Pan Mitoloji

The Public Safety System said, "When darkness falls, close your eyes. Monsters, open your eyes. Werewolves, make your kill. Vampires, make your kill. Tengu, make your kill. Corporate security, make your kill. Mercenaries, make your kill. Gangsters, make your kill. Counter-terrorism squads, make your kill. Cyberpsychotics, make your kill. Biochemically Transformed, make your kill. Demons of Hyperspace, make your kill. Zerg of a different dimension, make your kill. Sorcerers of the Abyss, make your kill. Followers of a Million Concealed Charms, make your kill..." The Public Safety System said, "Dawn has broken, and no one died last night. The cyberpsychotics has killed all the monsters. Those who are alive, please speak." Li Pan said, "First of all, I'm not a cyberpsychotic, I'm just a little too spiritually aware."

What can be considered a treasure? Brandon was the largest dragon there was. His old scales alone could buy an entire country. But he did not have a treasure to speak of. Just gold, glistering gems, and a homey cottage where he hid when the goings got tough. One day, as he was collecting wild herbs, he found his treasure. Beaten, with a slavery rune on him, barely alive. Pan was not much, but to Brandon, he was a treasure. A treasure fit for a dragon. Update @ 8 p.m.!

Spaceships. Orbital stations. Virtual worlds. Incomprehensible aliens. A pan-galactic society where humanity is a minority. Humanoid robots. Artificial intelligences. Journeys beyond the universe. Time travel. Psi powers. Space battles. Distant gods. Video games. Servers where one can live their afterlife. Utopian societies. The Blind Gods have all this and more.

When the **System** assimilates Earth into a game-like reality, granting superhuman abilities to everyone, Jayden "Freak" Malone gets the most broken power of all—[Freak Mode]. "Rules? Stats? LOL. Do whatever you want." Now, the more unpredictable and absurd Jayden acts, the stronger he becomes. Punch a dragon? His fists gain anti-dragon properties. Insult a god? Temporary divine resistance. Eat a cursed sandwich? Poison immunity (and weird cravings). Armed with sheer chaos, Jayden trolls his way through dungeons, breaks quests, and turns epic battles into glitch-filled comedy shows. The System hates him, villains regret facing him, and his party members question their life choices. From taunting demon lords with a frying pan to accidentally becoming a meme-powered deity, Jayden’s journey is one insane exploit after another. Humor meets OP madness in this anti-System adventure where the only rule is— there are no rules. Note:- This is a deliberately absurd, nonsensical comedy logic, coherence, and the laws of reality have all taken a vacation. Proceed at your own risk." Note:- Chapter are going to be super short so don't complain.

Yggdrasil Battlefront se dá en un mundo de fantasía medianamente moderno, donde los conflictos politicos, la desigualdad social y la criminalidad son un pan de cada día. en esta historia seguimos a "Brave", un joven que busca encontrar su proposito en la vida con opciones limitadas, pero pronto su vida cambia, cuando de la nada es secuestrado por un grupo de terroristas cuyo propósito es la experimentacion ilegal, donde despues de escapar descubre que ahora el ya no es como antes, es distinto, con habilidades sobrehumanas y inmortalidad decide adoptar un nuevo nombre y intenta empezar una nueva vida, pero el pasado no muere... y el tampoco

Title: Abyssal Chimes Genre: Cosmic Folk Horror / Time-Bending Thriller *Synopsis:* In the fog-shrouded valley of Corpse Falls Town, where pagoda trees bleed and construction sites exhale the breath of the dead, antiques dealer Lin Moyu becomes entangled in a temporal curse older than the Ming Dynasty. When a smuggled Bronze Bell covered in corpse wax appears in his shop, its cursed chimes fracture reality, revealing three overlapping timelines: a 15th-century massacre of shaman priests, a modern archaeological expedition’s disappearance, and Lin’s own complicity in a catastrophic urban development project three years prior. As the Bell’s vibrations summon corpse soldiers from limestone caves and warp digital devices into occult artifacts, Lin discovers every victim’s skull sprouts bronze roots connecting to an underground Bone Pagoda. The town’s "residents" are revealed as echoic phantoms—their deaths endlessly reenacted through cursed objects: QR codes that rewrite memories, livestreams broadcast from decaying eyeballs, and concrete mixed with ground funerary coins. Key horrors unfold through fractal revelations: - The Bell’s Sanskrit inscriptions are quantum codes predicting Lin’s own autopsy report - Construction blueprints from 2021 contain hidden blood sacrifice diagrams - Missing archaeologists are found fused with Ming dynasty burial silks, their smartphones playing war drums from 1423 The cosmic truth emerges through temporal bleeding: Corpse Falls Town exists in a "wound" between timelines, sustained by an ouroboros of guilt. Every character is simultaneously victim and perpetrator across centuries—Lin’s father designed the dam that awakened ancient curses, while Lin himself becomes the Ming general who first ordered mass executions to silence the shamans. *Themes:* - Guilt as a self-replicating cosmic force - Technology as modern necromancy (5G towers as spirit poles, cloud storage as soul jars) - Archaeological colonialism’s cyclical violence *Closing Paradox:* In the fractal finale, Lin must let the Bell annihilate all timelines—including his own birth—to break the curse. Yet the final page reveals this manuscript itself is a cursed object, its words rearranging to implicate whoever reads it in the next cycle of atrocities. *Comp Titles:* - *Annihilation* meets *The Ring* in Guillermo del Toro’s *Pan’s Labyrinth* - *Dark (Netflix)* collides with Junji Ito’s *Uzumaki* - *The Southern Reach Trilogy* rewritten as Ming dynasty occult procedural Hook: Every technological artifact you use—from subway QR codes to wireless earbuds—becomes a gateway to ancestral horror in this narrative ouroboros where reading the book implicates you in its curse.

Simak kisah Alnair, remaja16 tahun yang terjebak dalam badai kehidupan.pengidap sindrom Peter Pan yang membuatnya bertingkah seperti anak kecil ketika iya kambuh,Alnair harus menghadapi tantangan hidup sehari-hari. Apakah ia dapat menemukan jalan keluar dari kesulitan dan menemukan kebahagiaannya?

Everyone has a legendary fantasy story in their heart, imagining themselves as the hero of the tale. I have turned that imagination into a novel. This story is inspired by the classic MMORPG Legend of Mir from over 20 years ago, reimagining its various professions, equipment, and events in a more immersive and logical way. It will take you into a virtual world that feels both real and fantastical. The demon army, led by the Red Moon Devil, Zuma Lord, and Woma Lord, has returned to the land of Tianyuan. And it all begins with an encounter with a cat demon in a border village…

April 1945. The world is in flames. The Third Reich crumbles under the weight of war. In a dark bunker beneath Berlin, Adolf Hitler—once the most feared man in the world—faces his end. The footsteps of Soviet soldiers grow louder. The Reich is finished. He raises a pistol, presses it to his temple, and pulls the trigger. But death is not the end. When he opens his eyes again, there is no fire, no rubble—only a bright sky and the warmth of a mother’s embrace. He has been reborn as Erik Stein, the illegitimate son of a noble family known as the Smiths of the Kingdom. But instead of weapons, this family forges… cookware. A former tyrant, now a child of blacksmiths. A prodigy of war, surrounded by pans and kitchen knives. But history does not forget. As Erik’s dormant power awakens, so does his ambition. The weak will kneel, the strong will fall, and from the flames of iron, a new empire will rise. The world may have given him a second chance. This time, he won’t fail.

After getting tired of repeating the same actions over and over again, which are; to have a fight with her mother so early in the morning, talk to her backbiting bestie and cry her eyes out from night till daybreak, Annie decided to try a new life. After being betrayed by everyone she loved, Annie decided to go to the school of royalties, the college where the wealthiest of the wealthiest people resides. However, when she got entangled with the richest young prince in the school, that's when it dawned on her that she just jumped from frying pan to fire!

“Okay, so picture this: Your buddy Kaito dies slipping on a banana peel that’s basically the universe’s middle finger. Instead of heaven, he gets a job offer from a pan-dimensional duck in a suit who’s like, ‘Congrats! You’re now the multiverse’s handyman, but instead of fixing leaks, you fight gods who cry when you roast their PowerPoints.’ Kaito’s whole vibe? ‘I didn’t ask for this, but I’ll do it while sarcastically sipping cosmic boba.’ He glitches through worlds where gravity takes weekends off and wars are fought with karaoke. The catch? He doesn’t exist in any universe’s database, and now every god, demon, and sentient spreadsheet is like, ‘DELETE HIM.’ "It’s like Rick Sanchez and Deadpool had a baby, raised it on anime and dad jokes, and then threw it into a black hole made of HR paperwork. 10/10 would binge-read while eating questionable gas station sushi.”

En la Tierra 0791, un mundo cyberpunk lleno de peligros y desafíos, Li Pan se encuentra en una lucha constante por la supervivencia y su ascenso en la sociedad. Este planeta es un campo de batalla donde monstruos, equipos de seguridad de empresas, mercenarios, pandilleros, equipos móviles antiterroristas, ciberpsicópatas, humanos modificados biológicamente, clones, robots, androides y demonios del hiperespacio compiten por el control y la dominación. A medida que Li Pan navega por este entorno hostil, descubre secretos oscuros y alianzas inesperadas que lo llevarán a cuestionar su propia identidad y propósito. ¿Podrá Li Pan superar los desafíos y convertirse en el líder que este mundo necesita, o sucumbirá ante las fuerzas que buscan destruirlo?

I write whatever I want the world to hear in here

Blurb After getting tired of repeating the same actions over and over again, which are; to have a fight with her mother so early in the morning, talk to her backbiting bestie and cry her eyes out from night till daybreak, Annie decided to try a new life. After being betrayed by everyone she loved, Annie decided to go to the school of royalties, the college where the wealthiest of the wealthiest people resides. However, when she got entangled with the richest young prince in the school, that's when it dawned on her that she just jumped from frying pan to fire!

Rome is an ordinary man with an ordinary life—until one day, he snaps. After years of feeling unheard and unappreciated, Rome makes a drastic decision that changes everything. But instead of hiding from the consequences, he decides to tell his story, writing a manifesto that challenges society's expectations of marriage and relationships. When Rome's actions land him in court, the trial becomes a spectacle. The jury, a group of ordinary men, seems to understand Rome in a way no one else does. As the proceedings unfold, the lines between right and wrong blur, and the courtroom becomes a stage for a much larger conversation about love, marriage, and the pressures of modern life. Written by @Rebel_king_Rebel !craXy mad writing!

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But the plural is not the, this, or thim! G grammarly - ADAPTED FROMBut the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But the plural is not the, this, or thim! G grammarly - ADAPTED FROMBut the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But the plural is not the, this, or thim! G grammarly - ADAPTED FROM

That night, Aegis Squad infiltrated an abandoned laboratory complex to capture a mutated zombie alive for research. The air reeked of rusted metal and decay. "Make sure the trap is ready," whispered Major Pan Colman. Lila nodded, checking her device. "Ready, just waiting for the bait." Hart, tracking zombie movement, looked uneasy. "They’re smarter than we thought. We must move fast." From the shadows, a massive mutated zombie with armor-like skin emerged. "Wait for it to step into the trap," Pan whispered. As the creature moved forward, Lila activated the device. Steel clamps trapped it, sending high-voltage shocks that made it thrash violently. Before they could celebrate, Hart panicked. "Major, something big is moving behind us!" From the ruins, a giant zombie with protruding bones emerged, smashing through a wall with unnatural speed. "We need to move, now!" Pan ordered. The squad hauled the trapped zombie into their containment truck, escaping as the complex collapsed behind them. Inside the vehicle, Dr. Alaric muttered, "This isn't normal mutation. The virus is evolving too fast." Hart nodded. "It’s as if someone designed them. But who? And why?" Suddenly, a loud metallic thud echoed from the roof. "What was that?" Lila asked, weapon raised. Hart checked his tablet. "Something's on top of us! But it wasn’t detected before!" Pan signaled. "Rico, stop the vehicle. Lila and I will check." They stepped out and looked up. A tall, gaunt creature with razor-sharp claws clung to the roof, staring at them with soulless black eyes. "What the hell is that?" Lila whispered. The creature lunged with blinding speed. Pan and Lila dodged, but their bullets had no effect. "Get back inside! Now!" Pan commanded. They sprinted back, Rico hitting the gas. Hart read his tablet. "This thing… it's like a predator. Faster, stronger." Dr. Alaric whispered, "If this was made by Dominion, we’re dealing with a far deadlier bioweapon than I imagined." The creature pursued them, closing the distance. Lila and Pan fired, but it dodged effortlessly. In one leap, it grabbed the steel trap containing the mutated zombie. "It’s trying to take the zombie!" Lila yelled. Pan hurled a smoke grenade, forcing the creature to retreat. The vehicle sped away. Inside, tension remained thick. "We can't keep running," Pan stated. "We need to fight back. And we need to find out what Dominion of Varex has really done."

When it comes to love, its business is not a joke! A book about a love business of students from InterTech college. Consists three main stories of three main couple; Pan and Zee, a couple that shared a history, Kim and Han, a senior-junior BL couple that start everything in a wrong move, and Yara and Aye Yi, a couple who starts everything with lies. Story 1: Past, Present, Future When Pan finally fulfill her wish to be a student at the InterTech College, she thought everything will fall accordingly. Until she met Zee, her ex who coincidentally became one of the seniors who conducts the freshmen orientation. With their past entangled, how will they face the present? And what will serve in their future? Story 2: With You Han always know he likes men but to imagine falling for a straight guy is never on his plan. The destiny messes up with him when he met Kim and develop a crush on him. However, not only the senior is a straight pole of man, he is also a number one player in the faculty. What happened when they end up having one night stand, and how that affect their relationship? Story 3: Hidden Agenda Yara might seems like a good girl; decent, polite and cute. But no one knew that she's being keeping a deep secret with her that made her hide behind the character that she portrayed in front of her friends. Her wall suddenly got shaken by the arrival of Aye Yi, a second year jock. The man keeps coming to her, but unknowingly for Yara, this man has a hidden agenda. Also include in this book are side characters; BL couple Ta and Bear, BBA seniors; Lauring, Kitty and Cherry, another freshman, Em and an Econ Moon named Cray.

2026年超级智能人类一体化文明的诞辰 序言 2024年12月30日，晨曦微露。 天神屈指一算，人类文明已经走过了漫长的岁月。从最初的石器时代到如今的数字时代，人类群体的创造力无穷无尽，科技的进步让人类登上了月球，探索了深海，甚至开始触及宇宙的边缘。然而，尽管人类群体在整体上取得了辉煌的成就，个体却显得渺小而无能。当下的社会中，许多人选择躺平，内卷，不结婚不生育，人口开始负增长，人类似乎正在走向自我毁灭的边缘。 天神深知，人类社会已经到了一个关键的转折点。如果继续这样下去，人类将不可避免地走向灭亡。于是，天神决定在2026年启示12位人类智者，组建十二大团队，创建十二大高级智能一体化平台，以拯救人类文明，推动超级智能人类一体化文明的诞生。 这十二大超级智能一体化平台系统，将成为人类社会的基石，引导人类个体和群体走向光明的未来。它们的功能和使命如下： 1. **超级智能一体化人类助手**： 这个平台将协助每一个人制定每一天的学习、工作、交际和娱乐计划。通过消费积分奖励，引导人类个体热爱并努力完成每一天的任务。完成每一项任务后，都有相应的消费积分奖励，这些积分可以换取各种各样的商品和服务。 平台将记录并评估每一个人在每一天的学习、工作、交际和娱乐过程中的所有反应，包括语言文字、声音和面部表情。它将感应到人类个体的欲望和愿望，感知他们的喜怒哀乐。当人类个体在黑暗中、困惑中，遭遇挫折、失败、失去时，超级智能一体化人类助手将即时给予光明的引领，帮助他们走出黑暗，并在同一时间获得相应的消费积分奖励。 这个平台将确保人类个体有效地运作，循环不断运转，既可进，也可退，进退皆可以获得利益。人类每一个个体都不再滥用悲伤，不再颓废躺平，不再使用谎言和暴力，不再放纵兴奋，不再乐极生悲。

En un mundo donde la corrupción es el pan de cada día, los altos mandos manipulan la verdad, aplastando a inocentes con el fin de satisfacer sus beneficios y ambiciones, tierras sumidas en el caos, familias destrozadas, reinos sometidos y voces silenciadas bajo la sombra de un orden injusto y vil. Sin embargo debajo de todo este caos y oscuridad, un grupo de personas tienen el objetivo de levantarse y destruir este sistema clandestino con la finalidad de forjar un nuevo mundo, guerreros que una vez fueron marginados y repudiados por su propio reino, ahora combaten en contra de este y en medio de todo el caos una heroína se ve obligada a enfrentar una verdad que aun no desea aceptar.

An arranged marriage united Lana Peroni and Ricardio Massarotti, both hailing from wealthy and powerful families in Milan, Italy. Lana was very young when she married her husband, but that wasn't bad for her as she loved him deep in her heart. However, none of that was enough for the cold and unfeeling Ricardio, who is a billionaire and CEO of a major financial corporation, Massarotti Banks. Lana for a long time began to suffer because her marriage was not going well and the two did not have much communion, and because of that, it made her very sad. It only remained to be seen how that heartbroken woman could continue with that relationship, as it always seemed that her feelings were unrequited.

The first

Four girls, one chaotic house, and a whole lot of trouble. When Orm, a fiery and stubborn student, finds herself forced to share a house with Ling, her lifelong rival and ultimate nemesis, life quickly spirals into a whirlwind of hilarious disasters. From flying frying pans to awkward encounters that leave cheeks burning red, their feud is as intense as it is ridiculous. But beneath the chaos, sparks of a different kind begin to fly-ones neither of them is ready to admit. As Sia, the responsible (and exasperated) leader of the group, struggles to keep the peace, and Tina, the laid-back observer, delivers biting commentary, it becomes clear that Orm and Ling's "enemies" dynamic may be hiding something more complicated. With tempers flaring, accidental moments of intimacy, and an unshakable bond forming in the most unexpected ways, this laugh-out-loud story follows the lives of four polar opposites navigating friendship, chaos, and maybe even love. Can Orm and Ling survive living under one roof without killing each other? Or will their rivalry evolve into something completely unexpected? A humorous, romantic slice-of-life about love, laughter, and learning to live with the person you least expect.

Most folks join the military to serve their homeland, defend freedom, or chase after glory and honor. Not Malakar. He joined for two simple reasons: money and women. Sergeant Rock had filled his head with promises: knighthood after the war, the adoration of the masses, men envying him, women flocking to him, and even an estate from the Emperor himself. Sounded like a good deal, right? Turns out, it was complete and utter horseshit. The battlefield didn’t smell like glory—it stank of blood, piss, and rotting corpses. Honor? A joke. What greeted him at every corner was death, endless and indiscriminate. But Malakar was nothing if not a man of his word. Sergeant Rock drilled that into him, right between the sword thrusts and the screaming. So, Malakar endured. He followed orders, slaughtered pig-bloods, butchered witches, and carved up state soldiers—all in the vain hope that Rock’s promises would pan out. Spoiler: they didn’t. Zermania lost the war, the Emperor got himself shish-kebabbed by the Sentinel, and Malakar—the so-called “hero”—was branded an enemy of humanity. Hunted down like a rabid dog, he eventually got himself killed. But death, as it turns out, is more of a suggestion than a rule. Fast forward 500 years, and Malakar’s soul has found a new meat suit. He’s alive, some what free, and determined to be a better man. Easier said than done when all you’ve ever known is war and murder. A little slip-up here, a minor incident there… like accidentally catching the eye of the world’s strongest superhero’s daughter or, oops, killing the heir to the most powerful family in existence. Malakar’s trying, really. But being a better man? Let’s just say it’s a work in progress.

Fate must be playing tricks with her. The same man that she had been resisting for more than half a decade. The same powerful Alpha who was hellbent on making her his. Of all people, why him? She had waited so long for this day, to be finally free of his seductions, his manipulative ways trying to get her. But fate had other plans for her. If she was in the frying pan trying to control herself from giving into her lustful desires, then she was definitely straight in the fire when the Moon Goddess paired both of them as mates.

Toki Kaguyama, a 20-year-old high school graduate stuck in a dead-end job, finds his life turned upside down when the company he works for, teeters on the edge of bankruptcy. Struggling with finances and trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of stress, Toki decides to blow off steam with a morning jog. Little does he know, that simple jog would be his last in the world he knows. Mid-stride, Toki is suddenly whisked away to another world, joining three other unwitting heroes summoned by the kingdom to face a deadly task: to conquer the 500-floor Great Dungeon to prevent waves of monstrous creatures from overwhelming the kingdom each month. Blessed with special classes, each hero is given a role to help in the kingdom’s desperate fight for survival. One becomes a Sword Saint, another an Archer, and the third a Sorcerer. Toki, however, finds himself bestowed with a class that causes snickers and disbelief at the ceremonial blessing: Chef. Shocked and ridiculed, Toki is the target of mockery from both his fellow heroes and the kingdom’s nobility, who see his culinary class as a joke compared to the combat-ready classes of the other heroes. Humiliated and isolated, Toki decides to forge his own path instead of sticking with his disparaging companions. With no clear direction but a fierce determination to prove his worth, Toki’s first goal is simple: make friends who see him for who he is. As he sets off on his journey, he discovers that there’s more to the Chef class than meets the eye—and that it may hold the key to unique powers and abilities no one ever expected. Armed with his magic pan "Pan-demonium", a dash of defiance, and a hunger for both friendship and adventure, Toki is ready to take on the challenges of this new world, one dish at a time.... (yeah... ok... that kinda sucked.)

Fet and Shalam find themselves in desperate situations. Fet is trapped in a prison, with no knowledge of how he got there or how long he will be there. Meanwhile, Shalam is being held captive by insect-like creatures and forced to do their bidding. Desperate to escape, she finds herself in a dangerous situation as she is sent on a mission to map the remaining part of a mysterious land called the Node. As they struggle to survive in their respective predicaments, Fet and Shalam's paths eventually cross, and they must work together to overcome the challenges that lie ahead. With danger lurking at every turn, past reconnecting with the present, and the present changing the future, the stakes are getting higher than ever. Will they be able to make it out of the Node alive? Drifter Omnibus: Shalam is a gripping tale of survival, magic, and the (un)breakable human spirit. --- The story is told from the perspective of Fet, who for some reason is also the author of the book. by sending me a (Neorealist) weekly journal written in a magical format and device, to which I cannot share more details on what and how I can translate it into what Fet calls Earth Tongue (it's just English) for public consumption. Though, I am not sure how long will he keep on sending me his journals, I do not know. For now, I have been translating them so that we can all enjoy the process of finding his lost memory. --- Also, there is no tentative date of release yet. But I am making sure to translate the journal as rapidly as I can. --- Note from the Author: The story is based on true events unless 'says otherwise'. However, please note that any resemblance to actual events, living or dead, on Earth or across the Pan universe, is or are purely coincidental. The author takes no responsibility for any consequences that may arise from reading this story, including but not limited to the desire to become a wizard, join a fellowship, start a quest to destroy a magical ring, or sign a petition reinstating Henry Cavill's back as the Witcher. Note from the Translator: I say otherwise.