Jinde sighed when the door fell shut and let go of Leng Jin Yu's arm.
"You're still mad at me?"
Jinde chuckled. "Of course not. How old do you think I am?" He smiled but it was still a little strained.
Leng Jin Yu reached over and cupped his cheek. "I'm sorry. Even though I can explain, that wasn't something that should have happened in the first place. You already told me that there were such problems in the past and I … still let it happen just like that."
Jinde reached up and covered Leng Jin Yu's hand with his own. "It's alright. Actually, it might have been a good thing. What you just said made me realize that I shouldn't take things for granted."
"What are you even saying?" Leng Jin Yu slid closer and wrapped Jinde up in his arms. "You can take me for granted."
Jinde chuckled again and snuggled up against his chest. "You know … That's something very nice you said there. Unfortunately, it's not true. I … should probably tell you what exactly happened back then."
"You don't have to."
"But that is what you meant, right? You can't just plunge into this relationship if you don't know what happened back then. You'll upset me with things you can't understand and I'll be angry even though I don't have the right to. Because it's my fault. If I don't tell you, how can I expect you to know?"
"It's your life. And … I guess it's a part of your life that will hurt you very much when you remember it. I don't want to force you to tell me."
Jinde looked up and gently stroked Leng Jin Yu's cheek. "It does hurt. Every moment I remember of it hurts me. Especially since I know that Chun Yin will never come back. But I knew that long ago and it's not like I wouldn't remember it if I don't tell you about it. Quite the contrary. I just can't help but think of the time back then. So rather than keeping silent about it, I think it's better to tell you outright. If I do, we can take a step forward too. Isn't that enough of a compensation? And maybe starting over with you will make the things from back then hurt less."
"Mn. Maybe you're right. And I would like to hear about it. I can't deny that."
"Then I'll tell you." Jinde took a deep breath and turned to look out of the window. We were still children when we met for the first time. You were about to become the disciple of our king. In fact, the ceremony had already been held so I guess it would be more accurate to say you already were his disciple. My mother had heard that he was taking somebody in and even though she knew that you were supposed to be his only disciple, she still dragged me over there and knelt down to beg him to take me in."
"I hope I didn't make trouble."
Jinde laughed and turned back to him. "No. Quite the contrary. The king wasn't sure if he should really take me in. On the one hand, he had only wanted to take one disciple. On the other hand, it hadn't been long since my father died while protecting him. I guess he felt a little guilty. His decision depended on you to a large degree."
Jinde encircled Leng Jin Yu's neck and peered into his eyes, his own gaze puzzled. "I don't know what it was but you took one look at me and it was obvious that you had no problem whatsoever to have me as your junior martial brother. In fact, you seemed thrilled at the prospect."
"Maybe it was love at first sight?"
Jinde gave a low hum. "It could be. Dragons can be quite simple-minded in choosing their partners."
"Oh?"
"Mn. As for us … We were expected to stay in the palace to be taught. We spend the bigger part of our childhood and all of our youth together. I don't know when exactly the friendship we had developed at the start changed into something else.
"I … had admired him for a long time. Chun Yin was famed for his sword arts even when he was only a young man. There was hardly anyone who could defeat him. That kind of strength and that self-assuredness he displayed alongside it … It was irresistible to me."
"That sounds as if I was someone very dependable."
Leng Jin Yu got a mocking gaze in return.
"Dependable?" He laughed. "Well, you might say it like that. Actually, if I try to be objective, you weren't. You were … self-important and conceited and much too demanding. You always expected things to go your way. But … maybe you were right with that. Because most of the time they did. I certainly wouldn't have objected to anything you said."
Leng Jin Yu kept silent. His past self didn't sound too good to him. Just how had Jinde fallen in love with him? Were dragons really that different?
Jinde could feel how uncomfortable he was with this description and he barely held back from laughing. "I know it sounds bad. But it was how we grew up. Chun Yin was a prodigy with the sword and his character … It might have been a little flawed but a lot of dragons are like that. Just look at Qiu Ling. Most of the time he feels like he is Heaven's gift to all immortal realms."
Leng Jin Yu coughed. "Should you really say that about him? Isn't he your king?"
Jinde smiled and his fingers slipped into Leng Jin Yu's hair. "Wait until I've told you the rest of the story."
"Alright." Leng Jin Yu smiled and interlaced his fingers behind Jinde's back. Mn, he shouldn't interrupt him if not necessary. Jinde would know how to tell him.
It was just that it felt a little strange to hear him talk about this Chun Yin. In a sense, Jinde was talking about his past lover while he was also talking about him. He didn't know how to feel about this exactly.