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Rwby Critique

L'Amour d'un Lycan

``` TERMINÉ ! Extrait : Il y a un an, Raine a été libérée de l'institution mentale et a dû vivre dans l'orphelinat. Ce n'était pas le meilleur endroit. Surtout pas pour quelqu'un comme elle. Jusqu'à cette nuit fatidique où elle l'a rencontré. *** Il arrêta la voiture. L'étreinte sur la couverture se resserra alors que Raine se demandait si elle avait fait quelque chose de mal. Elle le sentait lorsque Torak tendait la main vers elle. Va-t-il me frapper ? Raine frissonna à cette pensée. Torak repoussa la capuche de sa tête et replaça doucement ses cheveux derrière son oreille. "Ne fais pas ça." Il dit fermement, "Je veux te voir, ne te cache pas..." ************** "L'esprit de l'ange gardien insufflera une nouvelle vie à l'enfant humain. Trois anges gardiens naîtront de nouveau dans le monde terrestre et vous trois serez leurs protecteurs." "Protecteurs !?" s'exclama Jedrek. Finalement, il s'arrêta de marcher et se retourna pour regarder la déesse lunaire de loin, ses yeux luisants de colère rouge. Son loup était furieux. "Pourquoi penses-tu que nous aiderons ?" demanda Kace en rétrécissant ses yeux noirs d'obsidienne, son loup prenant le contrôle de lui. Il était le plus jeune des trois et le moins colérique d'entre eux. Les trois étaient maudits par Sélène à cause de leur action féroce pour acquérir un pouvoir suprême et une autorité. La déesse lunaire ne les a pas bénis avec une âme sœur comme punition de leur manière atroce et les a forcés à s'impliquer dans cette guerre mortelle avec les démons. "Vous allez nous transformer en esclaves pour ces créatures maladives !?" demanda Torak avec incrédulité. "N'as-tu pas peur que nous les brisions en deux ?" L'ange gardien était si fragile et eux, en tant que lycanthropes, n'appréciaient pas les faiblesses. "Non, vous ne le ferez pas." dit Sélène avec patience. "Vous ne serez pas leurs esclaves ni ne leur ferez de mal, vous les chérirez de toutes les manières possibles." Jedrek rit menaçant en entendant cela, ils se fichaient de la résurrection de la bête, une fois qu'elle traversait leur territoire, avec ou sans l'ange gardien, il déchirerait leur corps en morceaux. "Je serai la dernière personne qu'ils verront, une fois que je les trouverai." Il faisait référence à l'ange gardien et au démon. Mais, la prochaine voix de Sélène était empreinte de bonne humeur lorsqu'elle parla. "Tu ne blesseras pas ton âme sœur." ============================ Session 1 (chapitre 1 - 394) : Torak Donovan - Raine (terminée). Session 2 (chapitre 395 - 628) : Kace Donovan - Espérance (terminée) Session 3 (chapitre 629 - 1083) : Jedrek Donovan - Lilac (terminée) Session 4 (chapitre 1084 - en cours) : Histoires annexes ============================ Ceci est une histoire de loup-garou et bien sûr de la fantasy ! Comme tout le monde a sa propre version de la vie surnaturelle, voici que j'essaie d'écrire la mienne. Si vous avez lu d'autres histoires de loups-garous, vous remarquerez qu'il y a des similitudes et des différences. ============================ ***Attention ! L'anglais n'est pas ma langue maternelle, il est donc possible que vous trouviez des erreurs grammaticales (je ne l'ai pas fait intentionnellement), si cela vous met mal à l'aise, veuillez me le faire savoir afin que je puisse corriger cela. *Vous êtes prévenus ^^ Toute critique constructive est la bienvenue ! .......................................................................................... ##Rencontrez-moi sur Instagram : jikan_yo_tomare ##Couverture par : @Gisel.arts Découvrez mes autres histoires : **PURPLE DAWN TILL DUSK: dearest through the time **THE STORY OF DUSK ```
jikanyotomare · 91.6K Views

Après avoir été piégée par sa famille, elle a été choyée par un PDG d'une famille riche

Jing Yao a couché avec le PDG d'une riche famille qui était réputé pour se tenir à l'écart des femmes. Elle est même tombée enceinte. Jing Yao a grandi sans recevoir d'amour de ses parents. Bien qu'elle et sa sœur fussent jumelles, elle ne ressemblait en rien à sa sœur aînée. Ses parents favorisaient sa sœur aînée. Jing Yao a été forcée de commencer à travailler jeune, tandis que sa sœur pouvait rester à la maison à ne rien faire. Jing Yao devait payer ses propres frais de scolarité. Un seul sac à main que possédait sa sœur coûtait plusieurs dizaines de milliers. Non seulement cela, mais sa sœur aînée sortait même avec son fiancé, avec qui elle était fiancée depuis l'enfance. Formellement parlant, Jing Yao était la deuxième sœur de la famille. Cependant, en réalité, elle était tellement pauvre qu'elle ne pouvait même pas payer son propre loyer. Sa famille ne lui avait jamais montré aucun soin ou affection. Pour le bien du mariage de sa sœur aînée, la mère biologique de Jing Yao l'a piégée en la faisant boire avec un investisseur. Elle a même été droguée. Heureusement, elle était suffisamment alerte pour s'enfuir. Cependant, elle s'est enfuie dans la mauvaise direction. En conséquence, elle a fini par coucher avec Liang Xun. Après être rentrée chez elle, la mère de Jing Yao l'a engueulée. Son odieux de fiancé l'a humiliée. Jing Yao a annulé le mariage sur le champ. Depuis lors, elle a quitté la famille Jing. Plus tard, Liang Xun a découvert que Jing Yao était enceinte. Il l'a approchée et lui a demandé de l'épouser. Cependant, Jing Yao l'a rejeté. Liang Xun lui a directement offert 100 millions comme cadeau de mariage, et elle a finalement accepté. Des rumeurs ont commencé à se répandre sur internet. Jing Yao, une célébrité récemment populaire, était soupçonnée de s'être impliquée dans la relation de sa sœur aînée. Certains ont même dit qu'elle était la sugar baby de Liang Xun. Malgré les critiques, Jing Yao a publié un post positif en réponse. "Je n'ai pas de sœur aînée et je suis la sugar mommy de Liang Xun." Liang Xun a immédiatement commenté son post. "Ma femme a raison."
Mountain Springs · 71.1K Views

The Man Who Holds the Storm

In the midst of World War II, Caelum is a young man with extraordinary abilities, recently released from a military facility where he was subjected to experimentation. Struggling to understand his powers and find his place in a world filled with conflict, he grapples with the fear of his potential while yearning for connection and acceptance. As he navigates the complexities of a society that views him as both a threat and a curiosity, Caelum embarks on a journey of self-discovery, confronting the moral dilemmas of using his abilities for good in a time when humanity is tested by war. His quest for identity and purpose becomes a beacon of hope as he seeks to reconcile his kind-hearted nature with the harsh realities surrounding him. Hello, Author Here, This is my first book or should I say my first committed book. If you have any critiques about the plots, characterization, worldbuilding, especially the character names, organization names, please feel free to comment. I'm writing this for the fun of it and I'd like to know where my creativity takes me. Feel free to also suggest relevant ideas so maybe I'll incorporate it into the story. Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events, or locations is purely coincidental. The characters, situations, and events depicted in this narrative are products of the author's imagination and should not be interpreted as representing any real individuals, groups, or historical events. This work does not intend to reflect or endorse any particular race, ethnicity, religion, or ideology, and is not meant to convey any political or social commentary. All views and interpretations presented are fictional and should not be construed as factual. What to expect: -More overpowered anomalies -Anomalous humans(basically humans with superpowers) -Anomalous Beasts and monsters -Action-Packed -Slow burn pace I guess? -I also like to know what's gonna pop in my head for the next chapter and beyond, but I have a clear goal of what's the story gonna be.
ShtickMan · 1.3K Views

The Unparalleled Sovereign of Might, Speed and Annihilator Drones

Disclaimer: This story includes visual portrayals of extreme violence, blood, and gore. [Audience Rating: 18+] — Meet Jack Greyson, an ordinary human from Earth who unwittingly activated a certain item that transported him to a distant world located in the vast and endless Seas of Stars. Appearing as the weakest and most feeble in this world, Jack must fervently train and swiftly grow stronger using the 'Trifaceted Talent System'—a potent and enigmatic, talent-infusing interface of unknown origins. This system will transform his vulnerability, frailty, and oppression into unbounded, obliterative savagery, immense desolating strength, and unparalleled destructiveness by imbuing him with three phenomenal talents: unbound might, limitless speed, and the ability to ceaselessly manifest countless, myriad battle drones—technologically sophisticated ones hugely advanced than monumental fighter drones from hundreds of thousands of centuries in the future. Furthermore, each of these talents come with complementing marvelous and fascinating abilities that will make Jack apocalyptically strong, destructively fierce, and incomparably fearsome. But all these, he would need to constantly, diligently work for and earn by completing numerous secret tasks, as well as minor, common-event to grand, special-event missions that have varying degrees of difficulty, dangers, and peril—some could turn him into a disabled cripple with torn-off limbs and shredded, gashed, or melted skin, or rendered as a viciously ruined corpse. While others could leave him as scattered drops of bright, rusty red fluid, staining the ground, walls, or filling the atmosphere confined in whatever area he was reduced to as either crimson fog or mist. To know more, accompany Jack Greyson in his unrelenting, dauntless, and indefatigable, extremely perilous quests across numerous unbounded worlds or vast dimensional planes that dot the 'boundless Seas of Stars' and are filled with strange, strong and agile entities, ravenous beastly creatures, and terrifying sentient monstrosities. In these unknown, foreign worlds and planes, Jack will attempt to dominate their powerful inhabitants and leave behind his indelible mark, lingering vestige, and everlasting legacy on each of them! *** This story intertwines compelling epic actions, daring adventures, advanced technology, preternatural powers, a unique Level-Up System, romance, and the complexities of enviable, loyal and beautiful friendships turned family. Enjoy! :) _ P.S: Remember to cast your vote, share your thoughts on what resonates with you or doesn't, and provide critiques. Your feedback is appreciated!
koladeizdavid · 18.4K Views

Villain's World

Welcome to Villain's World, where mercy is a forgotten language, and violence the currency of existence. Social status here is determined by one's Tier of Villainy. Though cutthroat and ruthless, Antagonia ran just fine… Until one day, portals to the Human World emerged. Hidden beneath a veil of justice and liberation, the Humans invaded their lands. Through hypocrisy and shady ploys, many Villains fell victim to these cunning Humans. The Demon Family, a once great Villain Clan, was amongst the victims. Daseos Demon, the fifth son and a child at the time, was left to fend for himself as his entire family fell to the hands of the humans. He was orphaned to the L.U.S.T Inn, a high-end brothel where the owner, Madame Allura and her courtesans became his family. This is the story of Daseos's relentless quest for revenge as he ascends the villain hierarchy. His aims are twofold: to exact vengeance for his fallen family and to safeguard Antagonia from the malevolent humans who feign justice while pillaging their lands. Join Daseos Demon as he confronts not just external adversaries, traitors but also the darker aspects of his own nature as he navigates the murky waters of a society where morals were but a joke. And of course, with the astounding death rates of this harsh environment, it only made sense that its people evolved to have turbo-charged primal urges, to survive, to destroy, to… lust. "A Villain’s World" offers a compelling narrative, filled with intricate characters, moral ambiguity, and a critique of the notions of good and evil. It is a story that uncovers the complex fabric of villainy, raising uncomfortable questions about justice, retribution, and the very nature of power.
MrBtheNovelist · 58.2K Views

A Poisoned Knot

A series of a boy drunk in other people's stories. Living in a village where entertainment is basically nowhere, a little boy living in the village met a group of adventurers that tells him stories that they experienced while travelling and also stories that they have heard along the way. The story led from one to another and, the little boy decided and sneaked out of the village to discover and learn about more stories currently left unheard by him in this world. *** Hello, Poisonknot here. It may very weird and demanding to say this but, I have started a novel back then called Every Dew Drop: A Lone Man's drink and it grew to view around a thousand. This was a lot for me and I was excited to have people to see my work however, I decided to hide it and stopped updating and releasing chapters. At the time I got a massive boost that people are enjoying what I make but I also doubted myself and sometimes, I am just pessimistic on what I am doing. I saw a thousand views but I cannot see a single "Hi" or even just a critique in my works. This caused my motivation and confidence to drop and I don't blame the people for it. It's just that I am so unsure on "what to do" or "am I doing, writing it ok?" The bottomline is, although it is very demanding, please do leave a comment, a reply or a sign that I may have mistyped incorrectly or I did a good job writing this part etc. I will really appreciate anything and even writing this took a huge amount of my courage. As long as you liked stories and you stay happy, I'll see you soon!
poisonknot · 1.8K Views

Marweni: The Demon Rises

The Realms are a small world. Some have bountiful abundants of life, and others are but silent deserts. It’s a monumental task to travel between the boundaries of the worlds as few and far between know even of their existence, let alone of how to travel between them. Well expect one particular Realm, The Abyss. Well, to be precise, The Abyss is not as much a Realm as it is a collection of many Realms. So many in fact that no one knows how deep it actually is, as only the first few have known residents, since the deeper one goes the deadlier it is. Thanks to it, its population isn’t big, but few will dare underestimate a demon, much less one of the Lord who controls the vast scopes of the inhabited Abyss. But One of those demons is far more feared than the rest… And this is his tale. Hello, I am the author. If you like stories were MC is Evil and I mean Evil not someone that is trying to be evil but all his actions are misunderstood, or he was bad and is trying to be good, but everybody thinks he is bad...well you know what I mean. This novel has an Evil MC like Evil Evil. The r18 tag is mainly for violence, torture and psychological manipulation, and yes, there is some sex too. I intended to write this novel until completion (It will not be a daily upload but I will try to put at least 1 a week) unless something happens like me getting arrested because the police was suspicion why I google “How many bones can I break without killing the child” and others thing needed to make a story with some basic in reality. I think by now you get what type of story this is. So a little info as the first few chapters will follow a different character than the MC and it may look like someone put the wrong description but it isn’t. Well enjoy a read and give me some good critique as it is my first novel and I would like to improve. PS: English isn’t my first language, so if you find a mistake hit me in the comment I will fix it
TiTam · 1.1K Views
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