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Makenshi Critiques

Sa Maîtresse est Son Ex-Femme

[Avertissement : R18+] « Sa plus grande revanche — Le séduire, briser son mariage, voler sa fortune, et enfin... le larguer. » ***** La vie de Sabrina Williams s'effondre après avoir découvert la tromperie de son mari et l'acquisition sournoise de la fortune de sa famille. Présumée morte après un tragique accident, Sabrina réapparaît cinq ans plus tard avec une nouvelle identité et une soif ardente de vengeance. Son retour déclenche un chaos romantique parmi le cercle intime du PDG, une éblouissante gamme de beaux célibataires luttant pour attirer son attention. Sabrina Williams se retrouve au centre d'un tourbillon romantique avec des prétendants inattendus – son meilleur ami protecteur, un puissant Patron de la Mafia, et son ex-mari possessif. La scène est prête pour un tiraillement intense – un choc entre amour et vengeance avec des émotions à vif. Les joueurs sont tous là, et la partie ne fait que commencer ! ***** Lorsque son scandale avec son ex-mari se répand sur internet, les critiques la maudissent en la qualifiant de Maîtresse Effrontée, Briseuse de Ménage Sans Valeur et Salope Diabolique... cependant, plusieurs puissants célibataires se regroupent pour la défendre. PDG de la Première Compagnie de Mode : « Que les haters aillent en enfer ! PS : pour ces mannequins qui ont antagonisé ma Déesse, je retire le parrainage de notre marque à leur égard. » Président de la Plus Grande Compagnie de Divertissement : « Fake news ! Nous allons entamer une action en justice pour diffamation envers ma Déesse ! Les artistes qui l'ont maudite seront bannis de ma compagnie. » Vice-Président de la Plus Grande Compagnie d'Hôtels et de Resorts : « Taisez-vous, Critiques ! Ne mettez jamais les pieds dans l'un de nos hôtels et resorts ! » Patron de la Mafia Dominateur : « Reculez ! Effacez ces commentaires malveillants, ou sinon, ma bande vous traquera. Je tuerai quiconque ose ridiculiser ma Reine ! » Tout le monde : « ... » Puis un commentaire de confession apparaît soudainement au milieu du chaos. Meilleur ami de FL : « Tout le monde peut te haïr mais je serai toujours là pour toi. Sabby... Je t'aime... Je t'aime depuis nos années d'enfance... Mon premier amour... et mon dernier. » Son ex-mari ne peut plus rester silencieux et déclare publiquement. Ex-mari Possessif : « Ce n'est pas ma maîtresse. C'est ma femme légalement. » Ami de FL, Lanny : « Femme légale mon cul ! Espèce de salaud fou, crève ! »
ellezar_g · 28.2K Views

The Unparalleled Sovereign of Might, Speed and Annihilator Drones

Disclaimer: This story includes visual portrayals of extreme violence, blood, and gore. [Audience Rating: 18+] — Meet Jack Greyson, an ordinary human from Earth who unwittingly activated a certain item that transported him to a distant world located in the vast and endless Seas of Stars. Appearing as the weakest and most feeble in this world, Jack must fervently train and swiftly grow stronger using the 'Trifaceted Talent System'—a potent and enigmatic, talent-infusing interface of unknown origins. This system will transform his vulnerability, frailty, and oppression into unbounded, obliterative savagery, immense desolating strength, and unparalleled destructiveness by imbuing him with three phenomenal talents: unbound might, limitless speed, and the ability to ceaselessly manifest countless, myriad battle drones—technologically sophisticated ones hugely advanced than monumental fighter drones from hundreds of thousands of centuries in the future. Furthermore, each of these talents come with complementing marvelous and fascinating abilities that will make Jack apocalyptically strong, destructively fierce, and incomparably fearsome. But all these, he would need to constantly, diligently work for and earn by completing numerous secret tasks, as well as minor, common-event to grand, special-event missions that have varying degrees of difficulty, dangers, and peril—some could turn him into a disabled cripple with torn-off limbs and shredded, gashed, or melted skin, or rendered as a viciously ruined corpse. While others could leave him as scattered drops of bright, rusty red fluid, staining the ground, walls, or filling the atmosphere confined in whatever area he was reduced to as either crimson fog or mist. To know more, accompany Jack Greyson in his unrelenting, dauntless, and indefatigable, extremely perilous quests across numerous unbounded worlds or vast dimensional planes that dot the 'boundless Seas of Stars' and are filled with strange, strong and agile entities, ravenous beastly creatures, and terrifying sentient monstrosities. In these unknown, foreign worlds and planes, Jack will attempt to dominate their powerful inhabitants and leave behind his indelible mark, lingering vestige, and everlasting legacy on each of them! *** This story intertwines compelling epic actions, daring adventures, advanced technology, preternatural powers, a unique Level-Up System, romance, and the complexities of enviable, loyal and beautiful friendships turned family. Enjoy! :) _ P.S: Remember to cast your vote, share your thoughts on what resonates with you or doesn't, and provide critiques. Your feedback is appreciated!
koladeizdavid · 18.1K Views

Villain's World

Welcome to Villain's World, where mercy is a forgotten language, and violence the currency of existence. Social status here is determined by one's Tier of Villainy. Though cutthroat and ruthless, Antagonia ran just fine… Until one day, portals to the Human World emerged. Hidden beneath a veil of justice and liberation, the Humans invaded their lands. Through hypocrisy and shady ploys, many Villains fell victim to these cunning Humans. The Demon Family, a once great Villain Clan, was amongst the victims. Daseos Demon, the fifth son and a child at the time, was left to fend for himself as his entire family fell to the hands of the humans. He was orphaned to the L.U.S.T Inn, a high-end brothel where the owner, Madame Allura and her courtesans became his family. This is the story of Daseos's relentless quest for revenge as he ascends the villain hierarchy. His aims are twofold: to exact vengeance for his fallen family and to safeguard Antagonia from the malevolent humans who feign justice while pillaging their lands. Join Daseos Demon as he confronts not just external adversaries, traitors but also the darker aspects of his own nature as he navigates the murky waters of a society where morals were but a joke. And of course, with the astounding death rates of this harsh environment, it only made sense that its people evolved to have turbo-charged primal urges, to survive, to destroy, to… lust. "A Villain’s World" offers a compelling narrative, filled with intricate characters, moral ambiguity, and a critique of the notions of good and evil. It is a story that uncovers the complex fabric of villainy, raising uncomfortable questions about justice, retribution, and the very nature of power.
MrBtheNovelist · 57.3K Views

A Poisoned Knot

A series of a boy drunk in other people's stories. Living in a village where entertainment is basically nowhere, a little boy living in the village met a group of adventurers that tells him stories that they experienced while travelling and also stories that they have heard along the way. The story led from one to another and, the little boy decided and sneaked out of the village to discover and learn about more stories currently left unheard by him in this world. *** Hello, Poisonknot here. It may very weird and demanding to say this but, I have started a novel back then called Every Dew Drop: A Lone Man's drink and it grew to view around a thousand. This was a lot for me and I was excited to have people to see my work however, I decided to hide it and stopped updating and releasing chapters. At the time I got a massive boost that people are enjoying what I make but I also doubted myself and sometimes, I am just pessimistic on what I am doing. I saw a thousand views but I cannot see a single "Hi" or even just a critique in my works. This caused my motivation and confidence to drop and I don't blame the people for it. It's just that I am so unsure on "what to do" or "am I doing, writing it ok?" The bottomline is, although it is very demanding, please do leave a comment, a reply or a sign that I may have mistyped incorrectly or I did a good job writing this part etc. I will really appreciate anything and even writing this took a huge amount of my courage. As long as you liked stories and you stay happy, I'll see you soon!
poisonknot · 1.8K Views

Marweni: The Demon Rises

The Realms are a small world. Some have bountiful abundants of life, and others are but silent deserts. It’s a monumental task to travel between the boundaries of the worlds as few and far between know even of their existence, let alone of how to travel between them. Well expect one particular Realm, The Abyss. Well, to be precise, The Abyss is not as much a Realm as it is a collection of many Realms. So many in fact that no one knows how deep it actually is, as only the first few have known residents, since the deeper one goes the deadlier it is. Thanks to it, its population isn’t big, but few will dare underestimate a demon, much less one of the Lord who controls the vast scopes of the inhabited Abyss. But One of those demons is far more feared than the rest… And this is his tale. Hello, I am the author. If you like stories were MC is Evil and I mean Evil not someone that is trying to be evil but all his actions are misunderstood, or he was bad and is trying to be good, but everybody thinks he is bad...well you know what I mean. This novel has an Evil MC like Evil Evil. The r18 tag is mainly for violence, torture and psychological manipulation, and yes, there is some sex too. I intended to write this novel until completion (It will not be a daily upload but I will try to put at least 1 a week) unless something happens like me getting arrested because the police was suspicion why I google “How many bones can I break without killing the child” and others thing needed to make a story with some basic in reality. I think by now you get what type of story this is. So a little info as the first few chapters will follow a different character than the MC and it may look like someone put the wrong description but it isn’t. Well enjoy a read and give me some good critique as it is my first novel and I would like to improve. PS: English isn’t my first language, so if you find a mistake hit me in the comment I will fix it
TiTam · 1K Views

Cursed To Die A Million Times

Jack has made contact with the other side. His life is now in the hands of peworful beings who are way beyond his understanding. What can he do? Backed into a corner, his only chance at survival is to entrust his life to the embodiment of all curses— a being hailed as the incarnate of all that is evil in this world. This will obviously end horribly... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The Million Cursed Rebirth Tribulation...?" I asked, obviously never having heard of it. I wasn't really a religious person, but I hadn't heard of stuff like this in hinduism or buddhism... "The Million Cursed Rebirth Tribulation is a tribulation of the Curse Path, and it puts the person ongoing the tribulation into a mental state in which they undergo 1 million lives. Though in your head, tens to hundreds of millions of years may have passed, no more than 1 second would have passed in the real world." At this moment my eyes were wide open in surprise; "That's cool and all, but what does the word 'Cursed' imply in the title?" I asked. This was definately crucial information I'd need to keep in mind. All three of Gōman's lips curled up into a crazed smile— a smile which holds no discrimination for who and what it disdains; a smile ready to kill everyone and everything in the world without discrimination if it pleased— that was when I was reminded of his true nature. "Here, brat, since I feel like it I'll tell you the truth as I don't mind you refusing and dying by the hands of those rightous faction goons. Kheh kheh, let me grace you with my abundant knowledge and wisdom! I shall enlighten you from the generosity of my heart!" Gōman laughed heartily using one mouth, cackled using another, and laughed, maniacally using the last, giving way for a disturbing scene. "Ok, first, as you begin your memories will gradually get erased and replaced with that of the cursed reincarnation you're in. The memories, emotions, state of mind, and mental being of the person you become, eventually losing all memories of this life. Second, each reincarnation shall be cursed and full of misery where you will either die an early death or live enough to see yourself bring your own end." At this point Gōman's eyes were full of ecstacy and ridicule for my misfortune; "And third, you might not even be 100 lives in before your mind breaks— turning yourself into the perfect human vessal! One which can't think and one that I can control at will! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Though this is what Gōman states, could all of that just be the tip of the iceberg? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *Author's thoughts: Hi. I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I was originally making a cultivation, reincarnation, etc... type of story but with the characters I have in mind I don't think that's my style of novel. For now I'll be using this novel a 'psudo-spin-off' series or an extended 'prologue' novel / origin story to give more insight on Jack's psyche, state of mind, way of thinking, morals and beliefs for future as to explain how he acts as of what he went through. Oh, and I'm also using this as a means to practice writing different scenes, scenarios, and exploring darker subjects. *Feedback and critiques appreciated.
SpearPointPen · 15.4K Views

The Celestial Sovereign

June was just playing the game Rise of Kings, the most popular VRMMORPG that came out in recent years and was relishing in his conquest. He was the top player in the world, and there was no one who could threaten him in the game, but at the moment seven of the top ten players decided to unite against him in order to try and take him down. "Hahaha! It will all be over soon! They have no idea they are walking into a trap!" June giggled in glee. On a monitor in front of June, he was watching a battle play out against the two forces. He was currently luring in the enemy forces in order to do a Hammer and Anvil tactic destroying them in between two parts of his armies. "Lord June, make sure to prepare the backup plan just in case" a deep and mature voice reminded him. "It is already ready! You fuss too much Atlas" June said as he waved his hand in the air. He watched as the enemy walked right into his trap blinded by their own bloodlust unaware that an army was behind them cloaked with an invisibility spell. In a few moments, the army was surrounded caught unprepared for the sudden ambush. June smiled and switched off the monitor as he stood up from his throne and stretched. He had no need to continue watching because he knew his subordinates could finish the rest. He began walking outside of his throne room because he wanted to go collect the loot from the battle, which was one of his favorite parts. Being able to watch as his enemy could do nothing but glare with hate as he took their items was one of the biggest joys you could get from defeating an enemy. He reached the throne room door as maids bowed to him and opened it as he walked passed. June smiled at them and nodded because even though he treated his enemies like shit he was extremely protective of his own people. He never understood why some people like to abuse their subordinates. Did they get some sort of sick pleasure from it? He sort of understood because he got pleasure from taking loot from his enemies, but that was different! He stole from bad people June comforted himself in his mind distancing himself from those sickos. Violently wrenched from his thoughts June felt a head-splitting pain go through his skull and he yelled in agony. "Master!!" shouts came from around him, but he could not respond and his vision began to blacken and the shouts of the worried maids around him began to quieten and June fell into darkness. ---- I'm not going to make false promises about daily chapters or never dropping the story. I will release when I can, and I will try to finish the story if I can. Chapter length depends on the release frequency tbh. If one chapter a week then maybe 5k words. If the release frequency increases then 1k words per chapter. Please leave any suggestions/critiques in the comments thanks! --- Cover Art is also not mine got it here from Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/692076667714031201/
XoN · 65.1K Views
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