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Monty Python Holy Hand Grenade

The Fate Of The World Is In My Hands, But All I Want To Do Is Eat!

'Kill monsters, eat meat' 'I mean, Kill monsters, save lives. Got it.' 'Tut, I could've sworn that the first one sounded better.' She wasn't a girl looking for freedom or self-righteous liberation by a hero, or whatever shit a girl who suffered for almost all her life would crave. -the shit of a life she was living was horrible, but it was bearable, and so she got used to it. Rather, instead of freedom, what this little missy wanted was money. Lots and lots of them so she never has to worry about the next day. Money - bountiful enough that when she has to spend, she doesn't need to look back or calculate her assets to see how much she has left. Money - bountiful enough to get all the fried chicken she could ever dream of. Yeah, you heard it, fried chicken. For those who did not have money to spare leisurely, getting fried chicken was like a pipe dream to them and she had been one of those unfortunate souls. A comfortable roof above her head and no worries as to when she would get ordered around to steal. No worries about when she would get her next meal-- That was her liberation. And she got it. Just that, she got it most absurdly. Awakened! Those were the people ruling the world, alongside beastly and deadly monsters who threatened the safety of average human beings. And those awakened call the shots. Alice never dreamed she would one day be awakened, and compared to others with their game-like system displaying their attributes and strength; she had a full-grown man whom only she could hear, watching her back at every turn and telling her what to do. He was kinda a pain in the ass but she couldn't complain. It was this gift he had bestowed on her that made her the most powerful Awakened there was with stats that even S-class awakeneds couldn't compare to. She was the boss, now. Mwa-hahahahaha. But life didn't go as easy and leisurely as she planned. With great power comes great responsibility, right? Well, in her case with great power comes great hunger. She couldn't go a moment without getting hungry and her stomach had become a bottomless pit. And to get food, she needed money, and to get money, she had to hunt monsters. The monsters plagued humanity, causing catastrophes and taking lives mercilessly. Those monsters, as scary as they may be, were her target and she had to face them head-on. The bigger the monsters the more money she would gain. Yeah, that was the plan, but... This guy acting as her system seemed to have other plans, putting her at the forefront of 'justice' and having her clean the mess he somewhat created. 'Ugh, I can already sense a shadow of foreboding. Someone, please tell me I'm not acting the main character role. I just want to eat, okay?'
Author_fredah · 131.8K Views

Holy Fist!

Bai Xiao descended, lifting his head to not only see the bizarre and magnificent world but also the professional modifier he had downloaded before crossing over. "Drain all experience from my sub-occupations, 'Biological Mecha Master', 'Mystic Explorer', 'Special Hypnotist', transforming it into one million potential points, all enhancing my main occupation, 'Fighter'!" "I... have obtained the golden ultimate occupation, 'God of Martial Combat'!" The largest urban agglomeration in the world, a night of torrential rain. On the ground, countless Killing Ghosts and Fighters fought to the death, while hordes of metal Mechas and Biological Armors exploded and self-destructed. Blood and flame intertwined, plunging everything into primordial violence and chaos. Atop a high tower, Bai Xiao stood silently amidst the rainy darkness, like a stiff and terrifying statue. His crimson eyes looked down below, restrained yet bloody, cold yet hiding madness. He leaped down with his trench coat wildly dancing. The God of Martial Combat descended upon the final battleground! A cold voice echoed across the city skyline. "Next, I will kill everyone present! If you have the ability, try to stop me..." A modern city of extravagant luxury, an era of entertainment and consumption supreme. Beneath seventy years of peaceful façade, lied another mad and bloody Inner World. Fighters, masters of their martial traditions, and Killing Ghosts, controlled by combat modes, engaged in a frightful, relentless slaughter. Metal Mechas with terrifying energy and Biological Armors extracted from monstrous cells commenced a brutal struggle between old and new technologies. In this era infested with machinery and altered by external entities, to proclaim the power unique to humans might be an unimaginable romance...
Gray tombstone · 161.5K Views

Síndrome do Filho do Meio

``` _ _ _ _ Relacionamento MXFXF. Por favor, leia a nota. Adicione isso à coleção e me apoie. Todos os comentários serão apreciados Ela não era a herdeira, a mais velha, nem a mais nova. Ela apenas existia na família, mantendo a cabeça baixa e se deixando desvanecer até que pudesse partir. "Eu tentei me destacar, ficar em silêncio e até expressar meus pensamentos. Mas não importa o que eu faça, nunca sou reconhecida. Minha existência tem importância? Afinal, não é como se alguém nesta família gostasse de mim." Rika Goodwill era a vergonha de sua família. Nascida a filha 'beta' do meio de um casal de Alfas e ômegas de destaque, era natural que ela fosse negligenciada em comparação com seu perfeito irmão Alfa e sua doce irmã ômega. Sua situação fora da família não era melhor. As pessoas a evitavam por causa de sua família da máfia e julgavam sua natureza sem uma segunda reflexão. Seus únicos amigos eram o 'casal queridinho do século'. Mas Rika de alguma forma se tornara uma terceira roda entre as brigas e rompimentos frequentes deles. Ao longo de seus 17 anos de vida, Rika aceitou seu destino e seguiu em frente. Afinal, nenhuma quantidade de queixas mudaria sua situação de ser uma terceira roda. A faculdade deveria ser sua grande chance. Era para ser a época em que Rika tinha para si mesma, onde ela poderia se sentir ela mesma, então ela se candidatou para um lugar onde ninguém a conhecesse. Esta deveria ser a sua oportunidade de ouro! Rika deveria se libertar de sua vida cada vez pior. Mas nem sua família nem seus 'amigos' estavam prontos para deixá-la ir, e não demorou muito para que sua vida pacífica se tornasse amarga. ____________ Esta história terá um par romântico hétero, bem como Yuri e também é um omegaverse. Alfas femininas são Futas. Se não é o que você gosta, saia antes de entrar. Deixe muitos comentários para mim ```
Holy_mackrel · 2.1K Views

Reign of Obsession

King Niklaus Mikaelson, a name that resonated with both fear and reverence across the Mythralian Peninsula, was a figure shrouded in a dark, commanding aura. His reputation as the most ruthless and strongest ruler had been etched into the annals of history through countless conquests and acts of sheer dominance. The Kingdom of Emberlyn, his seat of power, had become a formidable force under his iron-fisted rule, expanding relentlessly as he sought to unite the entire peninsula beneath his banner. Niklaus was a man who wielded authority like a weapon, his charisma a tool for bending others to his will. To the world, he was the epitome of power and allure, the man every woman desired and every rival feared. Yet, beneath his striking exterior and regal bearing lay a darkness as deep and unyielding as the obsidian blade he kept sheathed at his side. In the resplendent Kingdom of Aquarion, where the gentle whispers of the wind and the serene beauty of the landscape paint a portrait of tranquility, Princess Emily Wilson stands as a luminous enigma. As the eldest and middle daughter of King Wilson, Emily is a figure both revered and shrouded in mystery, a living legend whose beauty is spoken of in hushed, reverent tones. Emily’s physical beauty is legendary, though it remains largely unseen by the world beyond her family. Her rare blue eyes, deep and mesmerizing, are said to capture the essence of the sky and the sea, reflecting a depth of emotion and intelligence that transcends mere appearance. Her blonde hair, a cascade of sunlit strands, frames her face with a halo of ethereal light, adding to her mystique. To those who have glimpsed her, Emily is a vision of unparalleled grace, a princess whose beauty is as captivating as it is elusive. Yet, Emily’s allure extends far beyond her physical appearance. She embodies a unique blend of wisdom, strength, and purity, qualities that make her a formidable presence in her kingdom. Her wisdom is profound, her decisions guided by an insight that belies her years. She approaches her role with a sense of purpose and clarity, balancing the weight of her responsibilities with the grace of a true leader.
Weirdo_Python · 6K Views

Master's rebirth in the Apocalypse

Since his creation, Camelia has been tasked with keeping an eye on the 'Seeds of Apocalypse.' These people could one day become the end of the world, and the only one with the power to stop them is Camelia, the Saint's creation. That was how Camelia became the teacher of these 'Seeds' Generation after Generation until he finally met his end at the hands of the Council that wanted to use these 'Seeds' for their good. But Camelia did not mind it. And why would he? After all, he had finally found peace after living for centuries. He was finally free. Little did he know that his death would leave such a big impact on his students. But peace was never an option for Camelia because after dying a gruesome death, he found himself opening his eyes once more. But this time, he was in the body of someone he had never met and living a life he had never met. Moreover, he was no longer a male but a powerless human female. He...no, she woke up in a time where a few centuries had passed, the world had changed into a place where Dungeons and powers were no longer a well-guarded secret, and the 'seeds of the Apocalypse.' she had tried to keep under control had already become the leaders of this world. At such a time, what was Camelia to do? The answer was simple—pretend she did not know anything and finally live a carefree life. Unfortunately, not everyone seemed as on board with her idea as she was. Especially not her familiar-looking man who called himself her fiance. She needed to discover why this man felt familiar, had the power of the Apocalypse inside him, and was so obsessed with Camelia. __________ Note: There will be a lot of sex, and the relationship will be a little Dom/Sub kind
Holy_mackrel · 59.6K Views

Empire of Butuan

Alexis Francisco age 25, was your not-so-normal College Student at Mindanao State University, on the island of Mindanao, Philippines. Born and raised in a family of prestige and wealth in the City of Butuan, whose lineage traces back to the pre-colonial Philippines, values, martial arts, and traditions of the old are deeply rooted in his mind. Despite this, his love for politics, history, and languages, made him so promising that his family started to train him to be the next successor of their family’s wealth. Devoid of greed and lust, made him just the perfect candidate to do so. But jealousy is the bane of the human race, you never know when to stop and who should not be touched. Relatives full of greed and insecurities started plotting his death, thinking they were much more suitable than him. And just like that, the promising heir of the oldest family in the Philippines is now dead in the alley outside of his school. Brutally shot in the head five times making him look like an amalgamation. But the heavens favoured its chosen sons, given a chance to be reincarnated in a universe quite similar like his, choosing to accept, his adventure starts. Reincarnated as a newborn heir of the Rajahnate of Butuan. Saigu Alexie of House Shaja. Arm with his knowledge and capacity as a modern man, let us join him in his journey as Heir to the throne of the Rajahnate of Butuan. Notice: This novel is not intended to insult or degrade any culture, race, ethnicity, or religion. If ever you are offended because of this novel, I would like to apologize in advance. Also, English isn't my first language so please bear with the repetitive words, grammatical error, and wrong usage of filler words, and many more. Hope you understand GENRES: Low-Fantasy, Alternate Universe, History, Racism, Kingdom Building, Romance, Wars, Low-History, Non-Harem, Monarchy, & Religion --------------------------------------------------------- Hi everyone. I am Holy_Slayer, a newbie writer based in the Philippines. This novel is inspired by my hometown’s history and my love for monarchy. I would like to apologise in advance as this novel might be offensive to some readers who are too nationalistic. If you ever wanted to read this, be open-minded and forget your lesson in our history as this novel will not be touching 100% in history despite having a ‘history’ as one of its genres, but I am trying to incorporate some historical events and people in my story. NOTE: The Rajahnate of Butuan is a real kingdom that existed in 988. For discord server: https://discord.com/invite/KMmszZ3Crv
Holy_Slayer · 335.8K Views

An Ordinary Complex

_ _ _ _ MXFXF relationship. Please read the note. Please add it to the collection then and support me. All feedback will be appreciated Perhaps everyone was right, but Lisa Grace was cursed. How else would you explain what happened to her life and her dream of living an Ordinary Life? ——— ‘This will not work out, so we should break up now. It’s not you, it’s me! I recently found my soul mate and want to be with them.” Lisa was not shocked when her boyfriend told her this. She did not even have enough energy to be angry or demand answers. Perhaps she would have said something if this was the first time this happened. However, after being broken up for the 24th time, Lisa had no hope of ever having a meaningful relationship again. After all, Lisa was an ordinary girl with an extraordinary rumor - if you dated her, you would find your soul mate. So, when a stranger approached Lisa with red eyes, a charming smile, and a beautiful face, she expected it to be a quick relationship for her. But little did she know she was stepping into a world she could never escape. Would the flash of gold she saved become her salvation? Or would that beautiful temptation make her forget her world? …… “All I ever wanted was an ordinary life with someone who cared! It would have made my mother’s neglect and my father’s absence much easier for me to bear!” Lisa wanted this in her life—to be ordinary and never worry about her place in the world. However, just because ‘SHE’ wanted to be left alone did not mean that the ‘World’ would let her be alone. She had made these two fall for her, and now she would be stuck with a vampire’s obsession and a werewolf’s possessiveness. ______ This story will have a straight pairing as well as Yuri and will have abo themes as well as fantasy themes. Female Alphas are Futas. If it's not your cup of tea, leave before you enter. MXFXF relationship, age gap, and unbalanced relationships. Please read the note, add it to the collection, and support me. All feedback will be appreciated. Leave a lot of feedback for me.
Holy_mackrel · 125.6K Views

Middle Child Syndrome

_ _ _ _ MXFXF relationship. Please read the note. Please add it to the collection then and support me. All feedback will be appreciated. Check my profile for more work She was not the heiress, the eldest, or the youngest. She just existed in the family, keeping her head down and letting herself wash away until she could leave. "I tried standing out, staying quiet, and even voicing my thoughts. But no matter what I do, I am never acknowledged. Does my existence even matter? After all, it's not like anyone in this family even likes me." Rika Goodwill was the shame of her family. Born the middle 'beta' child of a prominent Alpha-Omega couple, it was natural for her to be neglected compared to her perfect Alpha brother and sweet Omega sister. Her situation outside of her family was no better. People avoided her because of her mafia family and judged her nature without a second thought. Her only friends were the 'sweetheart couple of the century'. But Rika had somehow become a third wheel between their bickering and frequent breakups. Over the course of her 17-year-old life, Rika had come to accept her fate and move on. After all, no amount of complaining would ever change her situation of being a third wheel. Collage was supposed to be her big break. It was supposed to be the time Rika had for herself, where she could feel like herself, so she applied for a place where no one knew her. This was supposed to be her lucky break! Rika was supposed to get away from her worsening life. But neither her family nor her 'friends' were ready to let her go, and it did not take long for her peaceful life to turn sour. ____________ This story will have a straight pairing as well as Yuri and is an omegaverse as well. Female Alphas are Futas. If it's not your cup of tea, leave before you enter. Leave a lot of feedback for me
Holy_mackrel · 1.1M Views

The Codemaster's Odyssey

Arjun had just graduated from high school and today was his first day at college. Despite his introverted nature, Arjun had always excelled at programming. It was a language he understood better than any spoken word, a world where he felt in control. "Arjun, breakfast is ready!" his mother called from the kitchen. He grabbed his backpack, double-checking his supplies, and headed downstairs. His parents had always been supportive, understanding his quiet nature and encouraging his passion for technology. As he sat down to eat, a wave of dizziness hit him. The room spun, and he clutched the edge of the table. His vision blurred, and he felt a strange sensation, as if his very being was being pulled away from reality. The darkness engulfed him. The last thing he heard was his mother's panicked voice calling his name. When Arjun opened his eyes, he found himself lying on a grassy field under a strange sky. The colors were more vibrant, the air tinged with unfamiliar scents. He sat up slowly, trying to make sense of his surroundings. People were scattered around, some unconscious, others just waking up. Panic and confusion filled the air. As he looked closer, he noticed that these weren't just humans—there were beings of various races, some humanoid, others entirely alien. "What is this place?" he muttered to himself. A soft chime echoed in his mind, and a translucent screen appeared before him. It looked like a game interface, displaying his name and a brief description: Name: Arjun Sharma Class: Support Ability: Code Manipulation Arjun blinked in surprise. He had read enough fantasy novels and played enough games to recognize a system interface, but experiencing it in real life was surreal. As he explored further, he learned that everyone here had a similar interface, each with unique abilities. Some had combat skills, others had magical talents, and a few, like him, had support abilities. The world they had transmigrated to was teeming with dangerous beasts, some less threatening, others incredibly deadly. Despite the chaos, Arjun felt a strange sense of calm. His ability, though non-combatant, was still unique. He could manipulate codes within the system, potentially altering or enhancing abilities and objects. However, this also meant he was seen as less valuable in direct confrontations. Groups quickly formed among the survivors, prioritizing those with combat abilities. Arjun found himself alone, struggling to find anyone who would accept him. Determined to survive, he began to explore the surroundings, seeking resources and learning about this new world. His programming skills, though seemingly useless at first, began to find application in unexpected ways. He could tweak the system interface, optimize resource management, and even alter the properties of items he found. But survival was not easy. The world was fraught with peril, and Arjun soon realized he would have to rely on his wits and creativity to navigate this treacherous land.
GHOST_HAND · 16K Views
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