LEE AND I were lounging in my back garden; the sun was shining and the weather was too nice to stay inside. We generally spent days like this relaxing around Lee's pool. His garden was nicer than mine too: we had one of those swinging chairs with a canopy, but it was so old it creaked whenever it moved. And half the grass had died – Dad had been too busy lately to fix it up, and too stubborn to hire a gardener.
I had suggested we go to Lee's, pointing out that the pool would be great right now. But Lee had wanted to wait a bit.
'Shelly, my dad said he'd text me when it was safe to go back. Meaning when either Noah's stormed off or they're done arguing and telling him off for everything. And I haven't heard anything yet.'
'Was it really that bad?'
'Trust me, you don't even want to know.'
Just then, his cell phone rang and he fished it out of his pocket. He frowned and didn't answer straight away, as I'd expected.
'Who is it?' I asked, getting up to see the screen.
'Noah,' he muttered as I saw the caller ID. 'What the hell does he want?'
'Here's a thought: answer it and find out.'
He gave me a mock glare and clicked to answer. 'What?'
I heard Noah's voice on the other end, sounding equally unhappy, but I couldn't make out what he was saying.
'Sure,' Lee said, then handed the phone to me. 'Your cell's still off. He wants to talk to you.'
'Oh.' I took the phone, and found I was smiling, even at the prospect of talking to him over the phone. And he hadn't even said anything yet. What was up with me lately? 'Hi.'
But I knew exactly why that was. It was the same reason I'd said I'd go to the dance with him – however much I tried to find a reason to prove otherwise.
'I've been trying to get hold of you for ages.'
'"Ages" being how long exactly?'
'Um, the last four minutes? I tried you twice.'
I laughed. 'Oh yeah, that's really "ages", Mr. Impatient. What did you want, anyway?'
'Listen, Elle . . .' Noah sounded kind of weird, like he was finding it hard to speak. I could imagine him tugging at his hair, rubbing a hand over his cheek. I frowned a little, wondering what was up.
Then he said it. Those fatal words.
I knew I should have stopped things with Noah a long time ago – hell, I shouldn't have even started. But it was too late now. I knew I was in too deep, because the next words he said made me stop breathing for a moment.
He sighed into the phone. 'We need to talk.'
We were going to meet at the Starbucks on the edge of town. That was all I got out of the conversation. I hadn't been able to say a word other than stammering out, 'Okay.'
'What's up?' Lee asked me, looking concerned. 'You look really freaked out.'
'I – he – we're . . . Starbucks . . .'
'What? Shelly, take a breath then tell me what he said. But first of all – are you okay?'
I nodded, then shook my head. 'Well . . . I – I don't know. He . . . we . . .' I took a breath. 'He said that we need to talk.'
Lee winced, sucking in a breath. 'Ouch. But – wait, are you serious? Are you sure that's what he said?'
I nodded. 'We're meeting at Starbucks at eight o'clock.'
'That's in, like, an hour.'
I nodded. 'I have to go get ready . . .' Numbly, my legs feeling wooden, I went up to my room, feeling in that dream-like, dazed state. Dad was busy working in the lounge, and Brad had gone to the local park with some of his friends. Lee jogged up the stairs after me.
'Hold on, what do you think is going on?'
'He's breaking up with me, isn't he? I mean, we only just started going out officially . . . and now he's going to end it, right? That's what people say when they want to break up. They say, "We need to talk," and then they say, "It's not you, it's me," and—'
Lee snapped his fingers right in front of my face, making me jump since I hadn't expected it. 'Calm down.'
'Sorry . . .'
'Look, maybe he just . . . wants to talk. Maybe he's not going to break up with you. I don't see why he would.'
'But – but then he'd have told me, wouldn't he? He'd have said, "Don't worry, we're not breaking up." Oh, God, what do you wear for someone to break up with you?'
I started rifling through my closet and drawers, looking for something to wear. I was serious – should I wear something really cute and make him think twice about dumping me? Should I wear what I already had on – my old denim shorts and purple tank top – so it looked like I didn't care that he was breaking up with me?
I decided not to get changed but to put on a bit of make-up.
'Elle, chill – he probably doesn't want to break up. He's crazy if he does.'
'Thanks, Lee, that's really reassuring.' I picked up my eyeliner, but my hand was shaking too much, so instead, I threw myself down on my bed, covered my face with my hands, and gave a cry of frustration.
I knew I'd gotten too close to Noah. I just hadn't wanted to believe it. I'd thought that by telling myself it wasn't possible, that would make it true. That by telling myself I wasn't getting in too deep, it would mean I hadn't . . . hadn't fallen for . . .
I wondered just how long I'd felt this way about him. Now – now, when I finally realized, he was about to break up with me.
Even Brad had known before I did. And Lee . . . he knew. That's why he kept giving me those weird looks. My dad and Rachel had guessed it too; those looks on their faces made sense now. Was I really the last one to realize how I felt?
I'd known, though, deep down; I was just too scared to admit it to myself.
Logic told me he definitely didn't reciprocate; he was about to break up with me. We need to talk . . . I gnawed on my lip.
I felt Lee's hand on my knee; when I opened my eyes, he was leaning right over me, his nose an inch from mine, his big blue eyes staring straight into mine. I stared right back.
'Lee . . .'
'Mm?'
'We have a problem.'
'Mm?'
'I think . . .' I gulped, looking him right in the eyes. 'I think I might have fallen for him.'
'At last. Jeez, I would've thought that was obvious when you agreed to go to the dance with him. No one in their right mind would've agreed. I was waiting for you to tell me when you'd said he was your date to the dance.'
'Wait – you knew, and you didn't tell me?'
'I thought you had to figure it out for yourself . . . Okay, okay,' he admitted, seeing my skeptical look. 'I thought you wouldn't admit it.'
'How did you know before I did?' I said stupidly.
'I'm your other half. The Ashley to your Mary Kate, the Thing One to your Thing Two,' he added with a smirk.
'Lee, what am I going to do? He's going to break up with me . . .'
Lee shrugged. 'I don't know what to tell you, Shelly. Except that it'll be okay. And you know why? Because you've got me. I told you – whatever happens, I'm here for you. Whether you get heartbroken or – or pregnant, or what.'
I smiled. 'Well, so long as I've got you . . .'
He laughed. 'Consolation prize, eh?'
'Don't be silly. You're not the consolation prize. You're my best friend.'
He gave me a small, sad smile. 'But I'm not as important to you as he is. I can't compete with the guy you're in love with. Whether he's my brother or not.'
'Lee, don't be stupid. You will always, always, always be the biggest man in my life. Except for my dad. But you're pretty close.' I smiled. 'Noah or no Noah. No guy is ever going to come between us. Ever. Got that?'
'No girl, either,' he told me. 'Best buds.'
'We'll grow old together and everything.'
'Can't imagine playing knock-knock-ginger without you in your wheelchair beside me trying to whiz away at high speed.'
I laughed, and gave him a big hug. He squeezed me back tight enough to force all the air out of me.
'You're really worried about losing me, huh?' I teased.
'Was I that obvious?'
'I don't want to lose you either.'
He grinned and winked at me. 'Hey, you ever wonder if things would've worked out if we'd . . . you know, ever got together?'
I raised my eyebrows slightly.
'I'm not suggesting we should've tried it!' he added quickly. 'I'm just saying.'
'Everyone expected us to end up together.'
'God only knows why. Too many chick flicks and cheesy novels, I say.'
I laughed. 'We would've sucked as a couple.'
'Damn straight. Would've messed us up royally.'
I laughed in agreement. I don't know how I would've handled it if Lee had told me he loved me romantically. We would only ever be best friends. 'Besides, you're all loved up with Rachel.'
'And you are with Noah.'
'For now at least . . . Thanks for reminding me.'
'Damn. I was doing a pretty good job of keeping your mind off it, wasn't I?'
'You were, with your big sappy moment there. Now move – you're blocking my light and I need to do my make-up.'
He laughed, shifting to let me get to my dresser. At least my hand wasn't shaking now so I could actually do my eyeliner without stabbing myself in the eye.
'Do you want a ride? You kind of need to be leaving soon, if you don't want to hit traffic . . .'
'Yes, please,' I said, shoving a couple of five-dollar bills into my pocket. Lee eventually found his car keys in his pocket after hunting through gum wrappers and dimes.
'All right, let's go get heartbroken,' I said with a wry smile.
He smacked my back – a little too hard. Almost like he thought it'd knock some sense into me. I stumbled forward and had to grab the banister to stop myself from crashing down the rest of the stairs.
'Calm down. It'll be fine.'
Funny thing was, though, I didn't really believe him.
We got to Starbucks soon after eight, since there was a little traffic. I could see Noah's bike parked outside. I made a mental note to call Lee to come pick me up before accepting a ride back from Noah – if he even offered . . .
'Just send me a text if you want me to come get you, okay?' Lee told me softly as we walked up to the door. I nodded and went inside, my eyes raking the room nervously. I saw a hand go up: Noah was at a table toward the back, tucked in by the window.
Lee squeezed my arm. 'You'll be fine, Shelly. Besides . . . he doesn't deserve you.'
I laughed, but it sounded forced. 'I'll talk to you later, Lee.'
He gave me a military salute and I turned to face Noah, walking over with my chin held high.
He looked even more handsome than usual. Maybe it was because I realized how I felt about him, or maybe it was because I was on the verge of being dumped by him. His hair was windswept, and he was wearing dark-wash jeans and a plain white T-shirt, his beaten old leather jacket on top. He actually stood up when I reached him, which surprised me.
I could almost hear Lee saying, 'Ooh, look who turned Noah into a gentleman!' with a nudge in the ribs.
'Hey,' Noah said, sounding a little flustered and breathless. 'Uh, sit down.'
So I sat down. We both started speaking at the same moment, then stopped, then started again.
'You go first,' we said unanimously. He cracked a half-smile, half-smirk, and I let out a breath of laughter.
Then a waiter bustled up, some guy in his mid-twenties looking like he was on a caffeine buzz to keep him going through another shift. 'What can I get you guys?'
'Uh . . .' Were we even staying that long? Or was Noah just going to cut me loose and ride off on his two-wheel death-trap?
'I'll have a regular coffee,' he told the guy. Then he pointed a finger at me and said, 'And she'll have a half-fat latte with whipped cream on top.'
The guy scribbled on his pad, nodding away, and said, 'Great. I'll get those for you right away.'
Once he was gone, all I could say was, 'How do you know my coffee order?'
'You had one before. It was a weird order – I guess that's why I remembered it.'
'Oh.' I was shocked – but shocked in a good way. This guy couldn't be about to break up with me, could he?
I so, so badly wanted to believe Lee had been right; that his brother really was whipped. But . . .
But.
There was always a 'but'.
I didn't say anything, and neither did Noah. We just waited silently until our coffees came, and then he just took a sip and leaned back in his chair, one leg crossed up on his knee, an arm slung over the back of the chair.
I didn't bother sipping my latte yet; it would only scald my tongue. I wasn't willing to burn all my taste buds off my tongue, even if there was an awkward silence.
Then, at last, he decided to speak. 'Look, we need to talk.'
'Are you breaking up with me?' I blurted, unable to hold the question in any longer.
He sighed, and my heart dropped away. I felt deflated, seeing the look on his face.
'Listen, Elle, I want you to hear me out, okay?'
I nodded – what else could I do?
'I've been offered a place at Harvard. On the Computer Science course there.'
'Harvard . . . like, Harvard in Massachusetts?'
He nodded. 'Yeah.'
'That's great – congratulations.' Except my voice didn't have the right amount of enthusiasm in it. I tried again. 'That's fantastic, Noah.'
'I know. But . . .'
There it was again. That horrible, horrible word.
Only this time, a part of me liked hearing it.
'Whoa, wait, no buts. You can't not go to Harvard.'
'It's in Massachusetts. On the other side of the country, Elle. I got into the University of California in San Diego. It's not that far away, even, and they have a good engineering course—'
'Noah, why would you even consider giving up Harvard? You can't do that.'
'I don't know,' he sighed. He sounded so confused and helpless. 'My parents want me to go, but I don't know if it's just because they want to ship me off so they haven't got to deal with me anymore. I've accepted the offer, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.'
'I'm sure your parents are just happy for you. It's amazing. It's a great opportunity. Of course they want you to go.'
'They were so mad at me,' he said with a small humorless laugh, watching his finger run around the rim of his mug. 'Especially over everything with you . . . They just want me gone.'
'They don't want you gone. They're only worried about you.'
'Whatever,' he said, sounding so defeated I didn't even bother trying to argue.
I ran my index finger around the side of my mug and looked down at the steam rising from my latte, and said, 'I'm happy for you.'
He reached over and cupped my face in his hand, gently brushing his thumb over my cheek. My heart skipped a beat. 'There's this whole thing with you now, and I don't know what I want to do.'
I gulped. He wasn't going to say it. Lee was wrong. I was just fooling myself. I was ridiculous to think he'd ever, ever say that to me.
He looked into my eyes for the longest moment, then leaned over and kissed me incredibly softly, sending shivers up and down my spine.
His lips lingered on mine for a long, long time; then he sat back in his chair. I couldn't quite make out his expression, but there was a deep line creasing his forehead.
'Elle, I know I – I was a complete asshole, and I said I'd try and make things up to you, but . . . thing is, I just . . .' He sighed, ran a hand back and forth through his hair, making it stick up at all kinds of angles. 'Elle, I'm going to be going to college in the fall, and I don't know how things are going to work out and I don't want to lose you. I don't want to break up with you, but—'
'Noah,' I tried interrupting.
Then he said, 'No, forget it. It can wait. Look, finish your coffee and we'll get going. I want to take you someplace.'
'Where?'
'I can't tell you, that'd ruin the surprise. But you're going to like it, trust me. It's not far away but we need to go soon if we're to get there in time.'
I wanted to ask, 'Get where?' but I knew he wouldn't tell me so I stayed silent, sipping my coffee. Noah pretty much downed his, and I wondered at how it didn't burn his throat.
When I put my mug back down, Noah chuckled.
'What?'
He reached over and brushed his finger over the tip of my nose before wiping it with a napkin. 'You had some cream on it.' My cheeks flamed, but he laughed. 'It was cute. Now come on . . .'
'Okay, okay!' I laughed. 'Why are you so impatient today?'
Then I realized something: 'Oh, God, no, I'm not going anywhere with you.'
'What? Why not?'
'You have your bike. I saw it outside. I'm not going on that thing ever again. Once was bad enough.'
'Aw, come on, everyone deserves a second chance. You gave me one. Don't hate the bike.'
I laughed, momentarily forgetting the nausea and worry of potentially losing Noah. Besides, right now, I felt a lot more confident. I honestly didn't think he was breaking up with me; he'd even said he didn't want to lose me.
'I'm sorry, I can't do it. I can't get on that thing, it's horrible.'
'But you can snuggle up to me,' he said teasingly. 'Come on, it's seriously not half as bad as you make out.'
'It's awful,' I told him sternly. 'I'm sorry, I can't do it. I cannot get on that bike with you.'
'Well, you don't have a choice. I'm taking you to this place even if I have to tie you up.'
I frowned.
'I'm kidding. But it'll be worth it, I promise.'
'No.'
He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the lips. 'Please? I swear, it'll be completely worth it. I'll be your slave for life if you don't like it.'
How could I say no to that face?
So I said, with a suspicious frown, 'For life?'
'Yup.'
'Okay, okay, but just this once. And you owe me – big time. Even if I do like it.'
'Whatever you say, Shelly. But you're going to love it. And the bike won't be half bad either.'
'I highly doubt that. I hate you sometimes, Noah Flynn.'