"Dammit, the snow is so thick!"
Chihiro cursed as she walked on the street. She held her body tightly, feeling extremely cold. This bad weather... this cold temperature... this place where no one was around... she was almost in tears, missing her comfortable room with him around.
In this city, she didn't know anyone, but it might be the work of god that she knew someone.
Unfortunately, this person was bizarre.
'Bone fetish...'
She shuddered when she thought about a certain woman who was in love with bones so much. She buried her chin around her scarf, trying to seek a little warmth, as she walked on the side of the street carefully, so she wouldn't slip to the ground. She put both of he hands inside the pocket of her jacket, cursing how freezing the temperature was. Even if she had put gloves on her hands, she felt that she couldn't stand it.
Yet somehow, the thought of someone holding her hands tightly, warming her hands, emerged in her mind, which caused her to shake her head furiously.
She quickly threw that thought away as she continued to curse the cold, hoping that it could distract her mind.
As she walked, the ice covered the ground and cracked because of her steps.
Unlike Tokyo, Asahikawa was so much different. While this city wasn't bad, it was freezing during the winter. By now, she was afraid that her skin would turn flaky and dry because of this coldness. Yet, strangely enough, it also made her comfortable since it made her forget about many things.
Unlike her, she could see few people who had gotten used to this temperature, and they seemed to be at ease, talking to each other warmly with their companions. She quickly looked away, fearing that she would keep thinking about him.
'It's been a week or so, right?'
The time they had been parted was quite a while, so shouldn't she forget about him instead of reminiscing about him?
When she noticed the convenience store, she stopped and entered.
"Welcome."
The familiar lifeless greeting was somehow kind of peaceful.
However, the warm temperature of the store still made her chilly.
She didn't answer the greeting and walked toward the alcohol corner. She picked three cans of beer skillfully. Still, she stopped when she saw a local beer brand, hesitating, but in the end, she chose her favorite. Picking up her beers, she walked into the sweet corner, picking up a few chocolate bars from her shopping basket carelessly before she paid all of them at the cashier.
"Everything is..."
"Here."
"Thank you."
She picked up the plastic bag as she walked out of the convenience store, welcoming the comfortable cold before wandering aimlessly. After moving to this city, she had been living in an apartment alone. Unlike Tokyo, the rent was quite cheap, which she loved, and the room was quite good, but she hated to stay there since staying alone in that apartment made her think many things. She kept thinking that it was something that she didn't want to do.
Even if she didn't want to, her mind and heart forced her to do it.
She hated herself for not being able to control herself even though she was the one who made this decision. Even though she knew that it was for the best, she also knew that she had done something wrong to him since she didn't even discuss this matter with him, and she just ran away. She even reported this matter to his parents.
By now, she was afraid that he might have a fight with his parents because of her.
Yet, as she had said before, it was for the best.
He knew that he had reassured her, telling her that everything would be alright, yet the thought of what had happened in Okinawa caused her heart to be turbulent. Moreover, the thought of their relationship was known by everyone as he was being persecuted and losing his future, making her feel that this relationship was impossible.
She would bring nothing but trouble to him.
'Yes, this is what's best for the two of us.'
She tried to reassure herself as she continued to walk. This time, she didn't walk aimlessly but walked with a destination. Her destination was a park. Unfortunately, it was also a park where she met a weird woman who was in love with bones. Still, she wasn't in the mood to think about that woman, especially when this woman was quite sticky toward her.
While this woman was weird, she had faced many weirdos in her life, so she could easily accept this bone-fetish woman.
She strolled down the path between the Himalayan and Lebanese Cedars, and the air, sound, and scents suddenly changed.
The temperature came down to a full degree, the scent of greenery covered by snow filled the air, and because of the winter, everything was quiet. Only the sound of winds, rustling leaves, and snow dropping could be heard.
This world was so blurry, she thought.
Without his existence, everything seemed fuzzy and hazy, and she seemed to be drunk, unable to tell the reality or dream, but the coldness on her skin told her that everything was real.
She was all alone.
Her steps were a little heavy.
Whether it was because of how thick the snow was, exhaustion, or something else, she wasn't sure, but she kept walking.
Beyond the snow-covered maple leaves, the arbor where she always rested after she moved to Asahikawa came into view. Naturally, it was empty, especially on this cold day. Yet, she walked like it was normal toward this empty arbor and sat relaxedly as she gazed into the white world before her.
She opened her plastic bag and took a can of beer, opened it before she sipped it slowly. Then she rummaged in her plastic bag, took a bar of chocolate she had bought, and tore the package before she ate it.
After coming to this city, this was her diet.
She wasn't sure what was happening to beer, but strangely enough, she lost her sense of taste. Except for beer, alcohol, and bitter chocolate, she could taste nothing. Whenever she wanted to eat something else, she wanted to puke. Every food she tried to eat became so disgusting and didn't taste good.
She knew this was bad, but as she tried to force herself, she would vomit.
At that time, she was desperate, but she finally found the food which she could eat, which was chocolate. She knew that this wasn't good, but it was okay since it could ease her hunger. Her condition might have become worsen, but living was just too painful.
Tomorrow, she will have to report to her new school.
As she moved to Asahikawa, she continued to become a teacher at the nearby high school. With her qualification, it was easy for her to be accepted to any school in Asahikawa.
However, she just didn't have the drive to continue.
'Even though I am the one who has decided to do this...'
She knew this was for the best, yet, deep inside, how could she wish for something like this?
If they were just a normal woman and a man, even if their age difference was quite a lot, she could ignore everything, but their situation was different. She was his aunt, and he was her nephew. She still remembered the gaze of her big sister and big brother-in-law that day, causing her to grimace in pain and flinch at reality.
This was the reality of their relationship.
No matter how beautiful they saw it, in the eyes of others, it was nothing but disgusting.
The snowflake fell slowly and gently from the sky, yet when it touched the ground, it collapsed, melted away, and disappeared. The one which she had been staring at had also disappeared.
Was her future going to be like this?
However, it might not be bad.
Being forgotten by him might be the best since this was something that she had been looking forward to. While she wanted him to stay and have that warm, she pushed him away since she was afraid that her existence would bring misery to him.
She raised her feet on the bench as she hugged her thighs tightly. She put her forehead against her knees, wondering whether the time would help her to forget everything. If so, then she was hoping that it could happen soon since she was afraid that she had started to regret her decision.
She knew that her decision was the best for him, yet it hurt... leaving him to hurt her so much.
It was so painful that it might be better to die now instead of feeling this pain.
However, even if her heart longed for him, she decided to stay since she didn't want to taint his memory.
Their memory was beautiful, and it was something that she had always dreamed of every night of her sleep, yet when that dream was about to end, the scene changed when everything crumbled as she saw him having his future destroyed.
It was her nightmare.
It would appear every time she slept.
The only way she could escape from it was to drink a lot of alcohol and then sleep.
However, sometimes, she wondered whether he would blame her when his future was destroyed.
Her body shivered, and she thought that it had become so cold. She raised her head and wiped her tears. While this coldness could make her forget many things, it was also unbearable.
She stood up and took all the trash to the plastic bag. She walked out of the arbor before her body shuddered once again. She shook the snow on her body and stood in a place for a while, watching the night sky.
The sky almost turned dark, and she thought that she needed to go back.
Yet, she didn't move, trying to gather her energy for a moment before she walked, yet when she stopped in a place when she saw a figure that she didn't expect to appear here.
"I found you, Chihiro."
A familiar figure, which appeared in her dream every time, appeared before her.
However, she knew that this wasn't a dream and it was reality.
"Shishio?"
Standing before her was the man she loved.