't say her name nor could think it. Neither then, nor now, two weeks later.
But as the days went on, I felt my life going back to the familiar track and was relaxed once again. Kavi and I continued to meet under the guise of meeting friends and my time with her made me refocus on our relationship and future. Both of us were awaiting response from the colleges we had applied to. She, and so was I, sure that she will get in but neither of us were sure about me though. I had given her a brief about how my interview went and she honestly couldn't tell how it would turn out as it could go eitherways.
Each time we discussed about my interview, I have had to stop myself from telling Kavi about Her. I knew I wasn't going to meet her again, for there was no way I was going to get in SJC. I had made sure of that when I went it and deliberately performed as bad as I could without raising Kavi's suspicion later. Visual communication is something I have always wanted to do, especially at SJC but my goals were not more important to me than my relationship with Kavi. I could still do this course at other colleges in Chennai but I couldn't risk being around Her and losing Kavi. Her interview had gone well and if she does get admission, I won't be there. The idea saddened me but it had to be done.
I could and will never choose anyone, even Her, over Kavi. Kavi had been my pillar, my best friend and now my girlfriend, we had too much between us that bound us and I like it to remain that way. From the beginning of our friendship and our relationship, I knew one thing, if I lose her as my girlfriend, I also lose her as a friend.
I was still thinking about all of this and more, when Kavi nudged me. I look up at her to see her concerned. "Are you worried about the result, my dear?" she asked, looking into my eyes, searchingly.
"No, I was just..." I tried but then slumped my shoulders and nodded. Though I had sabotaged my chance and knew wouldn't get it, my heart still had hope and needed desperately to get in for more than one reasons. Kavi hugged me to console and said, "no matter what, I am with you." Similar to what she said almost two years ago and instantly I felt better about my decision. It was worth it.
Two days later,
It was finally the day, when results will be announced and I wasn't particularly interested in knowing it but I knew if I didn't look it, my parents were bound to get suspicious as they knew how important it was for me. The time was five minutes to 10 am and my mother was pacing across the hall, nervous energy wafting off of her. Instead of finding it amusing as I always did, I was instantly reminded of someone who gets this nervous. I shook my head to clear my thought of Her and looked into my phone. There was a text from Kavi. 'Don't be nervous, it will be fine' it read. She, like him, didn't sweat at small things and was usually so calm. In fact, it's one of her qualities that I love so much. 'I think, my mother needs this more than me' I texted back with a goofy smile emoji.
We kept texting back and forth like this, until mom shrieked, "It 10! Oh god, it's 10!!"
She looked at me and then the clock while literally jumping up and down. I stifled a laugh that escaped my lips and opened the college website. I clicked on the link for checking result and scrolled down the PDF file, making sure my name wasn't there. The file was long and I kept scrolling, satisfied that my name wasn't in it so far. Just as I sighed with relief, I saw it, at the bottom of the table in the last page, 'Krish Thakur'. I was dumbfounded and didn't know how to react. How can it be? I had made sure not to be considered as an option. All that effort and I was still selected !! why is the universe being so cruel?
I moved my eyes a little and saw Her name in the list as well, a few rows above mine. I blinked for a few before my mother's voice brought back from the daze.
"What happened? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" she asked, looking at me carefully.
I didn't answer, instead checked the page again and saw that I wasn't selected for VISCOM, but for Animation.
"I got selected," I said, my voice hollow. I heard mom squeal with happiness before I continued, "for Animation."
It seemed like the universe was mocking me, not only did I get an admission in the college but for a course I didn't know or like and with the girl I was hoping to avoid. Beside me, mon had gone silent for a little while before celebrating again, "Hey, atleast you go into the college you wanted to go! After all, how different can VISCOM and Animation be from one another."
But I wasn't listening and made my mind up. I took a deep breath and said in the mist definite tone I could muster, "I'm not going to accept the admission. I'm not going to St. Joseph's."