the_sleeping_panda

I gazed upon the ethereal face looking back at me. The clear water that reflects it catches my attention and I realize how such purity completes the picturesque view I'm basking my eyes in. For more than a fracture of a second, I felt envy run through my veins. Oh, to have a seemingly-perfect life.

I tapped on the reflected tattoo, water dancing in ripples under my touch. 

"Hiraeth," I muttered. almost inaudible, drowned by nature's very own whispers.

Tattoos don't need to have meaning. Some just have them because it just feels right. In my case, I guess both conventions apply.

Hiraeth. a Welsh word that holds different meanings. It can mean homesickness of a home you can never return to, or never was. It may also mean nostalgia, an earnest longing or desire, or a sense of regret. 

I had this inked on me for a reason. Maybe it was the first as I've always longed for a place where I can feel safe, where I can draw strength. My querencia. 

It could be the second. Memories have never left me since it flooded not only my mind but also my heart. What I had wasn't perfect. But it was definitely more than enough.

But I've also yearned for something. Perhaps recognition? Attention? Appreciation? Love?

The last one... possibly. For the sole reason that I regret meeting you. I regret being drawn by your eyes and your heart. I regret a lot of things in my life but the one I truthfully feel a wave of remorse for... was loving you.

I saw the reflection of a bitter smile that formed on my lips. Perhaps it was all of those reasons. 

Lies.

Betrayals.

Pain.

Excruciating pain.

Death.

It all leads back to you. For a moment, I stupidly and blindly assumed you were my haven. Turns out, you were gonna unleash the hell I didn't expect. One word holds thousands of memories. One word describes the infinite emptiness in me. One word.... Hiraeth

Table of Hiraeth: East Zobel

Table of contents

Volume 1