Krish
"I'm not going to that college, dad" I tell my father with a finality.
"Yes, you are. I have arranged it all, as soon as your mother called me. I don't care what you think you have decided, you are going." he says, his face twisted in anger and determination. I sigh and turn away from him to go to my room, knowing that there is no use in arguing with him, now. A hand on my shoulder stops my movement. "Son, I don't know what is going on with you, but one day you'll thank me for making this decision for you." Dad mutters quietly before he lets me go to my room.
In my room, I plop onto the bed and throw pillows as an outlet to my frustration. Deep down, I knew why my dad, who is usually very chill, decided to play the hard ball with me. He wanted to make sure I achieved my dream because he knew how much it meant to me. The males of our family have always attended St. Joseph's since it was established in 1800s and like every cousin of mine, I had wanted to do the same even if there wasn't any pressure from my parents. Even now, amongst all the frustration, I was happy I was able to continue the tradition.
"Urgh!" I get up from my bed in one motion and punch the wall in anger. This was supposed to be the happiest moment in my life, I had an amazing family, girlfriend and got into the college of my dreams... and yet here I am, left feeling so conflicted about every damn thing. All because of her! Despite all of this, I still can't get her out of my mind; wondering how she had reacted and what her decision was.
I could imagine her all nervous, waiting for the result. Probably, pacing back and forth. This thought coupled with the memories of that day, somehow calmed me a little. I was able to think clearly and so I closed my eyes, only to be bombarded with her face, hair, wringing hands. The memories were so vivid, as if I was still there, in that perfect moment.
Did she heed my advice? Or did she never think of me and went on with her life? These questions in my mind broke through the sense of calm her thoughts gave me. As soon as it did, guilt wasn't far behind. I remembered that I still hadn't told Kavi, amidst all this. I take out my phone and send her a quick text, telling her all that happened today, in brief. Once sent, I throw my phone to my bed and run a hand through my hair in frustration.
She was affecting my thoughts, my decisions, my actions, everything. I can't let her do this to me while she is happily living her life. No, I had to stay away from her. If I have to attend the college, then I will be sure to avoid her as much as possible.
Two weeks later...
College had started a week ago and so far the classes went by smoothly. The class of animation consisted of 40 guys and just 6 girls, half of which haven't even shown up yet. But then again, half the classes haven't commenced yet. On my first day, I was partially anticipating and dreading about seeing her again and thus I had walked slowly. But as I entered the classroom, I saw a lone girl sitting there, surrounded by more than two dozens of boys. A girl, that wasn't Her. I sighed in a mix of relief and disappointment and walked past everyone. For the rest of the day I had pretty much ignored everyone but with a lot of free hours comes a lot free time for people to interact and by the end of the day I had made a new friend, Shaun, who drew really well and was into advertising and art. What drew me to him, despite my efforts to be distant was his cool, suave nature and his stylish fashion sense.
I had then decided that Shaun was more than enough for a friend for the rest of the three years, but by the end of the week I had made more friends and ended up being part of a group of 8 guys and a girl, each with a character distinct from the other and quirky. Despite the differences, we all sort of fit and the girl, Aarti, one of the four girls now in the class now, was the most surprising one being friendly and open-minded despite her reserved demeanor.
It was the second week of the college and it was rumoured that classes will finally commence and rest of the students will be joining us by the end of week. So there was definite anticipation amidst everyone, especially boys as they were looking out for rest of the two girls, hoping that one or both of them would meet their expectations. I, for one, was hoping that neither of them did, because then it would mean neither is Her. She is their expectation and more and anyone below that will be a blessing.
I was still trying to calculate the probability of Her ending up in my class today as I entered the department when crash into someone at the same time as I feel the breeze. My hand, working on its own had reached out to steady the person whom I collided with and as the contact was made, I felt soft flesh and I stiffened. Could it be..? There is the breeze and the person in my arms is definitely a girl.
Dread and anticipation in my heart, curiosity in my mind, I look down to focus on the person. The first thing I notice is the shortness of the person and my forehead creases, She isn't this short, at least I don't remember her to be. She was tall enough for Her head to be positioned on my chest exactly but this girl was a few inches shorter than that. The next thing I notice is her long dark brown hair that was braided on one side, they were wavy and not as curly as Hers.
Relieved that it wasn't Her, I let out a sigh that was creased with disappointment and release her. "Sorry, my bad. I wasn't looking." I said.
"No, it's okay." she said while looking me up and down. Uncomfortable with her scrutiny, I excuse myself and head to the staircase leading to the classroom in first floor.
I climbed the stairs quickly and reached the threshold of the class when I felt the breeze again. I looked around me to see Her, but She wasn't anywhere. But I knew she was somewhere nearby as I still felt the breeze, so with bating breath I looked inside the class, and there she was, the lone girl, surrounded by more than 20 guys who were stealing glances at her, a few blatantly staring at her. I experienced a dark feeling that made me want to poke all of their eyeballs for daring look at Her. She looked exactly as I remembered, if not more beautiful. Her hair was open today as well and I realised I loved Her hair open. I felt myself calm down, despite the alien feeling.
As I tried to evaluate my feelings, I saw one of the guys, Sanjeev, trying to get Her attention by lightly tapping Her shoulder and at that I wanted to rip his hands off of Her. She turned towards him and spoke to him something I couldn't hear. He responded to which she just politely smiled but seeing her smile, he was already dazed and I was burning within with this foreign feeling. 'I should be the only one to see her smile, to make her smile. How dare he?' I thought to myself and then stopped. Where was all of this coming from? Was this what jealousy felt like? In my entire life, I was never jealous or possessive, sadly, not even with Kavi. In fact, the times me and Kavi fought were over my lack of jealousy and her abundance of it. And yet, seeing this girl talking to someone or being stared at brought out all this. What was happening to me?
No, I can't let things spiral out of control further, I need to get away from her. With that thought dominating everything in my mind, I turn around and go down the stairs to exit the department. Bunking it is, until I can control myself better.