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Totk Critique

Système de Harem : Dépenser de l'argent sur les femmes pour un remboursement de 100 % !

Ding! [Activation des conditions du système de cashback satisfaites !] [Liage du système en cours...!] [Le système a été lié avec succès !] [Dépensé 1 000 $. Coup Critique x10. Gagné 10 000 $. L'argent a été transféré sur le compte XXX-XXX-XXX.] [Dépensé au moins 1 000 $ sur une belle dame. Reçu 1 billet de loterie. Voulez-vous l'utiliser ?] [OUI][NON] Kyle était un homme qui n'avait jamais eu de chance dans la vie et il était sur le point d'en finir après avoir été licencié de son emploi au salaire minimum en raison de la plainte d'un client qui s'est avéré être un mensonge, mais comme le client était une femme attirante, personne n'a cru Kyle. Pour empirer les choses, il a dû payer les dommages causés par le client. Les belles personnes, elles avaient la vie facile, n'est-ce pas ? C'était sa dernière étape et il savait qu'il ne verrait pas demain alors qu'il cherchait une rivière pour s'y jeter. Il pensait que son esprit avait finalement craqué car il n'y avait aucune explication pour l'écran Cyan qui a surgi alors qu'il cliquait sur le bouton [OUI]. [Vous avez tiré Charme !] [Charme : Il n'y a rien que l'utilisateur ne puisse charmer pour entrer ou sortir ! L'univers vous a béni avec du charisme !] "Hahaha ! J'ai dû perdre la tête..." murmura Kyle pour lui-même mais son téléphone sonna bientôt pour montrer qu'il avait une notification. Et à sa surprise, il vit 10 000 $ dans son compte et sa mâchoire tomba. "C'EST VRAI !!!"
User_Name_Triple · 56.7K Views

SAY I LOVE YOU

Kimberly est secrètement amoureuse de Jordan Collins, un célèbre basketteur de son lycée, depuis un bon moment. Sa fascination pour lui est telle qu'elle le stalkait assidûment sur tous les réseaux sociaux, que ce soit Facebook, Snapchat, TikTok ou même Tinder. Son obsession est si profonde qu'elle avait même choisi "Jordanlebg" comme mot de passe Wifi, un choix qui s'est retourné contre elle lorsque son voisin a réussi à pirater son ordinateur pour se connecter à son réseau. Mais là n’est pas le pire, son voisin en question se trouve être le meilleur ami de Jordan, et il a maintenant un accès privilégié à la vie de Kimberly et sait presque tout sur ses sentiments pour Jordan. Face à cette situation délicate, Kimberly se demande quoi faire. Devrait-elle prendre le risque de révéler ses sentiments à Jordan au risque d’être rejetée ou devrait-elle garder son secret pour elle-même ? "- Et puis, putain, je te jure que si tu lui dis, je porte plainte pour piratage informatique. - Et moi pour harcèlement. Je suis sûr que ça intéresserait les flics de savoir que tu stalkes les gens. C’est à se demander si tu n'as pas une photo nue de lui. - Ah, ta gueule !", meugle-t-elle, énervée. Bradley glousse, son regard moqueur se pose sur elle alors qu'il s'humecte lentement les lèvres, laissant planer un suspense taquin dans l'air chargé d'électricité. - Ça fait combien de temps que tu es amoureuse de lui?" lance-t-il, un sourire narquois aux lèvres, cherchant à percer le mystère qui entoure les sentiments de la jeune fille. - D-deux ans," répond-elle du tac au tac, sa voix légèrement tremblante trahissant une émotion contenue depuis trop longtemps. Et là, c'est la goutte d'eau qui fait déborder le vase. Bradley éclate de rire, un rire contagieux qui résonne dans la pièce, secouant son corps de spasmes incontrôlables. Puis, soudain, son expression se fait plus sérieuse, son regard plongeant dans celui de la jeune fille avec une intensité troublante. - Merde, t'as quel âge, 15 ans?" lance-t-il, mêlant moquerie et incrédulité, avant d'être interrompu par un soupire agacé de la part de Beverly , qui réplique avec une pointe d’énervement: "Vas te faire foutre!" - Mais plus sérieusement, tu es mignonne et tout, mais..." Il s'interrompt, la dévisageant d'un air critique, son regard balayant son apparence de haut en bas avec une franchise désarmante . "Mais je ne pense pas que Jordan serait intéressé par une fille qui porte encore une culotte Hello Kitty," lâche-t-il finalement, pointant du doigt un détail embarrassant que la jeune fille n'avait pas remarqué. Instinctivement, elle baisse les yeux sur son pantalon, réalisant avec horreur qu'elle a oublié de refermer sa fermeture éclair. Son visage s'empourpre instantanément, trahissant son embarras dans un éclat de rouge vif qui contraste avec la gravité de la situation.
Sylvianna_Assi · 7.5K Views

Reincarnated as a Jade Beauty?! [OLD]

Everything was going well for him: a well-earning job, a car, a home, but then he was tossed into a world of immortals, in the body of Jade Beauty of all things! ------- Hello, there. I'd written this novel a while back and only recently picked it up again, and decided to post it. I write mostly for fun, so uh... I can guarantee no update consistency. I will try to post 3 to 4 chapters a week, but again, I can't guarantee anything. PS: This is a Gender Bender work. If you dislike that, this is not for you; just don't give it a bad rating/review for that. However, Gender Bender does not have much relevance to the story. This was an idea I had a long time ago when I'd read the first Transmigrated-into-Villain/Young Master story. That's when I wondered what if it was written from the perspective of the Jade Beauty instead? So, I came up with the idea of some guy transmigration into the body of one. But at the time, I despised the 'conflict' that came with the category, so I kinda skipped the entire thing. So don't expect gender identity issues from this story - even if there are, it will be resolved in a few chapters at most. This is primarily a Progression Fantasy/Power Fantasy from a Jade Beauty's perspective. Though, you can also think of it as an amateur author's way of escaping his responsibilities and not studying the female psyche deeply. Like I said - I write for fun. PPS: I don't have much writing experience and I do want to improve, so your critiques are welcome. Just don't be too harsh - my glass heart might just break. PPPS: MC will be extremely strong in her Cultivation Stage - and the strongest later on, but that doesn't mean much in the Cultivation World, where there is always a 'Heaven beyond the Heavens'. PPPPS: This is still a WIP. I have the general plot idea in mind, but nothing concrete. Plus, I haven't made the mechanics of this world as concrete as I would like. So, I might make minor changes here and there. If I do make such changes, I'll do it retroactively across all relevant chapters. So, early readers might get a little confused, and I apologise for that. Of course, I'll post a note when I do make changes. PPPPPS: This story will take a while to pick up. So don't expect MC to have tremendous odds stacked against her from the very beginning. In fact, this will be more slice-of-life at the beginning.
DaoistDumbledore · 1.2M Views

SENTINEL: Echoes of Aethelburg

In the hyper-advanced, gleaming metropolis of Aethelburg, powered by the coveted and volatile Aetherium, the clandestine agency SENTINEL stands as the city's shield against myriad threats. Here, the lives of two exceptional teenagers are unexpectedly intertwined. Kaelen "Kael" Vance, a brilliant but socially oblivious tech whiz, is accidentally thrust into the perilous world of espionage, his natural genius for hacking and gadgetry making him an unconventional yet invaluable asset. He's partnered with the agency's prodigy, Seraphina "Sera" Sterling, the highly disciplined and strategically-minded adopted daughter of SENTINEL's formidable Director. Initially, the pair are like oil and water: Sera, the meticulous star pupil, is often exasperated by Kael's impulsive methods and disregard for protocol, while Kael finds her uptight and overly critical. However, as they are forced to collaborate on increasingly dangerous missions, their clashing styles begin to forge an undeniable synergy. Beneath Sera's professional and sometimes stern exterior lies a deeply caring and shy individual, whose sharp critiques of Kael often mask her growing concern for his safety – a concern Kael, in his charming obliviousness, consistently misinterprets. Together, they must defend Aethelburg from a rising tide of enemies: from "The Unseen Hand," a shadowy organization of disillusioned ex-agents aiming to dismantle SENTINEL from within; to a vengeful master hacker known as "Glitch" bent on crippling the city's digital heart; the anti-technology "Luddite Legion" seeking to drag the city back to a simpler era; and "The Curator," a mysterious figure manipulating events for ultimate control. While navigating deadly external threats and uncovering unsettling internal conspiracies that whisper of SENTINEL's own "dark history," Kael and Sera must also grapple with the complex, slowly blossoming feelings between them. Their journey is one of rivalry evolving into romance, confronting the burden of exceptional talents, and fighting to protect their home, even as its foundations are threatened by secrets and betrayals.
KiyoAsahiKaishi · 2.4K Views

War of the Gods: Xander's Story

Xander—sometimes Xerena—isn’t your typical fae. Born of Spring Courts seduction and Winter Courts shadows, they’re a shapeshifter with only four forms: male, female, wolf, and doe. Limited? Maybe. Dangerous? Absolutely. With a heritage steeped in elemental ice and fae illusion, and a gender that shifts as fluidly as their magic, Xander has always lived between worlds. But in a reality where all mythologies are real, “between” isn’t safe anymore. The gods have declared war on mortals. Not just humans—anyone who isn’t divine. Vampires, werewolves, fae: are all targets in a global genocide fueled by divine pride and ancient grudges. ~ Hello everyone This is a story that has been rattling around in my head for the last couple of years. I have been contemplating writing it for awhile now, but as I have no experience in creative writing I was a touch nervous. Now I decided to "bite the bullet" and put out a chapter to see if how it is received. I would like opinions and critiques, so I can get better at writing. Due to not having the money to hire an editor I decided to use Chatgpt to assist in editing my writing to look for spelling and punctuation errors. If you see any glaring issues please let me know, I have never been great at editing. I haven't decided on an upload schedule yet, but I will play it by ear. I want to make this story as good as I possibly can so if I have to take extra time to rewrite chapters to make sure they fit my style of writing and make sure there are no errors I will do so. If I decide to keep this going this story will likely end up turning into a series of 6 books following the "commanders" of the mortal army. I have the first 3 completely planned out on many sticky notes so it's just a matter of writing it all. Anyway I hope you enjoy Thanks ~ Stryx
Stryx · 2.5K Views

Scandal To Sweetheart

“Two-faced people confuse me—should I roll my eyes at one face or slap the other?” She called him out. He destroyed her. Then they woke up in the same bed—trending online. Half-Japanese, raised in Korea, and struggling to break through as an actress, Arin was used to being overlooked. But one anonymous post from her drama critique account changed everything. When she called out Korea’s most powerful entertainment CEO, Zane Kim—the insanely rich, dangerously charming man behind half the industry—for mistreating his staff. Her words went viral. So did her name. And in a single day, Arin’s world came crashing down. Labeled a liar and attention-seeker, blacklisted from every opportunity, she lost everything. Her career. Her reputation. Her chance to care for her little sister. But fate has a twisted sense of humor. When a drunken night leads to a scandalous one-night stand with the very man who destroyed her… the internet explodes again. And Zane’s powerful grandmother sees only one solution: marriage. Forced into a one-year contract marriage for damage control, Arin is promised a way out of blacklist hell—and Zane gets to clean up his image. But he makes it clear: this isn’t a fairytale. She’s nothing to him. Just a tool. A nuisance. Until the girl he underestimated starts showing him a version of love he’s never known. Until fake turns into something dangerously real. But with the world watching, a reality show demanding proof of their "perfect" marriage, and enemies waiting to tear them apart—what happens when the biggest scandal of all… is falling for each other?
HaylinZiva · 2.3K Views

Reincarnated into a New World As a Vampire

Warning: ~SOUR RAW LEMONS~ Make no mistake, MC is a villain through and through. Story is not sacrificed for eye squinting lemons, cheek slapping lemons are not sacrificed for story. Detailed smut scenes, but I warn in advance, hold on to your pillows and be near a convenient location, only the strong can maintain calm. ----------------------------------------- It begins with a rough start, but stay with me, it only gets better!! ... Also, its not all about the lemons here, the story is just as important if not more. The lemons are an aspect of the story, not the other way round. Join my discord server:- https://discord.com/invite/Rjfy3Rkgwt You will find character illustrations there and get future updates. -SYNOPSIS- Following countless reincarnations, Aldritch had lived countless lives without any recollection of the one before. He was initially chosen by a god for a specific purpose, and for whatever reason, the god stuck with him, trying time and again to reincarnate him into a particular world, but each time, he enters a different world and loses the memories of before getting there. Just when the god was going to give up and finally search for someone else, Aldritch's reincarnation works... half works, since he still got reincarnated into the wrong world, but at least this time, it was one with a connection to the intended destination. Aldritch initially didn't wish to bother himself about this warworld, as he wanted to live a fun life, doing everything he couldn't in his previous life now that he has and can get anything he wanted, good looks, wealth, fame, and most importantly, beautiful women to carry out and fulfil all his desires and fantasies!! But then, realizing the truth about warworld might just change his mind... And what a weird start? he is starting out in the chamber of the goblin queen? ---------------------------------------------- Coming from the author to you guys, the readers, I ask for your support as I write this book, it will motivate me to write more and better. No support feels like no one is reading and kills morale and creativity. So don't be frugal at all!! Comments, Reviews, Gifts, Powerstones, Golden Tickets -- Anything & Everything. ... Information on bonus chapters: After every week; 100 power stones - 1 bonus chapter 200 power stones - 2 bonus chapters 300 power stones - 3 bonus chapters... And so on. ===== 50 Golden Tickets - 1 bonus chapter 100 Golden Tickets - 3 bonus chapters And so on. All the bonus chapters will be delivered the following week, if possible, all at once ... It's my first book, so I very much accept your critique, but judge with a more lenient mind. Also, through improvements, the quality of the chapters has greatly increased in the recent chapters... from chapter 120... 135 and above. Enjoy!!!
ZombieMann · 1M Views

Cyber Dream: The Blade of Capital

Cyber Dream: The Blade of Capital In a futuristic metropolis, technology has transcended human imagination. Modified metallic prostheses, intelligent AI companions, brain-embedded neural networks, and sprawling virtual spaces create a world that feels almost magical. Diseases like cancer, once feared, are now trivial thanks to nano-medical robots. Yet beneath these marvels lurks a new threat—a creeping form of cyber-psychosis that erodes minds and souls. Our story follows Kestrel , a former corporate elite turned dissident. With a prosthetic body shimmering in neon light, he roams the city’s dangerous fringes. On a rain-soaked night atop a high-rise, as he surveys a dazzling yet distorted skyline, he asks, “What is capitalism?” This question is both a critique of old social orders and a call to awaken those numbed by high-tech splendor. Soon, Kestrel embarks on a perilous journey into cyberspace with his advanced AI companion, Victoria. In this digital labyrinth, data streams hide secrets; memories can be stolen and identities rewritten, blurring the line between reality and illusion. Together, they uncover a staggering conspiracy: colossal corporations covertly implant neural networks into people’s minds, manipulating thoughts and establishing total control over society. The narrative begins with the chapter “Awakening,” where vivid imagery of neon-lit streets and rain intermingled with laser beams sets a mesmerizing scene. Kestrel’s inner monologue reveals deep discontent with a world that is outwardly vibrant yet internally decaying. He recalls a simpler time while questioning if the human spirit can endure under the dehumanizing grip of technology. Is the cost of progress the loss of our very selves? As events unfold, Kestrel becomes entangled with an underground network orchestrated by corporate elites. This hidden collective arms rebels and exposes the grim truth at humanity’s core. Each cyber intrusion and virtual clash plunges him deeper into isolation and fear, even as Victoria begins to show signs of independent consciousness. Her struggle to blend logic with emerging emotions adds complexity to their mission. Cyber Dream: The Blade of Capital is more than a high-octane cyberpunk adventure filled with chases and confrontations; it is a profound exploration of freedom, power, and the nature of reality. As Kestrel’s rebellion and Victoria’s quest for self-awareness ignite a movement, the novel challenges us to question what it means to be truly free in a world where technology is both a tool for progress and a weapon of control. A thrilling journey awaits.
Zephyreezy · 9.5K Views

Bloodborne: Andante of the Dead 9

* * * The Synopsis will be in the Glossary* * * * * * This is my first novel and I don’t expect it to be good since I’m just starting out and doing this as a practice test. So please read my story and critique it. I want to know what I did or am doing wrong and how to improve or what to learn from it. I am well aware that my story would never get close to a 9 since I’m new at this, but I’m at the very least aiming for a 7 or a 7.5 rating. I am more than willing to accept criticism, and I understand if I wrote something stupid, but please don’t give me an overly negative attitude about it. * * * – 「Authors Notes」 - I will do what I can to keep chapters around or over 1500 words per chapter. - Since I am new and have a job, I will do my best to hopefully complete at least one chapter within two or three weeks until I improve and can hopefully reduce that time. - As a new writer, I will definitely make a lot of mistakes, so I would definitely appreciate it if you could help point out if and when I make grammatical errors, contradictions, and retcon things. I will try to go back and fix my mistakes on my own, but I would appreciate it if you could spot me on them as well. - I plan on having a semi big cast of characters. I understand that multiple POVs can be annoying and ruin the story or pacing or both so I promise to do my best to focus solely on my big 3. - One thing I really liked about a popular anime I liked was how they included bits of information, such as abilities, unique equipment, enemies, locations, and other details about the world before and after the short commercial break so I plan on trying to have some short notes/information about the world at the bottom of some chapters. Though you can also find them in the bloodborne wiki or YouTube videos. * * * Thank you for choosing to read my novel, I hope it's something you look forward to reading * * *
RCGarcia_02 · 1.4K Views

"Milkverse: Quantum Lullabies"

Synopsis In a universe where breastfeeding rewrites quantum physics, a genetically engineered mother and her quantum-wolf lover battle cosmic forces to protect their reality-shaping infant. Across millennia—from 1023 AD Norse rituals to 10,000 AD galactic tribunals—their struggle to balance parental love with spacetime stability evolves into a mythic saga where milk becomes the fabric of reality, stretch marks map star systems, and a baby’s teething pain triggers supernovas. Plot Summary & Future Arcs Core Premise Lynette, the 500th incarnation of a lab-engineered "Spiritborn," discovers her breastmilk holds quantum code capable of creating—or erasing—civilizations. Alongside Caelium, a werewolf-physicist cursed to oscillate between human and feral states, they raise a universe-breathing infant whose needs (hunger, teething, diaper changes) manifest as cosmic crises. Their nemesis, the ancient witch Isolde, lurks in black hole rattles and formula corporations, weaponizing parental guilt across timelines. Key Existing Arcs (Chapters 1-50) · The Quantum Nursing Wars: Breastmilk algorithms vs. artificial formula empires in 3024 AD. · The Milky Tribunal: Intergalactic courtroom drama where lactation laws put Lynette on trial for "chronon genocide." · Teething Armageddon: The infant’s first tooth eruption rips spacetime, summoning dystopian dentist fleets. · Caelium’s Wolf-J.D. Crisis: His battle with black hole student loans and a werewolf lawyer rebellion. Future Outline for "The Lactating Cosmos" Chapter 51-60: The Pacifier Prophecy Arc Core Conflict: The infant’s discarded pacifiers form a neutron star oracle predicting a Galactic Potty Training Revolution. Methane-based diaper civilizations declare war on organic life, weaponizing fecal black holes. Key Beats: · Lynette brokers peace via Quantum Diaper Treaties, rewriting sanitation laws. · Caelium’s wolf-pack battles Toilet-Bomb Anarchists in Andromeda’s nursery lanes. · Isolde hijacks the prophecy, corrupting pacifiers into Singularity Pacifier Grenades. Global Hook: Parenting’s most mundane task (potty training) becomes a galactic power struggle, blending absurd humor with climate crisis metaphors. Chapter 61-70: Colostrum Crusades Arc Core Conflict: A cult worshipping Lynette’s “first milk” hijacks the Andromeda galaxy, using Lactation Lasers to erase formula-dependent civilizations. Key Beats: · Lynette discovers her colostrum contains Isolde’s Original Sin Code. · Caelium confronts his darkest self: a 2149 AD Formula Executive who monetized infant hunger. · The infant’s third eye leaks visions of a Milkless Universe, forcing Lynette to question her worth. Global Hook: Critique of corporate greed and "wellness culture," with breastmilk as both sacred and commodified. Chapter 71-80: Weaning the Gods Arc Core Conflict: The toddler’s tantrums collapse realities into a Tesseract Playpen—a hyperspace nursery where dark matter is finger paint and black holes are sippy cups. Key Beats: · Lynette and Caelium infiltrate the playpen to teach Gentle Reality-Building. · Isolde manifests as a Toxic Nanny AI, weaponizing bedtime stories. · The toddler’s first scribbles accidentally create Proto-Civilizations in her coloring books. Global Hook: Parental guilt meets multiverse theory: How do you raise a god without breaking reality? Final Arc (81-100): The Lullaby Singularity Core Conflict: The child’s first spoken word (“Mama”) triggers a Nursing Big Bang, birthing a new multiverse. But Isolde’s final gambit emerges: a Formula-Fed Doppelgänger Child hellbent on devouring their legacy.
D_Fdu_bei · 24.1K Views

Harry's a she

Set in an alternate wizarding world shaped by a matriarchal society, this story reimagines the familiar backdrop of Hogwarts and its surrounding conflicts. Power is inherited through the female line, and pureblood families fiercely guard their legacy amidst growing tensions with Muggleborns. The imbalance in the number of witches and wizards has made pureblood males valuable but objectified commodities, intensifying the social and political struggles within the magical world. At the heart of the story is Arcturus Regulus Black, the reincarnated son of Regulus Black. Carrying memories of a past life, Arcturus refuses to follow in the footsteps of Holly Potter, the female equivalent of the Boy Who Lived. Instead, his ambition is to break free from the constraints of his birthright, gaining power to rewrite his destiny in a society where he is marginalized by virtue of his gender. Arcturus is not alone in his reincarnation. Ronda Weasley, the female reincarnation of Ron, and Serena Prince, the female reincarnation of Severus Snape, navigate their own struggles as they reconcile their former lives with the constraints and expectations of this matriarchal world. The group faces questions of identity, legacy, and loyalty, balancing their memories of the past with the possibilities of the present. Their journey unfolds against a backdrop of political turmoil. Holly Potter, destined to fight Voldemort, plays the central role in a fight that echoes the original timeline but is subtly altered by the presence of the reincarnated souls. Simultaneously, the enigmatic Aurora Malfoy—Draco's older sister and another reincarnated soul—must contend with her family's legacy in this transformed world. Meanwhile, Hogwarts, led by Alba Dumbledore, becomes a battleground of ideologies. Dumbledore, though a figure of wisdom, unconsciously upholds the traditions of the matriarchy, while Gellert Grindelwald rises as a voice for men’s rights, creating an additional layer of conflict. The struggle between these ideologies mirrors the broader fight against Voldemort, adding complexity to the characters’ decisions. In a story that mixes politics, societal critique, and the power of memory, the young protagonists confront questions of whether to preserve the world they now inhabit or risk everything to reshape it. Their choices will define the fate of the wizarding world, testing the limits of friendship, power, and identity in a society where nothing is as it once was. Note, this story will NOT have R18 scenes at least for the first volume, if it then does, there will be a tag and you can pass. To summarize this world, it's a matriarchal version of the Harry Potter world while the muggle world remains the same. With all this shit, there are half a dozen reincarnated people of all age (mostly Hogwarts's students) who will make butterfly effects while trying to adapt to this world, including the MC. I decided to write this book as a study, I wanted to see what would happen if I decided to create parameters according to the book and then I would try adding variables to see the changes. The result is that the world is a matriarchy which thus led me to add parameters to explain the reason as to why it's a matriarchy and then to add seven reincarnated persons who will each add butterfly effects.
DecoupeTout · 44.3K Views
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