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Me In Shakespearean Language

The Marshal's Wife is Wild

[Interstellar+Spiritual Power+Pure Romance+Marriage First, Love After+Livestreaming+Gourmet Food+Disguises] Reborn overnight, Qu Tong cried to death; her vast wealth was gone, and she even ended up owing a billion in taxes. Stuck with a cheap husband her cousin didn't want who can't have children? Rarely comes home? And throws in an entire planet to boot? Qu Tong wondered if there could be such good fortune? She carefully guarded her full fertility value, perfunctorily yet sincerely playing the role of a big shot's dainty wife. She grew energy fruits and vegetables, fed them on schedule, and incidentally improved the food for the entire squad by taking care of their home. The Insect Clan attacked, His Highness was injured, ditching class to visit, pah! To check in. His Highness was too aloof; unable to charm him after a long time, she went online searching for strategies and even inquired about how to reasonably inherit all of her husband's wealth in the case of divorce. The next day, Si Yuting glanced at the top search trends, then looked at his guilt-ridden dainty wife and laughed, "That's difficult, considering I'm just divorced, not dead." Well-behaved and clever in front of others, behind their backs she did nothing of the sort. When her shop was reported, she cursed everyone who dissed her in the comment section one by one and blocked them all, leaving the netizens stunned: "Who taught her to curse like that?!!" In the academy competition, the enemy lacked honor, ganging up to bully the weak; Qu Tong pulled out a potion, directly turned the tables, and kicked them all out of the competition—no one can play me for a fool. When encountering a Star Thief, Qu Tong reassured everyone, "Don't panic, I'll go reason with them." Then she single-handedly drove her mecha, cornering the Star Thief: "This is a robbery, hand over everything valuable." ... One day. Qu Tong, holding her medical report, asked, "If I say I can reproduce asexually, would you believe me?" "Guess."
Heart Language · 1M Views

My Cuteness Gets Me In Trouble

Say it with me: "We listen, and we don’t judge." Okay, so hear me out. I may have made a small mistake. But to be fair, how was I supposed to know that the cherry blossom tree I fell asleep under was home to the cutest squirrel ever to exist? Like, ever. A squirrel that just so happened to be the beloved pet of a powerful demon goddess from another world. I didn’t mean to grab it in my sleep and cuddle it to death. I swear! Its tail was just so fluffy! I think... I can’t be too sure since I was loopy on cough medicine. I had this really bad cold thanks to my idiot brother, who can’t seem to cover his fudging mouth. I’m getting off track, aren’t I? Sorry, sorry. Anyway, after the demon goddess sensed her pet’s life come to an untimely end, she teleported to its last location and found my sleeping self cuddling the dead thing. Remember, "We listen, and we don’t judge!" I can’t be the only sleep-cuddler here! So, in her rage and pain, the demoness kicked me into another tree—at least, I’m assuming that’s what happened, because when I woke up in agonizing pain, my head was stuck in said tree. As you can imagine, I died soon after. Bled out, the whole shebang. Long story short, the drop-dead gorgeous (hehe, see what I did there?) demoness—whom I may or may not have developed a major crush on—ended my life. Hey! Don’t judge. She gave me warm chestnuts. Golden chestnuts. That’s clearly love, right? Wait, where was I? Oh, right. My future wifey turned me into the cutest, most adorable squirrel ever! The upside—besides being able to nap on the demoness’s perfect chest? It’s the fact that, while I’m no longer a human girl, I could eventually evolve back into a human form. All I have to do is level up. If only people would stop trying to capture me and make me their pet! Back off! I know I'm cute, but I belong to my Wifey. You can't have this cute squirrel!"
Mango_Sloth · 4.5K Views
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