The weekend eventually rolled around with me not having talked to Felix yet. People were testing the site, so we didn't really have anything to do at the moment. I had also avoided staying in the same areas as him. I'd avoided him during the council meeting on Friday, and taken another route to the lunch table I shared with Aiyana, Ji-Hun, and Wyatt. I was starting to feel better, less confused and upset with anything and everything.
"Can you pass the screwdriver?" I blinked, looking to find Teresa holding out her palm. I muttered a string of apologies before handing her the screwdriver on the table that I was leaning on. I was in the shop, hanging out with Tim, Bob, and Teresa. As long as I didn't obstruct them they didn't find me to be too much of a bother.
"Your mind isn't here kid. Maybe you should head upstairs," she said, tightening the screws, her braids falling about her face. I sighed, nodding before removing my weight from the table. I tucked my phone into my pocket before making to leave the room. As I walked up the stairs I passed by my mother. I looked away, not really wanting to say anything. I really just needed peace of mind so I could think and maybe take a nap.
When I got up to my room I turned the knob, heading straight to my bed. I landed on the soft mattress, burying my head into the nearest pillow before groaning. I was just a breathing mess at the moment.
It's been a week, why are you still sulking? I asked myself, raising my head before turning a bit so that I could see the time on the clock.
4:00 PM.
I still had a long time before I could call it a day. The days seemed to have started dragging on slowly since I'd made a decision to give myself space. Maybe it was longing, or maybe I just didn't have any self-control. I sighed, turning my back before searching my pocket for my phone. I unlocked the screen to be meet with the Kik app I'd had open downstairs. Ji-Hun and Aiyana had logged off, leaving me online by myself.
What now? I asked no one in particular, trying to find a way to bypass the time. I'd been on Kaneva this morning, but Felix has started messaging me, making me log off. I was trying to stay away from him, but I didn't want to come off as rude either so I was trying not to block him. Logging into any social media site seemed like an invite for him to talk to me.
I contemplated my options for a while, before settling with opening up Instagram. I'll just go through some cosplay accounts and that'll be it. I told myself as I searched up a tag of an anime I'd watched the week before. I was soon blessed with a stream of cosplay content, and I browsed through it and let time pass by.
FELIX:
Hey.
I frowned when the chat notification came up. What do I have to do to get it through to him that I don't want to talk with him without actually saying it? I sighed, ignoring the message as I continued to browse, but in the next ten minutes or so I got another one — okay, ignoring him wasn't working.
FELIX:
I know you're trying to ignore me.
I can see that you're online for crying out loud.
I thought you said that we could still be friends?
The messages followed each other with short time gaps which eventually made me click out of the app when my fingers started to shake.
I don't have time for this. Shaking my head, I took deep breaths before putting my phone aside and covering my face with my warm palms. The room had its AC on, but I still felt warm for some reason. I groaned, getting irritated at myself for being so worked up over a couple of messages from Felix.
Relax. I tried to will myself, taking my hands away from my face before I picked up my phone. Maybe I can try and go out with one of my friends to get my mind off things. Hanging out in the park, the arcade or a restaurant could really clear my head.
I dialed Wyatt's number, waiting for him to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Wyatt," I said into the receiver, looking down at my hands. "I was wondering if you're up from hanging out — maybe in the arcade. I'm bored as shit."
"Ah... sorry. I'm at Ji-Hun's place having as K-drama marathon with his mum and sister," Wyatt said into the phone.
"Oh, okay," I sighed, nodding my head at his words. "Could you greet them for me?"
"Sure," Wyatt said before hanging up. I sighed, scrolling through my contact list until I found Aiyana's number.
She can't be doing anything today, right? I thought as I pressed dial on her number. She picked up soon after, but it took a while before she started talking.
"Ben?"
"Hey, Aiyana. I was wondering if you'd like to hang out today. I don't have anything to do."
"Sorry Ben, I'm not even in town. I'm at my dad's place," she said, making me muttering a small 'oh' under my breath. Aiyana went over to her dad's on the weekend of the third week of the month. How could I have forgotten about that?
"But if there's something you'd like to talk about, I'm here," she said, making me think.
Should I tell her? I wondered as I picked at the lint on my duvet. Aiyana was a great friend, and she also gave great advice. Maybe talking to her was what I needed.
"Talking is fine," I finally responded. "Actually, I really need to talk to someone."
"Okay, go ahead. I'm listening," she said. I took in a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts before I spoke up.
"It's about Felix," I started.
"I figured," she said as I picked at the small curls at my hairline.
"I really like him. I really do, but I don't want to end up in a relationship that will hurt me. Felix doesn't know what he wants — well, I assume that's what the hassle is about. I thought I could manage just being friends with him, but I get this feeling — it's hard so I'm trying to keep my distance," I said, my voice shaking with each sentence. Aiyana stayed silent for a while, then she let out a sigh.
"That's tough, could you guys just talk it through?"
"We did — well, sort of, but it didn't work out. He's keeping something from me," I said, sighing into the phone. I looked up, staring at the window and observing the leaves of the tree outside my window sway with the evening breeze.
"I'm actually blank for this one. You can try having fun, maybe play a game or listen to music. Oh, you could buy Future Friends by Superfruit on iTunes—"
"Aiyana, are you really promoting Superfruit now?" I asked, chuckling a bit.
"Hey, I was trying to get you to laugh, and see, it worked," she said. "Then again, I was partially being serious."
I rolled my eyes before we continued to talk. The topic shifted from Felix to other things like school, her dad, and YouTube. It felt great to just talk, and it was exactly what I'd needed.
"Okay, I'll talk to you later. I'm heading out with my dad now," she said, hanging up after I'd said my share of goodbyes. My smile became a thin line when I noticed Felix was still messaging me once in a while. I opened them up, forcing myself to stay annoyed even though I wanted to smile when I spotted the GIF of a cat holding its paws together in an 'I'm sorry' motion.
In general, I'm sure he doesn't even know what he's apologizing for anymore.
The thought lingered in my mind as I let my finger hover over his icon until I made a decision. I headed to his page, pressing the block button before exiting the app. I let out a confused groan when I dropped my phone, letting my eyes stay fixated on the wall clock by my room door. Couldn't time move any faster?
I got up, deciding that I should look for human company. I wandered down the stairs and eventually took a seat on the sofa beside Samantha, joining her to watch the fashion week show. She turned to me before turning away. I'm sure Chloe must have explained things to her, and maybe that's why she was acting like she was a bit uncomfortable.
"Samantha." She turned to look at me when I called her name. Her eyes widening a little in shock when I smiled at her.
"I'm okay, don't worry," I said, watching as she nodded before looking away. I spent the rest of the day in front of the TV with her, distracting myself with small talk and the models that walked in the catwalk in ridiculously high shoes and designer clothes that I was sure I wouldn't see anyone west on the streets.
Time did pass by, and I was soon able to call it a day.