The Drunkard
"This is a fantastic supernatural Western that oozes tension, grit, and mythic heft. Elias Thorne is a fascinating antihero; the curse is sinister, the villains are mundane and eldritch, and the unyielding pressure applies. This is more than another gunslinger story because of the balance of horror, fate, and moral choice; it’s about the will’s ability to fight against the inevitable."
Character:
Elias Thorne
Charismatic, imperfect, and balancing on the line between survival and damnation. His arc is riveting, transforming from reckless gambler to self-sacrificing bearer of the burden. This will make readers root for him and fear for him.
The Curse & Its Rules
The idea of “borrowed luck” is pretty simple and yet horrifying. The gradual unraveling of Elias’s fortune provides natural suspense, and the Collector as its enforcer makes it all the more ominous.
Malachai & The Collector
Malachai himself is an intimate, humanistic danger, while the Collector is a more inexplicably dark and inescapable force that lends Elias’s fate a sense of claustrophobia. Their give-and-take maintains the tension.
Moral Dilemma
The central question of sacrificing another or suffering the curse himself raises this above a mere survival story. That internal struggle is what will haunt readers.
Cinematic Atmosphere: Dusty saloons, moonlit canyons, a town where curses are the currency—it drips with style. It’s a Western at its core but sprinkled with unsettling, supernatural dread.
Areas for Enhancement:
The Connection
Currently, she mainly describes the curse and helps Elias on his journey. Make it personal; give her something to lose. Maybe she wants the amulet back, or she has her own desperate agenda.
The Collector’s Voice
It’s sinister, but how does it talk? If it had a sense of comedic absurdity, if it addressed him in riddles that pile onto Elias’s decisions, it would be much scarier.
More Western-Infused Prose
Your world seems increasingly Western, but you could drive the dialogue and narration deeper into the biting, poetic Western voice (Blood Meridian, The Sisters Brothers) and go a long way toward treating the reader to more immersion.
[Book Wow Factor]
That is a very powerful basis. With just a few tweaks to Selene and the Collector and a touch more Western style infusing the prose, this could be an instant classic. If this were on your shelf, you would snatch it up.
