Jjk Critique

``` TERMINÉ ! Extrait : Il y a un an, Raine a été libérée de l'institution mentale et a dû vivre dans l'orphelinat. Ce n'était pas le meilleur endroit. Surtout pas pour quelqu'un comme elle. Jusqu'à cette nuit fatidique où elle l'a rencontré. *** Il arrêta la voiture. L'étreinte sur la couverture se resserra alors que Raine se demandait si elle avait fait quelque chose de mal. Elle le sentait lorsque Torak tendait la main vers elle. Va-t-il me frapper ? Raine frissonna à cette pensée. Torak repoussa la capuche de sa tête et replaça doucement ses cheveux derrière son oreille. "Ne fais pas ça." Il dit fermement, "Je veux te voir, ne te cache pas..." ************** "L'esprit de l'ange gardien insufflera une nouvelle vie à l'enfant humain. Trois anges gardiens naîtront de nouveau dans le monde terrestre et vous trois serez leurs protecteurs." "Protecteurs !?" s'exclama Jedrek. Finalement, il s'arrêta de marcher et se retourna pour regarder la déesse lunaire de loin, ses yeux luisants de colère rouge. Son loup était furieux. "Pourquoi penses-tu que nous aiderons ?" demanda Kace en rétrécissant ses yeux noirs d'obsidienne, son loup prenant le contrôle de lui. Il était le plus jeune des trois et le moins colérique d'entre eux. Les trois étaient maudits par Sélène à cause de leur action féroce pour acquérir un pouvoir suprême et une autorité. La déesse lunaire ne les a pas bénis avec une âme sœur comme punition de leur manière atroce et les a forcés à s'impliquer dans cette guerre mortelle avec les démons. "Vous allez nous transformer en esclaves pour ces créatures maladives !?" demanda Torak avec incrédulité. "N'as-tu pas peur que nous les brisions en deux ?" L'ange gardien était si fragile et eux, en tant que lycanthropes, n'appréciaient pas les faiblesses. "Non, vous ne le ferez pas." dit Sélène avec patience. "Vous ne serez pas leurs esclaves ni ne leur ferez de mal, vous les chérirez de toutes les manières possibles." Jedrek rit menaçant en entendant cela, ils se fichaient de la résurrection de la bête, une fois qu'elle traversait leur territoire, avec ou sans l'ange gardien, il déchirerait leur corps en morceaux. "Je serai la dernière personne qu'ils verront, une fois que je les trouverai." Il faisait référence à l'ange gardien et au démon. Mais, la prochaine voix de Sélène était empreinte de bonne humeur lorsqu'elle parla. "Tu ne blesseras pas ton âme sœur." ============================ Session 1 (chapitre 1 - 394) : Torak Donovan - Raine (terminée). Session 2 (chapitre 395 - 628) : Kace Donovan - Espérance (terminée) Session 3 (chapitre 629 - 1083) : Jedrek Donovan - Lilac (terminée) Session 4 (chapitre 1084 - en cours) : Histoires annexes ============================ Ceci est une histoire de loup-garou et bien sûr de la fantasy ! Comme tout le monde a sa propre version de la vie surnaturelle, voici que j'essaie d'écrire la mienne. Si vous avez lu d'autres histoires de loups-garous, vous remarquerez qu'il y a des similitudes et des différences. ============================ ***Attention ! L'anglais n'est pas ma langue maternelle, il est donc possible que vous trouviez des erreurs grammaticales (je ne l'ai pas fait intentionnellement), si cela vous met mal à l'aise, veuillez me le faire savoir afin que je puisse corriger cela. *Vous êtes prévenus ^^ Toute critique constructive est la bienvenue ! .......................................................................................... ##Rencontrez-moi sur Instagram : jikan_yo_tomare ##Couverture par : @Gisel.arts Découvrez mes autres histoires : **PURPLE DAWN TILL DUSK: dearest through the time **THE STORY OF DUSK ```

Being the author of the breakout novel, Gates of The Primordials, Jarren Fletcher did not care about the constant critiques claiming he had a habit of treating extra characters as mere plot devices, creating and then dumping them once they’d served their purpose. To Jarren, it didn’t matter. Extras were just that—extras. All that mattered was the main character. But Jarren never expected to wake up in his own story, reincarnated as one of the meaningless, disposable extra characters, Deremiah Morcant—a coward who took his own life to escape the perilous challenges of the Gate Trials. Now, Jarren has to face those deadly challenges himself in the body of a weak, insignificant extra. He must find a way to survive in the rules of the dangerous world he had created, whilst also trying to save it. But time is running out. The next Wave is coming, and so are the paragons.

ever wonder what happens after someone dies well here's what happens note: this is just a story to express my little world and It takes content from jjk and other anime show but the story is my own I don't own jjk and but the ideas inspired are my own

Can a old dog learn new tricks? 25 year old game designer Xavier hasnt played a video game since he left school but by the urging of a friend decided to try a new full dive vr mmorpg. After becoming a samurai in-game lets see how far he gets and who knows maybe the world might change because of his actions. *** Author-nim: this is my first work in a long time so show some surpport, i'll keep updates consistent and please if u got any suggestion or areas for critique i'm all ears. Daily release Wednesday-Friday and special batch release periodically on sundays :3

I appreciate you reading my book "Pokémon: Last Quake". To start, I want to outline a few points and establish some rules that I will adhere to throughout the writing process: System: The main character (MC) will not be provided with any system, ensuring that all achievements are earned through effort rather than given due to external factors. Additionally, there will be no levels, signifying that growth is achieved through experience, not predetermined by numbers. Ships: The narrative will not be heavily centered on romance; however, if it does emerge, there will be just one canonical partner for the main character. Comments: Ideas and critiques are welcome as they help maintain focus. Please feel free to share them, and if they are incorporated, the contributor's name will be acknowledged at the chapter's conclusion. Lemons: There will be no on-screen lemons, I will be only providing brief descriptions before cutting to the next part of the story. Embark on a tale of transformation from weakness to strength, centered around a young man's adventure in the Pokémon universe. Thank you for being part of this journey, and I hope you enjoy the experience. By Mugen Strife

Tu eres Aurora, hija de un empresario en quiebra, viviendo una vida de Cenicienta, te obligar a casarte con un hombre guapo pero a la misma vez aterrador, nadie lo quiere cerca, todos le tienen miedo, ¿Cómo te irá a ti? siendo tan bella, una luz encantadora, conviviendo con tal personaje? será verdad lo que dicen de él o no? Os invito a pasar, leer e imaginar.

A person gets transmigrated to ancient china as the current crown prince with a world conquest system which gives him some abilities which he uses for more than just world conquest. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ this is a novel focused on smut which i have never written so i want to try it. I am a total amateur in this area so some critique would be helpful. Contains: hypnosis/mind control, Yandere( A lot but will like be more the submissive type). a little netori but NO NTR and will also contain underage sex till even 12 or something like that so if that disgusts you pls don't read this. Also Incest also if there are some pictures they are from pintrest and if their respective creator doesn't want them here il put them away ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just wanna say i respect woman and people and that this is just a novel with no disrespect to women

In the cozy, cobblestoned town of Thundrel, Lilly Baker feels unfulfilled living the life of a baker, and wants to do something more with her life. After dreaming about the amulet she's had since she was a child, she decides to research it, and discovers that it holds secrets beyond what she could have imagined. The life she wanted to live seemed a lot more achievable now, and she is determined to use this chance for what it's worth. Author note: This is my first story, so I hope you'll be careful with critique. I put it on Royal Road first, but I guess there's no reason to keep it only there. I hope you enjoy! I have no idea if male oriented is right for this story, it feels like it could fit both genders. I stopped releasing here on webnovel, but it's still going on royal road if you want a better reading experience. I also have pictures there, which I couldn't figure out how to include here.

Step into the world of Maxwell De Venti, feared Mafia lord and his deadly wife Angelina De Venti, a notorious assassin and serial killer. As they awaken in a strange new realm vastly different from the earth they once knew. Do not own the art, credits to the owner. New author with no editor yet, I'll do my best. Reviews and critiques will be happily appreciated.

In this world where men are seen as the weaker ones and women strive for power wealth and glory. Maxim finds himself dealing with the outcome of his desire for wisdom. That being all of his emotions. Maxim must rely on his intellect to further himself among all the people that would do him harm or try to claim him for themselves. my first novel and i just want to have some fun imagining and expanding on concepts i feel have unexplored potential. of course reviews and suggestions always welcome critiques about my writing are also helpful

In the year 2050, humanity teeters on the brink of extinction, waging a desperate war against the ancient race known as The Vicestra—a demonic species driven by sin, preying on humans for their own insidious gain. The world government is in shambles, religions fade into obscurity, and the survival of humankind rests in the hands of Vicestra hunters and the six powerful founding clans. Tessa Marlowe, a newly blooded Vicestra hunter with a past cloaked in mystery. Haunted by the gruesome details of her birth and struggling to hold onto her dwindling humanity, she embarks on a relentless quest for revenge against the Vicestra who brutally murdered her father figure and mentor. As Tessa battles these ancient foes and mythical creatures, she must confront her own dark origins. Will she rediscover her humanity and unravel the secrets of her enigmatic past? Or will her journey uncover something even more horrific? Prepare for a thrilling saga of vengeance, discovery, and survival in a world where the line between human and monster is dangerously blurred. (AUTHORS NOTE) I haven't written for a very very long time so if there's any advice or critiques, ill welcome it. I'm mainly trying to practice with this novel so the plot isn't fully fleshed out even though it should be, and I'm trying to be more descriptive with this piece of work. Anyways, Thank you :)

"I've always dreamt of being a footballer, this time I will achieve it with everything I got" A young man gets to have another chance to fullfil his childhood dream will he be able to? [A/N: this is my first time writing a novel any reviews and critique will be heavily appreciated]

Disclaimer: This story includes visual portrayals of extreme violence, blood, and gore. [Audience Rating: 18+] — Meet Jack Greyson, an ordinary human from Earth who unwittingly activated a certain item that transported him to a distant world located in the vast and endless Seas of Stars. Appearing as the weakest and most feeble in this world, Jack must fervently train and swiftly grow stronger using the 'Trifaceted Talent System'—a potent and enigmatic, talent-infusing interface of unknown origins. This system will transform his vulnerability, frailty, and oppression into unbounded, obliterative savagery, immense desolating strength, and unparalleled destructiveness by imbuing him with three phenomenal talents: unbound might, limitless speed, and the ability to ceaselessly manifest countless, myriad battle drones—technologically sophisticated ones hugely advanced than monumental fighter drones from hundreds of thousands of centuries in the future. Furthermore, each of these talents come with complementing marvelous and fascinating abilities that will make Jack apocalyptically strong, destructively fierce, and incomparably fearsome. But all these, he would need to constantly, diligently work for and earn by completing numerous secret tasks, as well as minor, common-event to grand, special-event missions that have varying degrees of difficulty, dangers, and peril—some could turn him into a disabled cripple with torn-off limbs and shredded, gashed, or melted skin, or rendered as a viciously ruined corpse. While others could leave him as scattered drops of bright, rusty red fluid, staining the ground, walls, or filling the atmosphere confined in whatever area he was reduced to as either crimson fog or mist. To know more, accompany Jack Greyson in his unrelenting, dauntless, and indefatigable, extremely perilous quests across numerous unbounded worlds or vast dimensional planes that dot the 'boundless Seas of Stars' and are filled with strange, strong and agile entities, ravenous beastly creatures, and terrifying sentient monstrosities. In these unknown, foreign worlds and planes, Jack will attempt to dominate their powerful inhabitants and leave behind his indelible mark, lingering vestige, and everlasting legacy on each of them! *** This story intertwines compelling epic actions, daring adventures, advanced technology, preternatural powers, a unique Level-Up System, romance, and the complexities of enviable, loyal and beautiful friendships turned family. Enjoy! :) _ P.S: Remember to cast your vote, share your thoughts on what resonates with you or doesn't, and provide critiques. Your feedback is appreciated!

You know, my mother and father always told me to do good deeds, help others, and be an upstanding citizen. If I do those things, then I'll bring good Karma to myself, and life will reward me. That was a lie.. or was it? Reincarnation is tricky stuff, and now I have a whole lot of other things on my plate, and I'm pretty sure I can't eat most of them. Gods, demons, different races of different creeds, and a vast multiverse to explore, and it all began because someone sucked at driving. With my newfound body and System, I'll take on everything, while having fun at the same time of course! I've improved my writing a little, but by all means please let me know if you'd like something added. If you have any suggestions, tips, or anything else, then please critique me. If you're gonna leave a bad rating then at least tell me why please. A HUGE thanks to Commonnerfer and Mister_Immortal for inspiring me to write. It would mean a lot to me if you went ahead and at least tried their novels. I found them funny and well written. Drop a stone for them while you're at it! If you two are reading this, thank you for giving me a drive in this world. *I do not own nor claim to own any artwork on the cover unless this notice is not present. If you are the owner of an image I use and want me to take it down, please contact me as I will do so immediately.*

Welcome to Villain's World, where mercy is a forgotten language, and violence the currency of existence. Social status here is determined by one's Tier of Villainy. Though cutthroat and ruthless, Antagonia ran just fine… Until one day, portals to the Human World emerged. Hidden beneath a veil of justice and liberation, the Humans invaded their lands. Through hypocrisy and shady ploys, many Villains fell victim to these cunning Humans. The Demon Family, a once great Villain Clan, was amongst the victims. Daseos Demon, the fifth son and a child at the time, was left to fend for himself as his entire family fell to the hands of the humans. He was orphaned to the L.U.S.T Inn, a high-end brothel where the owner, Madame Allura and her courtesans became his family. This is the story of Daseos's relentless quest for revenge as he ascends the villain hierarchy. His aims are twofold: to exact vengeance for his fallen family and to safeguard Antagonia from the malevolent humans who feign justice while pillaging their lands. Join Daseos Demon as he confronts not just external adversaries, traitors but also the darker aspects of his own nature as he navigates the murky waters of a society where morals were but a joke. And of course, with the astounding death rates of this harsh environment, it only made sense that its people evolved to have turbo-charged primal urges, to survive, to destroy, to… lust. "A Villain’s World" offers a compelling narrative, filled with intricate characters, moral ambiguity, and a critique of the notions of good and evil. It is a story that uncovers the complex fabric of villainy, raising uncomfortable questions about justice, retribution, and the very nature of power.

A series of a boy drunk in other people's stories. Living in a village where entertainment is basically nowhere, a little boy living in the village met a group of adventurers that tells him stories that they experienced while travelling and also stories that they have heard along the way. The story led from one to another and, the little boy decided and sneaked out of the village to discover and learn about more stories currently left unheard by him in this world. *** Hello, Poisonknot here. It may very weird and demanding to say this but, I have started a novel back then called Every Dew Drop: A Lone Man's drink and it grew to view around a thousand. This was a lot for me and I was excited to have people to see my work however, I decided to hide it and stopped updating and releasing chapters. At the time I got a massive boost that people are enjoying what I make but I also doubted myself and sometimes, I am just pessimistic on what I am doing. I saw a thousand views but I cannot see a single "Hi" or even just a critique in my works. This caused my motivation and confidence to drop and I don't blame the people for it. It's just that I am so unsure on "what to do" or "am I doing, writing it ok?" The bottomline is, although it is very demanding, please do leave a comment, a reply or a sign that I may have mistyped incorrectly or I did a good job writing this part etc. I will really appreciate anything and even writing this took a huge amount of my courage. As long as you liked stories and you stay happy, I'll see you soon!

Plagued by bad luck and failure, a young girl chooses the wrong night to walk home alone. A simple hunch ignored, forever entwining her destiny to a barbaric inhuman world. In a single night, a seemingly insignificant human will disrupt a supernatural society. Will the woman escape with her life or will the impact of her death create permanent ripples in an uncertain future? Discover if morality is truly a concept of black and white– through eyes that have witnessed unfortunate truths, hands of the guilt-ridden and hearts burdened by duality. Humanity is a fragile thing for those whose survival depends on their ability to be a monster. ***** This is a re-release of Blood & Juniper (A Vampire Tale) with the most recent edits and fixes. I will upload chapters weekly. My old work is up for anyone who is curious, can't wait for uploads or has an affinity for the first draft. Critique is welcome if you'd like to compare the two. My aim is to make the most enjoyable reading experience... So please enjoy and thank you! **** Tags & Content warnings: Vampires, werewolves, multiple perspectives, blood, gore, violence, action, romance, language & some sexualty.

The Realms are a small world. Some have bountiful abundants of life, and others are but silent deserts. It’s a monumental task to travel between the boundaries of the worlds as few and far between know even of their existence, let alone of how to travel between them. Well expect one particular Realm, The Abyss. Well, to be precise, The Abyss is not as much a Realm as it is a collection of many Realms. So many in fact that no one knows how deep it actually is, as only the first few have known residents, since the deeper one goes the deadlier it is. Thanks to it, its population isn’t big, but few will dare underestimate a demon, much less one of the Lord who controls the vast scopes of the inhabited Abyss. But One of those demons is far more feared than the rest… And this is his tale. Hello, I am the author. If you like stories were MC is Evil and I mean Evil not someone that is trying to be evil but all his actions are misunderstood, or he was bad and is trying to be good, but everybody thinks he is bad...well you know what I mean. This novel has an Evil MC like Evil Evil. The r18 tag is mainly for violence, torture and psychological manipulation, and yes, there is some sex too. I intended to write this novel until completion (It will not be a daily upload but I will try to put at least 1 a week) unless something happens like me getting arrested because the police was suspicion why I google “How many bones can I break without killing the child” and others thing needed to make a story with some basic in reality. I think by now you get what type of story this is. So a little info as the first few chapters will follow a different character than the MC and it may look like someone put the wrong description but it isn’t. Well enjoy a read and give me some good critique as it is my first novel and I would like to improve. PS: English isn’t my first language, so if you find a mistake hit me in the comment I will fix it

This story is about four crackheads who are going to save the world the main character is a genius clumsy girl who just wented america to fulfill her dreams but at the same time something else was happening on the other sides once half of the world was on the edge of chaos the JJKS team rise up but the point is the truth was something else

Kim ( Y/N ) was a normal 11th grader. Too Innocent for the world , who was stalked and Targeted By A Priest , Jungkook . World Comes crashing around her when she was possessed by an evil entity. Too Familiar with this protocol , Jungkook Stepped in for this moment for his desires. Her Exorcism started with pure evilness. She was better after , despite of Jungkooks hard work he was kicked out by her brother Chris as he didn't fail to notice things which were done by him . Jungkook was lusted and obsessed with her , not even a single thought of leaving her lurked in him and eventually striked for his revenge . On the faith of God she kept with the flow until things took a dark turn as he returned to her life with a powerful demonic phase . Warning :- This Book's completely fictional , deriving the idea of spirituality , faith and psychological trauma . This Book's Not Suitable for Children. Cover :- Author Story :- Author ~ D

ADOTL is about Rin a man who was reincarnated into a life with a second chance. This time he will do everything in his power to make sure his family and friends stay safe. ———————————————————————— Feedback word critiques welcomed through bulletags and contacting the author at nerusoda.business@gmail.com Any art for characters covers etc. is welcomed! Any art can be submitted through my discord NeruSoda#1436

⚠️WARNING Cerita ini murni fiktif, tolong jangan dikaitkan dengan kehidupan asli idol yang bersangkutan. Just for fun. Summary: Ketika dua idol yang pernah menjalin sebuah hubungan harus terpisah karena keadaan dan bertemu kembali dalam sebuah proyek dokumenter. Kehidupan para idol yang jauh berbeda saat ada dibelakang layar, kemewahan yang terlihat hanyalah fana. Eunha salah satu member rookie veteran yang kembali mengguncang kehebohan setelah lima tahun menghilang. Skandal yang ia buat bersama JK salah satu member boy group papan atas menggores kembali ingatan penggemar. Terlebih dua idol yang kabarnya hendak menikah namun batal itu akan dipertemukan dalam satu proyek yang sama. Ini sangat menarik, apalagi diam-diam buah cinta mereka bersembunyi disuatu tempat. Bagaimana akhirnya, apakah para penggemar akan menemukan tempat persembunyian sang baby?

A young child bears the hope of the most ancient and powerful race to exist. Can he bring back what was lost? (This is my first go at something like this so feel free to leave any critique or criticism)

Dominic was born with a serious disability in his world, he was born with no Magicore, something humans need to cast magic, however he trusts his instincts and does something relatively harmless, after a decade of trying he finally had an awakening, but wait, who' memories are these? ************** This is my first novel, so critique me as harshly as you like, I can use it to further my skills. I sincerely hope you all enjoy, and thank you for your time!

This is for school and is my first time. Critique is good. Title is temporary along with pretty much everything else. Probably posting every other week.

"I need to dress well maybe a mafia kidnaps me while I'm shopping." "I guess I need to find a mafia and make him fall inlove with me. What about that Italian mafia!"

Jack has made contact with the other side. His life is now in the hands of peworful beings who are way beyond his understanding. What can he do? Backed into a corner, his only chance at survival is to entrust his life to the embodiment of all curses— a being hailed as the incarnate of all that is evil in this world. This will obviously end horribly... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The Million Cursed Rebirth Tribulation...?" I asked, obviously never having heard of it. I wasn't really a religious person, but I hadn't heard of stuff like this in hinduism or buddhism... "The Million Cursed Rebirth Tribulation is a tribulation of the Curse Path, and it puts the person ongoing the tribulation into a mental state in which they undergo 1 million lives. Though in your head, tens to hundreds of millions of years may have passed, no more than 1 second would have passed in the real world." At this moment my eyes were wide open in surprise; "That's cool and all, but what does the word 'Cursed' imply in the title?" I asked. This was definately crucial information I'd need to keep in mind. All three of Gōman's lips curled up into a crazed smile— a smile which holds no discrimination for who and what it disdains; a smile ready to kill everyone and everything in the world without discrimination if it pleased— that was when I was reminded of his true nature. "Here, brat, since I feel like it I'll tell you the truth as I don't mind you refusing and dying by the hands of those rightous faction goons. Kheh kheh, let me grace you with my abundant knowledge and wisdom! I shall enlighten you from the generosity of my heart!" Gōman laughed heartily using one mouth, cackled using another, and laughed, maniacally using the last, giving way for a disturbing scene. "Ok, first, as you begin your memories will gradually get erased and replaced with that of the cursed reincarnation you're in. The memories, emotions, state of mind, and mental being of the person you become, eventually losing all memories of this life. Second, each reincarnation shall be cursed and full of misery where you will either die an early death or live enough to see yourself bring your own end." At this point Gōman's eyes were full of ecstacy and ridicule for my misfortune; "And third, you might not even be 100 lives in before your mind breaks— turning yourself into the perfect human vessal! One which can't think and one that I can control at will! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Though this is what Gōman states, could all of that just be the tip of the iceberg? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Author's thoughts: Hi. I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I was originally making a cultivation, reincarnation, etc... type of story but with the characters I have in mind I don't think that's my style of novel. For now I'll be using this novel a 'psudo-spin-off' series or an extended 'prologue' novel / origin story to give more insight on Jack's psyche, state of mind, way of thinking, morals and beliefs for future as to explain how he acts as of what he went through. Oh, and I'm also using this as a means to practice writing different scenes, scenarios, and exploring darker subjects. *Feedback and critiques appreciated.