It was cold and dark. I could not see a single thing for mile but I knew that I had to keep walking, something inside me told me I needed to keep walking but I am not sure for how long or what my final destination is but I need to see the end.
I try hard to think of my memories but everything is a blur and I can't stop my head from pounding from the effort of trying to remember. So instead I give up and just focus on walking. It started to snow, at least I think it's snow. It looking like specks of dust and it's white, I streach out my head to catch one and the moment it touches my hand it melts, leaving a small puddle.
The white stuff is starting to pile up and I have no choice but to push forward. It's starting to get colder and I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm. I shiver, well I think I shiver, my body is shaking on it's own but the voice in my head is starting to get louder. It doesn't sound familiar and now I believe it's not even my own thoughts.
"Hello?" I call out and I see a puff of white smoke leave my mouth as I speak. I am bewildered I never knew my body could produce something like this and it fascinates me. "Hello, hello, hello." I say again and again with every word more of this white smoke is produced. I feel the corners of my mouth move upwards and I feel good maybe even happy? I'm not sure.
The voice in my head sounds upset and is even calling me an idiot. The corners of my mouth fall downward and I stick out my tongue with defiance. "I'm not an idiot you are!" I shout back but instantly feel like the voice was right as I was fighting with no one but myself.
I look around and the white stuff that I will call snow is getting too high but I'm not scared I could really care less I just want to move forward. The voice says if I complete my journey we can meet. I feel motivated I need to tell this person who is living in my head that they are the idiot but I need to do it in the right way and say it to their face, so I move faster.
My strides are strong, my pace is good, I look back and I can't see my tracks I must have been walking for a long time and yet the snow was able to hide my path so well. The voice in my head is singing to me. I have grown found of this voice that has been living in my head and my heart feels warm, the corners of my mouth turn upwards again and my body feels light.
The warmth is radiating from my body and the snow is starting to disappear. My body is starting to feel lighter and I can't stop myself from singing along with the voice in my head. "Darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70 and baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23 and I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe just the touch of a hand."
My voice is loud and my heart is light I can feel my steps turn into strides as I start rising into the air. I look down and see that the path I had melted was actually circular. I had been lost, my heart was heavy and I was walking in circles. I thank the voice in my head for helping me understand that it was my heart that was keeping me down.
The voice and I keep singing in sync with one another. "I fall in love with you every single day and I just wanna tell you I am. So honey now take me into your loving arms." A light is opening up above me, the darkness is fading and my memories are rushing back into me, I allow the tears to flow from my eyes and run down my face. The signing had stopped so I could relive the life I had from the moment of my birth to my my last moments before I passed on.
I float higher and higher towards a beautiful blue sky. The sun is shining gold and there are clouds everywhere. I look down at myself and see that I am not solid, I look like me but younger, healthier but transparent. I move my hands in the air to test out the flow of the universe. It was all the same, nothing really changed other than me, the world kept on going even though I was not part of it and I came to terms with it very quickly.
I look around there should be someone waiting for me here. I keep searching frantically and my heart is racing. Finally I see who I was looking for, her soul is radiating as she holds a tiny boy in her arms. She smiles at me and starts to sing to me. "Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your head on my beating heart."
I start to run towards them, I don't feel my feet hitting the ground but I don't care I wanted to be with them. I stretch out my arms and catch them in my embrace. "I'm thinking out loud maybe we found love right where we are." I sing loudly to them.
I couldn't believe it. I have them in my arms and I couldn't have been happier but the moment was passing and suddenly I felt bitter sweet. I look at my wife and she looked like the woman from my memories. Black flowing hair, waving behind her, beautiful brown eyes, plump red lips and skin as white as falling snow.
I place a loving kiss on her lips and the look at the small boy in her arms. He was just as beautiful as his mother. His hair was black, his eyes were almond shaped but he had my hazel eyes, his lips my light pink and small, while his cheeks were plush like marshmallows. I just wanted to kiss him but there was something I needed to know.
"My love have you named him?" She looked at my with a radiating smile. "No I have been waiting for you to name him." I start to cry but could care less about it. I take the child from my wife's arms and bring him close to my heart. "Jaden, I think I want to name him Jaden." I say as I look at my beloved wife.
She looks to me happily and comes in for a hug. "It's wonderful" she says as she grabs my hand and starts walking upwards. The higher we go the darker the sky gets and smaller the world looks behind us. "Where are we going?" I ask but my wife laughs at me. "To our home so we can watch over our loved ones."
I stop in my tacks and make my wife look at me. "Do you hate me for what happened?" My wife glides to me and places a loving hand on my cheek. She looks at me with a bittersweet smile. "What happened was not your fault. You had good intentions and loved our daughter, you doubted her for what you thought was for her best interest so no I don't hate you. I'm angry you left her behind too soon but again that was not your fault. She is not so little anymore and is not alone in the world but we must have faith in her strength and her. So my love let's go home and watch her from the stars."
I nod and feel lighter than before as we make our way towards home, our final resting place among the stars that my little girl loved so much. I look back one more time with her little brother in my arms. "Until we meet again my little Livy."