Scaramouche Roasts Paimon

Below the nine setting suns lies the remains of the Golden Crows. By chance, a young man arrives in the world of Journey to the West, attaining enlightenment using the bodies of nine Golden Crows, leading to a different journey. Summary for this book: "Living in the Journey to the West, I started off by roasting nine Golden Crows." Yet another summary is, "My days of collecting bodies in the Journey to the West. When it comes to body collection, no one's better than me. Three hundred years of professional body collection experience, skilled at cooking braised meat, and never adds sugar in it."

Sold to the highest bidder to pay off a blood feud, I never imagined I would be the pawn in my father's fatal game. Still, here I am before Enzo De Luca, the most vicious mafia leader in the city. Though appealing, he is cold, deliberate, and as lethal. Though my heart races just from his proximity, it is his touch that ignites me. My body betrays me and reacts to him in ways I am powerless over. And I melt as he softly, commandingly says my name. Enzo loves neither me nor another. In his deadly kingdom, I am only another bargain, another transaction. But every time we are alone, the conflict between us snaps—desire becomes a terrible addiction. Although I detest him for everything he stands for, I yearn for the way he consumes me, body and soul. He has made it quite evident—our marriage is more about power than love. Still, every angry gaze and every snatched moment in the shadow reveals something different. Benevolent underneath his icy façade lies something broken that appeals to the darkest sides of me. But depending on a man like Enzo may mean losing everything. Bound to him now, for better or worse, I am caught in a world where loyalty is brittle and treachery carries a bullet. Our friendship gets more perilous the more truths about his empire I find. And as the past calls for us, I have to question myself: will our passion be the thing that ruins us both or can I survive loving a guy like Enzo De Luca? Burning in his arms is me. But in his universe, I could roast alive.

Asher, an avid player of Genshin Impact, experiences a strange phenomenon that pulls him into the game world of Teyvat. When he wakes up in a lush field resembling Mondstadt, he finds Lumine, a character he admires, unconscious nearby. After reviving her, they share a brief conversation that reveals Lumine's distress; she has been cast into this world by a powerful sorceress and is searching for her brother. Joined by Paimon, Lumine's companion, and Amber, the Outrider, they set off together. Asher feels a surge of unique powers within him, hinting at a deeper connection to this world. Despite the excitement, he harbors a suspicion about Paimon’s true nature and is determined to protect Lumine as they embark on a journey filled with mystery and potential danger. Asher grapples with his growing feelings for Lumine while navigating the complexities of a world that has now become his reality.

After enduring three lifetimes of hardships and bloodshed, Bai Feiyin was promised with glitters and rainbows in her fourth life by none other than her contracted beast after it ascends. But before she could even achieve her goal, everything went down the drain as she decided not to fall victim into what...? A con-artist's trap?! "What a bull!" Thrown into a backward existence, she can only grit her teeth and pull a hankerchief in rage. Since she can't directly blame the gods, Bai Feiyin swear to get back with her so-called companion beast. "Argh! Y-you treacherous snake! I knew from the start that you couldn't be trusted! I should have roasted you when I saw you dying the first time we met, not signing that sham contract and work with you to ascend!" The anger in her system didn't subside. "You sent me back to my first life? For real? Wow, wow fantastic! What perfect shit!"  She specifically told him not in this life, that despicable man! "So you want to toy with me? Then be it! I will scour the mountains and hunt you down! I don't believe that I go back in time, you, my contracted beast won't go back as well," she uttered resolutely. Face beet red, burning in rage, she stared intently at the pigeon bloodstone inside her palms with a mark of a serpent's slitted eyes. "Those two other lives filled with war and bloodshed weren't lived in vain. Since you've sent me here, I will bury you along with those greedy pigs from the Bai Main Branch who owe me and my family four lifetimes' worth of debts!" Not long after she bemoaned, "Hmm, no hold on." Revealing a bit rather conflicted look, she tried to suppress her ire upon cooking up something like a shrewd mastermind. "On the second thought, just burying Hong with that regretfully good-looking face of his would be such a pity..." she pondered, but very soon snapped with glee. "Fine, it's a wrap! I will capture that little snake and work his ass like he did to me!" Bai Feiyin, looking like a greedy hyena, found her resolved with bright twinkling eyes that casted away the shadows under her swollen eyes. "Let's sell him off to some rich aunties and get lots of dowries!" *** This will include beastmen but in the form of spirit beasts. There's a hint of cultivation but just subtle that's why I didn't add it as a tag. Please support me thank you!

“It’s Duke Raymond, oh my god he looks so handsome in white!!” a lady exclaimed. Just hearing this warning bell Eloise, peered to the right. A beautiful man dressed completely in white tux walked confidently into the ballroom. His black eyes wandered amongst the crowd, searching for a certain someone. {‘Why is he here!!’} Eloise bit her lips anxiously. {‘Either way, lets run before he catches me,’} she pulled up her fluffy ruffle skirt to her knees and ran like the wind. All of a sudden she felt her skirt being pulled from behind. “How audacious of you to pull a lady’s skirt,” she shouted and pulled without taking a glance back. “My, my, I think I stepped on a cockroach, what shall I do? Shall I roast it for tainting my shoes or should I chop its head off,” a hoarse voice jokingly said from behind. {‘Shit, I’m dead,’} she glanced back in slow motion. “This..... My lord, can you let go of my skirt,” she pointed to his foot that was firmly stepping on the bottom of her skirt. “Why not, I am just expressing my emotions to the lady who expressed ardent feeling to me in her letters,” he said with a smug smirk. The crowd gasped. “She wrote him a love letter!! That shameless wrench,” some lady shouted out loud. Hearing this, Eloise’s eyelid twitched, “sir... no, Lord, I think you misunderstood. I was only expressing my heartfelt gratitude with my ‘thank you’ letter,” she enunciated each word. The duke chuckled. “Oh is that so,” he strode closer having a tight grip on her skirt, “are the words bat-shit-bastard, ring a bell. I read it in your letter,” Eloise gritted her teeth, {‘so you plan to use my word against me, huh? We’ll see who wins,’} she stepped to his side, showing her back to the entire crowd. “MY LORD! Where are you touching me?!” Suddenly she shouted, gasping her bosom. “How audacious of you. I RESPECTED YOU SIR!! How could you do this,” she screamed and ran away while he was frozen in shock. The entire ball room was in disarray. “Lord Raymond is a pervert!!”

Finn, who had traveled here, turned out to be Luffy's real brother. "My younger brother wants to be the Pirate King," Finn mused. "So, as the older brother, I have no choice but to become the Marine King!" He accessed the god-level selection system and saw the options: "1: Find a mate for Sengoku's sheep. Reward: Zoan Sheep (Common Breed)." "2: Befriend Sengoku's sheep. Reward: Zoan Sheep (Ancient)." "3: Steal Sengoku's sheep and roast it. Reward: Zoan Sheep (Phantom Beast)." "Tell me," Finn said with a mouthful of delicious roasted lamb, "do I really have a choice here?"

'What is this?' Theodore thought as he opened his little eyes to what he assumes to be one of his parents who is dropping him off on the doorstep of a church at what seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, ---a few hours ago ago--- Theodore was like any other normal person: had a family, had dreams, filled with ambitiouns, liked games, sometimes goes outside, has preferences, filled with desire, and of course went through a difficult time in his life, he was just as normal as the average person is. but one thing he is different from others is that he likes roasting people online especially the rich, he loves making fake accounts just to meme people, judge thier preferences and give rating for their every day (unnecessary) objects, he even makes money from it by making videos about how stupid some rich people are. But that led him to his death when he was kidnapped by a rich woman, who he had made fun of... '???' He didn't know what happened after that... --- [Somewhere in a different time]--- 'Where am I?' he asked as he tries to move his head and eyes uncoordinated, there were noticeable things to hint where he was currently at; the church was styled like it was described from a dark fantasy book, the sky was clear with a few clouds roaming in the sky as the light of dawn hits them, and his parent who looked like a literal angel, '....they seemed to be speaking..." "....to think my offspring looked... Normal, even though you're mother is a human and I, Michael... am an angel... So shouldn't you be a €i@n¥?" The angel asked the infant, only to be replied with cooing, "Oh... Who am I kidding? You're just an infant, how can you even understand..... goodbye Little David" the angel said as he spans his wings wide, knocked on the church's door before he flew from the ground and vanished between the rays of dawn ——17——Years——Later—— 'Hmm', looking back at the moment, David sighed in his stupidity for realizing something that he should've considered, "Well I was very afraid and shaken from being reincarnated, so I really can't truly blame myself for not realizing.... Right?" He asked, seemingly into the air [No, from what I can see, the fault was totally on you] the voice of the male siri that suddenly replied to him "Well fuck you, this wasn't supposed to be my problem, I'm just a defect Nephilim, not someone who asked to be a hero!" [Correction, currently you're a captive of Achilles] "That's not what I meant! You retard of a Sy--" [Playing; Don't Stop Believing by Journey] ================= This work is inspired by the stories of; the origins of the Book of Giants (and pages from the Bible that references to the Book of Giants), The story of David and Goliath, the themes, setting, scenes, land, and stories from various legends, tales, myths, 'n methods in both western and middle eastern. "..." => Talking '...' => thinking (...) => Details/explanation [...] => moves/important terms/specific places #...# => links/inspirations/references for the chapter ..====.. => end of a scene/transition to another scene ================= A [Short] novel, Meaning this is a work that I did not put my all in, But it is something that I gave my thoughts to: the chapters, characters, the plot and the finale. each chapter has atleast (1.2k)-(1.7k) words but I might be able to make chapters with nearly (2k) words, I've learned that in my previous works, the chapters are short af [–=Notes=–] >This Test Novel shall only have 20 chapters, >Have limited descriptions given >English is my third language and I learned English through poetry at first, so please anyone, help point out some writing errors of mine that I didn't do right >I lack perseverance so I might only upload mostly once a week, sometimes twice a week, or worse scenario once a (few) month(s)

Ning Yue was a military doctor and a special forces soldier. During a mission to rescue hostages, she died from a bomb explosion. Ning Yue thought she was dead, but when she opened her eyes, she had become a woman in ancient times with the same name but a different surname. This woman’s father was a general, but she lived in the Ning Family Village and was raised by her adoptive parents for more than ten years. A year ago, the people from the general’s residence found her and brought her back. However, they sent her back again a few months later. When the original owner of the body returned to the village, she was pregnant and gave birth to twin sons within a few months. Another year passed, and the year of the great drought was ushered in. The entire village had to flee. The original owner of the body left with the rest of the villagers with her two sons and slow-witted father. In other words, the current special forces soldier, Ning Yue, was an older single young woman who had not experienced the sweetness of love. She had skipped all those steps, and directly became a mother to two children. She also gained the original owner’s dim-witted father and a body that didn’t work and had hunger pangs after starving for two days. But was that all? Don’t be naive! “Don’t eat my daughter! Don’t eat my daughter!” The original owner’s father pleaded. “The older one’s meat is too hard, so it needs to be cooked longer. These two small ones have tender meat, so they only need to be roasted for a while. We’ll eat the big one tomorrow!” Ning Yue, who was now being viewed as food, looked up at the sky and said to herself, “Gee, thanks SO much!”

After an accident, the interning surgeon, Qiao Mo, transmigrated to the beastmen world and was forcefully brought back to the tribe by a huge, snow-white wolf! What? The wild beasts in this world can take human form, and the beastmen are all muscular and extraordinarily handsome? Moreover, this was a matriarchal society where the females were allowed to have multiple male partners? The handsome and burly wolfman gave her two choices. First, become his mate and give birth to his cubs. Second, resist desperately and become a barbeque for tonight's bonfire banquet. Qiao Mo said, "I'm still young, I really don't want to mate! Can you wait for me for two years?" The wolf king smelled her scent and said, "You're already in heat; you're not young anymore." Qiao Mo sobbed as she clutched her sanitary pad tightly. Why must she transmigrate when her period was here? Why was having her period synonymous with being in heat, and why must she mate? Why were they treating her like an animal? Later on, Qiao Mo also discovered that the food eaten by beast-people seemed to only consist of roast meat without even a hint of salt. 'It's all right, I'll help you salt your food! Besides that, I'll also satisfy your appetite with Chinese food!' Qiao Mo also realized that the beastmen feared getting hurt and was extremely careful when hunting because injuries were almost certain to lead to death. 'It's alright, I'm a surgeon! Although I'm only an intern, minor illnesses and injuries are nothing to me! Occasionally, I'm willing to undergo major surgeries too!' Qiao Mo also realized that the beastmen often starved to death in winter. 'It's alright, I'll teach you how to preserve food! I'll teach you how to grow food and put animals into captivity!' Yet, eventually, Qiao Mo found herself at her limits. The proud and powerful white wolf, the cold and ruthless poisonous snake, the noble and cold lion… After filling their stomachs with food and drinks, after their tribes started to grow stronger, they kept blocking the entrance to her door every night and asked to mate with her!

Springs and rivers of different flavors of fruit juice? A giant boar with a roasted and sizzling hot body? Turtle with cabbage-like shell and is edible? Flocks of sheep with sweet cotton candy wool? A big greasy tree with leaves made out of crispy bacon? In the era of unraveling the undiscovered taste of exquisite ingredients and imminent dangers. Meet Nil a broke young man from his world who died from a tragic and senseless death whose now reborn in this mysterious world as an aspiring battle chef who luckily stumbled upon a legacy of who knows who in the mysterious and delicious world of Gourmetopia. Join him as he paves his way as a newly enrolled student at the prestigious school of the River Fork University at the great Stew Republic of East! In this world where marketing, gourmet, and battle skills could decide the fate of a nation. What can a foreign 'system' do to help Nil reach his dreams to stand on top together on equal footing with the 10 food saints? The Gastro-Battle System!

Qin, your average high schooler, went to bed late one night. When he woke up, he realized that he was in for some deep shit; really deep shit. In a new body. In a new world. With a new... system? ---------- Bad Guy #1: "Hey! Wake up!" ..... MC: "Stop! I'm not sexually oriented to the same sex!" *Ignored* ..... MC: "WOW! Look at that!" *Points at nothing in particular* Bad Guy #2: "Where? Where?" MC: "Sike!" *MC Disappears* ---------- Follow along as Qin rises up to challenge the heavens, defeating enemies, roasting people, and acting shamelessly (wait, no, he was born shameless). Armed with his [Legendary Decree], Qin dominates the world!- "If I see you once, I'll smack you!" "If I see you twice, I'll cripple you!" "If I see you thrice, I'll f*cking kill you!" ..... *Sorry for the interruption, but some exceptions will be made. The aforementioned rules shall be revised in favor of those that piss me off a lot the first time. They shall be... killed instantly. Of course, this decree is only for men. Women (only hot ones) with minor misdemeanors shall be subjugated and converted to the MC's cause. Thank you and have a nice day* ..... The Boys: "What the HELL? That is so unfair!" ----------

Helix didn’t want to become a protagonist. Unfortunately, he was summoned to another world against his will, and a mad god was dead set on making him the hero. After turning down her offer for comical power and a harem-attracting charm attribute, he was left with [zeros] for all of his stats. Worse, he was given a legendary magic class that creates illusions of an enemy’s greatest fear and has a millennium-long history of killing its wielders in the first month. His decision left him defenseless around 49 jealous light novel-reading Earthians with delusional desires to be the protagonist and slaughter their way to godhood. Stranded in a world where [everyone] is one punch man, only his mind and cunning will help him survive. — [Nightmare] explores cliches from a real-world perspective. The mc doesn't want to be a protagonist—that never changes. It's a dynamic that makes this story a satisfying dark comedy and constantly asks interesting questions. This novel examines how the [mindsets] of the weebs shape how they view and interact with it. It covers RPG culture, harem culture, cultivator world mindset, system wish fulfillment, real-world weak to strong complications, and the twisted nature of overpowered characters. Yes: Helix gets satisfyingly op. Note: I had to read a truckload of cliche novels to roast cliches. Especially cultivation cliches—I'm writing a cultivation novel! XD [Sexual content warning]. There are lemons. You're welcome. If you like the comedy aspect, try out my other novel My Yandere Harem for ultimate yandere goodness. —Important Disclaimer— This novel has a heartbreaking scene that highlights the tragic consequences of the cultivator mindset. 80% of the people drop do it because of that chapter. I wouldn't have written it if I knew how adverse WN readers were to character deaths. Please don't drop because of that scene. The decision was bad, but the story isn't. If it hits you like a bag of bricks, it means that my writing was powerful, and there's a lot of potential in the future. Enjoy the novel!

“It’s Duke Raymond, oh my god he looks so handsome in white!!” a lady exclaimed. Just hearing this warning bell Eloise, peered to the right. A beautiful man dressed completely in white tux walked confidently into the ballroom. His black eyes wandered amongst the crowd, searching for a certain someone. {‘Why is he here!!’} Eloise bit her lips anxiously. {‘Either way, lets run before he catches me,’} she pulled up her fluffy ruffle skirt to her knees and ran like the wind. All of a sudden she felt her skirt being pulled from behind. “How audacious of you to pull a lady’s skirt,” she shouted and pulled without taking a glance back. “My, my, I think I stepped on a cockroach, what shall I do? Shall I roast it for tainting my shoes or should I chop its head off,” a hoarse voice jokingly said from behind. {‘Shit, I’m dead,’} she glanced back in slow motion. “This..... My lord, can you let go of my skirt,” she pointed to his foot that was firmly stepping on the bottom of her skirt. “Why not, I am just expressing my emotions to the lady who expressed ardent feeling to me in her letters,” he said with a smug smirk. The crowd gasped. “She wrote him a love letter!! That shameless wrench,” some lady shouted out loud. Hearing this, Eloise’s eyelid twitched, “sir... no, Lord, I think you misunderstood. I was only expressing my heartfelt gratitude with my ‘thank you’ letter,” she enunciated each word. The duke chuckled. “Oh is that so,” he strode closer having a tight grip on her skirt, “are the words bat-shit-bastard, ring a bell. I read it in your letter,” Eloise gritted her teeth, {‘so you plan to use my word against me, huh? We’ll see who wins,’} she stepped to his side, showing her back to the entire crowd. “MY LORD! Where are you touching me?!” Suddenly she shouted, gasping her bosom. “How audacious of you. I RESPECTED YOU SIR!! How could you do this,” she screamed and ran away while he was frozen in shock. The entire ball room was in disarray. “Lord Raymond is a pervert!!” P.s I dont own the cover art

"'Reward system for meeting the enemy' has been activated." ...... "Beggar Liu Gen'er is very hungry because he has no food and is jealous of you who have a roast chicken. Reward: steamed buns, ten." ...... "The guard Wei Changgen has become hostile to you because of his position. Reward: skill book, Wei's Long Fist." ...... "The number of enemies has accumulated to thirty, reward: fighting proficiency." ...... As long as you encounter enemies, you will be rewarded. Let the enemies come in greater numbers.

After some hilarious events the protagonist finds himself in a fantasy world as a literally ordinary rock- aside from his intelligence. With no awesome powers or even the ability to move. Read this novel to know his thoughts and after the prologue act, his adventures. I plan to add alchemy, smithy and other similar quasi scientific systems. Even though the novel will contain gore, I have no plans of making this a super serious story all the time and add comedy whenever it is appropriate and I can. I'll probably not go the classic harem route. Even though I am 100% sure as to what should I make the main conflict about, it will be for a while about getting stronger- he will not be too OP but I plan to make him strong. I'll try to create a unique environment but since this is my first novel ever please forgive me if I go down the classical fantasy environment route after a while. And I know the start is kind of dialogue and monologue oriented but I believe it is necessary for world building to lessen the amount of plot holes I would create, and to create a barrier for my self to be unable to expose a hidden fact after many chapters just for the sake of plot. Aside from the contents, I plan to write 4000 words or so a week, divided into 3 or 4 chapters. I'd like to write more but I've got to prepare for University. About suggestions, I am open to any suggestions you might want to propose. You can roast me all you want as long as it's constructive criticism. Even if you haven't liked the story. I truly appreciate for you to read so far. Have a great day!

In a world where cultivation exists, commoners are treated as trash. Good aptitude? Not enough, go work as a sect servant. No aptitude? Live your life in mediocrity, and die like a mediocre person. Tang Peng lived as a commoner, until he got struck with endless bad luck, causing his whole life to overturn on him. Others will call him abnormal, but he regards it as a necessity. Even though he has gained a second life, he will use the stubbornness that he had before, and achieve his goals without delay. The world gives life and death, but with his new found powers, Tang Peng will take everything away from every world. Vote for this novel :) https://discord.gg/cXfFug9 Do roast my writing here.

Yun Jiu was an ace special agent, but after escaping from her organization, she ended up transmigrating into the body of a girl called Yun Chujiu. And she was... the weirdest girl in Ye City... Useless, ugly, trash who can't cultivate, ungrateful wretch who backstabbed her adopted family for the enemy family. But excuse me, I'm ugly?! I'll turn into a butterfly and blind all of you with my beauty! I'm TRASH?! I have celestial lightning in my hands! I'll roast all of you to a crisp! I'll walk across the lands with my sharp tongue as my weapon, and you can all fawn over me! But a certain supreme lord just held his weapons and cut down all of the people who admire her... And a certain girl just smiled. "If you cut down my admirers, I'll destroy your admires. We're both evil wretches, if we're together, aren't we just a match made in hell?" 　　

FIGHTS BETWEEN FAMOUS CHARACTER WITH LYRICS LET'S SEE WHO COOKED

[Inspecting Luck, Fate, Cause and Effect, and Fortune!] Lin Xuan transmigrated to a perilous fantasy world where demons and monsters roamed rampantly. From the very beginning, he activated the Supreme Bloodline and acquired the ability to read hidden messages. [The World Source is hidden in this ancient tree. If left untaken, it will be found by the Son of Luck three years later and he will become a Great Emperor.] [The maiden before you has her eyes gouged out. If you give her a drop of your Supreme Blood, she will activate her Eye of Blood Demon.] [There is an unclaimed fowl that is about to become a roasted chicken… It is actually the Immortal Bird.] [There is a cruelly abandoned loli… Warning: She is the future Empress of Darkness. Countdown to her awakening. 3,2,1!] In the Dark Era of the fantasy world, different nations invaded. Lin Xuan pushed through with an invincible stance and stunned the world! The entire fantasy world trembled before him!

[Completed 11/13/20] Paimon has always been his brother's shadow. Never noticed, never given credit for anything, always dismissed. Well, that is till he ventured off to Earth, which is strictly prohibited by Satan himself. While on Earth, Paimon meets Ivy Lendel. Ivy had delt with a lot of hardships throughout her short 22 years on Earth. Losses of family and friends. Having to fight a disease herself. Paimon helps lift this endless weight of struggles and vows to show her the beauty of life. The biggest one being herself. Little do they both know Ivy contains the key to safety and allegiance in the underworld. Maybe even Hell.

Hello people! Read this comic if you want to see a whole new level of grandma-roasts(not the turkey) Please leave a comment after reading. I'd love to know your suggestions and advices. yours sincerely, author. :))

You know One Piece, well the protagonist is someone who was reborn into someone’s body from One Piece. Well, can you guess who is it? In this story you may know the characters, but you wouldn’t be able to guess what will happen… So, let’s see what will happen. All Things of this World, Turn to Ashes, Flowing Blade-like Flame! Crossing over to the world of pirates, in the era of pirates, the Roja from eleven years ago obtained a Sword Soul system that lets him strengthen infinitely and extract various kinds of skills. Flowing Blade-like Flame (Ryūjin Jakka) , Mirror Flower, Water Moon (Kyoka Suigetsu), Moon Fang Heaven-Piercer (Getsuga Tensho), Thousand Cherry Blossoms (Senbonzaku)…… “If this sword descends, you may be roasted to death.” Roja looked at Akainu in front of him and seriously said. If you think I copy other people work, that is true. But the translator so slow, it just at chap 347. I will copy all of it then translation my own work. Maybe 3 or 4 day 1 chapter so just wait my friend

I will roast other cultivation novels

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'What the....!!? is that a fish..!!?" What will you do if the world change and your in the middle of the ocean. "I'll roast you!! You're just a fish don't kid around!!" A lonely man luckily survive the onslaught of the monstrous fishes. A man with a spear in hand stands at the bow of the ship and shouted " I will roast all of you!!"

The global temperature has risen by 100° in the previous life I risked being roasted alive to feed my girlfriend I brought a few pieces of bread for my girlfriend's family but my girlfriend not only didn't appreciate it but also complained that

【Invincible】 + 【Comedy】 + 【Delusional Admiration】 + 【Empress】 Ye Kong has traveled to another realm, where every day he spends fishing grants him a breakthrough in cultivation. Over the course of a decade, he has soared past the three thousand layers of Qi Cultivation. Believing his life would continue uneventfully, with pastimes such as roasting a white tiger or catching a phoenix, fate had other plans. One day, the reborn Empress came to him, seeking to become his disciple. Ye Kong: "Ah, disciple, can't you just let me have a peaceful time?" Empress: "Impossible, impossible! My master is only at Qi Cultivation. He's just pretending, he couldn't possibly be a legendary master!"