"...Removing threats...loading... retrieving... BoF successfully transferred!"
John stared at the words. "Removing threats"?! Carelessly dangerous when spoken but it looked like the Heavenly System cleaned it up. Less work and worries for him!
The plain-looking book floated in a tube of light into the awaiting hands of John.
"Can I have a vocalized version for the future, Heavenly System?" John whined. Reading words were annoying.
"Yes, John. User has been authorized. Function has already been activated for future communication," said a droll yet childish voice.
"That's cool?" John whistled.
"Can I get a progress report on Derob? I wasn't paying attention at all for the past..." John paused hesitantly.
"When I last came back."
"Yes, John."
"Alert! Your first Apostle has been kidnapped! Recommending User to rescue your Apostle or disown him before backlash from the Omniverse occurs!"
"Apostle? What's that?" John asked.
"An Apostle is the Voice of God. In cases when God needs representation or God dies, the Apostle takes over. User is the previous God's Apostle."
"Huh. That's weird. God didn't teach me much but that does make sense why I had to do so many things and not get fire— wait, why didn't he disown me?" John puzzled.
"Processing... Computing...Calculating probability... It is 84.73% sure the reason is that John was the previous God's first interaction on Derob and his adopted son. 62.37% of this calculation comes from his first experimentation with your soul, which permanently deformed its structure and purity despite repeated attempts to reconfigure and cleanse the damage."
"D*mn! So I'm screwed up because of him? No wonder I'm so different from the rest of them..."
"Alert! First Apostle is in critical condition! The Omniverse System is reacting to his violation of trans-Realm laws! Recommending to disown User's first Apostle or User will suffer a tribulation from the Omniverse! Chances of survival are 0.00000000069%!"
John's eyes bulged.
"F*ck! What's he doing! Nevermind, System! Disown him! Now!" John squealed.
A screaming hurricane slipped through the boundary of Realms and hurtled at John! A bright light flashed and a thick red rope split off from John's chest. Both disintegrated immediately.
"Disowned first Apostle! For disowning your first Apostle, User has been heavily penalized! Next time, be more caring to your people! Chances of surviving Tribulation from the Omniverse: 91.73%!"
"Wait, what? Why not 100%?" John screamed.
"User was too slow in disowning his Apostle. Try to survive, John!"
A click resounded and the hurricane bore through the air to tear John apart!
John screamed and flew away from God's Home with Mary in his arms. He swerved around the Heavens, moving straight past the greatest buildings in hopes they saved him.
Each of them turned to dust. The Internal Affairs, the two Worldly Trade Towers, the Judgement Pillar, the Holding Chamber, the Grand Opera... In the time it takes to flick a wrist, they were turned to ashes!
The hurricane grew weaker and weaker but still was dangerous! John finally made it to the Meditation Rock.
It was a gigantic boulder that dwarfed the largest mountains. It blocked the entire side of the Heavens from miles away!
Quickly, John ascended its face, bouncing off bumps and indents. The hurricane followed, shearing straight through the rock like a raving maniac with a vendetta!
Around and around they went, with each passing moment, the hurricane came closer and closer!
John flapped feebly, barely able to carry on. He fell and smashed into the ground. A whirlwind hurried over.
"This is it..."
John clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, turning his back to face it.
A howling wind picked him up and tossed him hard into the distance.
"I—is that it?"
He bounced off the ground and dropped Mary but he was still alive!
"Yes! Of course, I'm God! God can't die that easily!" John laughed heartily.
He stood up slowly.
"Ugh... I'm exhausted and hungry. Time to get reenergiz—"
A rogue boulder screamed through the air and slammed John in the chest.
"Agruah!!"
"Congratulations! User has survived a Heavenly Tribulation! Don't defy the Omniverse anymore! User is too weak!" the Heavenly System nagged him like a proud kid.
"F*ck you, System... F*ck you!" John groaned.