"Anyway...is the cultivator here cooking something? Its smell is so divine that it could even catch the eye of the heavens!!" The bald man, in an attempt to divert the topic from his head, complemented Nick heavily. He thought that with such a comment he would at least be able to earn a small piece.
"You insult me, young monk!! My cooking won't just catch the eye of the heavens, it will also bring out their greedy behavior, they will probably nag me to death for a piece, sigh, trust me, it has happened before!" Nick corrected the bald man.
The bald man was stunned, there were just too many things wrong with that statement! Firstly, when did he insult the man? He had obviously complimented him to an extreme degree, secondly, why did he call him a young monk? Didn't they already establish that he was from a bald secret forces unit!
And thirdly, what the fuck brother, aren't you the reasonable one...to actually claim that the heavens would nag you for a taste...ok keep acting, I'll let you keep acting as long as you still give me a piece.
"Oh, big bro Nick, I think you made a mistake, last time you said that it can make the gods fight among themselves for a single slab of meat." Dean who was already deeply in love with Nick's food made it his mission to remember every comment Nick made while cooking.
"What? Dean is that what he told you, that can't be right, he told me that his cooking always causes an entire forest of beasts to line up to ask for a piece!" Maggie spoke up.
The countless cultivators that surrounded Nick because of the smell now all waited for Nick to explain himself, they were eager to see how this man would get out of this trap!
"Hey! Shhh, that was a secret! How can you just go around spreading my amazing feats all around the place?!! Even if they are one hundred percent accurate you guys are just making it too easy for me to find a girlfriend!"
"Now look, because of you're earlier statement look how all these women are looking at me with hunger, drooling, and salivating so intensely! If one of them took me away and forced me to be their husband don't even think of getting to taste my cooking again!!" Nick who seemed really anxious about the situation said.
All the women who were salivating and staring in hunger took their eyes off the juicy piece of meat, they were all staring at the meat just now and none of them really heard what Nick said, but for some reason, especially by the fact that the two kids beside the man were looking at them warily, they felt like they had secretly been insulted!
" Wow, I never knew that this brother here was so powerful...how about you offer me a seat so we can talk about it more." The bald man suggested, he wasn't bad at reading people and he could see with just one glance that the man loved bragging, so he would give him a chance, as long as he got to taste that thing it wouldn't matter anyway.
"Oh, please take a seat here Mr. Monk, let's share our legends with each other, I will go first!" Nick pointed at a random rock beside him and began to brag about it, he didn't even wait for the man to sit!
The man was slightly angry, why did you point at such a sharp rock?!! How could he possibly sit on that thing?!! But in order to taste the heavenly food he had to sacrifice and pretend like he was sitting on the rock, while in truth he was hovering a centimeter above it.
Nick then began to tell the man his life story, about how he met the Cooking god and defeated him, about how he was chased out of his home by lovestruck women, and even the story of the time he first lost his tooth!
"Seriously, that cooking god was so weak! He cooked a Godly Phenix on a cook-off against you, but you still defeated him by cooking boiled eggs?!! Big brother is so powerful!!"
"Oh, my god Big brother, did you say that those women actually chased after you because they enjoyed the sound of your fart?!! Big brother is mighty!"
"Not only is our big brother mighty and powerful he's also kind! Didn't you hear how he exchanged his front tooth with the gods just to cure a city of a plague, who does this kind of thing for people these days?!!" Maggi and Dean who were deeply entranced by Nick's story kept on clapping and crying out.
Everyone else was just staring at the bastard wide-eyed, was the word shame not in the man's vocabulary! How could he utter such words with a straight face? Who would take a tooth as repayment for curing a plague, and how come they could see he still had all of his teeth?
Nick who was in the middle of telling them another true story then noticed that the piece of meat on the fire had been cooked to perfection.
Calmly cutting the piece five ways he first gave each of the kids one, then Peter, then he gave one to the bald man before taking the last piece for himself!
Nick didn't mind feeding the bald man, it was a fair exchange after all, since he had found someone that liked listening to nonsense, it wouldn't hurt to give him a small piece right?
The bald man who had half expected not to get a piece was thrilled, he had been confident in getting a piece at first, but the more he heard the man's stories the more shameless he knew he was, and someone like that would never give things away for free, but it turns out he was wrong.
"Ummmmm, so gooooood! Makes you wanna smack your mamma!!" The bald man mumbled as he ate!
"What is going on here?!!!" However, a loud roar soon disturbed this harmonious atmosphere.
"General!!" All soldiers roared out in unison. Except for the bald man who was too busy of course.
"Captain! What are you doing?!! Get over here now!" The General who was searching for the man he had left in charge soon found him eating a piece of meat savagely by a small fire, sitting on a weirdly sharp rock!
The bald man who was busy enjoying the meat soon lifted his head and found the general staring at him in rage! So not idle around any longer as he walked up to the General and gave a formal salute with his right hand, but his left hand was still stuffing the piece of meat into his mouth!
"What is that Captain? Give it here!" The General ordered, unable to handle the incredibly mouth-watering smell the juicy meat was giving off.
Unwilling as he was, the bald man reluctantly handed the small remaining piece to the General. The General then shamelessly shoved the meat into his mouth, and soon his eyes shone brightly as he stared at Nick in amazement.
He could tell that not only was the meat amazingly delicious, but it was also incredibly helpful for cultivation! That small piece he had eaten just now contained so much pure energy that he would probably need to sit cross-legged for weeks to fully process it!
But then he was even more terrified to see how the two kids beside the man were eating the meat so ravenously, how were they able to stay awake while eating such a powerful source of energy?!!
Yet how could he know that the two kids have perfected the art of eating while unconscious! The kids had long lost consciousness, but their bodies moved by muscle memory as they devoured the piece of meat!
Then as soon as they finished eating, all three of them Peter included fell sideways and began snoring. Nick then began to carry the kids back to the carriage to shield them from the cold. As for Peter, Nick obviously wasn't going to carry a fully grown man to bed, instead, he threw some blankets on him and returned to his seat by the fire.
"Hahaha, boy congratulations, you have officially become the head Chef of the Imperial palace!!" The General announced this was the only way he could return to the Emperor's good books. Such a talented and powerful cook should only serve the palace after all.
"Oh, okay, but you don't have the authority so...I don't think you can assign such a position!" Nick replied calmly.
"What do you mean boy?" The General was baffled by Nick's statement.
Nick frowned slightly as he said, " You see before you assigned me that position, I demoted you to a regular soldier, so I don't think you can assign anyone in your current state."
"Hehehe boy, I am the general, only the Emperor himself can demote me!"
"No, correction, you were a general, now you are a soldier and anybody can demote you!" Nick replied firmly.
"But you can't!"
"But...I did, what should we do about this troublesome situation?" Nick who looked genuinely troubled asked the General.
"Wait, never mind I've promoted you back to a general, and I'll be accepting that position as Head Chef of the palace!" Nick said solemnly all of sudden. As for why he did that, it was mainly because he was assigned a sudden mission!
Ding! Sudden mission from the System's guide, poison the entire royal family with laxatives!
Reward- Random Dragon Egg!
Nick was determined to clog all the royal palace toilets!