Tian gently lowered him down onto the edge of the bed and knelt before him, taking Jing He's hands into his and pressing a kiss onto each of them.
"I love you." He only whispered but this kind of whisper felt more like hearing a prayer than actually talking to him.
Jing He didn't know what to say. He should probably respond but … but how? Whatever he said it would certainly seem feeble in the face of his lover's fervent confession.
While Jing He still fretted over what to do Tian didn't stop and just continued with what he had been doing. His hands let go of Jing He's and instead cupped his calves, gently kneading the soft flesh through the thin fabric of the robe, preparing him for what was to come later.
Tian lowered his head and placed a kiss on top of Jing He's knee, his lips lingering for a moment. When his beloved didn't protest he leaned forward and kissed him once more, higher up on his thigh. There still wasn't any protest but Jing He also hadn't moved the hands that Tian had held just before.
Did he want to continue? Did he want to stop? Just looking at how he was sitting there it wasn't obvious at all. Most likely Tian wanted to make sure before he did anything overboard. His raspy voice once again broke the silence of Jing He's palace.
"Then … Let's go to bed?"
His words startled Jing He out of his thoughts and he replied by instinct. "My clothes …"
Both of them froze. What had he just said? And what had it been a response to? Why did it seem as if … he had just asked his lover to help him take off his clothes?
Jing He's cheeks flushed and he wanted to say something to make sure Tian wouldn't misunderstand him but his lover was faster. Tian's hands shot forward, aiming to undo Jing He's belt and finally peel those clothes off him.
Jing He hurriedly reached out and clasped the fabric to his body. "I …" He wanted to speak up again but his voice sounded too breathless even in his own ears. With that kind of voice … whatever he said would probably be misunderstood anyway.
Jing He's face heated up even more. Without knowing what else to do, he hurriedly lied down and faced away from his lover, pulling the blanket over him. He intently listened for sounds behind him but there was nothing.
Jing He tightly gripped his sleeve below the blanket. Why? Just why did he have to say something like that? What would his lover think of him now? Would he think he was cheap? Or would he think that he was trying to delay him? This … this wouldn't change anything between them, would it?
He was of half a mind to get up again and reach out to Tian to invite him to continue when finally the rustling of fabric sounded behind him. Tian had probably gotten up from the floor.
Jing He's heart raced. What now? Would he turn away and leave? Or would he lie down beside him? What if … what if he really left him? That couldn't be! He had to make sure he would stay with him! Maybe … maybe he really should … should invite him?
If he surrendered his body to Tian, then he certainly wouldn't leave him. As soon as he let it happen there was nothing that could separate them ever again. Tian was a dependable man. If he took him, then he would care for him for the rest of his life. So maybe it would be for the best. Maybe he should … let Tian embrace him.
But how? After what just happened he could hardly just fold back the blanket and ask, could he? Just imagining it Jing He felt like his cheeks were set ablaze. This really was too frivolous. What was he even thinking? But in case his lover took the first step again …
Jing He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, if he slipped under the blanket and reached out to him, then he would allow him. If he tried to touch him again, whether it was undoing his clothes or taking possession of his body he would allow him.
Jing He waited for the blanket to lift and for his lover to close in on him. His heart couldn't help but beat faster when he imagined how Tian's body would press up against his back. His breath would probably tickle his cheek or maybe even his neck and his hands … Jing He's eyes slightly misted over and he stroked the bed next to him, hoping for Tian to finally move. Now, after hesitating for so long and wondering if it was something he should do, something he could allow to happen, he was finally filled with excitement.
How would it feel? He knew it was wrong. They weren't married according to the gods' laws and they definitely shouldn't share a bed. It was … plainly wrong. But right now he wanted it. He wanted his lover to embrace him. Regardless of whether that made him frivolous or cheap or … even worse.
He wanted it. He wanted to lie in his arms and he wanted to do so without anything between them. If Tian took off his clothes, if his skin touched his lover's skin, if those hands roamed his body and explored whatever there was to explore … What was wrong about that? He would be his and he would be his forever. He had already made sure of it. His heart, his soul, they were completely his. So why shouldn't he surrender his body to him, too? Why shouldn't he give Tian everything of himself? Why shouldn't he finally let his lover do what he had desired for so long?
Unfortunately, Jing He was bound to be disappointed. Tian didn't lift the blanket and he definitely didn't try to strip him. After knowing each other for so long the image of Jing He being a person who was prim and proper was probably deeply ingrained in his mind. And after being rejected twice on the very same evening he might not have dared to make a third attempt.
He lied down next to Jing He but there weren't just their clothes between them. Tian even conscientiously made sure to lie on top of that blanket and only cradled Jing He in his arms after that.
His beloved, at that moment, felt slightly at a loss. After finally having decided and now being denied what he desired … he suddenly understood very well how his lover had to have felt all these years when he was rejected.