Back then, every little thing was a trigger. She would smash things and shout inaudibly into her pillows. Her nightmares were so bad that she often woke up shivering.
Every sound and shadows in the dark petrified her. She cannot sleep with the lights off. Whenever there was a blackout, she would scream her lungs out until one of her family came to her. Once, her brother kicked her door down to find her sitting down at the corner of her room.
Even after she had transferred school, it took her a long time before she can even look people in the eye. Jane was her first friend in the new school. Despite Kai Xin's attempts to ignore her, she protected Kai Xin whenever someone tried to bully or tease her. Compare to back then, the Kai Xin now is a totally different person.
"Was it in college?," She thought about her changes. It was at college that she met her future Master, Layla Rong Yen Yue. She was the first light to her eternal darkness.
That summer, they met when Kai Xin applied for an internship position at her law firm. Layla was notorious for her no-nonsense attitude and she generally has a no-fuck-given kind of attitude. She was harsh towards Kai Xin but she was fair and she always listened to Kai Xin's side of the story. Not only that, she encouraged her to learn new things and to pick up new hobbies.
There was an incident, where the both of them worked until midnight on a case where their client strongly claimed that he was innocent but the prosecution refused to listen to his side of the story. Because he has refused to take bribes, he offended someone powerful.
Their client was crying as he pleaded them to help him. He had told them of his thought about suicide. His family have abandoned him, and his wife took his precious daughter away, and he did not think that life is worth having without them. Layla had calmly passed him a can of cold beer and told him straight to his face,
"If you throw your life away now, that's it. There will not be any second chance for you to fight back. If you really want your revenge, then continue to live on. Get stronger and destroy those who seek to destroy you. Retrieve whatever they took from you and make sure they repay in tenfold."
Kai Xin was surprised when she heard that. She was always told her to forgive and forget, but this was the first time she heard someone talking about taking revenge. They eventually won the case and they managed to prove that the defendant was not the one who attacked the victim. Layla managed to win the case for their client, and subsequently sued the prosecution for bribery.
Kai Xin was so impressed with her mentor that she decided to extend her internship. Taking her advice into account, she diverted all her anger into her work and she got so good at it that Layla offered her an opening at her law firm with a big annual pay.
Immediately after graduation, Kai Xin went to work there for about a year before quitting and moving to her current firm. The reason she left was because Layla got married overseas and her partner was offered the position to be the Judge with the possibility of eventually joining the Supreme Law Lords.
Eventually, they agreed that it would be better for them to move overseas where there was less prejudice. Especially since their daughter was getting to the age where she would start to realize the difference between her family and her friends'.
Kai Xin looked at her arms. The various crisscrossed mark dotted all over her inner arms has faded considerably. In fact, unless one were to put her under closed examination, one would not be able to tell. He, however, noticed it during their first meeting. He had asked but Kai Xin was evasive about it. After all, to her, he was just a client and that he was being very intrusive.
Even after they signed the contract, DX never pressed or forced her to talk about things that she did not want to talk about. However, Kai Xin noticed the sad look in his eyes whenever he saw it, and she also noticed that when they were "exercising", he would kiss the scars tenderly, as if he was afraid that it would hurt her.
It was at their first anniversary when she told him about her depression. He had held her tightly that night and he had offered to arrange for a private therapist for her to talk to, which she rejected outright.
"I am strong." She had reassured him back then.
As if she was trying to reassure herself, she whispered, "I am strong!" until she fell asleep, with Sungha Jung playing softly in the background.