Funniest Quotes From Comedians

I am Racist. … I mean, my name is Racis T. I was a stand-up comedian. The flop one. The one who only get laughs when someone else is making fun of him. Anyway, I was doing one such show in a bar and since I like dark humor, I was cracking jokes around that. The show I was doing was in a run down bar, frequently visited by wicked tattooed motor bikers sort of people. I spewed some humorous jokes but no one seemed to get them as they were not laughing or maybe they got the jokes, that’s why they weren’t laughing. All in all, they were ignoring me. Being ignored didn’t sit right with my inner artist, who was starving to death, therefore, I decided to go darker. Though, I shouldn’t have done that. One of my jokes or maybe all of them triggered a man and as a result, he head-shotted me and I died on the stage. But see this : A man got triggered and he pulled the trigger. I did some word play here. But who cares. I am dead anyway. All I wanted was a successful show, people laughing and loving me and girls too. I am a true artist. I don’t care about money. All the money I would have earned I would be giving it to others. I would distribute 0.001 percent of all my money to the people in need. I don’t care about money at all. Nevertheless, a death is a death. So my story ended. Though, if there is an afterlife I would like to become a successful comedian, have a loving wife and have good enough money so I can afford only a three time meal and a humble private yacht or a jet will do too. I don’t care about money anyway. That was my dying wish. Though, I am using ‘though’ too much, don't mind. So yeah, as I was saying, I had that wish only if there was an after life and turned out… There really was an after life. Though, (‘though’ again?) it wasn’t what I wished for at all!! ——— ——— ——— Read My Review Gib Money - ko-fi.com/khyaal Join My Discord For Reference Arts and much more - https://discord.gg/zmUcswM2N5

Jake had always dreamed of reincarnating into a fantasy world—wielding magic, slaying monsters, and becoming a legendary hero. So when an angel appeared before him, offering him a choice between Heaven and Hell, he grinned and said, “Hell yeah.” He didn’t mean it literally. Offended by his smugness, the angel cast him straight into the depths of Hell. And when he finally clawed his way back into the living world, something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Now, in a world ravaged by shadowy abominations and floating islands of magic, Jake finds himself feared and hunted. The first person he saves—an injured girl—looks at him with horror, calling him the very monster that burned her village to the ground. Confused and desperate for answers, Jake soon learns the truth: he is the monster. Not human. Not even close. Elsewhere, in the depths of Hell, Lucifer lounges on his throne, smirking. "Ah… I forgot to mention—he might not reincarnate as a human." Now, forced to survive in a world that hates him, Jake must uncover the secrets of his rebirth, master his monstrous abilities, and decide—will he embrace his fate or defy it? One thing is certain: he’s not the same person he was before. And this world is about to find out why.

Auriel spent his entire life playing by the rules. He worked hard, helped others, and believed in the power of the law. The world repaid him with betrayal, exploitation, and, ultimately, with a pitiful death. But fate had other plans. Just as one life ended, another immediately began. He was reborn in a foreign world as a young mercenary, waking up surrounded by corpses, lost in a land where power is taken, not given. He knows that to have a fulfilling life this time around, he can't only hope that doing the right thing will be a reward in itself. He knows that he is no hero. And that heroes don't get paid... So, he is done being a pawn. If the world wants to take advantage of him again, he’ll take up the gloves and deal with it—on his own terms.

In a ravaged world where monstrous creatures have brought humanity to the brink of extinction, a glimmer of hope emerges. The Awakened, individuals with the ability to harness energy from their souls and wield mysterious, ancient weapons, rise to defend their world. Ernal, a young boy who discovers a powerful sword in an unexpected place, joins the fight alongside other Awakened individuals. As they battle to reclaim their world, the Awakened face unimaginable horrors and discover the true depths of their powers. With every victory, hope flickers brighter, and humanity inches closer to reclaiming their rightful place. But the war is far from over. The monsters continue to evolve, and the Awakened must adapt to survive. Can Ernal and his allies overcome the impossible odds and rekindle the flame of humanity, or will the darkness consume them all?

A young man becomes obsessed with a mysterious woman he briefly encounters in Times Square. After failing to catch her, he embarks on a desperate search that soon escalates into a dangerous pursuit, forcing him to confront unexpected violence and chaos.

What if you were transmigrated into the body of a villain who isn't even bulky but still is trash enough to be the reason for the death of his family? You, too, would curse him despite being him, right? Our Protagonist did that, too, but not for long. He isn't stupid- ...perhaps he is, but he learns from his mistakes. Inside being a character of a game that will soon be destroyed by the force otherworldly forces, the Protagonist will take action soon. In this journey from being in the body of trash to being the strongest to save the world to escape the game's reality, what can go wrong?

Within the popular VRMMORPG "New Genesis", there was a ranker by the name of Arthur Holmes, commonly known by his in-game alias “Merlin”. Arthur was one of the few original beta testers still playing after 30 years, he was originally a ranker, a player whose entire goal was to stay at the top, ahead of everyone else. However after 15 years he sacrificed his player ranking in search of knowledge. Arthur became a lore hunter, a player who indulges himself with the world's vast lore and unexplored history, preferring to uncover the world’s secrets rather than endlessly fighting monsters. At the age of 48, 30 years after the game came out, Arthur uncovered the greatest secret of all, and yet, ironically, his negligence in levelling up was the one thing holding him back from realising his goal, he knew he would never be able to catch up to the rankers, a gap of 15 years was Impossible to overcome. If only he could restart… ----- Super gifts will grant you a dedicated shout-out within the story. (Gifts of 5000 coins or more, those that get announced globally.) And you can join us on discord here: https://discord.gg/Wh7F8yQ Thank you for all the support, I appreciate all of you!

Surrounded by people who could use magic as naturally as breathing, who wouldn't want to do the same? The girl from the palace certainly wants to. And with the history of the ones around her, becoming capable of doing so was not hard to imagine. At least, that's what she thought with the information she had. But some things are rather difficult to imagine even with a child’s mind.

William Colwel, a disillusioned man with a dark past, is betrayed and murdered by a sinister cult that worships the ancient demon lord Asmodeus, the Prince of Hell and ruler of lust and vice. After his brutal death, his soul is cast into the fiery depths of Hell, where the flames of damnation scorch his very essence. But instead of fading into oblivion, William's tortured soul is drawn to the dark power of Asmodeus, who, recognizing the anguish and rage within him, offers him a twisted pact, one that will grant William unimaginable infernal power in exchange for his servitude. Reborn in hellfire, William's body is transformed into a monstrous, infernal warrior, clothed in blackened, semi-sentient armor forged in the abyss. He becomes a vessel for Asmodeus’s wrath, wielding powers of manipulation, seduction, and fire, bound by the demon lord’s will. But the pact comes at a price, William is constantly at war with the demonic influence that seeks to consume his humanity.

Kalem was born into a world where gods and monsters shaped the land with their endless wars, leaving mortals to suffer in their wake. Orphaned by divine wrath and hardened by survival, he refuses to be just another pawn in their cruel game. Armed with a burning will and a power he barely understands, Kalem sets out on a journey to rise above the gods themselves. Along the way, he battles fearsome creatures, forges uneasy alliances, and unearths secrets that challenge everything he knows about his world—and himself. But as he climbs higher, he must ask himself: is he becoming the hero he longs to be, or just another monster in a different form? Hello, author here this is my first book and appreciate if you gave it a chance. thanks

Christopher Bristol was a great person, but with bad luck in life. After dying in an accident, his soul travels to the afterlife, but along the way his soul deviates, taking him to a completely new planet for him. His path to becoming a God will bring him great sacrifices that will test his humanity.

Getting married a couple of months after their parents set them up at a birthday party, Rosa explores the complexities of her marital life and struggles as she balances her new-found reality.

In the year 2050, humanity discovered the Expanse—an ever-shifting dimension that fuels rapid technological progress but also births daemons. Those who merge with them become Cyberdaemons, wielding supernatural powers, while those who fail transform into monstrous aberrations. To explore this realm and combat its threats, the independent group of cyberdaemons, Mikoshi is formed. Fast forward to 2077, Jin Aida, a disillusioned high school student, is attacked by an aberration, unwittingly bonds with Chronoa, the daemon of time, awakening the power to control time. He meets Sora Amanai, the strongest Cyberdaemon who controls space and hopes to figure out the Expanse.

I am the son of Hades I go where I want Darkness is my birthright if I cannot bend heaven then I will raise HELL... I am DON from HELL ... The Prince of the underworld...the son Of Hades went to live on earth because of his curiosity towards Mortals...Without any powers and knowledge about current civilization. Due to some unusual circumstances, Hades decided to send His only Son on the planet... Only with one level up System so he can defend himself properly. Knowing Dons unpredictable Behavior, He first feared that he will cause havoc yet He took that chance for some reason that only a few Gods aware of... Era 21st century... Humanity almost became extinct but somehow new Hope rises where some Humans gained unimaginable powers to fight monsters, and protect themselves from other evil beings Humans only remember God's in mythology but refused to worship them like they never existed before them ... Portals of the monsters started appearing randomly on the earth and these heroes have to take care of it before these monsters come out ...... -------------------++++----------++++---------------++++------ ( This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance living or dead is purely coincidental )

Raika used to be a Cultivator. She lived in a sect, fought in tournaments, and cultivated to spite the heavens, as a cultivator should. While she was never the strongest, fastest or wisest, she held it in her heart to never, ever give up, and to stand for her ideals. And then an Imperial Cultivator destroyed her soul organs and left her crippled. In a world with a sun made of flaming serpents, reality-defying entities running amok, and a timeless, all-knowing Emperor ruling all through the power of his Blades and the constant advances and experiments of his Divisions, Raika is less than worthless, unable to see and feel the blood of reality- but when it's surrender or madness, she chooses madness. Embarking on a new path, Raika will find strange secrets, hidden paths to transformation, and abandon humanity, sanity, and the rule of the Empire to become something far stranger and far more powerful than she ever thought possible. In a world replete with enslaved Daemons used as WMDs, reality-bending powers, eldritch-punk technology, and strange pathways of cultivation and magic, she'll have to find allies, confront gods and monster, and defy the Heavens, her own body, and common sense to find a way to become something new. Facing a millenia-old Empire rife with corruption and unknown plans, impossible horrors from the edges of the world, Daemons, Witches, and her own broken soul, she won't stop until she's become truly free- but what will it cost, and can her insanity match the madness of the reality itself?

Cerita ini sebenarnya ada di berbagai blog di dunia maya. Dibuat oleh Gunawan Suryana dan di akun ini beliau meminta saya memasukkan versi lain dari Aigio dari Gorgonus.

Dans un monde où les dinosaures sont au sommet de la chaîne alimentaire , Un jeune garçon, assiste à la mort de son père lors d’une attaque des reptiles . Désormais, le seul protecteur de sa mère et de ses sœurs, il amorce un long périple pour devenir plus fort En rejoignant la célèbre organisation ” Prectus ” . Reste à savoir s’il pourra développer le pouvoir hérité de sa lignée pour affronter hommes et dinosaures qui se mettront sur sa route .

A story of a boy from Earth teleported to another world. With no OP ability but a key to a room, the only piece from his home world. It is a fantasy setting though there are limited high fantasy beings such as elves and dragons - a world where magic is past its prime.

I wrote these sonnets, poems, and quotes; in the darkest hours of my life and I hope some of you could relate. I write with all the love and joy I have for writing, just because I don't publish anything doesn't I still don't write behind closed doors.

Alyssa and Jake have been inseparable since childhood, their bond unshakable and their memories countless. But as high school begins, life grows more complicated, and the once simple lines of friendship blur. Between new faces, unexpected challenges, and the weight of unspoken feelings, the cogs of fate begin to turn. Will Alyssa and Jake remain the steadfast friends they’ve always been, or is their story destined to become something more? Dive into a tale of humor, heart, and the rollercoaster ride of growing up—where every moment might just change everything.

For Kim, his village was and meant everything to him. In a post apocalyptic world where everything was uncertain, this was better. This was home. Until that day the wounded priest came. Also available at novels.gg

The valiant and naive daughter of the general and the lady divine was carried away by a bloodied, enigmatic new portal that appeared on the same day a man's soul was drawn into the largest of the two ancient, well-known portals to which no male child was to be sacrificed to,known across all of the kingdoms.Since the portal was unable to claim the life of one of the chosen maidens, who was mentioned in a professy, a curse was placed upon the first-born child of the women whose powers were drawn in on the day of the sacrifice to purify the portal. Divine, the woman in the professy married a mortal, lessening the effect of the curse, which prevented her first child from being tortured and instead reduced her child's life expectancy. Vera, the terminally ill daughter of General Grey and Lady Divine, has less than a year to live.In order for her treatment to begin, she must wed the son of a notorious invoker who may cure her; however, an unexpected event occurs. Vera awakens to a strange world where, a mortal will cease to exist in 51 days if not brought to the surface. While she is temporarily living with Yong, the enigmatic, emotionless, and heartless prince of the darian world, she eventually discovers that he is the right man for her brief romantic journey; however, Yong stays away from her because of his own curse and buried past.When their two enigmatic and entirely distinct worlds collide, revealing Yong's way of wanting his woman.Will the innocent vera be able to handle his kind of pleasure?Can the naive Vera tolerate his kind of attention? ________ Cover is mine so please don't use it.

Rune was reborn in a new world where myths and legends walked the land. He meets an elven halfblood, Sigrid, during the right of passage ceremony which turns his life into a rollercoaster of battles, hardships and plots he never see coming! But with the aid of a dragon, a wolf and an unprecedented craftsmanship, who will stand on his path to supreme-dom. Join Rune as he paves his way into the skies, and beyond!

They say, Revenge could turn the brightest of hearts black. Seraphina didn’t care, she had vowed to make them pay, and she would play God in their lives like they had in hers. They thought they had brought her life to an end, but they should have been careful, very careful. Their carelessness and recklessness was about to cost them. She would make sure they regretted making an error with her… She would take back all they took from her… Including their lives and unlike them, she would get the job done perfectly.

Witness the strange happenings that occur on the Island of Toblitche