"Why can't I?" Harumi asked pissed off.
"It's against the law, I'm sorry." Nobunaga said.
"Not a week ago I was almost raped because I couldn't defend myself. So obviously I want to learn how to do that and you say I can't?" Harumi asked. Ever since what happend at the battle field she hadn't felt safe anywhere. Not in the castle, not in her own room, nowhere. Even when she was with people she was nervous, staring over her shoulder, always on high alert. Ready to run away at any moment.
"I'm not telling you that, the law says it." Nobunaga tried to explain. "But I promise you, something like that will never happen again!"
"You said that nothing would happen when you ordered me to come with you to war!" Harumi yelled, not capable of keeping her emotion in check. She had barely slept in the last week. Every time she closed her eyes she was reminded of the smell and taste of blood. Images of the man that tried to rape her flashed before her eyes. Whenever she lied down she felt the weight of the headless body on her making her panic.
"I know, and I hate myself for putting you trough that but I can't let you study martial arts." Nobunaga said again.
"Why? I've seen female ninja's and warriors and stuff." Harumi went on, not really listening to Nobunaga.
"Because they are not of royal blood!" Nobunaga yelled, his anger getting the best of him. Harumi flinched and crouched down in fear. Nobunaga tried to calm her by putting his hand on her shoulder but that made his wife only panic more. He dropped his extended hand in his lap and sighted.
"I didn't mean to yell, but I can't budge on this matter." He sighted while rubbing his eyes in frustration. Harumi had received his message. She looked at her knies and nodded, trying not to cry. She was even scared of Nobunaga. So much that he didn't stay the night anymore. Before the incident he slept over a few times a week. Now he still came to visit her but left in the evenings. She had been getting used to sleeping next to him and it had given her a feeling of safeness. Now however, it freaked her the fuck out. She couldn't even be in her own bedroom when he was there. But she didn't want to be alone for even a second of the day. Normally her maids would go to their own rooms at night but for the last couple of days they stayed by her side. Then also noticed the damage she had received. Normally she would like to be alone and would take every opportunity to be alone, like walking around in the castle on her own and dressing herself for bed. Now she wanted them around constantly. Harumi noticed that this was also hard on her maids. Since she barely slept, they didn't either. She knew she had to fix this, but she had no idea on how to do it. It wasn't like she had a broken leg or a nasty cough that could be fixed with some medicine. She had emotional damage and she had no idea how to deal with it. Well, she knew what she needed. A psychologist. But they wouldn't be around for a couple of decades. Even in modern day Japan there was a bit taboo on mental illness. Something you didn't talk about. In this era it was even worst.
"I'm gonna go, there is some work I have to finish." Nobunaga said. He had barely touched his dinner, just as Harumi.
"Okay, good luck..." She said in a timid voice, still recovering from his small outburst earlier. She hated that she was even scared of Nobunaga, but she couldn't help it.
"I'm here to see how you're doing." The castle physician said while bowing to Harumi. They had checked for injuries at the basecamp and when she first arrived back at the castle. She had some bruises, scratches and bumps but nothing major. She gave the man a questioning look.
"Didn't you already determine that I didn't obtained any serious injuries?" Harumi asked, not certain what to do or say.
"Yes, but lord Nobunaga-sama is very concerned about your well being." The doctor said.
"Well, everything is healing according to plan. Thanks you the ointments and lotions you gave me I think nothing will leave a scar." Harumi answered.
"Is your mind also healing?" The doctor asked. Harumi looked at him in shock.
"The mind is the most powerful thing there is, it is also very fragile and hard to mend once broken." He explained. Harumi didn't know what to say. She couldn't even say anything. She just started crying, to tired to hold it all in.
"I'm just so scared all the time." She said once she finally found some controle over herself.