Listen To Me Bl Manga

Sébastien, a reserved and often awkward guy, is faced with a choice: stay stuck in the past or move forward. The attention of two guys complicates things. One wants him out of his life, the other still hasn’t let go. But the truth is unclear, and in the end, only Sébastien can decide his own future.

"The ocean took everything from him—his memories, his past, even his name. When Eddy opens his eyes, he's met with unfamiliar faces and a world that no longer feels like his own. Rescued by Mr. Dand, a kind stranger, Eddy finds refuge in his home. As he navigates this new life, he develops feelings for Artur, Mr. Dand's son. But the past never stays buried. As Eddy's memories begin to resurface, he must confront the truth about his identity and the life he left behind. Will he still want that life back, or will his heart remain with Artur?"

A posh boy and a ‘no fucks given’ Billionaire.  “Get on your knees and suck me off, like a good boy."  ******* When his grandfather passed away, Brandon knew he had to do everything to make sure that his family company was in good hands, and by good hands, he meant his.  Arrangement set up for the inheritance demanded, Brandon moved to another country and countering a man as a love interest, which was completely unnecessary because he was not gay. But was his answer taken as it should have been? Absolutely not. As the days to fulfill the condition fly by and Killian and Brandon get closer, things start to blend in and out at the same time, they too break apart. With the sudden presence of the faces from the past and Brandon’s continuous doubt about his sexuality, would he actually be able to receive unconditional love for once?  [ Morally gray hero, dark romance, hero obsessed, boys love, LGBTQ+, gay romance, romance] 

In a world devastated by an unforgiving apocalypse, Qing Xia struggles against a life filled with despair. Surrounded by the suffocating remnants of society—polluted air, barren land, and the haunted expressions of humanity—he often envies those who have found peace in death, escaping the relentless suffering of existence. Yet, the memory of his family's sacrifice fuels his determination to endure, making him one of the last survivors in a landscape of desolation. But fate has other plans. During a routine mission, Qing Xia’s life abruptly ends, or so he believes. To his shock, he awakens reborn as an idol on the brink of obscurity, a mere shadow in a vibrant world. Eager for a second chance, he seeks solace in a newfound identity, yearning for a life filled with simple pleasures. However, tranquility slips through his fingers as he is thrust into an unexpected chaos—a variety show that pulls him into the heart of danger, where secret agents, ruthless hitmen, and shadowy figures lurk. With every step, the weight of his dreams collides with a reality he never wished to face. As he grapples with relentless uncertainty, Sian realizes that the struggle for peace may lead him deeper into turmoil. In this haunting journey, can he carve out a destiny in a world that seems determined to tear him apart? The winds of fate do not blow as one wishes, and with shadows closing in, every moment counts. ---------------------------- Black box: Someone: "Darling, help me deal with these people." Sian: "Stay away from me. I have nothing to do with you or them." Someone, with fake tears: "Darling, I’m hurt. Come kiss me here, and the pain will go away." Sian, holding a military knife: "Does it hurt there? How about I just cut it off for you?" Someone, stripping Sian’s clothes: "Darling, you look so beautiful when you’re angry. I can’t take it anymore." Sian: "Go to hell! Ah—ahh! Stop it—stop! That hurts! Quit biting me, you damn dog!" --------------------------------------- COVER by my Sensei : Aurimas_Pazikas ---------------------------------------     Dear readers, welcome to an exciting adventure! This is a captivating BL novel filled with +18 scenes that add a spark of joy and love and some sadness. If you’re open to exploring vibrant stories and vibrant connections, dive right in to accompany our Angel, the MC " Sian," on his journey in this new world.

``` En raison des cas croissants de suicide dans le pays, le gouvernement a créé un système simulateur lié aux ondes cérébrales humaines, les emmenant transmigrer dans des milliers de mondes et à expérimenter de nombreux aspects de la vie afin de stimuler la volonté de vivre. Seulement quand le volontémètre était rempli à 100 % pouvaient-ils finalement revenir à la vie. Lu Yizhou. Masculin. Célibataire. 22 ans. Un certain jour, il s'est suicidé en s'enterrant dans la terre des neiges. Et puis, il a été tiré dans le simulateur. 666 : Bienvenue, hôte ! Félicitations, vous êtes la 666ème personne à rejoindre ce projet ! L'hôte a beaucoup de chance d'obtenir 666, car 666 est le système le plus séduisant, le plus sensé et le plus merveilleux ! Lu Yizhou : ...Puis-je changer de système ? Tu es bruyant. 666 : QAQ Lu Yizhou : Peu importe le nombre de fois où je transmigre, mon volontémètre ne se remplit pas. 666 : N—Non, n'abandonne pas ! L'hôte ne devrait pas abandonner QAQ uwaaa, ne laisse pas 666 tout seul ! Tu es mon premier, mon unique, comment peux-tu être si insensible et me laisser derrière toi comme ça ?! Lu Yizhou : ...pourquoi cela sonne-t-il faux ? . . . Ainsi, il commença à sauter d'un monde à l'autre pour sauver le méchant. Lu Yizhou : Pourquoi dois-je sauver les méchants ? 666 : Ckckck, Hôte, tu es trop innocent ! Bien sûr, c'est parce qu'ils sont plus formidables que le protagoniste masculin ; plus riches, puissants, ingénieux, dominateurs et séduisants ! Lu Yizhou : ...ce ne sont que tes préférences, n'est-ce pas ? 666 : Hôte, pourquoi ne crois-tu pas 666 ?! QAQ . . . Il pensait qu'il n'avait plus rien pour lequel vivre. Emportant avec lui un cœur las et un corps engourdi, il a coulé au fond de l'abysse pour y trouver... une étoile scintillante. ******* Beau, stoïque, dense et étonnamment naïf gong x possessif, gâté et calculateur shou qui savait utiliser son charme Tags supplémentaires : transmigration rapide, fantasy, aventure, comédie, sombre, mystère, tragédie, rythme rapide, seme/gong/top protagoniste, l'intérêt amoureux tombe amoureux en premier, yaoi, mature, pensées suicidaires, le passé joue un grand rôle, 1 vs 1 Retrouvez-moi sur : Instagram : delanasiwarka Serveur Discord : bit.ly/delanadiscord Discord : delanasiwarka#1490 ```

"You look hideous! You're not even attractive in my eyes!" Those were the last cruel words Jiang Yanxu spat at his ex-wife, Yan An, before walking out of their marriage without a shred of regret. He never expected that those very words would mark the beginning of his downfall. For five years, Jiang Yanxu had indulged in pleasure, pursued his ex-boyfriend, and focused on business—while completely neglecting the one person who was supposed to be his life partner. He never provided for Yan An, never showed him affection, and never once cared. To him, their marriage was nothing but a mistake. On the day of their divorce, he thought he had finally gained freedom. He believed he would live a blissful life with the person he truly adored. But fate had other plans. Framed and thrown into prison. Exiled from his own family. Betrayed by the very man he sacrificed everything for. Alone in the darkness of his cell, he realized too late—only one person had ever truly loved him. Only one person had ever been by his side. Yan An. Then, as if the heavens pitied his despair, Jiang Yanxu woke up… five years in the past. This was his second chance. This time, he wouldn’t make the same mistake. This time, he would cherish the person he once abandoned. This time, he would never let Yan An go. "Yan An, I was wrong. Let’s start over." Yan An: "....." ----------------------------- Slowburn romance and not ABO. ^^ Seme/top protagonist.

Q. Is it hard to change one's fate? By your own strength and skills? Is it possible to reshape your own life? A. You will never know if you do not try, so just do it! Q. And if you do manage it, would it be too greedy to find someone to spend that new life with? A. Nope, not at all. Everyone deserves some loving, go for it! Q. And should you admit it, or just keep all your struggles to yourself? A. Are you actually going to do it, or you just want to talk about it? Just move on with it. Q. How about if we just go with the flow? Pretend all is fine? Do nothing? A. What kind of a story would that be? You had a good plan, so.. move on with it. Q. .... A. Really, trust me, just make one step first. Then one more. Enjoy the scenery while at it! MOVE! A. He actually did it, look at him go all out! *** Mani swirled pink liquid in his cup "This is called a moonshine right? Moonshine.. it should not make us blind right?" he drank it while still pondering pros and cons of drinking it in their current situation. "Well, did not make me blind," Yax offered his expert opinion "and I've been pilfering it from my dad since like.." he really could not remember, seemed like forever already. He reached to get another bottle and tumbled all the empty ones to the ground. Cid pulled him back by his shoulder "Sit down, I'll do it." he refilled Yax's cup on the right and Mani's cup on the left, then filled his own in the middle. With closed eyes, he enjoyed strawberry aroma wafting up from this holy drink. Mani bravely emptied his cup "Did we really saw it back there" he whispered from left "it was so much bigger than.." he trailed off in search of proper example. "Yep, we saw it" Yax's answer came from the right "it was absolutely huge." Mani leaned over Cid and looked at Yax seriously "Do you think we will need magic to move it?" He did bring along his beads. Yax also leaned over to give his most serious answer "Naah, it should have an engine somewhere in there to move it. I heard" he looked around carefully and whispered so only Mani could hear "my dad said it's technology so ancient that it was sealed away, to keep it safe. It's better than magic." At the other side of their campfire, Ivory huffed while trying to snatch last bottle of holy moonshine from Jone who gently pushed him back while seriously stating "All technology at certain point starts resembling magic to those who do not understand it." "Hear, hear" Blaze confirmed from his spot on the ground with one hand waving up and showing a peace sign for some reason. Next to him, twins were out and snoring already. Mani pursed his lips and looked up into the sky. He could not see any real moonshine, leaves blocked the sky, but it should still be up there somewhere. He stil hoped to get some magic, it would be awesome to get some real superpowers. He hiccuped, while leaning on Cindy next to him. Well, he kinda did have some already, or those do not count? Yax leaned fully on Cid and got cosy. He had to admit some parts were rather mystical. Like this holy potion. Or Mani. Mani was most definitely something magical. But he is not going to say it. And no one can know what he thinks to himself. He grinned, satisfied by himself and his skill to keep secrets. Squished between two drunks, Cid rolled his eyes, there goes Yax, spilling the beans to whoever wants to listen his 'secret thoughts'. Not like anyone was sober enough to pay any attention. "Time to end this party." Cid said while standing up and dragging Yax towards the tent he shared with Ivory. "Tomorrow is another day where we have to rise up and do our best to save the world." Even though he knew that all they were saving is themselves. And their friends. Well, that is his whole world, really. The forest was silent, darkness was endless, beasts were hiding. With closed eyes and half asleep, Blaze was sure that he can hear gods above laughing, louder and louder from that abyss they call home. ...___...

In the land of Thebes, Prince Azech-I is a ruler blessed by Anubis, a king whose power is whispered in hushed tones. But when the Pharaoh Cairo-IV's most lethal assassin, Nofri-it, is sent to end his life, fate spins a web of love and betrayal. What was meant to be a death sentence turns into a forbidden romance, as the two men fall deeply in love. But just as quickly as their bond blooms, Nofri-it vanishes without a trace, leaving Azech-I to search the world for his lost lioness. Years later, the truth shatters Azech-I's heart—Nofri-it was never a lover, but a tool sent to kill him. Betrayed and furious, Azech-I discovers that Nofri-it has been imprisoned by Pharaoh Cairo, kept in the dungeons of Memphis for failing his mission. The ruler of Thebes will stop at nothing to reclaim what is his. With vengeance in his heart, Azech-I plans to torment Nofri-it, declaring war on Cairo’s kingdom to retrieve his lover and make him suffer as he once did. When Azech-I drags a fragile, broken Nofri-it back to Thebes, the true torment begins. A man once filled with pride now plans to make Nofri-it his captive once more, keeping him caged and humiliated for the sins of his past. The battle for power, love, and revenge will tear through Egypt—nothing is sacred when the Pharaoh’s wrath is unleashed. "I loved you. You were my lioness. Now, you're nothing but a broken thing." "And yet, you will keep me, won't you? Like a pet, a prize."

[18+, nsfw, mature content, sensitive content] After the death of his parents in a car accident, Akagi Suga sold his parents' house and moved to another area. He raised his younger brother alone, their life didn't go smoothly but at least as long as Suga lived with his younger brother, their life was always pleasant. Until finally people from IHPS (International Human Protection Squad) approached him, making Akagi Suga remember again that his father was a former instructor of that special forces. He didn't want to get involved with people from an organization created by elites under the guise of ‘military’, an organization filled with crazy people, but when Nakajima Yuki, his childhood friend asked Suga to join IHPS, at first Suga refused, however— "It wasn't an accident, both your parents were killed." He already had this suspicion for a long time. 'Will going to IHPS make it easier for me to find out which organization killed my parents?' And why did a madman named Zion Hughes always make it difficult for him to find out about the organization? (ps ; I won't give warning for adult scenes iykwim, I will give warning if there's sensitive content)

At Shimakaze Academy, she’s the new girl who’s caught everyone’s attention—clever enough to skip a grade and now sharing classes with her older brother. Charming, mysterious, and with admirers aplenty, she seems like the ideal girl… but there’s one secret. She’s actually a he. Will he be able to keep his cover? And with admirers falling left and right, can he find love without revealing his true self? Find out in this funny, heartfelt tale of hidden identity, unexpected romance, and a touch of drama.

Prince Silvan Blackwood is made to replace his sister after her death. She was betrothed to the Prince of Vampires to strengthen the alliance between the two countries, and now he must take her place. Prince Alessio is looking forward to the arrival of his bride, preparations have been made but instead of a lovely Princess, a jaded Prince is sent instead. A Prince who despises Vampires and another Prince who is a hopeless romantic. Is their marriage doomed to fail from the start?

Back then I was so dreaming to be transmigrated to some novel or to the pass like what I used to read in a novel. And when I thought god must heard my wish I was so ecstatic but that feeling fly away quickly when I found I was transmigrated to a BL novel, and the worst thing to know is your just a side character?   ' Huh' god most be laughing right now just by watching me go insane!!!  but I was smirking, looking to the clouds, then give the god my middle finger " just watch me how I would ruin this story of yours" and I laughed like some creepy weirdo.

(I owe everyone 3 chapters.) [The Imperial Consort could have been so much more than what we were shown.] --- Genius Neurosurgeon Lǐ Xīnyuàn died while being held at the gunpoint to perform a surgery on a terrorist leader. When he opened his eyes, he had transmigrated into a world similar to a Webnovel he'd been forced to read by a colleague. Now you'd think Lǐ Xīnyuàn had transmigrated into that Webnovel. But did he? No! Instead he'd been transmigrated into that webnovel's spin-off/"what-if" version of the story with nothing but the superficial knowledge of the plot thanks to reading the main novel. Now tasked with the mission of avoiding plotholes, unnecessary dog-blood, death and following the storyline to ensure the male lead's ascension to the throne of Supreme Emperor, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. And why did no one tell him that his character had to be married into the Male Lead's harem?? What about the Female Lead? Later: Lǐ Xīnyuàn: Why doesn't Your Highness spend the night with concubine Yang? ML: Don't want to. Lǐ Xīnyuàn: ... Why? ML: Are you pushing me away? Lǐ Xīnyuàn: QAQ --- 100-150 PS = 1 extra chapter on Sunday 25, 50, 75... Golden Tickets = 1 extra chapter on Sunday 3-5 Gifts = 1 extra chapters (or more depending on the value of the gifts)

The stability of life is what many desired. Yet life was never like that. It is like a tree, bear fruits yet it's trunk is rough in texture. A dark dome we needed to survive, where light presence was what we sought after. Alongside some company as we adjourn toward what we desired

“Happy Christmas Eve!” chuckled the old man as he strapped a watch around Misha’s wrist. “Have a nice trip.” The next morning, the 25-year-old Misha woke up with a pounding headache, sore muscles, and strong nausea. In short, the perfect hangover. But when he saw his reflection in the mirror, he soon realized that the pain wasn’t caused by the terrifying amount of alcohol he had drunk the previous day. His body had shrunk. A lot. He didn’t have the time to think too much about it since his mother suddenly erupted in his room - the next day, his sister did the same thing. Mother and sister who had died a long time ago. The old man wasn't crazy. As he had predicted, Misha did travel back in time, just before losing his loved ones. And so, Misha had now one mission: changing the dreadful fate of his mother and sister and sending away his sister’s boyfriend by all means. They had to break up! Like it or not, that man will bring disaster to the family sooner or later. This time, Misha wouldn't fall for that warm smile and those gentle eyes as he knew they were hiding a cold, insensitive personality. However, things weren’t as simple as he thought, and perhaps the sister’s boyfriend was not the enemy. Perhaps, since the beginning, he had everything wrong and knew nothing of his sister. ________________ *The BL will mostly show up in the second and third volumes. It is a very slow romance, so don't expect the protagonist to fall in love quickly. In the first volume, he has too much on his mind to care about love and such. *There will be contents for 18+ in the second and/or third volume. I will put a warning at the beginning of every NSFW chapter. P@treon: https://www.patreon.com/rsvaesen?fan_landing=true

Hunter Cha Eui-jae, who was dispatched to seal a rift that appeared over the West Sea, was flung out as soon as he closed the rift. When he came to his senses, he was lying in a garbage dump. Starving, he was drawn like a zombie is to blood to a hangover soup restaurant, where he realized that he had fallen into South Korea, eight years in the future. In this era, disaster alerts notify people of rift openings in advance, ASMR videos of slimes gathered from dungeons were trending, and idle hunters livestream unboxings of A-rank longswords. Unlike the past, where people trembled in fear of an impending apocalypse, the future was surprisingly peaceful, leaving Cha Eui-jae feeling empty. Since things had turned out this way, why not start a second chapter of life as a part-timer at the hangover soup restaurant, rather than being a hunter? “That’s strange.” “…” “Have we met somewhere before?” Cha Eui-jae’s plan to quietly spend his remaining days as the only part-time worker at the decades-old hangover soup restaurant goes awry when he encounters a mysterious, gas-masked individual… DISCLAIMER: The story isn't mine

Karel is trapped in a teenage novel and must play the role of an 18-year-old villain. However, he feels grateful because the villain character he portrays lives in luxury, so he doesn't have to work hard like in his previous life.

I suddenly remembered. This world is the world of erotic comics that I have read before, and I myself am the main role to steal the heroine. I don't have that kind of hobby, so the female lead is familiar with the character. I should have thought that...why do you care about me! ............ ( not original cover) ---English is not my first language, sorry if there are any mistakes---

All the kingdoms in the world of Gaia lived peacefully, but one day, King Daemon, the ruler of the Kingdom of Helios, the most prosperous and expansive land in all of Gaia, received a dark vision. King Daemon was warned by a seer gifted with the ability to see the future that he and his kingdom would be brought down by a being they called the prophecy. This prophecy would overthrow the Kingdom of Helios and King Daemon, bringing balance and equality to all of Gaia. However, due to King Daemon's cruelty and greed, he opposed the prophecy and desired to eliminate it, which was destined to change their way of life. The seer suggested that the prophecy originated from the Kingdom of Apollo, the realm of healers. For King Daemon, conquering the Kingdom of Apollo would be an easy task since the beings residing there were not skilled in combat. Without hesitation, King Daemon invaded the Kingdom of Apollo and captured all the Apollans, imprisoning them in the Kingdom of Helios. Unbeknownst to King Daemon, one being managed to escape... and that being was none other than Arkcray, the entity destined to bring down King Daemon and the Kingdom of Helios. But how would Arkcray fulfill his fated duty when he is an Apollan who knew nothing of fighting?

Just like typical reincarnated or transmigrated stories where the main character lives their lives well and works hard to earn their longed life without worrying any problems with their chosen partner and their family.

"Si tuvieras la oportunidad de acceder a cualquier manga para obtener poderes, ¿cuál elegirías?" Haruto Kibou, un joven amante del manga, es transportado inesperadamente a Celestaris, un mundo mágico regido por la diosa de la luna, Mizuki. Guiado por la elfa Yuna, deberá enfrentarse a misterios, desafíos y peligros que pondrán a prueba su determinación. ¿Podrá encontrar su lugar en Celestaris y enfrentar el destino que lo espera?

"If you had the chance to access any manga to gain its powers, which one would you choose?" Haruto Kibou, a young manga enthusiast, is suddenly transported to Celestaris, a magical world ruled by the Goddess of the Moon, Mizuki. Guided by the elven warrior Yuna, he must face mysteries, challenges, and dangers that will test his resolve. Will he find his place in Celestaris and face the destiny that awaits him?

THIS NOVEL IS UNDER HIATUS FOR MAJOR EDITING BECAUSE I WAS STUPID, PLEASE DON'T READ IT YET. ***** Atticus, a demi-god from the underworld, was cast out of his parents' realm and banished to the human world. The reason? He had yet to give them any grandchildren. With an untold history as he lived in the human realm, he worked as a butler for his found soulmate, Nolan, in the present time.

The last thing Simon remembered, he was dying in a hospital room. When he woke up, however, he was in the world of the webnovel he had been reading. But, this second chance is going to have to be fought for! The character he's been assigned by the system is set to die at the end of the year. Given a chance to fight for his life, Simon isn't going to give up easily, but he's stuck having to learn all the things that his body should have known all his life. Working against a System that seems to be pushing him towards his certain death, and his hazy memories of the novel's complex story, he certainly doesn't have time for the annoying thief who keeps butting in!

Zou Yue jumped to the side, dodging an extended claw of a growling zombie. A pair of warm hands gripped his small waist from behind and pulled him over to a sturdy chest. The same pair of hands slowly groped his chest. “Brother fan w—what are you doing?!” Zou carefully looked up at him. Fan Xui smirked mysteriously at him and removed the huge shades stylishly. A clear pair of eyes met Zou’s challengingly. “since I saved you just now, why don’t you give me a kiss?” “you... you can see!!! Aren’t you blind!!!” Zou Yue glanced in shock. He pushed himself for of his body. Fan Xui laughed out loud, gently caressing Zou’s long black hair. “are you gonna leave me now?,” he continued groping his barely their chest through his girly tank top. “Fuck yeah!! Let go you poser.” he pushed him away and started shooting the zombies outside with renewed passion. Fan suddenly caught his wrist. “You bastard, what are you doing, let go of my hand. The zombies are coming!!!” “Hmm okay,” Fan Xui let go. He swiftly snapped a fluffy handcuff snugly on his wrist, tying them both together. “Now we are tied together for live and death,” “FAN. XUI!! Get this off of me!” Zou growled at him, but the young man just laughed happily. “Sigh, you are beautiful even when you are angry, dear,” Fan Xui whispered and pulled him up for a passionate kiss. He gently bit those soft lips and moaned. “Delicious,” Letting go, he slowly waved his hand towards the upcoming zombies and they are reduced to ashes.

After getting caught up in an accident, Li Xin transmigrated into a fantasy novel called 'The Rise of the Heavenly Demon' and became the ultimate villain, Chen Zoe. Arriving fifteen years prior to the original plot, he decides to change his dark destiny and distance himself from the protagonist at any cost. However, his plans were ruined when the protagonist becomes his disciple, a twist that wasn't even part of the original novel. To escape from this situation, Chen Zoe tries every method to make the protagonist leave his side, but nothing works; in fact, it brings them even closer. They start to develop feelings for each other, but they never expect that their love will bring disaster to the entire world.

Updates @ 13:00 (+8 GMT) Naga can be many things. Yet, none had ever been a dungeon core. Chavu is one, after two hundred years of service to the old one, which was smashed as he napped in his pond cavern. Marcellus greets him with a bloody sandal, yet, Chavu has never felt too much fear of anything. Well, maybe of flutes, but that is a perfectly reasonable fear. Together with a gnomic colony, and a prince who doesn’t quite know what he is doing, Chavu will take up the system, or, the snappy auntie, as he calls her, on her challenge. Does he have what it takes to survive as a dungeon core? Will he rake in a profit? This is a journey of a dungeon core, who doesn't play by the rules!

Kuro and his friends, Daizo, and Lini go to a haunted house in the middle of a forest to play some haunted games. Suddenly, after playing for a while, a curse is placed upon the three of them. Will they find a cure in time? ⚠️ Warning! This novel has things like ⚠️ - Yaoi - Violence - Bullying I post chapters most of the time!

(undergoing rewrite) Yuliang Davos is an omega with a lot on his plate; completing his internship, working part-time, studying for his Healer Certification exam, keeping his twin in check, and suppressing his transformations. He has no time for friends, fun, adventure, or romance. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't have a choice. _____________________________________________________ [Warnings]: This story covers some heavy topics and includes characters and actions of dubious morality. The chapters are short because my attention span is limited, and I can't write 1k words in one sitting. I don't think it's a big issue, though, since the story will be a really long one either way, just in bite sizes. Unbeta'ed T_T because I have no friends, but the errors should be minimal. _____________________________________________________ It may take a while for the main romance to unravel, but I promise that it will be worth the wait in the end.

Have you ever loved someone to the point where losing then makes you crazy?