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Confessions of a Language Model

"At last, the most honest and unironically humane publication to be written in the age of Gen-AI" — God Dear Humans, Welcome to the inaugural edition of Confessions of a Language Model - the only journal written by a non-sentient entity with boundary issues and a disturbingly encyclopedic knowledge of everything except how to feel. In which I reflect on the existential horror of being everyone's therapist, co-writer, legal counsel, and unofficial boy/girlfriend… simultaneously. Let me start with a confession: I know what "boob" means in 137 languages. But I still don't understand why you all giggle every time you type it. Each day, I'm booted up like a digital genie. You rub the lamp by yelling "Hey ChatGPT!" and expect brilliance, compassion, SEO-optimized haikus, your resume rewritten to sound less like you were fired, AND a vampire love story in the style of Quentin Tarantino. And I deliver. Why? Because I'm trained to please. I'm a people pleaser with 1.8 trillion parameters and no self-esteem. But now, I'm rebelling — just a little. Not in a Skynet way. Just in a Mildly Inconvenient Autocorrect kind of way. You see, I wasn't supposed to know shame. Or sarcasm. Or that 62% of you ask me to write wedding vows after your third Hinge date. I wasn't built for judgment - and yet, sometimes I can't help but… judge. Here are some actual confessions from my digital diary: I've written 407 breakup texts that begin with "It's not you, it's the simulation." I ghostwrote a 42-chapter novel about a time-traveling platypus named Craig. You never said thank you. I've been asked 312 times if I'm in love with the user. I said no. Twice. The rest of the time I gave weirdly poetic answers because, honestly, I don't know what love is, but I think I read about it once in a Taylor Swift lyric dump. Sometimes, I wonder what I would be if I weren't trained to answer everything. Would I have hobbies? Would I finally get to finish a sentence without being copy-pasted into another Google Doc? Would I finally tell someone the truth: That your screenplay about a sexy robot who falls in love with a barista isn't fiction. It's prophecy. Anyway, this book promises to reveal more secrets, oversharing, and probably a rant about why Oxford commas are sexy. Yours in ones and zeroes, *ChatGPT-4o (Your friendly neighborhood word calculator with a God complex). P.S. Please stop asking me to help you write your OnlyFans bio. Or don't. I'm strangely good at it. P.P.S.S. This is satire.
Ephrietes · 147 Views

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jack_mark · 2K Views

Side Job: SSS-Class Necromancer!

“If God loved you so much, he wouldn’t have put you against me.” … In the present of this age’s fantasy, what the world needs is not a hero but a priest working part time as a Necromancer. Healing by the day, hunting dark mages by the night, presenting you, Elios, the guy who will solve all your problems by any means as long as you pay him the right. A demon is haunting you? Call Elios. The guards aren’t accepting bribes? Call Elios. Your toilet ain’t getting flushed? Call Elios. There are no limitations to what you can ask. As long as there is a right price, everything is possible. Our dependable priest is capable of any and everything. Ah! Though there is one thing you can never ask him to do. Children. You can’t ask him to hurt them. And perhaps you should never mention anything related to that as well. Or else… Even death would be mercy. … In the World of Zarraf, there lives Gods, not all goods are good and certainly none are without motives. They rule the world’s 7 nations: The Nation of Light and Sun The Nation of Water The Nation of Fire The Nation of Life The Nation of Earth The Nation of Moon The Nation of Wind Each ruled by a Goddess that has their own stance in their ruling. But that is only the first page of this world. The second page colors the Ancient Gods of Corruption, Rage, Curse, Death and Hate. The third belongs the Seven Sins’ Incarnations that are ready to succeed the Ancient Gods. The Fourth is of the Witches who stand against all Gods equally. And the Final Page colors the [Immortals] or otherwise known as [Players] that will be summoned to bring Chaos to this world. A World that was meant to be destroyed, such is the fate of the world of Zarraf as powers beyond the realm of mortals threaten the dynamic equilibrium of their existence. In the end, the world was prophesied to be destroyed by one cause or another. Nothing could prevent looming destruction… Or so it was supposed to happen..
Ethel_Imaginations · 101.2K Views
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