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Grinch'S On That Beat

Everytime I Beat my Meat, I level Up

In a future where all pornography is banned and self-pleasure is a crime, one young man must master the ancient, forbidden martial art of Gooning to avenge his father… one stroke at a time. Ben Dover never asked for this life. He was just a kid trying to survive in a repressed society ruled by the iron grip of the Purity Act—a global initiative that erased all erotic media and punished pleasure with prison or death. But when his father, a secret archivist of lost smut, is murdered by the shadowy martial sect known as the High Goon Council, Ben discovers a hidden world beneath society’s squeaky-clean surface. A world of underground tape traders, cultivators of carnal energy, and monks who edge for enlightenment. With the help of his disgraced grandfather—a retired Gooner master—Ben begins training in the ancient art of shame-fueled martial arts, where power is built through discipline, edging, and denial. But during a high-risk meditative ritual, Ben unlocks the mythical Infinite Edging Technique, granting him the ability to hold back for eternity... and double his power with every moment of restraint. Now, with a roll of tissues in one hand and vengeance in his heart, Ben must rise through the ranks of the Gooner Cultivation World, face off against chastity zealots and lust-obsessed warlords, and uncover the secrets of his father’s death—before the final climax of war erupts across the world. This is not a parody. This is not a joke. This is Gooning. Taken seriously.
DarkSephium · 5.6K Views

That Time Kito...

Kito isn’t like other boys. He walks on all fours, hisses at tourists, steals walkie-talkies, and once bit a priest during a school field trip. Raised by gorillas in the heart of the Nairobi Zoo after mysteriously appearing in their enclosure as a baby, Kito has spent his entire life climbing fences, grooming zookeepers, and wreaking total havoc on the laws of biology, bureaucracy, and basic human decency. Now he’s fifteen, and the chaos is just beginning. This webnovel chronicles the misadventures of a feral, emotionally complex, possibly genius boy as he navigates life inside (and occasionally outside) the zoo. each chapter is a bite-sized tale of absurdity, occasional violence, misunderstood affection, and the unfiltered wilderness of growing up outside society... but inside a glass box. --- Expect: ✅️ A bunch of short stories about the mc ✅ Primate-level parkour ✅ Feral social commentary ✅ Unhinged zoo politics ✅ Questionable dietary decisions ✅ Soft moments between chaos ✅️ Kinda misleading chapter titles ✅️ Slightly nsfw moments ✅️ Children humor ✅️ A chaotic neutral Menace to Society mc --- If you're into weird coming-of-age stories, heartfelt mayhem, and semi-domesticated jungle boys causing problems on purpose, you're in the right enclosure. Wrong: This novel will contain fart jokes, bad humor, some light mention of nudity, and maybe some dirty jokes. ___________________________________ This is my first ever attempt at a novel/story, it's probably gonna be bad, but i hope that someone will actually like it. I'll be happy if someone even reads it, no hate comments please, if you don't like it, just don't read it. honestly I'm not the best at writing, so if you see any grammatical mistakes or spelling mistakes, please just point it out to me, thanks.
omniversal_femboy · 5.6K Views
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