Halal Jokes

I once believed I was the heroine of a modern fairytale, blessed with beauty, wealth, intelligence, and a powerful legacy. Men adored me, women envied me, and I was engaged to the most desirable man, Cole Fay. My life seemed perfect, a dream where I held the starring role. But on my eighteenth birthday, that illusion crumbled. The truth hit me hard: I wasn't the protagonist, nor even the villain or a side character. I was just cannon fodder, a disposable part of someone else's story. But when fate recognized the cruel joke of my life, I was granted a second chance. This time, I'll write my own story, living for myself. And this time . . . I will never love you again.

He was an unparalleled alchemy genius. however, because he couldn't cultivate martial arts, he was betrayed and killed by the woman he loved the most. He was then reborn in the body of a bullied good-for-nothing young man. A good-for-nothing? A genius? What a joke! No one in this realm understood cultivating geniuses better than Yang Chen! Martial arts? Alchemy? What's so difficult about Dual cultivation?! He embarked on the demonic path, rising against all odds! With his exceptional talent, he forged a divine body, sweeping away all injustices! With his brilliant alchemy, he shocked all realms!

Synopsis In his first life, Akira Tanaka was an average Earthling with a not-so-average hobby: making terrible jokes and getting into trouble with his wandering eyes. His second life? Well, he became the most feared evil dragon god—a being of immeasurable power who could destroy entire realms with a flick of his claw. His reign of chaos was unmatched, his strength unparalleled, his sense of humor still awful. But even gods meet their end, and Akira did so in a blaze of glory after being defeated by a bunch of overachieving heroes. Just when he thought his story was over, he found himself reincarnated again—this time in a modern world where magic flows as freely as Wi-Fi signals. Now he’s back in high school, hiding his immense power behind the façade of a perverted clown. No one suspects that the guy cracking bad jokes and sneaking peeks into the girls’ locker room is secretly powerful enough to destroy the planet. But when dark forces begin to rise, Akira’s double life as the ultimate goofball and secret powerhouse becomes harder to maintain. Get ready for comedy, chaos, and questionable life choices as the Perverted Jester of Chaos juggles high school hijinks, romance, and epic battles! P.S. He can break trough forth wall. "Heyyy!!!! Don't Spoil them!"

A kidnapping shattered Sophia Diaz's innocence; the wealthy heiress who once dreamed of becoming a pastry chef never imagined she would fall into the hands of a demon who would change her world forever. Capone, who grew up amidst life-and-death shootouts, considered love a luxury and a joke. She was a toy for his amusement and a tool for his revenge, yet she unleashed a storm of bloodshed throughout his Mafia empire. With a simple deal, she finally won her freedom, believing their paths would never cross again. But he reappeared like a ghost, crashing her wedding, tearing her dress to shreds and destroying everything. Separated by gratitude, resentment and deep-seated enmity, he watched her disappear into the vast sea with his own eyes...

In a world where Lycans and werewolves are sworn enemies, Eve Valmont is a werewolf cursed by a prophecy and framed. Betrayed by her own pack and imprisoned for years, her fate takes a darker twist when she is offered to the Lycan King, Hades Stavros—a ruler feared for his ruthless conquests and deadly prowess. Bound by an ancient prophecy and haunted by the ghosts of her past, Eve is now at the mercy of the one being she should hate and fear the most—The Hand of Death himself. Hades, a king carved from blood and his own soul's decay, determined to avenge his family's slaughter and rid his people of the werewolves. He believes Eve is the key to his victory. To him, she is nothing but weapon foretold by prophecy, a tool he will wield to destroy the opposing forces threatening his pack. Yet, he finds himself craving this powerful yet broken woman. Leaving him questioning if she is truly his weapon or the one destined to unravel his carefully laid plans. *** He stalked toward me, a predator closing in on its prey, his eyes dark and unreadable. "So, you laugh?" His voice was low, dangerously soft, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I swallowed hard, suddenly aware of how difficult it had become to breathe. "Hades, I—" "But you only laugh at other men's jokes," he interrupted, his gaze piercing, devoid of any humor. "Not your husband's." The accusation in his tone was sharp, slicing through the air between us. A nervous chuckle escaped me. "You can't be serious... He’s your beta, for Goddess’ sake." In an instant, he closed the distance between us, so fast it left me breathless. His hands gripped my waist, pulling me flush against his body, the heat of him making my skin tingle. I gasped, but before I could say a word, his lips crashed onto mine, claiming my mouth with a force that sent shockwaves through me. The kiss was punishing, hungry—I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. When he finally pulled back, I was trembling, my chest heaving as I struggled to regain my breath. His eyes, dark and stormy, searched mine with a possessive intensity. "You can’t laugh at my jokes..." he whispered, his voice a dangerous rasp as his fingers trailed lower, sending a shiver down my spine, "but you’ll come with my fingers." I shivered, heat pooling low in my belly at his words, his touch. The world around us blurred, fading into nothing as his hand slipped lower, drawing a ragged gasp from my lips. The look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me, and there was no denying the primal connection between us in that moment. "I don’t need your laughter," he murmured against my skin, his breath hot on my neck. "I’ll have every other part of you instead." **** Dark fantasy romance Morally Grey ML Angst Suspense ENEMIES to lovers Smut (like sprinkles on your ice cream)

‘I must entertain the masses.’ This was Jester’s lifelong goal. After leading 12 different lives as a Hero, King, Warrior, Jester, and more, all he wanted was to mock the king and his court. Unfortunately for him, his majesty didn’t appreciate his vicious jokes. Jester died, trying to flee for his life. But death wasn’t the end for him. For his 13th and last life, he triggered the Archetype System and reincarnated in a world of magic and perils. [This is your last life. Don’t waste it!] [Welcome to the world of Archetypes!] No longer content with mere survival, Jester found a new ambition: to ascend from a witty jester to an immortal god! Oh, before I forget, the world he got reincarnated into was about to open its gates to players from the planet Earth. That’s why Jester wanted to become legendary not a Beast but a “Cat Tamer” and host the most epic cat party in gaming history. Even players won't escape from his clutches! Even people from the Earth will be tamed!

Li Susu dies unfairly and wishes for a second chance, but fate still jokes on her. "Seriously?! Is this the second chance that I am asking for?!" She was born in a world where political struggle was the deadliest. Worst of all, she was born as the ruthless and tyrant Empress Wu Jinmai! She has no one in the world who is scary and full of political schemes. Will she be able to change her faith and live a long and happy life? What kind of sacrifices does she need to make to change her fate? "I hate you; I detest you. You're my greatest nightmare, and marrying you is like a poison that slowly kills me!" Shanguan Zu Jin suppressed his feelings for the people. He had longed for her. He wants to love and spoil her, but fate has changed her. Will his love be rekindled as the tyrant empress suddenly changes? Is there a second chance for his unrequited love, or…? Find out the answers as the story of the tyrant empress and her emperor consort begins. PS: This is purely a work of fiction. Organization, events, situations, and names are purely created by the author's imagination. Thank you.

[A god is a paradox.] This is the theme of the novel, [Hero's Downfall], which Arcine wrote for funsies and laughs. The novel was a piece of satire as glorious as it was horrendous, with shallow characters, petty squabbles, and black-and-white villains and heroes. There was no depth whatsoever. And yet people kept reading until the very end, bound by the idea that the entire novel was a big joke. Life would make a similar joke on our trash author Arcine. Plagued by three different types of cancer, paralyzed from the waist down, and suffering from severe mental degradation at a young age, it was as if everything he had written was being thrown back at him. His suffering would continue even after his death. In a new life. Inside his garbage-tier novel.

"I think am in love with someone's husband," Nadia said suddenly and it sounded like a joke to her best friend Sonia.

Fu Xiang's body jolted in anger."I will kill you". He spat. "I will make sure you and your family rot in hell, it's the only place fit for the likes of you". Zhao An Na laughed, lips curved in a taunting smirk to him Fu Xiang's words sounded like a joke and it might have well been one, if you were threatened by someone chained like an animal and as skinny as a skeleton, you too would think it was a joke. "Pray tell me how would you, you would be dead in a couple of days," Zhao An Na said. "Or maybe weeks if you are lucky". He added after some thinking. "Even if I have to crawl out from the out of hell, I promise you that I will make your life a nightmare," Fu Xiang said. "I would love to see you try" Zhao An Na smirked. " ****** Fu Xiang, a rising beta actor, seemed to have it all – a loving boyfriend, a loyal friend, a supportive family, and fame. However, his life took a dark turn when he uncovered a buried secret from his past. Betrayed by his closest confidants, he endured torment before his passing. Reborn as Feng Mei Hui, an omega heir to a multi-billion-dollar company, Fu Xiang seeks closure and faces the challenge of confronting those who wronged him. His only potential ally is Han Yichen, his supposed fiancé. Will Fu Xiang find it in his heart to trust again and open up to Han Yichen, or will the darkness of vengeance consume him entirely?

Alex has a motto. Why fight when you can run away? She’s scared of almost EVERYTHING - no joke. When she gets a VR game for her birthday, she tries it out and loves it, but everything is attacking her for some reason! Only when her brother challenges her to a dual does she admit to him that she’s been lost for over a month. At some point, she ran into a huge forest, and not just any forest, but THE SCARIEST FOREST in the game... or so her brother says. Watch as Alex grows and mature from scaredy-cat to a tough cat.

Do deities play practical jokes on mortals? My new life in a new world is gratifying, so far, but I can't help but wonder why. There are no men and these women are ridiculous. One all-female race after another, in this part of the world, at least. Amazons, Elves, and Fairies; each with strange quirks and bizarre personalities. I keep collecting more of them as I try to carve out a place for myself in this world. Author's Notes: I intend this to be a lighthearted comedy, as well as a fun and intriguing power fantasy. I won't write anything disturbing, and I will make it as funny as I can. 11/21/24 I only just noticed that the webnovel reader changes my formatting. I was using an extra space between paragraphs to denote a scene change. Please leave a comment if you find any confusing parts. 11/30/24 I'm going on a trip I've been planning for a while in a couple days. I will try to keep writing and publishing while I'm away, but I expect a slower pace.

Bai Fan was a Chinese medical university student who woke up as a Japanese high school student named Kitagawa Tera about half a month ago. It was just like a typical starting point in a novel. He re-experienced life as a high school student in his twenties. Youthful, energetic girls, and colorful love comedies…That should have been the original plot… However, heaven was obviously playing a joke on Bai Fan as he had not inherited any memories of the original Kitagawa Tera. Follow the level-headed and cold Kitagawa Teru as he navigated around his new world with the ‘System’ that constantly gave him supernatural quests to clear.

Do you know that feeling, when you're just fed up with everything, and want to run away and leave it all behind? Maybe even travel to another universe and explore other dimensions and realities. Wouldn't that be sick? There would be so many more options to achieve happiness or even find true love. OR you could committ every crime known to man, and get revenge on everyone that hurt you before, and their versions in other universes, because you feel like it. Let's see what Ethan decides, and if the 'no consequences' thing is really true. Because as we know, everything has a price... (trigger warning: really bad jokes, cuss words and choatic magicians!)

They called me The Whisperer. A joke. A mockery. The boy with the weakest magic just because I was a farmer. I was powerless when they came. I watched as my father and my mother was slaughtered. My village was reduced to ash, and the man in the black robe vanished, leaving nothing but blood and unanswered questions. All I had left was my infant sister and the faint spark of magic they all ridiculed. But even a whisper can grow into a storm. Now, I walk the path alone. My weak magic will become their weakness. I will make them hear the screams they left behind, feel the pain they inflicted, and drown in the vengeance they thought they escaped. They thought I was nothing. They were wrong. I will rise, and the last thing they’ll ever hear… is a whisper.

Kazuo Tanaka, an ordinary high school student, meets a bizarre fate: after an accident involving laxatives, a yakuza, and a truck, he dies and meets a beautiful but mocking goddess. She gives him a weird power as a joke: he can level up by pooping. Reborn as a kid in a magical world, Kazuo now Andreas, is the only one with this power, tries to turn this embarrassing ability into his superpower.

The cards all contain a mystery, and a mystery is always something very dark and enchanting. There are people who want to know their fate, and there are people who are just curious. In general, the cards don't like to be teased and they don't know what to joke about. Sometimes there are some things, it's best not to know too much. So the card you chose, what is it?

Artie had lived her whole life feeling like a joke. Whether it came to her full name, her parents ‘abandoning’ her and her next door neighbours taking her in, or finding out that her lover was part of a cult and was cheating on her. Said lover then stabbed her. It felt like she just couldn’t catch a break. So when she found herself in a puddle of her own blood, staring up at a fake painted sky, she could only find humour in the situation, and prayed that the next life was kinder. Only she woke up. In the same body, with the same stab wound, only in a world full of magic, swords, and a dead King Arthur? Yup. The round table existed, the knights existed, and so did everyone of legend that she’d heard about as a child. Only it was the beginning of their tales. Nothing had happened yet, except the formation of Camelot, the crowning of the King, and then the sudden death of the King of Legend, King Arthur Pendragon. She would have thought this was another cruel joke if everyone wasn’t wandering around in mourning clothes. If this was a practical joke, it wasn’t a very funny one. Artie was tired. She’d already spent almost a decade working as a police officer, and then a detective, so she felt like she had earned her peace. Especially after all the shit she’d been put through, but someone had different plans. And Artie’s life wasn’t quite done yet. In fact, it seemed like in the eyes of the creatures of this world, this was where she was always meant to be. The time she spent getting her ass handed to her in the other dimension? Just a warm up. And now she was expected to just…go along with what everyone else wanted her to do? Including magical beings who were responsible for taking her from one dimension to another. Artie felt like she was in over her head, even if there were several concerned, attractive knights around her. She wasn’t sure if she was going to run away from all the new responsibilities, or embrace them. She wasn’t a rule breaker by nature, but maybe now was the time to change?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HEIR AND HEIRESS OF TWO ENEMIES COMPANY GET MARRIED? ALBEIT BY A SICK JOKE OF FATE? ESPECIALLY ONES WITH AN HISTORY? All Theodosia wanted to do was get married for duty. Never did she think she`ll be getting married to her ex lover of ten years ago, who happens to be her greatest enemy!!! hell in handbasket

Warning!! Unstable Update And Novice Writer... English is not my main language... -------------------------------------------- A broken world... Or you could says that, this world is full of misery and only trying to survive while breaking the laws of universe ... This world is one of many ancient battlegrounds of gods and whatever powerful beings in the past. Many world has become ruins because of that battle. But some of the surviving world become an unique world because the after effect... And this world is one of them... As the time flow, the world become stable once again and civilization that lost, resurfaced... And they won't expect anything more than peace... But, Hahahaha... It's laughable... After an unknown passage of time, the will of world awaken... The blessing and the curse from the past also awaken because of that. The peace is nothing more than a joke... Because, the apocalypses will comes. Welcome, To Artharia.... -----------------------------------------------------------------------

It all started when a virtual coin reached a value of 500k each, and has 130k coins in his hands. So John becomes a billionaire overnight, but he also encounters a series of problems caused by his money, where eventually relatives will appear even from under the stones to get some easy money. ⚠️ You have been warned, this is no joke and, by the way, we will see each other in hell. DISCLEIMER: This novel is intended to entertain an adult audience, being a product of my imagination with a surreal plot and should be treated as such, where each and every character is 18 years or older.

On Vacation till January 1st 2025. Have a Merry Christmas everyone! Gates of the Apocalypse follows George David Carter, an overweight nerd who has always dreamed of escaping reality through video games, is now faced with the apocalypse. Portals open up all over the world and unleash monsters and beings from straight out of a dark fantasy book. This high-octane, pulse pounding book series is filled with incredible action sequences that will leave you on the edge of your seat. It also has a kick ass harem of human and non-human hotties that can rock it in the sheets and destroy on the streets! This book series includes: ~No NTR! ~There is some Yuri. ~Huge harem of human and non-human women. ~Massive base building from a mansion to an entire kingdom. ~Huge battles on a scale rivaling the greatest fantasy novels ever written. ~Terryifying monsters and tense situations that add a heavy amount of horror. ~Tongue in cheek humor, toilet humor, and a healthy amount of Dad jokes. I update twice a day. Once at noon and once at 7pm. Rewards: 1 Luxury Car = 1 Bonus chapter 1 Dragon = 2 Bonus chapters 1 Magic Castle = Mass Release of 10 chapters 1 Spacecraft = Mass Release of 20 chapters 1 Golden Gachapon = 10 chapters per day for 1 week ***Discord is open!*** https://discord.gg/cR2KY2R4sF

She stared at him. "Are you dumb?" [Dumb: temporarily unable or unwilling to speak] Kai shook his head. "No, I can speak, I'm just not very good at it." he smiled sheepishly. "Tend to embarrass myself a lot." Stupid? Ignorant? Attracting unwanted attention? Kai Waltz waltzed into a foreign life his superiors labeled "Case Deadpan". Prove you aren't a joke or die trying. All Kai has going are his good looks which, let's face it, cause more trouble than not.

Betrayed by his closest allies and left to die in a cursed dungeon, Dorian Grinn discovers the truth about his unique skill: he cannot die. Each death strengthens his body, sharpens his mind, and erodes his sanity. Trapped in an endless cycle of brutal deaths, he emerges from the abyss not as the man he once was, but as something far more dangerous—a laughing, unpredictable force of nature. Fueled by hatred for the weak and an insatiable thirst for vengeance, Dorian sets out to destroy the comrades who betrayed him and the system that empowers them. With every step, he builds an empire from chaos, turning misfits and monsters into his loyal army. But the gods of this world don’t take kindly to rebellion, and Dorian isn’t just fighting for revenge—he’s fighting to break the world itself. Madness is his weapon. Immortality is his curse. And death? Just another joke.

Not being a hero isn't the issue. The only problem I'm facing right now is surviving in this world!

In a marriage of convenience, Nathan, after a night of drinking, has an affair with Ava, leading to her ectopic pregnancy. Before the surgery, Ava calls Nathan, who is preoccupied with his mistress and neglects Ava, even going as far as to accuse her of having an affair and carrying another man's child after the surgery... As their one-year contractual marriage comes to an end, Nathan realizes his feelings for Ava. But Ava is not willing to play along anymore! Excerpt： "I am Nathan Ford's girlfriend, loved by him, as everyone knows. And you... you're just a title holder, soon to be thrown out. By then, you'll lose all your dignity... no, you've already lost it. I bet your deceased mother would turn in her grave if she knew what you've become." Hearing Iris Hart's sharp and biting words, Ava Sterling initially didn't want to stoop to her level. However, the mention of her late mother crossed a line. A crisp slap echoed before Iris Hart could even react, leaving five bright red marks on her face. "Ah—Ava Sterling—you lowlife, how dare you hit me..." Iris Hart realized she had been slapped and reached out to retaliate, but Ava Sterling was prepared and caught her hand easily. "Listen, Iris Hart, if I'm the joke, what does that make you? You're also a joke. At least I'm Nathan Ford's wife by law! You! Iris Hart, are nothing but a mistress scorned by everyone. Every wealthy man may stray, but a hotel is just a hotel, and home is home. There can be many dishes, but there's only one bowl of rice."

Han Yue Ling, a peerless beauty with a great personality, but she carries a lot of secrets. She loved a man for 10 years, but on the day of her wedding, fate decided to play a cruel joke on her and take the man away. Three years later, she decides to move away. She stumbles upon Lu Tian, the ruthless and cold CEO of Lu Corps. Thinking it was just an accident, she stumbles upon him again and again. Before she knew it, the man is already living with her! Is this an unexpected second chance at love? Will she be able to love again? ------------------ [Note to readers: Please be courteous towards other readers. If you don't like this novel, feel free to move on to the next one. Thank you, author.]

Wang Yang never stopped pursuing his dream of becoming a director and making movies that could amaze the world. However, the fate seemed to play a malicious joke on him. He got wrongly accused and expelled from USC. Fortunately, when God closed a door to Wang Yang, he opened a window for him. After a baby stroller hit him on the street, he began to be able to watch the movies from the future in his head! Since then, the year of 1988 was destined to be an extraordinary year. Besides the miracle written by “Titanic”, one of the most legendary directors in the 21st century was rising quietly…

a man who falls in love with a golden Ball I wish I was joking

first story idea popped up thought I'd run with it for jokes an whatnot so let's see how it does