"Anyway, I'm sure Chun Yin thought about me the same way even though he might have needed a bit more time. He wasn't … very subtle in that regard." Jinde sighed. "Unfortunately, life got in the way. Before we had the time to figure out where we wanted this to go the king announced that he would step down. Generally, everyone has the right to attempt to become king. But the previous king's opinion will value a lot and being the strongest won't necessarily make you the new king. We're not demons, after all."
Jinde lowered his head when he reached this part of the story. He hadn't wanted to tell Leng Jin Yu about his status in the dragon realm for now. Speaking about it made him feel strange. After all, it had been so long ago. He had grown older and somehow, this seemed to open up an invisible wall between them. One that he definitely didn't like being there. He wanted to be close to him, as close as possible. Unfortunately, the problems between Chun Yin and him couldn't be explained without talking about this part of their lives.
"To make a long story short the king wanted us to compete for the throne. We did him the favor but we both thought that Chun Yin would win anyway."
Leng Jin Yu tensed. He didn't want to interrupt but he could barely hold back the question at the tip of his tongue. Did Jinde want to tell him that he … had become the king of the dragon race? Was the reason why he didn't care about talking to Longjun that way that he was his predecessor?
Jinde smiled wryly. "Don't look at me like this. I wasn't better suited to the throne at all. The only reason I won was that the demons interfered in the trial. Unfortunately, I only found out much, much later when everything was too late already. So, yes, I was the dragon king. And that was one of the reasons while things between Chun Yin and I didn't work out."
Leng Jin Yu frowned. "He rejected you because you managed to get the throne while he …"
"Not … not really, no. Sure, Chun Yin was a little conceited and he certainly thought that he was better suited but in all the years he always supported me. He didn't complain about me being king either. It was just … he couldn't imagine being with his king. That was …" He shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe his self-esteem wouldn't let him? Maybe he also did it for me because he didn't want people to talk? The dragons are pretty open-minded in regard to relationships but since we fought for the throne it might have been strange if we got together afterward. It wouldn't have been the same if he …"
Jinde sighed again and his fingers combed through Leng Jin Yu's black hair. "Nobody believed I would win. That competition was just for appearance's sake. Even our Master thought so. Had Chun Yin won and become king, it wouldn't have been a problem at all to make me his lover. Actually, people might have expected that too. After all, we were close and … I could probably be regarded as a beauty." He laughed but it didn't sound happy at all.
"Chun Yin always liked the way I looked. If he had indeed become king, he would have asked me instantly. I know that. But that plan the demons had was too elaborate. It cut the chance for that relationship off before it even started. And Chun Yin was too stubborn and too prideful to go after me even after some time. He only reconsidered when talk about my marriage came up."
"I guess he got jealous?"
"Mn. Very much so. Chun Yin might have been able to ignore me while I was alone but when the issue was brought up he started to behave differently. It wasn't that bad as long as it was about women. We had known each other long enough that he knew I couldn't even imagine starting a relationship with one of them. But when the first male suitor appeared …" He shook his head and his lips couldn't help but curve up. "I myself didn't notice at first but somehow things always went wrong. Oftentimes, I wouldn't even get to see those men. And if I did … When it didn't work out it wasn't a problem. But if I got along well with one of them, they got into accidents or lost interest very suddenly. I needed a while to find out that Chun Yin was behind that."
Leng Jin Yu coughed and looked away. Ah, had he really been that unreasonable back then?
"Don't look like that. I … was very happy when I found out. I thought that maybe we still had a chance. I was waiting for you. Each day when I got up I looked at the door and wondered if maybe today you would come and make it official. Unfortunately, things got even worse. There were some rumors that I had already decided on someone. That night you got drunk and … the next day, you were married."
"I …"
Jinde shook his head. "I've already told you that it's not so complicated. There were no witnesses that night but somebody found the two of you the next morning. I don't know whether you were just too slow to reject it or if you didn't even try but it only took a few hours for everyone to know. That day I … I don't remember much about it. After I heard that you had decided on somebody else … I lived the rest of the day in a daze."
"I'm sorry." Leng Jin Yu tightened his grab on him and gently kissed his cheek. "I'm here now. And something like that will never happen again. I'm only yours."
"Mn. I believe you. Although you should know that that wasn't the end of us. There was … another mistake we made. Do you want to hear?"
Leng Jin Yu pressed his eyes shut. No, actually, he didn't want to. It was already more than enough. Just how many mistakes could one man make? It seemed he had already done all of them.
In the end, he still nodded. Jinde had suffered for a long time because of his decisions back then. Why should he be able to just say no and ignore these matters? Jinde had the right to talk about it and let him know. And that way he hopefully wouldn't make any more mistakes.