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Blagues Longues Humour Noir

Échappé à mon ex, enlevé par son rival

Pendant les trois dernières années, Ariana Ari Harlow a tout donné à son mari. Ils se sont mariés parce que sa sœur a choisi de s'enfuir le soir du mariage, croyant aux rumeurs que la Corporation Nelson était en faillite. Ari aimait Noah depuis ses seize ans, elle pensait que c'était le rêve de sa vie qui se réalisait. Cependant, elle ne savait pas que sa sœur lui avait tendu un piège, et ce n'était pas le début de sa nouvelle vie, mais bien son nouveau enfer. Elle a été forcée d'abandonner sa formation de médecin parce que la respectable Mme Nelson ne pouvait pas avoir les mains couvertes de sang. Ari a accepté. Pour l'amour de Noah, elle est devenue une épouse parfaite qui prenait soin de ses beaux-parents et de son mari. Cependant, ce qui l'attendait n'était rien d'autre que des insultes, son mari avait honte d'elle et sa belle-mère pensait que sa sœur, Ariel, était mieux assortie à son fils. Pourtant, Ari persistait. Elle pensait qu'elle réchaufferait le cœur de son mari un jour. Mais elle l'a surpris en train d'embrasser sa sœur ! Cœur brisé, Ariana décida de divorcer de son mari, mais elle se retrouva d'une manière ou d'une autre empêtrée avec Nicolai. L'ennemi et rival de son mari. Ils n'étaient pas faits pour être ensemble. Mais Nicolai semble se ficher des obstacles qui se dressent contre eux. En fait, il était déterminé à s'immiscer dans la vie d'Ari et à mettre le feu à tout. Dans son ivresse, il l'a un jour plaquée par la gorge contre le mur d'un pub miteux, "Tu peux le nier tant que tu veux princesse, mais tu me désires." Ses yeux parcouraient son torse haletant et ses yeux s'assombrirent, le rouge apparut dérangé, possessif, comme s'il voulait arracher son âme de son corps et l'ancrer dans le sien. "Je parie que si je jette un coup d'œil, tu seras trempée pour moi." La chaleur monta aux joues d'Ariana alors qu'elle grognait, "Tais-toi." "Fais-moi taire," dit Nicolai en écrasant ses lèvres contre les siennes. Ses baisers brûlaient dans son âme, et sa chaleur lui brûlait la peau chaque fois qu'ils se touchaient. Elle pensait que sa plus grande erreur avait été de s'emmêler avec Nicolai. Cependant, Ari comprit bientôt à la dure, littéralement, qu'être désirée par un tel cauchemar magnifique était bien pire qu'une erreur. Et les choses se compliquent lorsque son mari découvre la vérité sur tout. "Tire-moi dans le cœur, Ari," dit Noah en plaçant la buse du pistolet là où se trouvait son cœur. "Parce qu'une vie sans toi est une vie que je ne veux pas, alors tue-moi ou reviens. Je t'en supplie." Maintenant que Nicolai lui avait donné le choix, Ari tomberait-elle amoureuse de lui et plongerait-elle dans une vie remplie de dangers ? Ou retournerait-elle vers son mari, Noah, qu'elle aimait depuis ses seize ans ? Et Ariana éviterait-elle le danger qui guette dans l'ombre, attendant qu'elle fasse une erreur et qu'elle perde tout ce qui lui est cher ? Trouverait-elle la clé de tous les secrets qui la lient à Noah et Nicolai ainsi qu'à son destin tortueux ? ******* Extrait : "C'est une question d'argent, n'est-ce pas ? Prends-le et disparais," hurla-t-il en jetant la carte noire au visage d'Ariana. Ariana ne pouvait pas croire ce qu'elle entendait quand elle a entendu son mari ou son futur ex-mari l'humilier comme ça. Trois ans. Ariana Harlow a donné trois ans à Noah Nelson, et pourtant, lorsqu'elle l'a surpris en train d'embrasser sa sœur aînée, Ariel —— voilà ce qu'il lui dit. "Je vais te divorcer," déclara Ari et partit. Elle est partie sans le sou mais Ari est tombée sur Nicolai. L'ennemi et rival de son mari, le prince de la Mafia de la Ville de Lonest, un bâtard notoire connu pour ses tendances violentes. Leur rencontre malheureuse l'a placée sur le chemin de Nicolai, et comme ça, il a posé les yeux sur elle. La première fois qu'ils se sont rencontrés, Nicolai lui a demandé de l'inviter à dîner. La deuxième fois, lorsqu'ils se sont rencontrés, il lui a remis un million de dollars. La troisième fois qu'ils se sont rencontrés, il a déclaré : "Tu serais bien dans mes bras, qu'en dis-tu princesse ?" ********
fairytail72 · 188.5K Views

ROAD TO REDEMPTION: TOWER OF THE ELITE

/ Disclaimer: This novel is a fiction and not a promotion to any mythical tales or preach of godhood / In the epoch when the Multiverse is sundered by a Sinful Longing, driven by a heart's anguish, the Gloom of Noir shall descend. Behold and beware, for the Somber Might shall arise to Devour the Brightest Sun of Ars. The Wheel is turned. The Deviations are bound. Only the Aftermath awaits inscription. Beware, O Primordials, for thou mayest encounter thy progenitor. The Tower of Ascendance has been a beacon to many, to those who have lost hope, to those who have dreams, to those who wish for greatness, For billions of years, there had been an order established in this realm that binds the multiverse. But this new prophecy has set the realms in Turmoil. In the midst of all this chaos and uncertainties, Hestia Olverian, A champion ranked 41st in the Tower encounters a 23 year old unemployed who had given up on life which would forever change the fate of them Nathan Owens has been deemed unredeemable by all, betrayed his family's trust, his girlfriend left him, his friends used him. Filled with guilt, regret and despair he turns to end his life. But fate had other plans for him. He finds out that the universe isn't as simple as it looks when he accepted the red - invitation card and arrived at the Tower of Ascendance. This story is filled with ordeals and deaths, bonds and betrayals, rewards and punishments alike. ---- The Tale is about a man who has nothing lose, nothing to gain and nothing to rewrite his past. Watch his Saga as he walks a new path in life in an untold reality to his world. ---- No Yuri, No NTR, No Rape, No excessive Harem that destroys romance. Only little bit Dark and nothing more. Hello Dear Readers, Enjoy the twists, Action, comedy and Romance this Book brings to you And please support to the best of your abilities for this rising author. I respect the authority and powers you all have over me. So go Easy on me Plzz
Deenu_Shaik · 13 Views

The Evolution of Primordial Beasts and Gods

[Ding! You have killed the Great Outer God, Azathoth.] [Ding! Do you want to resurrect the dead Outer God and turn him into your puppet?] … After being killed by a ‘stray’ bullet, James wakes up only to find himself reincarnated as a young man with incomplete memories, ‘abandoned’ in a cave with his little sister, Minji. He soon discovers he’s in a world that combines the elements of Beast Master, Eastern Fantasy, and Magical Realism. In this new fantasy realm where the strong are respected and the weak are trampled, James awakens an OP system that can upgrade his rank as long as he has money. Thus, James is determined to become a successful businessman once more, since he also recognizes the potential of leveraging the system’s functions to amass wealth. [Ding! Do you want to refine your pet’s Evolution Pill?] [Ding! Do you want to refine the breakthrough Martial God pill?] [Ding! Do you want to refine the Heavenly Dragon Sword?] …. Later, James also discovers that the ‘earth’ has evolved after dungeons started to appear and towers that rose from the ground, where these connect the earth and the world where James is currently in through space teleportation. Upon returning to ‘earth’ to check the situation there, he finds out that his death wasn’t caused by a ‘stray’ bullet but rather was orchestrated by someone James trusts the most. Follow James on his journey, where he takes revenge on his killer in his first life, and uncovers the mystery of ‘why was he reincarnated into this world and why his family in this life abandoned him and Minji’ while pursuing his new goal of becoming the strongest. ----------------------------------------------------- [WPC August Entry] ALL SUPPORT is appreciated. Don’t hesitate to add it to your library and give Power Stone!!
Ash_Noir · 219.5K Views

Sword in Stone

Artie had lived her whole life feeling like a joke. Whether it came to her full name, her parents ‘abandoning’ her and her next door neighbours taking her in, or finding out that her lover was part of a cult and was cheating on her. Said lover then stabbed her. It felt like she just couldn’t catch a break. So when she found herself in a puddle of her own blood, staring up at a fake painted sky, she could only find humour in the situation, and prayed that the next life was kinder. Only she woke up. In the same body, with the same stab wound, only in a world full of magic, swords, and a dead King Arthur? Yup. The round table existed, the knights existed, and so did everyone of legend that she’d heard about as a child. Only it was the beginning of their tales. Nothing had happened yet, except the formation of Camelot, the crowning of the King, and then the sudden death of the King of Legend, King Arthur Pendragon. She would have thought this was another cruel joke if everyone wasn’t wandering around in mourning clothes. If this was a practical joke, it wasn’t a very funny one. Artie was tired. She’d already spent almost a decade working as a police officer, and then a detective, so she felt like she had earned her peace. Especially after all the shit she’d been put through, but someone had different plans. And Artie’s life wasn’t quite done yet. In fact, it seemed like in the eyes of the creatures of this world, this was where she was always meant to be. The time she spent getting her ass handed to her in the other dimension? Just a warm up. And now she was expected to just…go along with what everyone else wanted her to do? Including magical beings who were responsible for taking her from one dimension to another. Artie felt like she was in over her head, even if there were several concerned, attractive knights around her. She wasn’t sure if she was going to run away from all the new responsibilities, or embrace them. She wasn’t a rule breaker by nature, but maybe now was the time to change?
CalyB · 107.8K Views

Le petit chat du méchant

``` « Quoi ?! Je me transforme en un petit chat... à la fin du monde ? » Kate regarda ses petites pattes avec désespoir. Elle jeta un coup d’œil aux autres qui étaient éveillés avec des capacités étranges et puissantes pendant qu’elle se transformait en un petit chat sans aucune capacité de combat. Elle avait envie de pleurer. Heureusement, ce petit chat a un propriétaire. Son professeur sévère qui paraissait froid et insensible. N’ayant d'autre choix, Kate ne peut que le suivre. ... Kyle regarda le petit chat dans son bras qui affichait un air innocent. Avez-vous déjà vu un chat agir de façon coquette après avoir volé de la nourriture pour cacher sa culpabilité ? Avez-vous déjà vu un chat prendre un bain avec tant de bonheur ? Avez-vous déjà vu un chat... se transformer en un petit enfant ? En regardant la petite fille aux oreilles de chat avec une queue mignonne, Kyle soupira et décida de devenir le père de la fille et de lui enseigner les rudiments du monde. Mais quand la petite fille aux oreilles de chat a soudain grandi pour devenir une adulte… Kyle se tut. ... Rejoignez le Discord pour discuter avec l'auteur et les autres lecteurs : https://discord.gg/pBy2wGB ... Autres romans : - Flowers Bloom from Battlefield [terminé] - Under the Veil of Night [terminé] - 7 Path of the Lilies [en longue pause] - 1 Year of Beginning [terminé] - Villain Lady [terminé] - Science and Fantasy [terminé] - 2 Years of Restarting [terminé] - Forgotten Legend of the Bloodied Flower [en cours] - The Quiet Empress [terminé] ... Suivez-moi sur IG : @sora100518 ```
Sorahana · 59.6K Views

Various Threads of Fate

In the bustling heart of New Delhi, Dhruv Sharma is a man with a past that has left him wary of trust and friendships. At 27, he’s dedicated to his work in an IT company and his family's well-being, but beneath his calm exterior lies a history of betrayal that keeps him isolated from the world. Assigned to a high-stakes project, Dhruv is forced to collaborate closely with his colleagues—Karan, whose humour lightens the office mood; Aryan, his dependable friend; and Ananya, a curious and caring soul who begins to see the cracks in Dhruv’s armour. However, when Dhruv’s silence during a crucial moment leads to a misunderstanding, tensions flare, especially with Ananya, who starts to question if she ever truly knew him. As past traumas resurface and personal boundaries are tested, Dhruv finds himself at a crossroads: Will he continue to let his fear of betrayal dictate his life, or will he take a chance on the fragile bonds of friendship that are forming around him? And as Ananya grapples with her feelings, will she discover the truth behind Dhruv’s guarded nature, or will their connection crumble under the weight of unspoken words? An ongoing serialized fiction exploring the complexities of trust, the shadows of past betrayals, and the possibility of redemption through unexpected friendships. But as the story unfolds, one question remains: Can Dhruv break free from his fears, or will he forever remain trapped in the echoes of his past?
kushalsingh9838 · 2.8K Views

Crimson Veil

Elara has spent her entire life as a hunter, sworn to rid the world of vampires and protect humanity. But when a mission goes wrong and she’s bitten by a powerful vampire lord, her world is turned upside down. Instead of dying, she awakens an ancient power deep within her—a long-lost bloodline tied to the Purebloods, a vampiric clan believed to be extinct. Now, Elara is more than just a hunter; she is both the weapon and the curse. Torn between her hunter upbringing and her new vampiric nature, she must hide her transformation from her family while navigating the deadly politics of vampire society. As Elara delves into the mysteries of her bloodline, she encounters Lucien—an enigmatic vampire elder with a dangerous allure. In a moment of heated passion, Lucien’s hands gripped her hips, pulling her close. His fangs grazed her neck, sending a shock of pleasure through her body. Elara gasped, her body arching as his lips claimed hers in a breathless kiss. His mouth trailed lower, teeth scraping her exposed skin, and a sharp bite sent her spiraling into ecstasy. The pleasure and pain blurred as she surrendered to the darkness, her world consumed by raw, primal desire. She was his—completely. But the deeper she falls into Lucien’s seductive grasp, the more she risks everything—her family, her humanity, and her soul. With a prophecy looming that could either save or doom the vampire race, Elara must decide: Will she fight against the growing darkness within her, or embrace her destiny as the last Pureblood and claim the throne of the vampire world?
Evelyn_Noir · 1K Views
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